Mukuro: This is another one shot, and it takes place 10 years in the future, where Kyon goes to see a psychologist that turns out to be Hiruko.
Hiruko: I already found a mistake: I get people IN to see the psychologist.
Mukuro: just shut up and read your lines!
The Psychosis of Haruhi Suzumiya
"Hello, mister…um…how do I pronounce this…" I stared at the green haired psychologist, who was having a hard time reading my name.
Just call me Kyon.
"Alright, Mr. Kyon." He said, giving me a smile that was the same as that bastard Koizumi's.
No, just "Kyon"
"Okay, Kyon, what seems to be your trouble today?"
Well, my best friend Itsuki Koizumi is a nut job who is a philosophy major, and he just won't shut up about the fact I just have a dead end corporate job!
"I see…"
That's not all, either. He's also married to this gorgeous babe named Asahina, and won't stop rubbing it in my face! I'd like to shove that philosophy book up his ass!
"I'm sure…"
But there's more! It turns out he's really an esper who works for an organization that is dedicated to save the world by closing worlds known as "Closed Spaces" to keep the world from turning a monochrome grey! And it turns out that his wife is really from the future, and is a complete klutz, but she supports her family by making use of banking interest.
"Really…"
But there IS more…
"Oh yes, I'm sure there is…"
It turns out my other friend Yuki Nagato now manages Japans economy, so she makes millions of dollars, but, like I said before, I'm just working in a dead end corporate job, while my friends are making millions, I tell you, MILLIONS!
"Okay…"
And it turns out Nagato is actually a robotic sentinel connected to the data integration thought entity, which is an alien being that exists for the same reason as the espers and time travelers! And not only that, but she has a friend named Ryoko Asakura, and she's been trying to kill me, do you hear? KILL ME! And she's already tried, twice!
"Okay, so Kyon,"
Wait, that's only about 5% of my troubles. The other 95% I married.
"Is she THAT BAD?"
No, you don't understand… I'm married to…Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Haruhi Suzumiya, you mean, the Haruhi Suzumiya that founded that Private Investigation Agency called the SOS Brigade?"
That the one.
"Well," he said, sitting upright, taking out a pad of paper. "I didn't know your condition was that serious."
Oh, you might want a tape recorder…
"Emiri, can you get me some rechargeable batteries and about fifty feet of recording tape?"
"Yes Mr. Mitsubayashi." I heard Emiri Kimidori say from behind the door.
"So, Kyon, about your problem…"
Well, my wife is incredibly beautiful, but she's incredibly BOSSY. She makes Adolf Hitler look like Mr. Compromise (A/N no offense to any Germans)
"Boy, I feel bad for you…"
No, that's not the worst part. My son Haruki is like a CARBON COPY of her. And the only thing my daughter Kyonko does is complain about how much of an ass her brother is. The three of them drive me crazy, and I can't do a damn thing about it! You want to know why?!
"No…"
Well, I'll tell you anyway! It's because Haruhi is GOD. She can control reality however she wishes to! She made Aliens, Time Travelers, and ESPers appear! And if I make her mad, I'll destroy the world! It just makes me so mad, I want to kill someone! You have NO IDEA the number of paradoxes I've been thrown into because of her!
"Yeah, I don't…"
DAMN STRAIGHT YOU DON'T! WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, ANYWAY, DAMMIT?
"Oh, times up…"
Okay, thank you for listening to me. Good-bye.
Hiruko POV
"Emiri," I shouted at my secretary/wife.
"Yes, Mr. Mitsubayashi?"
"I need to see a psychiatrist." I said, rubbing my temples.
Mukuro: There you go, Kyon finally let out all the stuff he had bottled up inside of him!
Hiruko: I kind of feel bad for Kyon…
Mukuro: let's have a moment of silence for Kyon…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Mukuro Out.