Disclaimer: If you've been reading any of my other fics, you know the drill. If you haven't, here it is: nothing here is mine. Criminal Minds and all its characters are not mine. Dr. Lorraine Quinn is mine. You may use her if and only if you ask me nicely. I like being asked nicely.

Never on the First Date

Ch. 1 – JJ Explains It All

For a week after the "Wicked" excursion, Spencer had found himself kept rather busy. The team needed his skills at, from what he could tell, info-vomiting, for a case involving a string of nasty murders In Alexandria proper. Try as he might to keep his mind on his job, he'd found himself slower on the uptake than usual. For a genius, Morgan had remarked, he could be awfully slow. Hotch had also commented that Reid seemed 'distracted.' JJ asked in what she thought was private if something had maybe happened with his mom. Garcia, at that point, had popped in with the wickedest grin Spencer had seen in a long while.

He had a feeling he was going to hate this…

"No, his mom's doing fine – I covered all my bases before coming to this conclusion…" started the tech analyst, ignoring the pleading look. "Spencer is distracted becaaaaaause…"

Spencer had to cut in at that point.

"Penelope, please!" he blurted out, his face purpling as it hadn't in, well, a week at the volume of his voice catching Morgan's attention. He tried to mumble the last part before Morgan could steer over to them. "It's just an issue I haven't quite figured out yet, and it's a little personal, thank you very much!"

He, in fact, had not managed to get that out before Morgan made his way over – the larger man leaned on a table.

"So, pretty boy, I don't recall asking before," he began entirely too easily, a knowing light in his eyes. "How'd that date go?"

The genius felt reasonably sure his cheeks were going to bruise before this encounter got itself over with – best to do so as soon as possible.

"Actually, you did ask me," he retorted, the info-vomit coming as a total reflex at this point. "A grand total of forty-three times over the entire week. Would you like a breakdown by day?"

Morgan just laughed out loud and pushed up off the table to take a seat beside Garcia. JJ pulled up a chair as well. Spencer knew they expected the full story, they wanted it right now, and he wasn't going anywhere 'til they got it. So, he took a deep breath and attempted to turn his face its normal color. He failed miserably, he could tell from the heat remaining in his cheeks. Miserably, he figured if he just explained himself, they might let it go in a week or two.

"Okay, fine, yes," he told them point-blank, hoping if he stopped acting like sweet, spaced-out Doctor Reid for a bit, they'd drop it.. "I'm a little perturbed because Doctor Quinn's behavior on our date gave me mixed signals."

Pinching Morgan before he could open his mouth, JJ piped up this time.

"Spence, you're a profiler," she said slowly, taking the same tone she had before – like she was speaking to Henry. "How does a woman give you mixed signals?"

The thought was not a new one – he could swear he'd been over it an average of a hundred and twenty-seven times per day each day since the date.

"JJ, can I speak to you in private for a second?" he finally asked, figuring his almost-sister would be the least likely to giggle at him. The blonde got up and preceded him out of the room. Spencer took a deep breath and started out with: "Okay, so…"

JJ cut him off before he could ramble.

"You've been… disgruntled since what I can only assume was the morning after," she said point-blank. "Did something go wrong?"

Spencer shook his head, then ran a hand through his messy hair as he started to pace irritably in front of her.

"No, yes… Well, I thought everything was going fine!" he stammered for a moment and exploded. "I mean… The musical was… interesting, the dessert was a pleasure, I got her home all right and then… well…"

JJ poked his shoulder a couple times, smiling in amiable concern.

"Spence, you can tell me," she told him, making sure not to let him avoid eye contact – he tried. "Whatever it is, I promise."

The prodigy let out a heavy sigh and his sweater-vested shoulders sank.

"… She dodged me," he said simply, looking down at his navy Converses.

This time, JJ looked confused – certainly her Spencer couldn't have done anything purposely to offend the young lady!

"What do you mean 'dodged'?" she asked, trying to get clarification as gently as possible. "Did something… happen?"

And… there went his face once more, turning his cheeks so intensely purple that JJ briefly wondered if that might be painful.

"Well… yes and no," he all but repeated, shuffling his feet. "I… er… I leaned in and I think I was supposed to kiss her good night."

He paused, causing JJ to tilt her head expectantly.

"She ducked and I got her cheek," he finished lamely, attempting to stare a hole through his left shoe.

JJ stared at her almost-brother for a second, trying to figure out if this was some sort of cosmic joke.

"You… got her cheek," she repeated for lack of anything particularly useful to say at the moment.

Spencer made an incredibly pained noise and nodded.

"Well, I think you should give her a call," JJ informed him, causing him to yelp like a stepped-on puppy. "And don't make that noise at me."

Her almost-brother cracked his neck noisily.

"Call her? After a clear indicator of rejection?" he almost demanded, looking at her like she might have a fever or something. "JJ… we deal with the end result of that kind of behavior on a daily basis!"

This time, JJ nearly laughed, but did manage to stop herself.

"Spence… it's seriously not something you did wrong – it's her," she started with that exceptionally slow tone again. At the look on his face, she followed that with "I promise."

Spencer's brow furrowed deeply and he almost pouted.

"So it's not me, it's her?" he deadpanned. "I could swear that's what she's already told me."

JJ rolled her blue eyes and thumped Spencer on the shoulder.

"I mean, some girls – that's just how they are," she explained patiently, wondering how the boy genius missed this. "For whatever reason, they don't kiss on the first date. She was probably just too shy to verbally explain that to you."

Once again, Spencer Reid felt very stupid, for a genius, but he nodded in understanding.

"Could you tell Hotch I stepped out for two seconds?"

JJ smiled at her almost-brother and nodded, going off and taking the peanut gallery with her.