Dying inside, a mutant x fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Mutant X, but a girl can dream!

A/N: Once again I would like to thanks mxangel!

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.
Or even imagine your emotions. tell myself anything...
Is it my turn to hold you by the hands.
Tell you I love you and you not hear me...
Is it my turn to totally understand.
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing...

Brennan opened Shalimar's door to catch a peek at the young woman that he secretly loved. He had just woken up from a dream when she was lying in his arms. He smiled; he remembered that in his dream Shalimar fit perfectly in his arm as if she belonged there.

He so wanted to say three simple words to the feral. Three simple words, 'I love you', but yet he couldn't bring himself to. He hated that, he hated the way she had him falling head over heels at the first sight.

He tried so hard to not stare at her but he couldn't and that was that.

He walked into the room and sat gently on the bed; he reached out to touch her cheek but stopped himself. He didn't want her wake up. No he didn't, not when she was asleep, free from all the worries.

'Gosh,' he thought, 'she looks so innocent. How can I ever let her go? How can I not do a damn thing?'

If I've to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
If I've to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I've to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do,
'cause inside I'd die without you...

He would never stop loving her. What not to love, her golden hair like a sun, her sense of humor...everything was perfect about her.

He mentally kicked himself for not saying three very simple words to this woman. He sighed and ignored all the warnings and stroked her hair. To his surprise, she began to purr.

Jesse had once suggested he stop loving her and leave her alone. But he would rather die than stop loving her even if she didn't know.

He was dying inside; his love for her was slowly destroying him.

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...
Is it my turn to be the one to cry.
Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around...
So take every little piece of my heart...
So take every little piece of my soul...
So take every little piece of my mind...
'cause if you're gone... inside...
I'd die without you...

He looked at her once again. His eyes following the shape of her face and body.

He felt like he was drowning, drowning in sorrow of her not knowing that he really loved her. That she was something different, that she wasn't like all the girls that he 'picked up'. No, he would give all his heart, soul and mind to one little woman. He had thought this was impossible but he had met her.

He opened his mouth to say the words but as fast as he opened his mouth, he closed it once again.

He knew at that moment, he only didn't say the easy words because he couldn't bear the thought of Shalimar leaving him just because of the words.

He would die.

He stood up, and paced around the room.

Inside he was fighting whatever to say, 'I love you' or just leave the room and avoid her for as long as he can.

He gave up and sat on the chair in the dark condor watching her moving now and then.

After for few minutes, he slowly walked to the bed that held the beautiful feral. He kissed her forehead and finally for the first time, he said, 'I love you, Shalimar Fox'.

He jumped back in shock as the woman opened her eyes. Brown eyes were peering at him.

'Took you long enough. I love you too.'

He could only smile, and got into the bed when Shalimar pulled back to cover to welcome him in.

For the first time, he felt loved. Maybe he wasn't dying after all.

'No,' he thought, 'I am not dying any more... I am free.'

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