Title: Padfoot goes to the vets
Summary: Thanks to the British climate Padfoot has a cold and Moony has a solution. AU. Humour. Set during OotP. Rating to be safe.
Authors Note: This was purely to cheer up my friends who all have the cold at the moment (I gave it to them), and I came up with this after dragging my dog to the vet.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K. Rowling
Rating: K+ to be safe
Feedback: Very much appreciated
Chapter 1:
"I'm fine Remus, it's just a cold and it'll be gone within the week!"
"I don't think so," Remus replied, "You said that last week and the week before that, and the week before that…and you still have it. I don't think I can bear any more of having to listen to you having coughing fits and moaning all the time."
Sirius felt like a cornered child, he looked one way and then the other for a route of escape until finally returning his gaze to his friend, "I do not like your idea," he replied sulkily. "Why can't you simply just get me some potion to clear it up, then?"
It was coming to the end of September, which meant it was the start of the cold season; somehow Sirius had managed to catch one, even though he had been stuck inside his family's house and had not ventured outside.
"Moony," Sirius whined, resorting to his friend's nickname. He did not like Remus' solution one bit, and was determined not to let the latter win. Desperate times called for desperate measures.
"You know why I can't get you a potion, people will start asking questions. I'm perfectly healthy." Remus' brow furrowed in a frown before he continued, "And I cannot go to Hogwarts with that bit-, I mean - with that woman there," referring to the delightful Professor Umbridge.
"How about you go get me some Muggle remedy if you can't get me a potion," Sirius replied, trying another tactic, though he was still backing towards the other side of the room.
Remus slumped down in a chair with a sigh, "We've gone through this before, I think you need to see someone because it's not going. And you're a criminal-no, don't look at me like that Padfoot- as far as people are concerned. We can't go out in Muggle London because people will start screaming, and we cannot be seen in the wizarding world either. That is why my solution is perfect."
Turning into a bloody dog and going to a Muggle vets was perfect? Sirius' eyebrows rose as he shook his head stubbornly, "No, I am not doing it. You cannot make me."
"Fine, you can have it your own way." Remus pulled out his wand and spoke very slowly and clearly, trying to sound threatening, "But if you so much as complain about your blocked nose, your sore throat, your achy muscles, your headache, how you can't breath, how your throat really hurts, how you are truly dying- I will hex you so that they will be the least of your worries!"
"Fine," Sirius mumbled, crossing his arms in a very childlike manner, "I'll go to the piggin' vets, though if I get some disease I will make you very sorry."
Smiling, Remus stood and made his way over to one of the kitchen draws, pulling it open and retrieving what looked like a collar and lead. He turned around, unable to resist smirking, "Come on doggy! Walkies!"
Sirius glared at his friend, "If I wasn't so ill, I would dearly love to hurt you," he remarked acidly before transforming into his 'doggy' form. He laid his ears back as Remus approached, debating whether or not he should bite his friend.
You do know there will be payback, don't you?
Remus dragged a rather reluctant dog after him as he stepped onto the tube-train, he hated using the Muggle underground, but there were no veterinary practises near where Padfoot lived, so there had been no other option. On the positive side, it had been rather amusing to watch dog-form Sirius try to handle the steep escalators needed to get to their platform, he wished he'd had a camera to take a picture of Sirius losing his balance and toppling down a few steps.
Trying to blend in, Remus read a Muggle newspaper as the train rumbled and rattled through the tunnels to their destination. Sirius was sitting on his feet, refusing to actually sit on the chewing-gum splattered floor, who knew what disease one could catch from it, Muggles could be truly disgusting!
A low, if reluctant, growl alerted Remus that they had arrived at their station. It was easy for him to weave through the crowds, for some reason people tended to keep a wide berth from the large, black dog.
The Vets was situated in a rather ordinary looking building with the sign, 'Jones' Veterinary Hospital' above a black door. Remus was sure he could hear howling coming from within.
Sirius had suddenly decided that he was feeling perfectly fine and he dug his heels in, refusing to move an inch. He would not go in that building! He wasn't feeling so sick after all. There was just something so ominous about it, it literally seemed to lean into the street, or was that because he was feeling suddenly faint? The world was beginning to sway slightly. Oh dear, he was going to faint!
"Come on, Padfoot," Remus encouraged, a part of him taking delight in seeing his friend slightly, if only slightly, distressed at the impending situation. It was perfect revenge for having had to tolerate all the moaning, day after day after day.
If there had been any passers-by, they would have thought it odd to see a dog shaking its head vehemently as its owner dragged it forward. It was likely that they would simply have blanked it from their mind.
There was no use struggling, it was either be throttled by the collar or follow, Sirius momentarily thought he would rather have the former happen to him but then he had Harry to think about. Though something told him whatever was to happen would be far from pleasant.
Sirius wrinkled his nose as Remus walked to the reception; the place smelt strongly of disinfectant, such a smell was common to all hospitals, whatever they dealt in. He glanced about, seeing that there were others in the waiting area – including a very fluffy cat with a squashed face and a bow in its fur, and a dog that had some sort of lampshade around its head. What delightful company!
"Name please," the receptionist asked, not bothering to look up at Remus.
"Remus Lupin," said wizard supplied with a smile, one eye on Sirius who was moving slowly towards the door whilst trying to look innocent.
"Odd name for a dog," the receptionist replied, finally looking up at Remus, "I've heard some odds ones, but that definitely beats them all."
A sneeze, or at least what could be called a dog laughing, came from Sirius as the receptionist continued to speak, "I don't think we have a Remus Lupin booked in."
"Erm... sorry. Its Snuffles," Remus said, his face flushing slightly with embarrassment, "It's a friend's dog, they have two, I must have mixed them up; they look so alike."
"If you would like to take a seat, we'll call you when the vet's ready to see you."
Sirius padded after Remus, debating whether he could manage to gnaw through the lead and escape. Why had he complained? For the first time in his life, he wanted to go home. He looked at Remus who had taken a seat, and now seemed engrossed in a Now magazine. Shame he couldn't talk or he would have informed his friend that it was a woman's magazine. Shame that, really. Positively terrible.
Five minutes trickled into ten, Sirius was following the minute hand of the clock on the wall, if they weren't seen in ten minutes he was going, he would find some way even if he had to transform back into a man. Now that would be amusing…
"Snuffles?"
She's nice, Padfoot thought as he and Moony stood and followed the vet to the check-up room, Reminds me of an ex-girlfriend.
The vet smiled at Remus politely, ignoring his scruffy look. It was said that the homeless looked after there dogs well, better than most owners in fact. She shouldn't make judgement purely on his appearance. "So," she said a little too cheerfully, "What's wrong with him? It is a 'he', isn't it?"
It? Sounds like my ex-girlfriend as well. Sirius stuck his nose in the air, trying to look offended though he failed miserably; he was suddenly becoming very nervous.
"Yes, Snuffles just seems to be a little off colour, I wanted to see if he was all right, and whether you can do anything."
The vet nodded, bending down to be level with the dog-that-was-not-a-dog. "Hello, Snuffle's, you're a good boy, aren't you? Yes you are! Oh, yes you are!" She stood and looked back at Remus, "Would you mind lifting him onto the table?"
Remus looked down at Sirius who looked rather smug, Padfoot was very large, and that meant heavy. He was sure he would end up straining his back. Oh well, what did his health matter? He did as he was told.
"Has he had all his yearly booster vaccinations?" the vet inquired whilst stroking 'Snuffles'' back. Remus nodded and the vet continued, "Are you going on holiday any time soon."
"Unfortunately no," Remus said a little mournfully.
"It's just standard procedure to ask," the woman replied, smiling apologetically, she'd forgotten he was likely homeless. "Has he had any flea treatment? His coat seems shiny enough, though he is a little thin." She looked up at Remus; her manner became accusing, "You have had him wormed, haven't you?"
"Yes, he doesn't have any worms."
Snuffles glared at the vet, worms indeed! His hygiene was perfectly satisfactory…wait, he had eaten rats, maybe they had – no, no he didn't have worms!
"I'll just take his temperature," the vet said, moving to Snuffles' rear-end. Padfoot's eyes widened, he had a funny feeling about what was about to happen, and would have jumped off of the table if Remus had not had hold of him.
"I'll just go call the nurse."
The nurse turned out to be a man who had a build more suited to a bouncer; he grabbed Snuffles in a headlock so the latter was unable to move.
"Good doggy, there's a good boy-"
Padfoot's eyes widened even more.
"Right," the vet said, shaking the thermometer, "His temperature seems to be fine and I can't see any other problem. I would say let him have plenty of rest and if he is not any better in a week bring him back."
Remus nodded, trying very hard not to laugh. Poor Padfoot! "Okay," he replied sweetly, letting Sirius jump down from the table. "Thank you for all your help."
Padfoot almost choked himself as he headed eagerly for the door. That had been far from pleasant; he was not going back ever! Moony was going to pay.
It was time for Remus' eyes to widen as the receptionist announced the fee for the consultation, "That'll be twenty-five pounds, fifty pence." Muggles were also thieving little-
He had no time to finish the sentence as a rather large, black dog managed to get loose from him. Remus had a sudden thought of run! as the black dog came charging towards him.
The End
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