Until we meet again...
A/N: Sad little OneShot that popped in my mind last night. Have... well fun?
A cold wind is whipping in my face creating goosebumps on the bare flesh of my arms. My eyes are fixed on the horizon where the sun was tinting the water in a crimson red. Focused like I can find the answers to my misery somewhere far away but the search is a fruitless one.
It is winter and it's cold but I don't feel anything. It doesn't sting. My soul, my heart is already frozen nothing ever able to break through to it. The warmth that melted the ice cube away is gone and I am the one who took it. Took my sun from me.
My broken heart doesn't manage to warm up my broken body ever since you were taken from me. So it stays cold and empty. Filled with longing and grief. It lost it's occupant. You were always the one who kept my heart tight, who filled it with happiness.
It beats for you, but now it has nobody. It is alone. I am alone. Alone in this world I never understood.
I never wanted to fall in love again too afraid of the mess I would leave it was easier without the attachment. But then you happened. You appeared in my life and showed me that I wasn't an uncontrollable monster. You made me feel again after years of running and hiding. You gave me a life, a life I thought I never had the chance to lead after my first kill, giving me a part of my humanity back I lost over the years.
We had a lot of obstacles in our path. Many self inflicted. But no matter how much you hurt me, you were always the one who made my heart skip a beat. A single touch, an intense look and I would have done everything when my pride didn't stand in the way.
I never thought that someone could fall in love with someone so quickly but you swept me off of my feet. At first I denied my feelings, thought it was just my attraction I felt. Your Aura was always shining so brightly and it was drawing me in like a moth to the light or in my case like a sucubus to the light fae doctor...
You were always such a strong person. Actually the strongest I knew and know. You weren't a warrior in the battlefield but a fighter nonetheless. Surviving situations most would have crumbled. You stood tall and fought in your own way even when I sometimes wasn't aware of it.
It must sound stupid but I had already planed our future as weird as it may sounds. I imagined a house in the suburbs, a picket fence and wonderful children sharing with you. For you I wanted to be monogamous, ignoring my nature. A sucubus wanting to play family. Something every Fae would laugh about, but with you I was sure. In hindsight I shouldn't have ignored my biology the way I did.
You are... were my life, my strength, my heart and support. The glue that held me together and now I am just a mosaic of pieces, falling apart.
A deep sigh escapes my throat while another cold gust of wind tickled my skin. Tiny snowflakes are sitting down on my shoulders, wetting my clothes. They always look so beautiful in the sky, so gracious and strong but as soon as they meet an warm obstacle they fade away and everything that is left is a tiny puddle that disappears way too quickly. No one will remember it.
Snow... It snowed when Kenzi died and a big part of my heart with her. You had warned me like always. Warned me not to mess with things that are bigger than me but I was so full of myself like always. Not seeing the dangers, not being strong enough. I killed a whole yard of people when I saw her. Lying there like some discarded garbage while snow already started to cover her motionless body. It all happened in a blur. I just remember "waking up" with the stiff body of my adoptive sister in my arms.
I tried pushing chi in to her but it had been already to let. Only you managed to let me let go of her body that I guarded with my life.
Stupid vengeance of an dark fae elder because I had insulted his clan. I cursed to be a Fae, to be one of those who doesn't care about humans, who see them as pets and property. It was merely malicious injury of property.
You were my anchor, bringing me back whenever I was about to slip. Slip into the darkness that was boiling inside of me. I turned my back on the Fae. Turned my back on my nature. I can not remember how often you asked me to feed but I denied my nature. I was a fool believing that I was stronger than my biological imperative. Your shots took the edge of but my hunger was growing silently deep inside. Engulfing me like a blanket it hid in plain side.
Not sensing the impending threat. I was naïve and paid for my mistake. You paid for it.
The images of your limp body lying in my shaking arms is burned into my mind, hunting me in my nightmares. Whenever I close my eyes that inhumanly smirk that was plastered on your pale face. Drained of every life force every joy and power.
Over and over again you asked me to go feed and then... I had lost control. My inner monster took me over, taking from me the most important thing in this horrible world. I can't really remember how it happened. I only remember hunger, deep growling hunger tugging at my insides. I wanted to take a nip but the moment I tasted you my control was gone. You were a juicy steak in the hands of a starving succubus.
I probably sat there for days. Crying, sobbing, rocking your pale and stiff body back and forth. No amount of chi I pushed in to you made that gruesome smile disappear. Even today I wonder why I couldn't revive you, why I wasn't strong enough.
You have no family left, no friends. The Fae taken all that from you and now you are lying in a grave I dug up with my bare hands.
I am a monster driven by grief and pain and a monster is to be slain.
Reaching for my jacket I pull out a tiny velvet box opening it a wonderful diamond ring greets me. A magical ring, enhanced to protect its wearer... I wanted that evening to be the most romantic and wonderful night of our lives but turned in to a living nightmare.
The diamond stings in my palm when I form a fist. A single tear lands on my shaking knuckles. With a primal scream I throw it. Throw it as far as possible and watch the tiny band to twinkle in the sinking suns light before it lands with a barely visible splash in the cold water under me.
The water is cold as ice. People say when you hit the surface of the water from great heights it's like concrete. Hard, unforgivable concrete.
I always wanted to fly. When I was a kid used to climb out of the window and on top of the garage. I enjoyed the feeling to stay elevated, the view. I talked to the birds that were so free and happy. I sang with them. When the winter came nearer I wanted to follow them, spread my arms and jumped. It ended with a broken arm and leg and my parents scolding me for weeks.
I slowly raise to my feet, the cold steel of the railing behind me while I balance on the tiny edge. My toes looking over the edge.
The cold winter wind is engulfing me. I let the cold air filling my lungs. Will it hurt?
I am not nervous or scared. Determination streams through my veins when I take the last step. Spreading my arms I am flying for a short time and I feel free. I smiled. Soon.
"I'm coming Lauren..."