Another chance
By Liten
Summary: post Fallout, J/S
Disclaimer: Without a Trace and its characters don't belong to me
Feedback: always welcome (litensamyahoo.ca)
The first lights of the morning were peering through the towering buildings as Jack walked through the empty streets and finally arrived at Maria's place.
He stood there at the front door for a couple of minutes before finding the courage to go inside, not really knowing what to say to his wife or to Hanna and Kate.
He was still processing what had happened that night.
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Van Doren was probably right when she doubted his objectivity because it was Samantha, and not someone else of the team who was held hostage in the bookstore that day. Would he have done the same for Vivian, Danny or Martin? He didn't know. Sure, he would have hardly stirred from his negotiation spot when Van Doren brought Agent Drummond in. But what he did later…trading his life for hers? He acted so much on an impulse that it was hard to tell whether in that moment he had considered Samantha as a member of his team or as the woman that he had not been able to ray off his mind, let alone off his heart.
Because what they had was more than a simple affair. They shared a very deep connection, they still did. Around her, he could be himself. What he had seen in Missing Persons over the years, all the suffering and the pain…he wanted to protect his family, and he kept everything to himself, not wanting them to experience the same tragedies he saw everyday. When he was with her there was no need to pretend: she knew when something had affected him deeply. Therefore she knew what to say because she understood what he encountered everyday.
Of course there were plenty of things that made it difficult for them to be together: he was a married man, FBI regulations on fraternisation. It's not that they weren't aware of it. But most of the time the comfort they found in each other seemed to outweigh these matters.
Breaking up with Samantha had been very difficult, he really cared for her, he still does. More than he was supposed to. But at some point he had come to realise, he owed his family more than what he was giving them: his long working hours, the time he spent with Samantha. He had promised himself he would not be absent like his father had been. He had ended up doing exactly the same with his family.
He went back to Maria. It's not that he didn't try to make the relationship work but circumstances prevented it. When he and Maria eventually separated, he thought it would be for good. But something Barry Mashburn had told him that night made him think. Or rather, the gun pointed to his head and the awareness that everything could end right there and then. It had somehow shaken him out of his apathism and resignation about his marriage.
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He slowly opened the door to his daughters' room taking care not to wake them. He looked at his two girls knowing that he had to try and make it work for them. He reached down to put the blanket over Kate and let his hand rest on her head for a while. Then he turned around, tucked Hanna in the same way and finally placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He closed the door looking once again at his daughters sleeping and then slowly made his way to Maria's bedroom, where he found her asleep. He walked inside and quietly closed the door behind him, afraid to wake her, not really knowing what to say to her. He simply sat down on the chair next to her bed, watching over her, until eventually he fell asleep.
Another chance.