I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!

Chapter 1: Meet The Kids

It was 7:59 P.M. on a Friday night and he still hadn't arrived. Of course, he wasn't due until 8:00 P.M. but I'd found that most babysitters try to make a good impression by arriving a little early. Arriving right on time was not going to impress me!

At exactly 8:01 P.M., there was a heavy knock on my door. I opened the door and there he stood. The Undertaker. He was tall and imposing, and his eyes, so intense, burned into mine...

"Welcome to hell... You're late," I said, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Got caught up in traffic. Sorry," he apologized humbly, shaking my hand.

For some reason, the concept of this big man apologizing to me, a young girl of 18 who was just barely 5'5", made me laugh hysterically. I shook my head and walked into the room, expecting him to follow.

"Um, excuse me," he said from behind me. "J. Marie?" I turned around to face him and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Why aren't you in here?" I asked him with narrowed eyes.

"You have to invite me in. I'm a vampire," he admitted, looking sheepish.

"You failed to mention that on your application," I said, crossing my arms. "Why?"

"Because in America, people discriminate against vampires," he said. "And," he went on to accuse, "If I'd told you I was a vampire, you wouldn't have hired me."

"Yes, I would've," I said. "I just would've been sure to order you some fresh blood to accommodate your special needs. Now, why don't you come on inside and meet the animals... I mean, the kids?"

He followed me inside in what seemed to be a state of shock and closed and locked the door behind us.

"Welcome to hell," I said for the second time. He gave me a confused look. "You'll understand... Kids, come on down!"

At first there was complete silence. Then came a low rumble that got louder and closer by the second. Then they came, all five of them, tumbling down the stairs together in a tangled mass of bodies and loud laughing.

"Over here, critters," I called. They ran over to me and lined up side by side, staring up at the Undertaker. "Let me introduce y'all. First of all, kids, this is-"

"The Undertaker!" my little sister Keysia, age 9, said.

"The Deadman!" my nephew Lonzo, age 7, said.

"The Original Deadman!" my oldest nephew AJ, age 9, said, correcting Lonzo.

"The Phenom!" my nephew Randy, age 6, said.

"The American Badass!" my youngest nephew Dino, age 2, squealed.

"Ooooh!" AJ gasped. "Dino said ass!"

"You said ass, too," Keysia accused.

"Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!" Dino kept repeating.

I looked at the Undertaker and he looked back. "Are you gonna just let them say ass?" he asked me.

"Well, this can be considered training for you," I said. "Exhibit your ability to keep them in control. Make them stop."

"Kiddies, I've got candy!" Taker said in a singsong voice.

"We don't give a damn about your candy," Lonzo stated. "We got our own candy, fool."

"That's right! You don't know Dino!" Dino said in his high-pitched baby voice. To emphasize this, he walked over to Taker and kicked him on the leg.

"Back in line, buddy," I ordered Dino. I watched him run back over to the line, and then turned to Taker, who was rubbing his leg. "Offering them candy? I know you can do better."

"Can I have another try?" he asked with a new look in his eyes.

"Mmmm, go ahead," I said, thinking the most devious thoughts as I looked at his lips, which were now smirking.

He nodded, then looked at the five kids before him. "Listen here, children. Let me tell you how it's gonna go. I will give the rules, you will listen. Or else..."

"Or else what?" Randy asked, hands clenched in tight fists. Of all the kids, he hated being ordered around the most. He was also the most stubborn one.

"Or else, I will suck your blood!" Taker exclaimed. His face transformed. His brow got really heavy and when he bared his teeth, sparkling white fangs glittered in the light. He ripped his shirt off to show his tattooed arms and muscular upper body. "Any other questions?" he asked, taking a step towards the kids.

The kids took a step back, intimidated.

"N-no sir," Keysia spoke up.

"Is that right?" Taker asked. All of the kids nodded. "Good!" he said loudly, causing them to jump. He turned to me. "How was I?" he asked me.

"You... You were awesome!" I said honestly. "Oh, and ripping the shirt off? Nice touch."

"You like the body?" he asked, flexing his muscles for me.

"I love it," I said, stepping closer to him and trailing a finger down his chest.

"Ah, ah. Save it for later," he said, stopping my finger and enclosing my small hand in his larger one. "Why don't you introduce me to the kids so you can get your work done?"

"Ok. First off, these aren't my kids. I don't have any kids," I said.

"I can tell that much. You have a very nice body, very fit. You must exercise a lot."

"You probably do, too," I said.

"Yeah, I exercise until I sweat. But I get my exercise primarily through sex," he said, winking. "Now, back to the introductions."

"Right, right. That's Keysia, my little sister," I said, pointing. "Then there's AJ, Lonzo, Randy, and Dino, my nephews." We went through their ages and hobbies as well.

"This little guy is only 2?" he asked unbelievingly, touching Dino's head.

Dino slapped his hand away. "Yep, just 2," I said, smiling. I looked at my watch and was surprised at what time it was. "I have to get going," I said, walking away to grab my purse. "You little critters be good for the Undertaker," I said, walking over to the door.

"They'll be good if they don't want to get bitten," Taker said as he walked me over to the door.

"Bite me and you won't have a dick," Keysia promised from across the room. Taker and I shared a look, then looked over at my dear little sister. She smiled sweetly at us, then ran up the stairs giggling, with the boys right on her heels.

"Good luck," I told him, smiling sympathetically.

"Could I get a good luck kiss?" he asked with a sneaky smile.

"Ah, sure, why not?" He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back and he pulled me close against his muscular, bare chest. I pulled back when I heard a loud CRASH. "You're gonna need all the luck you can get," I told him, then left.

Chapter 2: Tampon Wars coming up soon!