Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended
Author's Note – This is a one shot that takes place several months after the season 7 finale therefore it is slightly AU. I really hope you all enjoy…
Get It Right
What have I done?
I wish I could run,
Away from this ship, going under,
Just trying to help,
Hurt everyone else,
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders,
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down,
Cos my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just want to fix it somehow,
But how many times will it take?
How many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right.
Can I start again?
With my faith shaking,
Cos I can't go back and undo this,
I just have to stay,
And face my mistakes,
But if I get stronger and wiser,
Then I'll get through this.
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down,
Cos my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just want to fix it somehow,
But how many times will it take?
How many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right.
So I throw up my fist,
Throw a punch in the air,
And accept the truth,
That sometimes life isn't fair,
Yeah, I'll send out a wish,
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer,
And finally, someone will see,
How much I care…
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down,
Cos my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just want to fix it somehow,
But how many times will it take?
How many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right.
Richard's Point of View
What a mess. It is all such a mess.
My hospital – a mess.
Owen and Christina – a mess.
Lexie and Mark – a mess.
Meredith and Alex – a mess.
Meredith and Derek – a mess.
Meredith – a complete mess.
It has been seven long months since I had to suspend Meredith for giving my wife a fighting chance. It was seven months ago Derek became cold within his marriage and now Meredith and Derek's marriage is barely recognisable. Losing Zola didn't help either. After everything they have gone through, they didn't deserve that. Only a month after being granted temporary custody, Zola's twenty year old biological brother showed up after spending months searching for his little sister and took her from parents who did nothing but love her. He took her from the only parents she has ever known.
Now they peacefully co-exist in the hospital and at home. Derek has been sleeping in Alex's old room for the past seven months. The new house is built and ready. According to Derek, he mentioned it to Meredith but she doesn't feel ready to move into the house and she told him if he wanted to then she completely understood. To her surprise though, he hasn't moved in. He's still staying at the house, in Alex's old bedroom.
I swear if I could hurt Alex for what he has done, I would. Why did he have to open his mouth? Couldn't he have seen that was for the better?
The hardest part of this is watching Meredith and Derek together. They still work together well but the spark and the happiness Is not there. However, you can tell how much they love one another by the way they stare at one another longingly when the other isn't looking. From the outside, you would think everything was okay. It isn't until your right there in front of it all, do you see how much damage has actually been done. Not just by what Meredith did but by losing Zola. I think that was the biggest blow to both of them and since they were already fragile when they lost her, they have no idea how to come back from what has happened. They still love one another but since they're not working out their problems, their marriage appears non-existent.
Mind you, neither is Christina and Owen's marriage after she terminated the pregnancy she was adamant she never wanted. I still can't rap my mind around the fact that Owen has filed for divorce. They've even managed to get Teddy caught in the middle of them as she's friends with Owen but she is also Christina's mentor.
"Meredith!" I shout as I catch sight of her in front of me as I turn the corner. "All organised for this afternoon?" I ask her with a smile as I near her.
"Just about," she smiles, although she looks a little dishevelled.
"Shouldn't you be home by now, helping the bride?" I chuckle.
"I just have my post ops to check on and then I'll get changed here before heading home," she nods, suddenly looking uncomfortable. I turn around and follow her gaze to see Derek giving us an awkward smile before he walks down the hall in the other direction. "Don't worry," I sigh, turning back around to face her. "I'll make sure he makes it to the registry office on time," I whisper, trying to assure her.
"Oh," she breathes, fidgeting with her hands which can only mean one thing – she is nervous. "You don't have to worry Chief. Derek's not coming," she whispers, looking disheartened.
What?
"What do you mean he's not going?" I ask; feeling flabbergasted as she looks to the ground. "It's his sister in laws wedding," I whisper, aware that nurses are watching us closely. I can feel my anger rise but I need to stay calm for Meredith. "Does Lexie know he's not going to be at her wedding?"
"Chief," she sighs. "I told him not to come and yes, Lexie knows," she shrugs as if it's no big deal. However her eyes tell me differently.
"Why would you do that?" I ask, unsure.
"Mark needs him today," she leans in slightly to whisper so no one else will hear her. "He's finding it really hard, especially today with…all…well, you know and he really needs somebody so I told Derek…"
"Your husband," I emphasise, giving her a pointed look. "You told your husband not to come to your sister's wedding?"
"No," she responds, shaking her head defiantly. "I told him to be there for his friend because he needed him."
"I'm pretty sure Derek only agreed to this because you asked him to Meredith," I sigh, rubbing my forehead, feeling a headache brewing. "There's no way he doesn't want to be there."
"Then why did he look relieved when I suggested that he should spend the day with Mark," she shoots back, lucking hurt.
"I'm sure he didn't," I reason.
"Are you saying that I am lying?" she asks, looking on the verge of tears.
"Meredith," I sigh, placing my hand on her shoulder as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Do you not want Derek there because of the strain in your marriage or do you not want him there because you're aware of something that he is not?"
She bites her lip as I watch her contemplate her answer.
Oh Meredith.
"You're not lying Meredith," I assure her. "You're keeping a secret."
"There shouldn't be any secrets in a marriage," she cries slightly and all I can do is pull her in for a tight hug in the hope it is enough to comfort her.
"I know you don't agree with what Lexie is doing today but you are still there for her and I am so proud of you for doing that," I whisper as I rub my hand up and down her back in the hope it is soothing her.
"It's not that I don't agree with what she is doing," she splutters out, trying to take a deep breath in order to pull herself together. She pulls back from me and wipes her eyes. "It's just I hate the idea of her sacrificing her own happiness for someone she barely knows."
"I know," I nod with understanding. Harper Avery was rushed to the ER two months ago and it was Meredith and I who treated him. We ran tests and found that he has pancreatic cancer. At best, he has four months. His condition has deteriorated rapidly over the past two months but the only ones who know about his diagnosis are myself, Meredith, Jackson, Lexie and his family. Harper went on and on about how his dying wish was to see his youngest grandson get married and of course Jackson felt he had to oblige. He never ran the idea by Lexie but she could see that he wanted to give his grandpa his dying wish and she ended up telling him that they should go for it. The secret itself is warring on Meredith though as she is worried about Lexie and Jackson as well as trying to deal with her own marital problems. "I know," I repeat.
"I really have to get ready," she smiles sadly at me, wiping her final tears away.
"Are you okay?" We hear a concerned voice ask from behind me. Meredith jumps and if I hadn't recognised the voice then I would have still been able to tell who it was by the way Meredith jumped and furiously wiped the remainder of her tears.
"Yeah," she smiles awkwardly, looking more tense than ever. Derek and I share a concerned look before I realise I'm going to have to say something.
"I was just asking Meredith if I could be her plus one to the wedding since you'll be here with Mark," I smile at him as Meredith gives me a small, grateful smile.
"Ah," he nods; looking at me, slightly disheartened before he turns back to Meredith who now has a full blown fake smile on her face which I can tell intensifies Derek's concerns.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks her, watching her very closely and Meredith can't seem to look him in the eye for more than a second.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she nods a little over enthusiastically. "I…uh…I'd better go…get ready before Lexie wonders where I have got to," she smiles at us before rushing down the hallway.
"Bye to you too," he mutters under his breath, watching his wife run down the hall, away from him.
"Derek?" I question, not sure how to word this.
"Yeah?" he sighs, staring down the hallway for another minute before finally turning back to me.
"Please tell me you are as concerned as I am," I plead, just coming straight out with it. Derek doesn't even look surprised.
"She's been throwing up all week," He confesses, looking around to make sure no one else can hear us. Thankfully, the hallway is empty.
"And that doesn't concern you?" I ask; feeling slightly outraged.
"Of course it does!" He snaps, pacing slightly in front of me. "I was going to wait," he whispers after he's calmed down slightly and all you can see is the hurt in his eyes. "I was going to wait until after the wedding and talk to her about it."
I nod with understanding.
"I am worried about her Richard," Derek breathes, emphasising every word as if he's trying to prove to me how much he's concerned. He doesn't have to though. I can see it in his eyes. "I just didn't want to push it with the wedding," He sighs. "The wedding she doesn't even want me at," He adds with a scoff. He's trying to appear pissed off but looking in his eyes, all I can see is the hurt and confusion.
"Her stomach…it looks…she looks as if she's…her stomach is slightly swollen Derek," I stutter out feeling embarrassed. I need him to understand why I am so worried about her though. "She's been under so much stress. I can't help but think she's probably got a stomach ulcer."
"I know," Derek sighs, running his hand through his hair looking exasperated. "I asked her to take a couple of days off and she said she couldn't because of the wedding."
"Derek…"
"I've already lost Zola. Now, if I lose Meredith..." Derek trails off, his face full of anguish.
"Derek…"
"This wedding couldn't have come at a worst time," he mutters.
"About that," I begin hesitantly. "Meredith is keeping a secret…and, well… it's not her secret," I quickly add. "It's someone else's secret but it is having a knock on effect with Meredith because she is concerned about how this secret if affecting the person who confided in Meredith about it," I explain, as confusion crosses Derek's face.
"So Meredith's worried about someone who has confided a secret to her?" Derek asks, clearly trying to wrap his mind around what I am telling him.
"Yes," I nod, hoping I am doing the right thing.
"And you think that this secret is making Meredith sick?" He asks bewildered.
"No," I answer firmly. "But I don't think it has helped, especially when she knows she can't confide in you about it."
"But…"
"But nothing Derek," I interrupt, giving him a warning look. "The stress over the past seven months has made Meredith sick. This secret hasn't helped. I guarantee you that Meredith won't tell you if you ask because it isn't her secret to tell but I also know that it'll make all the difference to her if she knew that she could confide in you if she needed to," I add, before beginning to walk away.
"Richard!" He calls and I turn to face him.
"Why was she crying?" he asks, giving me a pleading look.
"If you really need the answer to that then it's no wonder that Meredith is losing hope Derek," I sigh before turning back around and walking down the hallway.
Derek's Point of View
To say I am concerned would be an understatement. I hate what Meredith and I have become. In fact, I detest what Meredith and I have become. And now because I didn't bother to forgive her for what happened or even attempt to understand why she did it, we are now in such a mess that my own wife can't confide in me when there's a problem that is making her feel sick.
I thought what happened with the trial was the worst thing that could knock our marriage. How wrong I was. Losing Zola had a huge impact on both of us but because we were already struggling in our marriage, the loss ended up putting an even bigger wedge between us.
And now? Now I have no idea how to repair the damage.
I love my wife so much and I am genuinely worried, especially since I know the worry of our marriage and losing Zola are the main worries that have made her sick. Basically, I'm an ass because I've watched her suffer internally and done little to help because all I could do was focus on my own pain and my own hurt. I'm an idiot or to quote my wife 'I am a stupid, brainless brain man'.
I'm finally organised. Have all the charts ready to hand over to Nelson and I've to cover the ER for an hour and then Mark and I can get out of here and go fishing or even drinking. Although, I won't be able to drink a lot as I fully intend to sit Meredith down and talk to her tomorrow. The last thing I need when I do that is a hangover.
Running as best as I can with several charts stacked against my chest, I finally make it into the elevator but I stop in my tracks when I get a glance at the elevators only other occupant.
"You look stunning," I choke out. Standing in front of me is Meredith wearing a long flowing dress with a V cut that emphasises her small cleavage. It's not too revealing. It's beautiful and it looks perfect on her. She even has her hair down and soft curls through it. For the past seven months, all I have seen is the pony tail. It's like she doesn't care anymore. I can't remember the last time I seen her with her hair down.
"Thank you," My wife breathes, trying to stretch a big smile on her face but all it does is emphasise how awkward she feels. "What's wrong?" she asks, giving me a worried glance.
"Nothing," I whisper. "Why?"
"You're staring," she whispers, fiddling with the bracelet on her arm.
"Oh, sorry," I mumble, not feeling sorry at all. The elevator begins its descent and I turn to see that the ground floor button is highlighted. "I imagine Lexie's not going to be happy," I whisper trying to lighten the mood.
"What? Why? Why wouldn't Lexie be happy?" she asks, suddenly looking very agitated.
"I…" I start but I am cut off.
"I mean it's Lexie's wedding day. It's supposed to be the happiest day of her life….I…I mean today is the happiest day of her life so there's no reason for her not to be happy...Why wouldn't she be happy?" She asks me and it strikes me how agitated she is.
"I meant that you look beautiful," I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "You're not supposed to upstage the bride on her wedding day."
"Oh," she murmurs softly, looking slightly stricken. "Sorry," she whispers, staring at the ground.
"Mer," I sigh, watching her closely as I pull the emergency stop button causing the elevator to jolt slightly. I place the files on the floor, in a stack, against the elevator wall.
"I…I…I have to…Lexie's expecting me," she explains, glancing at me before going back to fidgeting with her bracelet.
"This will only take a minute," I sigh. I've had enough of this. This strangely feels like five years ago when we were in the locker room before Burke and Christina's wedding.
"Oh god," she murmurs, in a tiny whisper that I don't think I was supposed to hear.
"Are you feeling okay Mer? You don't look so good," I murmur, touching her bare shoulder softly hoping the privacy would allow her to talk to me. However, she looks hurt by what I've just said. "I mean you look beautiful but I can tell you're still not feeling well," I assure her.
"I'm fine," she murmurs softly. "Honestly," she breathes a sigh. "I'll just be glad once the wedding is over with. Planning a wedding in the space of a couple of months is a…well, it's a lot."
"Meredith," I sigh. "Richard told me."
"What?" she bellows a little too loudly, looking so shocked, you would have sworn I had just told her that the President of the United States was downstairs waiting to meet her. "What…what did he tell you?" she asks, a little more calmly, looking slightly frightened.
"Mer, he told me how stressed you've been because somebody confided a big secret in you," I explain and she is about to protest but I won't allow her to. "Mer," I sigh, taking her hand. "I'm not asking you to tell me what the secret is or even who's secret it is but I am saying that I'm here if you want to talk or vent or yell. I'm here," I whisper, emphasising every word.
She just stares at me looking unsure as she bites her bottom lip.
"Mer?" I question.
"I'm fine," she smiles sadly. I can see the tears are building in the back of her eyes.
"You're beginning to scare me Mer," I confess. "Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?" I ask, giving her a pleading look.
"No, no," she repeats, shaking her head. "You know me," she sighs. "I'll be all better once this wedding is over with."
"I could run home and get my tux," I suggest. "I could come with you," I smile, silently hoping she takes me up on my offer.
"No, it's okay," she smiles. "Thank you though," she sighs, giving my hand a little squeeze as I begin to feel disheartened. "Besides, you promised Mark you would spend some time with him and I've already promised Richard that he could come as my plus one," she sighs.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I can't shift the feeling that something really isn't right.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she smiles as if she's trying to convince herself as well as me.
"I could have sworn I heard you being sick again this morning," I admit, not liking the way she instantly looked to the ground when I did.
"Yeah," she nods. "I think it was just nerves getting the better of me though."
"I'm beginning to get worried Mer," I admit. "I think we should be getting you checked out. This stress…it's probably brought on a stomach ulcer or something," I breathe, feeling a new wave of guilt hit the pit of my stomach.
"I was thinking that myself," she whispers. "My tummy's a little swollen. Mind you, that's probably thanks to the number of take away food I've been eating over the past few months," she laughs until she realises what she has said and she instantly drops my hand.
"It's been a long time since we sat down to dinner together," I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face, feeling exasperated.
"Yeah," she sighs.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, feeling utterly stupid. How did I let this go on for so long?
"Derek," she sighs, fidgeting with her hands. "You shouldn't be," she whispers, shaking her head, clearly holding her tears back. "Anyway, I had better go," she smiles, hitting the emergency button. "Lexie will be expecting me."
"Okay," I nod. "Call me when you're ready to leave and I'll come and collect you," I whisper, picking up the charts.
"Okay," she nods, looking surprised. "Do you want a hand with them?" she asks me.
"No, no," I assure her. "I've got them. Tell Lexie I wish her the best of luck and I'll be thinking of her today."
"Will do," she nods as I step out of the elevator, into the empty hallway, only for the files to scatter everywhere.
"Crap," I mutter as I get down on my knees to pick them all up. "Mer, can you help me?"
"Derek," she moans.
"Mer," I plead, picking up the files that have fallen out of the folders and slot them into the right ones.
"Derek!" she snaps and I instantly turn to a sight I was not expecting.
I come face to face with Meredith's lacy knickers.
"Mer," I chuckle, getting up on my feet as she looks stricken, trying to hold her dress down but it keeps pushing up as a large chunk of the dress has got caught in the elevator doors and as it tries to push up, it is taking Meredith's dress with her.
"Derek," she whispers, causing me to pull back slightly to face her. She gives me a pleading look. The look, however, becomes something else and I could swear it is lust I see in her eyes. Exactly like the lust I feel. Exactly like the lust I felt the moment I walked into the elevator and seen her in her long, flowing dress.
She tilts her head slightly and it is all the invitation I need, leaning right in and holding her close to me as best I could while my lips drew straight to hers like a magnet. I'm aware of her hands coming around and clinging to my back. The kiss grows from soft and gentle to much more urgent when she uses her tongue to demand entry into my mouth. And who am I not to oblige? Suddenly her tongue is in my mouth and running along the bridge of my mouth which she knows drives me crazy. Instantly, a moan escapes my lips as I allow my right hand to touch her head and then use my fingers to stroke her hair, ignoring the fact the elevator could be ripping Meredith's dress right this second. Although I can't ignore that Meredith has let go of the dress that is being pulled up by the elevator meaning I can feel her bare legs touch mine. I can't remember the last time I held Meredith this close to me.
However, in what feels like seconds, the moment is over as Meredith pulls back and she looks in my eyes with panic before glancing over my shoulder, then to the ground, avoiding eye contact with me.
"Mer," I sigh, pulling my hands away, unsure of what else to do.
"Derek," she pleads, looking over my shoulders again to check no one is around while she uses her two hands to hold her dress down.
"Okay," I laugh, leaning over her to stretch the doors open in order to release her dress.
"It's not funny," she scolds in my ear.
"Oh, yes it is," I confess, chuckling as I use both hands to stretch open the door and release Meredith from the elevator.
I turn back to see her cheeks have turned a bright shade of red. "Is my dress ripped?" she asks, spinning round for me to take a look as I catch sight of her small, perfect back end.
"No," I whisper, the image of Meredith's black, lace panties still in my mind and the feeling of those toned and tanned legs brushing against mine.
"I can't believe that just happened," she murmurs, shaking her head.
"There's no need to be embarrassed," I chuckle as I go back down on my knees to pick up the remainder of the files.
"That's easy for you to say," she scoffs, crouching down beside me to help pick up the notes scattered everywhere.
"You've got to admit, it was kind of funny," I laugh, unable to control myself.
"Okay, maybe it was a little," she giggles, and for the first time in a long time, I feel completely comfortable beside my wife. Nothing feels strange or awkward as we kneel on the floor in hysterics of laughter.
Derek's Point of View
"Hey Betty," I greet the senior ER nurse with a smile at the nurses desk. "Did you page?"
"I did," she smiles at me. "Was that your wife I spotted looking as beautiful as ever?"
"It was," I smile at her, feeling genuine pride, aware of how many eyes must have been on Meredith as she left the hospital looking as stunning as can be.
"It's such a shame," Betty sighs. "I mean she says the wedding is still going ahead but it must be so hard for Lexie to deal with…and on her wedding day, of all days…and poor Meredith…"
What?
"Betty?" I question her, unsure what she was going on about. "What are you talking about?"
"Uh…you don't know?" she asks me, looking rather stunned.
"No," I shake my head. "What is going on?" I ask her, feeling dread rise with in me.
"Your patient? The drunk driver who ran his car into a tree?" she questions me hesitantly, gripping the chart in her hand.
Oh no. Oh please, no. It can't be.
"It's Thatcher Grey," she whispers, looking guilty at having to be the person to tell me. She indicates behind her and I can see Meredith coming barging out of trauma room with tears and smudged make up streaming down her face.
"Mer," I sigh, rushing towards her.
"His injuries are superficial," she mumbles, staring at the ground. "He just need stitched up so you could get an intern to do that if you need to take off," she rambles.
"Why don't you come in here?" I question, nodding my head slightly to indicate the private room beside us as I place my hand on her shoulder but she can't see me do so as she remains staring at the ground.
"Lexie's expecting me," she sighs, shrugging my arm off. "I have to go," she whispers, continuing to avoid eye contact with me. That stings. That really stings.
"What did he say to you?" I ask her urgently.
She doesn't respond. She just stands there.
"Meredith? What did he say to you?" I demand, using my hand to lift her chin so she finally looks at me and when I look in her eyes, I can see how heartbroken she looks as well as how gaunt her complexion is thanks to the make-up that is smudged all over her face.
"I have to go," she whispers, glancing at me before she rushes away from me and through the Emergency room doors before I can stop her.
I share a worrying glance with Betty before heading straight for Thatcher's room.
"What the hell did you say to her?" I demand as soon as I enter the room, not bothering to keep my voice down.
Thatcher is lying flat on his back on the gurney and only lifts his head slightly to see who has entered the room. I catch sight of the cut on his head and even though it is bleeding, it doesn't look deep. A couple of stitches and hopefully he'll be out of here.
"Well…well, well," he breathes. "If it isn't my trusted son in law," He slurs out, making me wince.
"It's Lexie's wedding day," I state the obvious. He's wearing a suit which must mean he was intent on going to the wedding. "How could you do this to her? In fact how could you do this to Meredith? She put herself through a difficult surgery and gave you part of her liver! How could you do this to her?" I question, feeling beyond livid.
"I thought you were leaving her," he slurs, making a scoffing sound as he does.
Why does he think that? Has Meredith said anything? Has Lexie said anything?
"My marriage to Meredith is none of your business!" I fight back.
"My drinking is none of your business!" he snarls, lifting his head with difficultly to give me a cold glance.
"It is when it upsets Meredith!" I argue back.
Stay calm Derek! Stay Calm!
"What did you say to her?" I ask, speaking slowly, trying my best to keep my cool.
"Huh," he scoffs. "That's none of your business either."
"That's where you're wrong," I mutter. "That's where you're wrong," I repeat, a little more loudly. "And as for Lexie and Meredith, you don't deserve them. If you can't see how amazing they are and can't stay sober for them then you are going to die a lonely old man with no one around you."
I turn, exiting the room before I end up doing something I really regret and knowing me, he would have made a snarky comment about Meredith and I would have used my fist to fight back. It's then I catch sight of someone I really need to talk to.
"Callie!" I call out.
"Derek," she smiles. "Please tell me you don't need a consult because I have to go and get ready for…"
"About that," I interrupt with a sigh. "I need a favour."
"What?" she asks, looking uncertain.
"Meredith's not well and has had a difficult day," I breathe, hoping that she's going to be able to do what I need.
"Oh, I get it," she murmurs. "You want me to stay here with Mark while you go to the wedding to help Meredith?" she questions, straight faced.
"Yeah," I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "It's just…She needs me, Callie and let's just say I've been oblivious to the fact…"
"Your wife has been walking around here like a ghost?" she finishes for me.
"Yeah," I sigh, feeling incredibly guilty. "I'm an ass."
"You're not an ass. You were just put in a difficult position," she whispers, trying to assure me.
"Yeah, well I it doesn't feel that way," I whisper. "It really doesn't feel that way."
"I'll cover for you," she smiles, clearly taking pity on me. "But you owe me. You owe me big."
"Look, Mark shouldn't be alone today. Someone has to be with him and I was willing to do it until my wife ran out of here in tears because Thatcher ran a car into a tree because he was drunk," I explain. "Still is, in fact," I add.
"How pathetic you must think I am," we hear a familiar voice murmur before the curtain beside us is drawn back to reveal Mark standing in scrubs. "You know, you two ought to learn to have private conversations' in private and not in public where anyone can hear you," Mark scolds us. "And for the record, I don't need a babysitter! "
"Nobody is saying you do," Callie assures him.
"Right," I agree. "We just don't think you should be on your own this afternoon."
"I'm fine," he scoffs. "And anyway, you should be there for your wife. And has Meredith told Lexie about 'you know who' being here?" he asks, indicating with his eyes, to the trauma room across the hall. "What the hell was he thinking? After everything he has put Lexie through," he mutters.
"And Meredith," I add, feeling my anger rise again.
"Is that who I think it is?" The chief bellows from behind us.
"Yeah," Mark and I chorus together.
"And he's drunk?" he questions us as he comes to stand between Mark and I.
"Yes," I sigh. "He ran his car into a tree. I'm going to pass his case onto a resident because I can't be in a room with him. Besides, I need to get ready for the wedding."
"You're going?" He asks me, seeming pleased.
"I'm going," I confirm. "Meredith didn't ask me but I think she'll need me considering she left here in tears because of something Thatcher said to her."
Richard doesn't say anything but his facial expression says it all. He is as fuming as I am.
"You okay Mark?" Richard asks him, seeming genuinely concerned.
"What is it with everyone today? I'm fine," he assures us, although he definitely doesn't sound okay. "The love of my life is marrying another man today but I'm fine," He scoffs.
"Mark, I wish I could take you to the pub right now but I have to go. I have to make sure Meredith is okay," I whisper, feeling guilty to leave him behind.
"It's okay," he assures me. "I'll just…"
"I'll take him to Joe's," Callie laughs.
"Actually," the Chief starts, looking rather strange. "I think we should all go to the wedding," he whispers.
"What?" all three of us ask in shock, looking at him as if he has completely lost his mind.
"Look, there's something I have to tell all of you," The Chief murmurs. "Something important."
What the hell is going on?
Meredith's Point of View
I feel like utter crap!
"Are you sure?" Lexie asks, pacing our living room floor.
"I'm sure," I murmur softly, sitting myself on the sofa as the dizziness I am feeling doesn't seem to want to disappear. "I'm really sorry Lexie," I whisper, unsure of what else to say.
"What do you have to be sorry for?" She asks, pissed off. "Did you give him a bottle of alcohol?"
"What? No," I defend myself, feeling slightly outraged.
"Then you have nothing to be sorry for," Lexie mutters continuing to pace the floor back and forth.
"Lexie, can you please sit down," I plead. "You're making me feel dizzy."
"What?" she questions turning to finally look at me. "Mer? Are you ok? You don't look so good," she states bluntly.
"I'm fine," I insist, sick of hearing how awful I must look. "I just feel a little dizzy."
"Is your back any better?" She asks softly, sitting next to me.
"Not really," I mutter, as she takes my hand in hers.
"I told you to leave those heavy boxes for Jackson to lift into the attic," she scolds lightly. "You shouldn't have done that yourself."
"I know," I sigh. "Look, Lexie, I am really sorry about Thatcher. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm just annoyed. I'm annoyed that he could do this to you after you gave him part of his liver. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that…that…"
"That this is your wedding day and he isn't going to be there to walk you down the aisle," I finish for her.
"Yeah," she smiles sadly. "Did he say anything to you?"
"You're a waste of space Meredith Grey…"
"No," I assure her. "Nothing. He was too drunk."
"Oh god," she mutters as I squeeze her hand.
"Are you sure you still want to go ahead with this?" I ask, feeling incredibly worried about her. She shouldn't have to do this and neither should Jackson.
"Do you realise you've asked me that every day since Jackson and I announced we were getting married?" She asks me, giving me a pointed look.
"I know," I agree. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you," I confess. "And I'm sorry that Molly can't be here either."
"Me too," she smiles at me. "And as for the worrying, I love you for it but I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing. Besides, Jackson is…he's…"
"A great guy," I smile at her.
"Yeah, he is," She smiles but I can see the sadness in her eyes. I can see how much she wishes that she was marrying Mark today.
"You look beautiful Lexie Grey," I smile at her.
"I'm not even in my dress yet," she laughs.
"You still look beautiful," I assure her. "And the dress is perfect on you."
"You don't look so bad yourself, Meredith Grey," she laughs, making me laugh with her.
Oh god. I wish this dizziness would stop. I feel as if my head is about to fall off my body
"Meredith?" she asks, suddenly looking a little unsure.
"Yeah?" I smile at her.
"Will you walk me down the aisle?" She asks, sounding really hesitant.
Oh my…
"I'd love to," I smile at her, feeling honoured.
Derek's Point of View
Okay, I am an idiot. How could I have not guessed that Meredith's secret must have been about Lexie? She only started acting strange and rambled when I mentioned Lexie not being too happy.
Mark was not amused, to the say the least, when Richard filled us in on the whole picture. He made the mistake of asking why Meredith hadn't told him the truth and that this was so typical of her. I swear I would have punched him if Richard hadn't jumped in to defend her verbally first. He managed to shoot Mark's comment down before I could even react. That only made me feel worse. I am Meredith's husband. If anyone should be coming to her rescue and defending her, it should be me.
I really shouldn't be doing this but I can't help myself. Curiosity always wins out in the end.
"I'll wait for you," I hear Mark whisper. How pathetic am I? I'm listening through the door to the room above the wedding hall in the hotel. The room in which the bride and bridesmaids have been allocated to wait in until it is time. I think Harper booked the room for the night so Meredith and Lexie could stay here but they opted for staying at home. Although I can't be one hundred per cent sure since I was working at the hospital all night.
"Mark," Lexie sighs. "I can't ask you to do that."
"You're not asking," My best friend insists. "I'm telling you. I'll wait. I'll wait as long as it takes. I love you Lexie Grey and there is no way I'm going to be without you."
"I love you too but you can't be here. I'm about to marry Jackson," I could swear I hear Lexie whisper.
"Lexie, I'm not going anywhere," he insists. Good for you, Mark. "I'm going downstairs to sit with Derek and the Chief because you need to know that I am here for you."
"You're going to watch," she bellows; sounding outraged. "Wait, did you just say Derek?"
"Yeah, I've left him outside," He sighs. "Isn't Meredith supposed to be with you?"
"She's in the bathroom with Christina," Lexie tells him, sounding worried. "She was violently sick on the journey over here. I'm really worried about her."
Sick? Violently sick?
Oh Meredith. What the hell is going on?
"So is Derek and the Chief," Mark informs her.
"She's been so worried about me and then there's the state of her and Derek's marriage," I hear Lexie sigh. "Do you think they'll be okay?"
"They have to be," My best friend murmurs. "They're Meredith and Derek."
Mark, we are so much more than just Meredith and Derek.
We're extraordinary!
Meredith's Point of View
For the past three months, I have referred to today as a sham wedding. But being here, it feels real – strangely enough. Jackson is not the love of Lexie's life and she isn't his. However, they do love one another.
I'll never forget watching the movie '27 dresses' and that film made a good point. Katherine Heigl's character said that when a bride is walking down the aisle, everyone's eyes are on the bride but she loved looking at the groom because in that moment you could see how much he loves her. I saw that look in Jackson's eyes as I walked her down the aisle. Then I got distracted as soon as I caught sight of Derek, Mark, Richard and Adele all in seats as we reached half way down the aisle. I thought I was about to pass out there and then.
Listening to Lexie and Jackson exchange vows, I am blown away by how calm they both look. Mark looks calm too which I find beyond strange. What the hell is going on there? I can only make quick glances at him now and then because I cannot and will not make eye contact with Derek.
What the hell was he thinking bringing Mark here?
Was he doing this to hurt me?
Was he doing this to hurt Lexie?
Was he…Oh god, my back.
I would be really happy if my period just arrived now. This cramping is beyond a joke and I need it to stop. It's my sister's wedding day.
Derek's Point of View
She looks so pale. She looked pale when they were taking the pictures and I could see the pain etched over her features which only intensified the guilt I felt but now all I feel is determined to talk to my wife. This needs to be sorted. And it needs to be sorted now.
"Meredith!" I call seeing her make a bee line for the elevator with Lexie.
"Derek, she's really not well," Lexie murmurs as I step on the elevator to see Meredith hunched over, clutching her stomach.
"What's wrong?" I hear Mark gasp from behind me as he steps onto the elevator. He pushes a floor so that we're moving and no one else can step on.
"Mer," I whisper urgently, standing in front of her, holding her arm as Lexie hold her other, while stroking her hair. I can't even see her face as she is bent over in pain.
"Mer," Lexie whispers. "I thought she was going to faint when they were taking our pictures. She's sweating and everything," She explains to me.
"Then what are we doing in here?" Mark questions. "We should have taken her out for some air," he murmurs, unhelpful.
"Oh god," Meredith gasps out, suddenly clutching my hand.
"Meredith? What is it?" I demand, feeling sick, trying to think what could be wrong with her.
"Meredith?" Lexie and Mark question together as they both give me a worried look.
"Is it your back?" I hear Lexie question her softly.
Her back? When did she hurt her back?
"Oh god," she cries, and I feel her begin to sink further towards the ground as a funny sound is made in the elevator and I look down to see a clear liquid down Meredith's dress, slightly over Lexie's dress and over my shoes.
Oh shit!
"Are you in labour?" Mark asks in shock.
Oh shit!
Lexie's Point of View
"Meredith?" I hear Derek question as the two of us try to hold Meredith up while Mark stands, staring at us, like a friggin' idiot. "Are you pregnant?" Derek gasps out.
"NO!" She practically screams, letting out a sob as she does. "I can't be!"
"Meredith, you've just leaked fluid and it certainly doesn't look like you've peed yourself," I whisper softly, trying my best to remain calm. We can't all freak out.
"Meredith, you really need to tell us," Derek whispers. "Are you pregnant?" he asks, tucking Meredith's sweaty, sticky hair behind her ear.
"I'm not pregnant," she gasps out, clearly annoyed with the suggestion. "I can't be," she almost pleads, looking at him. "I've haven't even skipped a period."
"I didn't need to hear that," Mark scoffs lightly.
"Mark!" Derek and I warn, sending him a glare. Now is not the time for him to be so juvenile.
"What?" He questions, looking at us bewildered.
"And how could I be, when we haven't slept together in months?" Meredith questions Derek, looking angry as she pants, trying to catch her breath. She looks exhausted and terrified as she allows her body to sway back slightly and lean against the elevator.
"Well…" Derek begins, looking hesitant.
"Seriously? Seriously?" Meredith spits out. "You think I've been having an affair?" Meredith questions as I send him a warning look.
Can't he see she's in agony? Can't he see how upset she is? Can't he see that this is the last thing she needs considering she is in labour?
"No, I don't," Derek whispers apologetically as she slides slightly towards me so she could put distance between her and Derek in order to whack him across the arm.
"Ouch!" Derek mutters, rubbing his arm. "Meredith, I didn't mean it. I know you haven't. This is just a bit of a shock."
"A shock?" Meredith mutters. "How the hell do you think…oh god…I feel?"
"Oh god," I mutter, feeling the elevator make a jump and the lights go out.
"What was that? What's going on?" Meredith gasps out in pain, as she grips my hand tightly, as I sense Derek puts his arm around Meredith's back protectively.
"We're stuck," Mark mutters. "Oh god. We're stuck in the elevator."
Derek's Point of View
"Breathe, breathe," I chant, helping Meredith through a contraction as Lexie uses Mark's cell phone to call Christina while Mark tries his best to stretch open the doors. Thankfully the back-up generators have kicked in and the lights are on.
Meredith squeezes my hand tightly as she leans her head on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry," she gasps out in a whisper.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," I assure her, rubbing her back with my free hand. "Lexie," I murmur, urgently as she talks to Christina. "Her contractions are two minutes apart. This is happening fast."
"Derek," Meredith moans against my shoulder. "This can't be happening," she whispers clearly as she loosens her grip on my hand, telling me the contraction has eased off.
"Shit!" Mark mutters loudly, causing us all to look at him.
"What?" I groan, before I notice what he is talking about.
We're trapped between two floors. There's not a big enough gap to get anyone of us out.
Meredith's Point of View
Oh god. I can't believe this is happening.
How could I not know I was pregnant?
"Oh god," I mutter squeezing Derek's hand, watching as Mark tries his best to stretch the doors open as far as he can.
"Christina, you'll need to get us towels and a shoe lace," I hear Lexie whisper down the phone as Mark groans loudly and Derek continues to rub my back and squeeze my hand.
I don't think I've ever felt more embarrassed.
Wait…shoe lace? Towels?
"For tying off the cord Christina," Lexie mutters down the phone. "And scissors for cutting the cord," she adds.
"Oh no!" I shout as best I can as the pain surges round my back and has full grip on me. "There is NO way I am delivering this baby in here," I seethe.
"We have no choice Meredith," Derek whispers in my ear.
"We? We? We haven't been 'we' in months!" I argue as he gives me a worried look before I suddenly feel so dizzy that I may faint any second. "How can you say 'we'….Oh…Ah…"
Oh god.
I need to push.
Noooooooooooooooooooooo!
"Derek, help her lie on the floor," Lexie instructs. "Hurry Christina!" Lexie shouts down the phone. "Mer, do you feel like you need to push?" Lexie asks me, standing in front of me and taking both my hands while Derek continues to rub my back.
"No, no," I pant. I can't be ready to push yet.
No way!
I'll just hold the baby in. That's what I'll do. I'll hold the baby in.
"Meredith? Why are your cheeks flushed?" Derek asks, sharing a worried look with Lexie.
"Mer, are you trying to hold your breath?" Lexie gasps. "Meredith, just take deep breathes," she orders calmly.
This is her wedding day. She should be eating her dinner now and talking to all the guests.
"Mer," Derek whispers urgently as I feel the panic within me reach a whole new level. "We're going to lie you on the floor now and all you need to do is focus on your breathing," he whispers in my ear.
"No," I gasp out as I continue to pant, trying to stop myself from pushing.
"Mark, stop that and come and help here," Lexie orders. "Christina, where the hell are you!" she shouts down the Blackberry.
"Oh god," I cry as Derek comes behind me to protect my back as he uses my arms and guides me to the floor as Mark takes my shaky legs and helps ease them to the floor at the same time just as we here a familiar voice.
"You're not kidding?" Richard shouts. We all turn to see him crouched on his knees and looking through the gap. "Ambulance and engineer are on their way guys," I hear Richard say but there is no way I can turn and look at him. I am officially mortified. "Jackson is holding everyone back, including Hotel staff," he continues.
"Ah," I breathe in pain, as I feel Derek crouch down behind me, bringing his arms around me and stretching his legs out at either side of me which allows me to lean back against his chest.
"I'm scared," I confess in a whisper, watching as Lexie ask Christina questions through the phone and Mark fills Richard in through the gap.
"I know," he murmurs softly. "But everything is going to be fine!" He says urgently.
"But…Ah…"
"No buts," He insists. "Just squeeze my hand."
"Christina is going to be here any second," Lexie assures us, crouching down at my legs and I realise we have taken it for granted that she will deliver.
"Lex…"
"Mer," she whispers really softly. "I'm going to have to take your pant off," she breathes, looking as embarrassed as I feel.
"Just kill me now," I mutter out, panting as I feel my whole body intensify with pain. "I need to push! I need to push!" I scream.
"Okay, okay," Derek soothes. "Just breathe."
"Stop telling me to breathe," I snap, losing my cool at him once again. If he didn't hate me before, he certainly will now.
"Close your eyes," He whispers in my ear, as his hands slip to the bottom of my back to lift me slightly to help Lexie pulls my black panties down.
"I'm here," Christina shouts, as I re-open my eyes. It feels like I'm using all my energy just to turn my head to see her. "Trust you to make natural things complicated," she jokes making me smile for a second.
"Thanks Chris," I moan. I see Richard has disappeared and I'm suddenly aware that Mark is handing all these objects to Lexie making me tense as she is lifting my dress slightly as I bend my knees a little further for her.
"Head, Mark," Derek warns. "Head."
"Okay, okay," he smiles. "Come on, Big Grey," He urges, kneeling by my side. "Show us what you're made of," He smiles taking my hand while Derek holds the other and uses his free hand to hold my head against his.
"Ugh, You idiot," I hear Christina mutter as I feel Lexie gasp.
"Mer, I can feel the head," She whispers urgently. "On your next contraction, push as hard as you can," she urges me.
"Oh god," I gasp, feeling another contraction.
"Push!" All four of them shout.
"Ok!" I shout back, using all my strength to push as hard as I can. "This-is-your-fault-Derek-Shepherd!" I grit out.
"That's it Mer," Derek encourages me. "And how's it my fault?"
"Your-obsession-with-elevators!" I grit out as I continue to push.
"You're doing great Mer," Lexie smiles.
"Doesn't feel like it," I mutter.
"You can do it Meredith!" Christina shouts through the gap.
"You're doing great Big Grey," Mark smiles at me, allowing me to squeeze his hand as I continue to push.
"Ah…." I continue to breathe loudly as I push, feeling a strange sensation.
"Heads out!" Lexie shouts. "Stop pushing Mer."
"That's it Mer," Derek whispers in my ear. "You're doing brilliantly. Take slow deep breaths," He orders softly. "And then push again on the next contraction."
"Oh god," I push as hard as I can, squeezing Mark and Derek's hands tightly.
"And again Meredith!" Lexie urges. "You can do it," she smiles at me.
"Come on Mer," Christina shouts. "A couple more pushes and your baby will be here," Christina urges, as I do my best to push the baby out in one big push.
"Shoulders are out so just one more push Mer," Lexie smiles. "One more."
One more.
Just one more.
"One more Mer," Derek smiles as I take a deep breath before using the little energy I have left to push the baby out of me.
"Congratulations!" I hear Lexie shout before a cry fills the elevator. I feel a towel go over my chest and a baby placed in my arms as I slouch in Derek's arms.
"Oh wow," I whisper at the exact same time as Derek.
Derek's Point of View
This morning I was worried that I was on the brink of divorce and now…now I am a father. How the hell did that happen? How did I get here? How did we get here?
My head still feels as if it is spinning. I didn't know what to think in the elevator.
Did she know she was pregnant?
How early was the baby?
Who was the baby's father?
How did this happen?
If she didn't realise she was pregnant then how stressed out must she have been not to realise?
"Derek?" I look up to see Christina in the conference room doorway.
"The baby is in Meredith's room. Arizona says everything looks good," She murmurs softly, stepping into the room.
"Good," I nod. "That's good," I repeat. "Did she say…did she…" I trail off but by the look on Christina's face, she knows what I am trying to ask.
"She can't be one hundred per cent sure but she estimates that Meredith had to be eight and a half months pregnant. The baby's fully developed. There are no complications…"
"That's great," I murmur, suddenly feeling the urge to hurl.
"Derek," she sighs. "She didn't know. She had her period every month and even you know that she was in bed last month for two days because her cramps were so bad…"
"But they weren't just cramps, were they Christina? The truth of the matter is that I made my wife feel so sick and so stressed that she didn't even realise that she was pregnant," I whisper, feeling tears in the corner of my eyes.
"Perfect," Christina mutters. "Just perfect."
"What?" I question, sensing her sarcasm.
"Do you realise that your wife is in a hospital bed holding your new born baby and beating herself up about not realising she was pregnant? Just like you're beating yourself up now," Christina explains. "The two of you need your heads banging together," she mutters. "How could she have known? She didn't have morning sickness. She gained very little weight. She even said her boobs grew slightly but didn't feel tender but then they'd have probably felt tender if she had sex with her husband once in a while," she scoffs, giving me a look.
"Thanks Christina," I mutter. "That really helps."
"Go see her," she suggests. "She needs you," she breathes. "They need you," she corrects herself.
"Okay," I nod. "I'm just going to go down to the gift shop and pick up a few outfits," I inform her, standing from my chair.
"Bailey, Lexie, The Chief and April have all beat you to it," she smiles.
"I imagine," I laugh. "But I still need to get the baby something from…"
"Dad," she smiles knowingly. "A baby always needs something from their dad."
"Exactly," I nod as I watch her head back towards the door.
"It was Zola," she murmurs softly, turning back to face me. Hearing her name, I wince. "What happened with Adele and the trial was horrible but the two of you would have got through that but before you had the chance to…"
"We lost her," I breathe, trying to ignore the lump in my throat.
"Yeah," she sighs. "And you both pulled away from one another. What I'm trying to say is that it wasn't just you. Meredith felt she lost her husband and her daughter all in the same day," Christina explains, as I give her a questioning look. "She blames her bad genes for losing Zola and she convinced herself that you do to."
"That's crazy," I scoff.
"I know," she whispers, looking at me pointedly, "but that's Meredith," she smiles sadly.
Did Meredith really blame herself? There was nothing we could have done to stop Zola from going. We could have fought the decision in court but because there was a blood relative who wanted to care for her, our chances of losing were incredibly high and costly. Not that the cost mattered. I would have done anything for Zola. We would have done anything for Zola.
"Congratulations Derek," she smiles at me, bringing me out of thought, before heading out the door.
Meredith blames herself?
I am officially an idiot.
Meredith's Point of View
How did we make something so precious and beautiful?
How could I not know that I was carrying something so beautiful?
"Hey little one," I murmur softly, holding her close to my chest. She was so tiny but so beautiful. Her tiny little head and her tiny, tiny little hands amaze me. How could something so small and delicate be so beautiful? She looked adorable in the little outfit that her Grandpa Richard and Grandma Adele had bought at the gift shop.
I was so relieved when Arizona wheeled her into the room in her cot to tell me all was okay. All 5lb of her was completely healthy.
"I'm your mummy," I whisper, kissing her tiny, delicate little forehead as she scrunches her little dot of a nose. "And I am so sorry that I didn't know you were there and that I didn't spend time talking to you but for what it's worth, you punished me well by deciding to enter the world when we became trapped in the elevator. I swear you get that from your dad. He's obsessed with elevators too and with punishing me, for that matter," I add. "But I promise, no matter what, we will both always love you."
"I just wonder where the hell he is princess. I can't blame him for being mad or for needing air. I just hope Christina finds him. He needs to know how sorry I am," I continue, aware that I feel such happiness and sadness at the same time. It is strange.
"You don't look like your daddy but I have a funny feeling that you're going to end up with his hair and his obsession with it too," I giggle.
"Ouch," I hear from the doorway. I look up to see Derek smiling at the both of us.
"Derek? How…how long have you…"
"A while," he sighs with a small smile, walking into the room as I hold her even closer to my chest.
Oh Crap!
"And for the record, I do not obsess about my hair," he laughs, coming to stand at the side of the bed and bend down to kiss her tiny little forehead like I did a minute ago.
"Oh," I breathe as I feel him lean closer and before I know it…his lips are on mine.
"Hmm," He breathes, kissing my forehead before turning to look at our daughter.
Our daughter.
It's going to take a while to get used to that.
"Arizona's been in and given her the all clear," I smile, feeling so proud of her. "And she weighed her. She's so tiny. All 5lbs of her," I smile, finally moving my gaze from my beautiful little girl to Derek.
"She's beautiful," he smiles at me. "Just like her mom," he whispers, before kissing my forehead again.
"What's in the bag?" I ask, indicating the paper bag in his hand.
"Oh, just a few things for our princess," he grins proudly. "I love her wee onesie. Who brought her that?"
"The Chief and Adele," I whisper, wincing slightly. I can't say Adele's name in front of Derek without flinching. The guilt is too much. "Oh…Uh….the nurse has been in about breast feeding," I whisper, stupidly. What else do I say? What am I supposed to say to that?
"Yeah?" he smiles, placing the bag beside all of our baby's presents on the chair by my bedside before his arms go behind my back and lift me ever so slightly so that I've moved over on the bed and he can sit beside me with his arm around me. "Relax," he murmurs in my ear.
"I've just given birth to a baby I didn't realise I was carrying," I whisper. "Relaxed isn't in my vocabulary," I confess, giving him a pointed look.
"Good point," he chuckles, stroking our daughters head. "So what do you think of the breast feeding?" He questions as our little girl opens her eyes to stare at us.
"I tried but she didn't latch on," I confess.
"It takes time but we'll get there," he murmurs softly, pulling me close to him.
We?
"Why don't you try again?" He suggests. "What do you say princess? You hungry?" He asks her in a soothing voice.
"Okay," I nod with a smile, unbuttoning my pyjama top and before I know it, our little girl has latched straight on to my breast. "Oh wow," I murmur, aware of how weird it feels.
"Hey," he smiles. "She's doing it. You really are hungry princess. Daddy will burp you once you're ready," he tells her. "If that's okay with mummy?" He asks me, looking less confident than when he spoke to her.
"Of course it is," I nod. "I'm sure she'd love a cuddle from her daddy."
"I would love it too," he smiles, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "Have you thought of any names?"
"Not really," I confess. "I think I'm still in shock but I remember a few names I loved when…when…"
"…when you found out you were pregnant the first time," He murmurs, kissing my cheek.
"The miscarriage wasn't your fault," he assures me. "And neither was this. This happened…"
"This happened because I am an idiot," I murmur, staring at our daughter because I can't look at him.
"This happened because it was meant to be Meredith," Derek sighs, pulling us closer to him so there is virtually no space between us. "And as for not knowing…the stress you were put under by me…by losing…"
"Don't!" I warn him. "Just don't." I can't talk about her; especially today.
"Mer…"
"Can we just think of names please?" I ask, and feel as if I'm begging.
"Mer…"
"Please Derek," I plead. "Please?"
"Okay," he sighs, watching me closely. "Okay. I was thinking Princess?" He suggests, smiling.
"Not funny," I giggle. "What about Freya? Freya Shepherd?"
"Freya," he whispers with a smile, trying it out for size. "Freya Shepherd? I love it," He smiles at me. "It's perfect."
"What do you think Freya?" I ask her as I watch her continue to feed on my breast. "You like your name?"
"It suits her," he smiles as Freya moves her mouth from my breast and scrunches her tiny nose again which means it is time for Derek to get his cuddle.
"Ready?" I ask him softly.
"Ready," he grins, taking her from my arms as I button my top back up. "Hello gorgeous," he murmurs, placing her on his shoulder in order to rub her back and burp her properly.
He looks so happy. I can't remember the last time I have seen him this happy.
"Meredith?" Derek questions. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired, overwhelmed, embarrassed, happy," I list off as he continues to rub our daughter's back.
"Mer, I know you're blaming yourself and it has to stop," he whispers seriously.
"Deep down I know because there were no symptoms that I could have made…"
"I'm not just talking about that," he interrupts, giving me a pointed look.
Zola.
"She can't be a replacement for Zola, Derek," I cry, feeling tears escape my eyes. "Nobody could ever replace Zola," I murmur, wiping at my tears as we hear a small noise fill the room.
"Way to go Freya," I smile at her as I lean back on the bed, patting her back with Derek. Our hands touch and I suddenly feel warmth that I haven't felt for a long while.
"Well done princess," Derek smiles as he watches me closely before moving to put her in her cot.
"What are you doing?" I ask, panicked as I watch him settle her in the cot with a blanket over her.
"Doing what's necessary," he whispers, taking one last glance at her before coming back onto the bed and pulling me straight into his arms. "Mer, we should have never allowed us to get into this state," he confesses, holding me tight to him. "And it shouldn't have taken getting trapped into an elevator and you giving birth to wake us up."
"I know," I cry into his chest.
"Nobody can replace Zola Meredith," he sighs, rubbing his hand up and down my back, comforting me. "I think we have to remember that she is healthy and happy with people who love her, Meredith," he whispers soothingly. "That doesn't, for a second, mean we don't love her."
"I miss her so much," I confess quietly.
"Me too," he whispers in my ear. "Me too."
"We're a mess Derek," I tell him, knowing he's thinking the same thing. "We're a real mess and that isn't fair to Freya."
"No, it isn't," he sighs, pulling back to look me in the eye. "But I love you Meredith Grey. You're the love of my life and I have a proposal…"
"A proposal?" I query hesitantly. "What kind of proposal?"
"We try again," he smiles at me as he shrugs his shoulders. "Not just for Freya but for me and you."
"We try again?" I ask, knowing I sound sceptical.
"Yes," he smiles assuringly. "Because I love you."
"And I love you," I smile at him as he kisses my lips.
"So let's do it again," he smiles, tucking my hair behind my ear. "And this time, we'll get it right," he smiles smugly.
"Is that so?" I ask, laughing.
"It is," he nods, proudly. "I now have two beautiful girls in my life who I love dearly. This is what life is about. You, me and Freya so you don't have to worry," he assures me. "We'll get it right."
I am aware of how corny he sounds but for once I truly believe him…
We'll Get It Right
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE COMMENT. I may even be convinced to do a sequel one-shot if I receive enough comments. Please?