I had gotten used to sleeping on my side when I was close to the wall.
The cold nights in Briggs had taught me that.
Even now, when I was in Central, I still slept on my side. At this point it was a sign of comfort, comfort from a place that I would never return to. Heck, I wasn't even sure that I really wanted to. Late at night when I can't fall asleep I remember that one night clearly as if it were happening all over.
The worst part was that it happened every night. I closed my eyes and let the flash backs play like a movie on the backs of my eyelids.
"This can't go on." My whisper was muffled against his shoulder as he stroked my hair.
"I know." He said softly.
"People are starting to talk."
"I know."
"I don't want this to end."
"I know," He said again squeezing me tightly, "I don't either."
We both knew it would end. He was my higher up and it was improper for this sort of affair to go on. Even if we met in the dead of night someone would know. Someone always finds out about affairs if they go on too long. Plus, he was someone I shouldn't have.
He already belonged to someone.
It was getting late and neither of us would speak in fear of ruining the night.
"Do you think I'll be sent back to central if someone finds out?" I finally asked.
"Probably." He rolled over and gently stroked the hair out of my face.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I know," He kissed my forehead where he had parted my hair; "I love you too."
I rolled over and faced the wall as I tried to erase that moment from my mind. It chilled me every time I thought about that conversation. It was mostly because I could still hear his voice in my head. I could still hear him whisper my nickname quietly in my ear as his hair tickled my face.
I loved it when he put his hair down for me.
"Tsuki." He whispered as he pulled my body under his. "My Tsuki."
His voice echoed through my mind, calling me Tsuki.
He always called me that.
He once told me that it meant moon. He called me that because I was his moon, his beautiful shining moon in the black night. As his voice echoed in my head again I felt tears fall down my face.
I knew my place.
My place wasn't with my best friend, he had Winry.
My place wasn't with Gureelin, he was with my sister.
My place wasn't with him, he was taken.
I wasn't destined for Miles.
He was taken.
He wasn't mine.