It's raining again. Watching schoolchildren splashing in the forming puddles brings a wave of nostalgia and I keep looking at the ground. If I watch for much longer I may start tearing up. I know it seems unnecessary, but I never like being reminded of simpler times. Doing that makes life harder. It only makes me wish I was back in those times and then I suddenly hate my present life.
The sidewalk starts to dampen and a tree peeks over the distance. That tree holds so many memories. At one time, so long ago, wooden planks were attached to this tree that provided steps to the once beautiful tree house. But the planks have rotted away and the tree house had long caved in from erosion. I remember when my old friends and I put it back together when it fell apart the first time. We were all eight then. The next time the tree house caved, we were all around fifteen. I guess we decided it was time for us to move on, so we never got around to rebuilding it. I believe it was Buster who had his first kiss in that tree house. But I can't remember who it was with. Maybe Jenna.
I continue walking toward the tree to see how much was left. As I grew closer, I am surprised to see someone else standing by it already. Buster. He certainly had changed since third grade. His metabolism was still high, but he had become athletic and kept in good shape. I can't remember how many kids he has.
He turns and meets my eyes. A smile spreads across his face. "Hey Arthur," he says quietly. The words sound strange since they haven't been spoken in so long. Buster and I didn't keep in contact much after seventh grade. His maturity bottomed out and I still loved books, which made me a big teasing target. So we went our separate ways.
"Hi Buster," I say, "What are you doing here?" I look up at our old tree house. It looks so small and I wonder how four of us ever fit in that thing.
"Oh, I was just…" he trails off, but I know why he's here.
I smile. "I miss her too."
Buster shifts his eyes downward quickly so he can blink back tears less noticeably. "It's her birthday today. I just thought I'd…come here…."
The rain grows harder and the drops on my glasses make it hard to see. I remove them to wipe off the water droplets and sigh. "It's been five years, Buster. Have you ever thought of…?"
His head snaps up angrily. "No. I will never remarry. I still love Francine. I always will."
My glasses are once again placed snugly on the bridge of my nose. "You know the last stage of grieving is acceptance, right? Don't you think it's time you reached that stage?" I shove my hands in my coat pockets to keep them warm.
Buster turns his head away and I almost feel sorry for him. But I can't. He needs to learn to move on with his life. "I have accepted her death," he remarks coldly.
"You still have the berets she used to wear all the time before she grew her hair out and started styling it more often." Francine was always tomboyish up until she died, but she decided to do more girly things as she matured into a woman. She wore makeup and painted her nails more. Muffy just about died when she saw Francine wear mascara for the first time in seventh grade. She thought she was the influence for Francine's sudden girly tendencies, but she wasn't. Buster was.
"I know that," Buster says monotonously, and pulls them out of his coat pocket and fiddles with them between his fingers. "I can't just get rid of them. They're special."
"It's part of the process, Buster. It's part of moving on."
He was probably going to start chewing me out, but then a figure starts approaching in the distance. The long, flowing red hair and impeccable fashion is a dead giveaway.
"Oh, hi Arthur. Buster. Didn't know you guys would be here," she says. Then she looks at Buster. "Well, I guess I knew you would be here." Muffy's servant, Bailey, was holding an umbrella above her head while his chauffer's hat was getting all the more soaked. Bailey is definitely showing signs of aging which makes me wonder why Muffy still drags him everywhere she goes. But she hasn't changed much. She didn't mature much either.
I wave at her. "Hey Muffy, how are you?"
She looks at me and smiles. "I'm doing very well, thank you. Richard and I are planning on getting married next year."
"Who's Richard?" I ask, "I thought you were dating Corey."
Muffy rolls her eyes. "Oh, we broke up two years ago."
"Really? Oh. Do you still talk to Binky?"
She laughs which makes me feel uncomfortable and out of the loop. "Ha! No! I haven't spoken to him since the divorce. He couldn't handle me." She spoke as if she was the most important person on Earth. Typical. Then she looks up at the remains of the tree house. "God, when are they going to just take all that junk off the tree?"
Buster glares at her. Muffy isn't the most understanding person in the world. "It should stay until nature decides to let go."
You mean until you let it go, I think. I'm really glad Francine and Muffy didn't remain friends. I was afraid for a while Muffy would get Francine to act like her. But when she freaked out when Francine got her an "out of style" dress for her birthday, Francine put her foot down and stormed out. They didn't talk much since then. That makes me wonder. "Muffy, why are you here? You and Francine were not really friends when she died."
Muffy looks at me again. "Just paying my respects," she says, "We were best friends after all." Well at least she has some class.
Buster sniffles, and we glance over at him. He is trying so hard not to cry. I walk over and stand next to him. "It's ok to cry, Buster," I whisper so Muffy can't hear. It's usually at this point she stops being useful and just stands there. Buster shakes his head.
"No, I can't," he replies, "I just-"
Footsteps. I turn to see another figure coming our way. As he gets closer, I recognize him and wave. He would wave back, but he was carrying an umbrella in one hand and a heavy book in the other.
"Hi Br-I mean Allen," I catch myself. He doesn't go by The Brain anymore.
He chuckles. "It's ok to call me Brain. I've heard my students call me the same thing outside of class."
"How are they doing, by the way?"
"Stellar. One student in particular got three scholarships this year. I have high hopes for her." Brain smiles. He's always happy talking about his students. They're his pride and joy. Brain looks at everyone here. Then he gets quiet. "We're all here for the same reason, aren't we?"
Muffy and I both nod, but Buster sniffs again, blinking hard. He holds the berets in a tight fist. His eyes aren't moving from the ground, even as Muffy and Brain walked up.
The rain grows colder and I shiver, regretting not bringing a thicker jacket. I remove my glasses to clean them again. As I am doing so, a familiar moose with a tool belt around his waist joins us. He is much more outgoing than he used to be.
"Hi guys," he says as he joins the forming circle.
Brain looks at him. "George! It's been a long time. How have you been?"
George shrugs. "I've been doing well. I was actually stopping by to see Buster."
When Buster hears his name, he meets eyes with George and suddenly looks hopeful. "Can you fix it?"
George walks up to the tree and looks up. "It's pretty much gone, Buster. I'd have to rebuild the entire tree house. I mean, I can see the mold on the wood from here." He turns to Buster again. "I'm real sorry, but I don't see how I can "fix" it. The tree house is gone." He returns to where he was previously. Buster stares at the ground once more.
"So George," says Muffy, "Are you still a carpenter?"
He nods. "Yep. I love making little puppets for the kids."
"Oh I forgot you had kids! Your wife is Sheryl, right? How is she?"
"She's good. She was a little bummed to find out Chester has dyslexia like I do. But we're getting some help for him, and he seems to be doing better."
I remember when George first found out he had dyslexia. He thought he had some horrific disease or something. It's almost funny now. Back then George was extremely quiet and shy. But around sixth grade he met Sheryl, who broke him out of his shell. Then, obviously, their relationship grew into something more.
Muffy nods. "I'm glad to hear that-oh crap." Her eyes are fixed on something in the distance. I turn to see Binky and Fern walking toward the circle. Fern is holding a paper against her chest while Binky holds the umbrella to cover them both.
As soon as Binky meets eyes with Muffy he looks down awkwardly. "Hi," he mumbles.
"Hey Binky, Fern," says Brain. "What do you have there?"
Fern smiles sadly. "I, um, wrote a little poem for Francine. I thought this would be a good place to read it."
"And I didn't want her walking in the rain," Binky continues for her.
"I told you I like rain!" Fern says playfully as she looks up at her husband. Then she sees Buster. "Is it ok if I read it?" she asks him.
Buster shrugs. "I don't care." His grip on the berets loosens and he shoves them back in his coat pocket.
Binky's face develops a perplexed look. "Hmm…maybe you should wait until later, Fern. It might make Buster upset."
"Ok."
"No, it's ok if she does. I honestly don't care," says Buster.
"Nah, let's just wait," says Fern, "It's fine."
I want to hear Fern's poem, she's amazing at them, but I don't want to take sides with Muffy here. So I keep quiet.
Then, just to complete the circle, Sue Ellen walks up to us and stands between Muffy and George, looking strangely chipper. "Hello," she says, "I guess I wasn't the only one who remembered."
"We all remembered," I say, then look around, "I…I guess all of us are here. Maybe all of us should say something."
Sue Ellen glances at me. "But, she died five years ago. Isn't it too late?"
"It's never too late," Muffy says, "I'll go first."
Buster keeps his eyes on the ground, listening.
Muffy clears her throat and Bailey walks to her other side so he can switch the hand he is holding the umbrella in. There's rain dripping off his hat onto his shoes. He must be freezing. "Well," says Muffy, "Francine and I were friends for a long time. We did everything together. She was incredibly understanding." Her eyes drift up to the tree house and she pauses for a moment. Then she continues. "Even though I loved shopping and insisted on dragging her with me, she never complained. I mean, when Mrs. MacGrady got cancer, I was out spending money and she was actually concerned for Mrs. MacGrady's health. Sure she was mad at first, but we remained friends." Muffy starts getting irritated at herself. "I…I gave her so much crap and she didn't even blink! I can't believe...!"
"Ms. Muffy," Bailey buds in, "Perhaps it would be best if you started wrapping it up. You seem to be getting emotional."
She turns to Bailey angrily, tears forming in her eyes. "Of course I'm getting emotional! I was a terrible friend! I got mad at her for getting me a dress that was popular last season! I was…I was…"
Sue Ellen walks up to Muffy and puts her hands on her shoulders. Even though Sue Ellen and Muffy had hardly spoken in the last year, Muffy turns to face Sue Ellen and buries her face in her shoulder as if they were best friends. Muffy starts to cry loudly. I feel bad for her. But not really. Everything she had said was true. Francine and Muffy were on edge a lot, and had had quite a few fights. But still, she shouldn't feel guilty.
The Brain stares at Muffy for a moment. He isn't used to dealing with much emotion. "I-I guess I'll go next," he mutters. We all turn to him and Muffy lifts her head from Sue Ellen's shoulder to listen. She regains her composure and nods.
Brain nods back. "Francine was a great friend. Sometimes she would lose her temper. I remember when we were arguing over whether she was out of bounds or not during a soccer game." He chuckles at the memory. "But as she grew older, she calmed down. I also remember when Catherine's daughter broke her arm when she wanted to join Francine's Little League team. She was crushed. But when Francine heard the news, she visited her little niece in the hospital while she was getting her cast on. Francine was the first to sign it. She said, 'Hey there sport! I know you aren't going to be able to play baseball this year, and I'll sure miss you. But even professionals go through setbacks. Keep practicing when you get this cast off so you'll be even better for next year. If you need help, you know where to find me!'"
"Wait…" I interrupted, "How do you know all this?"
Brain looks at me. "Catherine's older son is one of my students. He knew I knew Francine and told me everything." He continues looking at the tree trunk. "Anyway, Francine was an amazing person. We all loved her, even though she's hurt us. But, everyone's offended someone before and we were all able to look past it." Brain stops and looks at all of us. He is done speaking.
Muffy let go of Sue Ellen and Sue Ellen smiles. "Thanks Brain-er-Allen. I'll go next."
"It's ok to call me Brain. It's fine," Brain says.
Sue Ellen looks at Brain. "Alright." She walks up to the tree and leans her back against it. There's water running down her face. She shoves her hands in her pockets. We all watch her. "Brain is right; Francine did lose her temper quite often. But we all looked past that. She used her talent to teach kids how to play baseball. And she didn't even get paid for it. She probably would have refused a paycheck anyway. Francine had a good heart, a kind heart. She did things for others because she wanted to. I remember her helping me fix my first car when we were still in high school." Sue Ellen smiles at the memory. "She was practically offended I offered her money for fixing it for me. It was like money never even crossed her mind. She encouraged me to use my talent and now I teach a karate class. That was all her influence. She helped me more than she realized." Sue Ellen stops and blinks quickly. She returns to her place beside Muffy, who hugs her tightly for a second.
A rumble in the distance startles me. The storm is getting worse. Yet no one leaves and George offers to go next.
"I was teased a lot in third grade about my frequent nose bleeds. But when Francine got that upset stomach for a while she realized it was hurtful and made everyone else stop. Maybe it took her awhile, but she got it eventually. No one else was bold enough to defend me. Francine will always have a special place in my heart. She did even when no one knew she had cancer. When no one knew she was going to leave us. Her assertiveness affected me deeply. I'll always remember her for that."
It's funny to think that at one point George couldn't even make a coherent sentence without stuttering or getting flustered. Now he can be heartfelt and even puts on shows for kids using Wally and other puppets he's made at the library I work at.
Binky hands his umbrella to Fern and steps forward. "Francine was the only person who was tough enough to stand up to me in elementary school. She intimidated me, even though I never showed it. And even though I put her and all you guys through that, when I decided to turn a new leaf in eighth grade, she accepted me and never held a grudge or anything. Then when I was thinking of teaching a dance class in high school after graduation, she was one of the few people who didn't tease me for it. She never said teaching dance was gay or anything. She totally supported me every step of the way. Even though I put her through a ton of crap in elementary school."
Muffy looks at Binky awkwardly, probably not realizing Binky has actual emotions. I hope she isn't thinking of trying to break him and Fern up. Although I doubt Binky will go down that road again.
My stomach drops slightly when I realize I haven't said anything yet. I clear my throat and they all turn their eyes toward me. I step forward.
"Third grade is something that stands out vividly in my mind. Everybody went through so much that year. There were little things like the head lice outbreak. Then there were big things like Mrs. MacGrady getting cancer and the fire. There were times we all worked together like when Elwood City had its 100th birthday and we put on that show. And, of course, there were times we all wanted to kill each other."
I hear Brain and Muffy chuckle, so I do too. Then I continue.
"Francine was there for us the whole time. Sometimes she could be the biggest bully in school and drove us crazy. But she had a soft spot for kids and a passion for sports. She put them to good use. A lot of people nowadays don't and end up doing what they hate just to get more money. Francine was never like that. She became a Little League coach, but her job was a journalist. And it worked to her benefit. She found the love of her life, Buster, there. She found Fern a job writing poetry for a magazine because of the connections she had. She encouraged Sue Ellen and Binky both to do what they love. Francine impacted our lives more than she ever knew. But, really, I think she knew. I think she always knew. And though none of us got a real chance to thank her, I think she would just say 'It was the least I could do' if we tried to."
I step back and look around. Everyone is teary-eyed. Fern hands the umbrella back to Binky. "I want to read my poem now," she says and steps forward into the rain. She reads:
Oh Francine, so beautiful
There for us, so helpful
Never thinking of anyone
But others.
So us friends, sisters, and brothers
Wish to thank you for all that you've done.
And although cancer may have won,
You will live on in our heart
From us you will never part.
Thank you.
Fern folds up the poem and puts it carefully into an envelope. She gets on her hands and knees in the mud and begins to dig with her hands. Muffy joins her. Then Brain. Then the rest of us all begin digging.
A small hold is formed and we stand. All of our hands are caked with dirt and our pants are muddy. I'm surprised Muffy hasn't freaked out about her outfit, and I think she is too.
Fern places the envelope inside the hole. She is about to fill it, but Buster stops her.
"I'll do it," he says, "I feel like it's my responsibility."
She stands and waits for him to fill the hole with dirt, but he doesn't. But she doesn't say anything. No one does.
"It's kinda funny," I say quietly.
"What?" Muffy says.
I look up. "It's funny how much we've changed, but how we really didn't at all. All of us matured and grew up, but none of our interests really changed much. It's like we all knew exactly what we wanted to do with our lives when we were eight."
Muffy nods and Fern suppresses a smile. I look at her questioningly.
"I always knew I'd be a mother," she says and places a hand on her stomach. Binky beams through the rain. I hear another rumble in the distance.
"You mean, you're pregnant?" I ask. We all look at her.
Fern somehow finds a way to look giddy, but sad. "Yes. I am. I'm extremely excited and nervous."
We all start congratulating Binky and Fern. Buster remains silent, like he has been this whole time.
"We were actually on our way to go her mother's house to tell the news," says Binky, "But Fern had written the poem already so we thought we'd stop by here. And Fern, the poem was beautiful." Binky glances down at his beaming wife.
"Thank you," she says modestly, "But we should probably get going. My mom will freak out if she finds out I've been standing out in the rain with a baby on the way."
So Binky and Fern wave goodbye to us all, shares more condolences with Buster and go their separate ways. Who knows when I'll see them again.
Muffy looks down at herself. "I need to change. Come on Bailey. Let's go." She leaves us without really saying goodbye. Typical, again.
Sue Ellen shivers as she hears another rumble of thunder. "I need to get out of this rain. I'll see you guys later." She gives Buster a quick hug, even though Buster keeps stiff. "Stay strong honey. Your kids need you." Then she becomes a blur in the heavy rain.
George says goodbye to us all then leaves as well. Then Brain.
Buster and I stand in the rain alone. I clean my glasses again. The envelope in the ground is soaked. The poem will probably never be able to be read again.
"You didn't say anything," I say quietly.
Buster nods.
"You didn't want to?"
"Not…not with everyone here. I came here to be alone actually. But, Fern's poem was nice and it was cool to see everyone again."
Suddenly, I feel out of place and unwanted. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No…" he says and takes his hands out of his pockets. "I need someone to be here."
Standing next to Buster didn't feel right somehow, so I put my arm around his shoulder. To my surprise, he buries his face in my shoulder and hugs me tightly. I hug him back. I can't hear anything, but I feel his shoulders shake. Finally I hear quiet sobs.
He regains his composure and lets go of me. His cheeks are tear-streaked and he looks ashamed. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.
"Don't be. Never be sorry for grieving," I say firmly but gently.
"I do need to move on. But it's…it's so hard."
"I know it is. But how can you teach your kids to let go of the past if you can't?"
"Yeah…" He pulls the berets out of his pocket and looks at them.
"Do you want me to leave now?"
"Y-yeah…"
"Ok." I walk down the sidewalk a bit, but turn to look at him again.
Buster crouches down by the hole and drops the berets in. He fills the hole with dirt. I see him mouth 'I love you.'
When he stands, he sees me. Then he smiles like he hasn't smiled in a long time and waves at me. I wave back. He turns toward his house and I do likewise.
I smile. Buster's on his way.