MoonDragon: OK, the second songfic. I need 20,000 more words, ugh. Well, this is kind of a more in depth look into the beginning of Full Moon wo Sagashite, and I thought that Set me Free by Casting Crows fit it sort of well. The speech is in bold because I took it straight from the manga, so the author owns them, not me. I don't own anything in bold or italics.
There's Still a Chance
My life hasn't always been this way. The fresh tears that stream down my cheeks, this hopelessness deeper than the oceans in my heart, I never use to feel any of it. I was such a carefree, cheerful girl when I was younger. Even though there's no doubt that my parents deaths are my entirely my fault, I never let that get me down and looked up with a smile. I just assumed they were happy up there in heaven, the place my teacher informed me where they went. Sure, I was more of a crybaby than other children, but Eichi always told me I shone the brightest out of all of them.
It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
There was one thing that kept my life together; singing. I liked it, no, adored it. Strike that, I loved it with my entire being. It was a way of expressing myself in such a pure way with the words formed from my heart. I can't remember a time when I never felt something towards it. When I heard from an adult that my dad was a singer and my mom loved to do it to, I just grew to care for it more and more. Even though they were gone, it connected us through an invisible bond, and every time I sung I felt that they were right there with me.
When I met Eichi in the new orphanage I hummed with melody more than ever. When he told me honestly that he loved to hear me sing it brought warmth to my chest and I continued to do it. Making that kind, gentle person happy made me elated. Both of our parents deceased, we formed a bond that could never be broken. He was my brother, blood related or not.
Then, as I grew older, that bond of family grew stronger than I realized. He was the one to first say the words 'I love you' straight to my face. I was confused then. When did our relationship change? I had no idea Eichi harbored such feelings towards me. I got scared and ran away from him. I avoided him whenever our gazes met. Then the worst thing happened. He got adopted. Truthfully, I was ecstatic he was going to have a family, he always wanted one. There's was just one major flaw with his new parents.
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains
They were moving to America. And taking him with them. I cried so hard I might've broken in two, and I felt even more horrible for not having an answer to his feelings. I was so naïve then, I couldn't read my heart and what it was so desperately trying to tell me how it felt. The last time I saw him he told me to forget about him for my own happiness. I couldn't speak as he left my side and boarded the plane; it just hurt too much.
It was a little bit later that I fully realized that I loved him, too. Otherwise I wouldn't have felt so torn about his leaving. I had a plan to tell him my new found realization over the phone once he landed and called. I was going to tell him my true emotions, and I know what he'd do. He'd turn a little red, smile, and say 'thank you'. I never got to do that because of what happened.
The plane Eichi was on crashed into the ocean. There were no survivors.
Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
I didn't get it. It just wasn't fair. I loved him so much and I could never talk to him, never see him, again. Never reveal what I felt and apologize for taking so long to answer him. It was like God was playing a cruel joke to me, and it stung. Even though that treacherous accident took place, there was still one thing that kept me going, the one thing that always kept me going.
Singing. We made a promise to ourselves the next time we would meet. We would both be closer to our dreams; him, and astronomer, and me, a singer. Before I could see him when it was my turn to die, I was determined more than ever to accomplish my goal in life. For both of our sakes.
Through my sorrow over the loss of Eichi, I tried my best to reach my dream. I sung, hummed, and wrote all of the time. Most of my songs were about my feelings towards that kind, gentle boy. Not the depressing ones, but the ones which made my heart lighter and brighter. Things were finally looking up for me… until I went to the doctor and found out something that completely demolished my spirit.
I was diagnosed with throat cancer.
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away
At first I couldn't believe it; something like that couldn't possibly happen to me. Singing was the only thing I had left, and because of this sarcoma I might never be able to do it again. This was eventually going to kill me; no one had to spell it out for me. I knew. There was one way I could live, but I would have to undergo surgery. At first I gave some thought into that way, but declined overall in the end. That surgery might save my life, but to completely rid my body of the cancer they would have to remove my vocal cords. That was the very thing which allowed me to sing.
Set me free from the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free
Many people tried to persuade me into going to the hospital. Especially my doctor, Wakaoji-sensei, and my grandmother. She opposed me singing more than anything, even if I had the cancer or not. That made it unbearable to live under the same roof as her when I left the orphanage. I could understand her feeling. Her daughter, whom she treasured, was taken away by my father, the lead singer of a popular band. She didn't want anything to do with music, but I loved it too dearly. I couldn't give it up, even if it meant I was going to perish. Maybe that would be for the best anyways. If I died I could meet Eichi again. Death doesn't scare me… because someone I love is waiting on the other side.
The cancer did cripple my singing, though. I couldn't breathe properly at times, and my voice was too soft for a singer to have. It discouraged me a lot, but I still wasn't giving up on my dream. I had to become a singer, no matter what. This sarcoma was just a handicap that I had to surpass with my own strength.
Once again, my life made an optimistic turn. Without my grandmother's approval, I sneaked out of the house to audition for a singing career sponsored by Seed Records. I passed the preliminaries and was on my way to winning. I was so elated, because even with a disease and being only 12 years old, I still had a chance. The only problem was that my caretaker was keeping a closer eye on me, and I couldn't sneak out again.
I tried going to her directly, saying with confidence that I wanted to go to the auditions again and try to make it. I even showed her the letter they had sent me telling me I had passed. It didn't go how I envisioned it. She tore up the form and scolded my efforts and commanded me to never leave the house again; not for any reason.
"You must never say you want to be a singer again, ever. Today, I forbid you to go out, even into the garden. Go back to your room."
Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All lone with my demons I am
I felt dead already, but without the comfort of Eichi's soul besides mine. Like my life was hanging by a tread ready to be cut at any moment. Tears lined my features as I sobbed to myself in my room. My life just wasn't fair. I never asked for much, did I? The only thing I wanted to do was sing. That was all I ever wanted out of life. I never acted above anyone else, never acted cruelly without provocation, so why were things turning out this way?
I wish someone would hear me weeping to myself. I ached for someone to come and rescue me from my pain and set me on the path I wanted to take, because I couldn't do it alone. By myself, voices in my head kept telling me that my dream was impossible. There were too many factors standing in the way; people and cancer. I plead silently with my tears desperately wishing someone would set me free from my fate.
Who's this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream his name
"Ha, this is the one! Koyama Mitsuki, age 12!" a male voice spoke out, loud and clear. It shocked me. I wasn't expecting any visitors. It wasn't as if I had friends who would come to see me; I was too sick to go to school and socialize and form friendships. So who could this be?
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me
My eyes widened as a hand crept from the wall and I jumped off my bed. Before I knew it, two beings with white wings came out into the open. I couldn't suppress a smile looking at them. The girls sported bunny ears while the male had kitty ones. I felt hope resurfacing inside me. White wings, otherworldly powers, they must've been angels coming to set me free.
Set me free from the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free
That wasn't exactly the case. Despite their appearance, they revealed themselves as shinigami who have come to take my soul away. I was going to die. The woman with rabbit ears informed me that I wasn't going to perish right away. In fact, I had exactly one year left. They were just here because apparently, someone was supposed to visit and prevent her death this day; to fight against fate.
One year.
To somebody else, those two words would seem like a long time. But to me, they seemed shorter than a single day. It did give me the courage to run away from my grandma's house, though. If I had only that much time left, I had to make my dreams come true. The hourglass was running out, and I couldn't waste one, precious grain.
The shinigami chased after me. I knew they would, but I couldn't let them stop me. Singing was all I had left, and I needed to make the auditions today no matter what. Halfway to Seed Records studio they caught up and held me back, but I pleaded with them.
As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my lies
The darkness cannot hide
"Please, Mr. Death!! Let me go to the audition!! If I don't make it, I'll do whatever you say… so… please…" My eyes watered, but I didn't let them fall. If I cried it might lead me down the path to failure and push me into giving up. To submit myself to them and be under their surveillance. For one year they would make sure no one would interfere with my death… and fate didn't seem as if it would turn around anytime soon. Then, without accomplishing anything… I would die.
"… All right," the one named Takuto mumbled, and I couldn't trust my ears for a second. Did he just give me the OK, the go ahead? His partner bantered with him over the decision, but he said it was so she wouldn't become a ghost who had attachments to the living world. That didn't matter to me, because I was so elated that dieing so soon didn't even bother me as much.
Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All power on heaven and earth belong to me
I was given a chance; a chance to live my dreams. Eichi, I can still become a singer and greet you with a smile when I get on the other side. These shinigami, Takuto and Meroko, were setting me free.
Takuto gave me a capsule that I had to swallow. It was loaded with his blood, and when he snapped his fingers my body transformed. No longer was I a 12 year old tiny girl, but now 16, a young adult. I couldn't believe it as a smile crept onto my features gazing into a mirror. I looked so different, so my grandmother would never be able to find me once I dyed my hair. Things were looking up, and they were going to stay that way. After celebrating out loud, hugging the male shinigami to me in a fit of joy, I ventured off to Seed Records for my shot.
You are free
You are free
You are free
"Call Miya! And Ishikawa! Nishida! Make everyone go home! The winner is number 21!!"