"I'm already home"
Song by Tim McGraw, do not own it or anything JAG related. Bellasario does and I'm just borrowing them for a few.
Summary: Mac receives the worst yet most comforting letter ever.
I tried putting the song in italics to give more distinction to what is and is not mine. Enjoy! J.
This has truly been the worst week of my life. My husband died just four days ago. Four days ago I lost my entire world. The love of my life came home from the war, only he was in a casket, not on his own two feet. It wasn't suppose to be like this. I wasn't suppose to see him for another two months. Two months and his tour would have been over. Five days ago I was hating those nine weeks that remained on his tour. Now, I would give anything to go through the pain and 'torture' of waiting nine weeks. Now, now I'll have to wait a life time before I see him again. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to survive.
"Hey Mac." I look up and see Sturgis standing beside me. "May I?" He points to the bench upon which I sitting. I nod my head and he sits down beside me. "Harm left this for me to give to you." He holds out a legal size envelope. I didn't think it could, but my heart just sunk a few feet deeper. I know what this envelope is. It's THE envelope; the one every service member seals before heading off to war. With trembling fingers I reach out and grasp the envelope. Sturgis, one of Harms oldest and dearest friends, and best man at our wedding, gives me a sideways hug before standing up again and leaving me alone. Before I get a chance to open the letter someone else comes and sits beside me. Not saying a word she places her hand on my forearm. I look up into the eyes of my mother in law, those soft eyes of a wise, knowing lady gives me the confidence and strength to continue.
I open it and begin to read.
'My Dearest Sarah, You know, I always preferred 'Sarah' over 'Mac.' Mac was the name for the kick ass Marine, and Navy Lawyer. Sarah is the name of my wife, the mother of my children and the woman I love. It took me a long time to recognize and understand the different people all wrapped up in that one body, one mind. But I did Sarah, and they are what get me through each day. Though, I suppose if you are reading this then I only got one ticket out of Andrews, and not the return. I wish I could kiss you right now Sarah. In one kiss I'd try to show you how much I love you, even though I know that is impossible. It took me years to prove it, and I'm still not sure I have.
Its funny, I remember when I was a boy and war was one of my favorite games. Wether it was cowboys and Indians, or the card game war. It was all fun to me. Not anymore. Now, it has split our family up. Well, now is the day that I have hung up my boots, and fired my guns for the last time. I made my way to heaven, and Im with God and dad, we're watching over you, the three of us.
If you're reading this
My momma is sitting there
Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss
War was just a game we played when we were kids
Well I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up my boots
I'm up here with God
And we're both watching over you
I guess it's a good thing we cleaned up Grams' property last summer. I know this hurts baby. Just lay me down on that piece of land where I came into this world and I will forever remain there, until you join me. Though, that cant be for some time. You have to do what I couldn't in raising Harmon. And you can tell him and my momma that I'm where she always prayed I'd be. I'm with my Dad and his Dad. The Harmons are together again, I'm home.
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed where it would go.
If you're reading this I'm already home.
One of the things that sucks most about this is that I wont be there to help you with the birth of our little girl. We got our boy that looks like me and now I hope this little girl looks like you. She'll be a heartbreaker that's for sure, just like her momma. However, I hope she fights like me. Tell her the stories of Darlyne and all the other innocent and weak. Teach our kids to stand up for them. It's what we did, its what I want them to do.
If you're reading this
Half way around the world
I won't be there to see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fights like me
Stand up for the innocent and the weak
I want you to know that I don't regret following in dad's footsteps. This is what I was suppose to do. I don't necessarily like the outcome, but it was my fate, my destiny. Please don't hold Harmon or our baby girl back if they want to follow me. Let them achieve their dreams just as you and mom encouraged me. And you don't know just how much I love the two of you for doing so.
I'm laying down my gun
Hanging up my boots
Tell dad I don't regret that id follow in his shoes
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul is where my momma always prayed where it would go
If you're reading this, I'm already home
If you're reading this, there is going to come a day
You move on and find someone else and that?s okay
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace
Remember baby, Ill love you forever and always. But one day you'll find someone new. I hate to admit that there is someone out there that can be with you when I can't but its okay. I want him to love you in the time I couldn't and to teach our kids the things I can't. I'm in a better place now, I'm with our fellow soldiers and the angels that helped protect us on all those hair-brained schemes.
I'll love you until I cant love anymore,
Harmon'
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul is where my momma prayed where that it would go
If you're reading this
If you're reading this
I'm already home
Mac and Trish both wiped the tears from their eyes. Looking to each other they hugged in silence. In the way they were meant to, the words of Harms letter brought them some comfort. They would miss him everyday until the day they joined him, but they were comforted in the thoughts of him being with Harm Sr. and David Harmon, his father. With a deep sigh they stood up and walked to the chairs that lined the hillside on the edge of Grams property.
Silent tears streamed down her face as TAPS was played, her body then shook as the three volleys echoed across the valleys of landscape. And when the Missing Man Formation was executed she held the hand of her 5 year old son and rubbed her womb where her, their baby girl grew. Looking to the sea blue sky and light dusting of clouds out to the horizon she whispered, "Welcome Home, Harm. I love you, forever and always."
The End.
11July2007
Hope you enjoyed. Feedback is welcome, but never mandatory.
Please say a prayer for all our troops, now almost 4,000, that have made it to the place their mommas always prayed they'd go. To see a listing of all our wartime dead, go to Bless their families and may they rest in eternal peace. J.