Title: Protect, Serve, and…Don't Be a Ninja

Author: Graballz

Summary: Set before Episode 2x05 "Stung" The group has a quick chat after one of Best's briefings. Fun, light-hearted, and hopefully humorous.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any of the characters. I am not affiliated with the show, station, channel, or anything like that. I make no money from this.

Author's Note: I wrote this earlier in the week before "Stung" aired, but then I didn't get a chance to post it. Theoretically it is set "at some point" after 2x04 "Heart & Sparks" and before 2x05 "Stung". Ironically, I already had written the 'cowboy' part at the end, but I think it still ties in nicely with the mention in 2x05 and also with my post-2x05 drabble about Dov. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

"Thank you, people," Frank Best nodded at the Division 15 group of police officers, concluding the morning briefing. "Protect, serve, and…don't be a ninja."

The officers chuckled as they began to disburse to their assignments. Andy McNally, Dov Epstein, Chris Diaz, Gail Peck, and Traci Nash were all sitting together near the front, so they stood and chatted while they waited for the crowd to clear out.

"Did he just say 'don't' be a ninja?" Dov repeated incredulously. "Don't? Because I'm a ninja! I'm so a ninja! I have mad ninja skills! Girls want boyfriends with skills! The bad guys better watch out for me! Why? Because I'm a ninja!"

"Girls want boyfriends with skills?" Gail mocked. "Yeah, skills you don't possess. What are you, five?"

Andy and Traci both tried to cover their smirks. Chris kept his face neutral, considering it was his best friend and his girlfriend.

"Um, excuse me, it's a movie quote, Casper," Dov shot back, unperturbed. "Not that I would expect YOU to see it because its level of awesomeness is entirely too great for your sun-deprived mind to comprehend, but it's from Napoleon Dynamite."

"Oh right, 'awesome'," Gail pretended to be impressed while cutting Dov to shreds with her eyes. "The exact opposite of you, then."

"Whatever, you just wish Chris had my ninja skills," Dov said dismissively, turning to Chris and grinning.

"Did I just hear you say 'ninja skills'?" Oliver Shaw stuck his head into the group, causing Dov to jump. The former rookies all chuckled. Behind Shaw, Sam Swarek grinned from ear to ear, taking another swig of his coffee.

"Yes, you did," Dov regained his composure, sticking his thumbs into his belt and standing up straighter. "I, for one, think it would be awesome to be a ninja. We serve and protect. We SHOULD have ninja skills."

"Epstein, ninjas work alone," Shaw pointed out. "They don't have partners, which means they don't have anyone watching their backs."

"Oh no, that's okay, Dov's used to being alone," Gail put in, smiling sweetly at Dov. He opened his mouth to retaliate when Sam spoke up.

"Ninjas are sneaky," he said, and all of the younger cops turned to look at him. "No offense, Epstein, but stealth isn't exactly your middle name."

"I can be silent and deadly when it's called for," Dov protested, causing Chris and Oliver to snort.

"Yeah, especially after your third chili dog," Chris muttered. Dov shot him a death glare.

"Ninjas use parkas too," Traci said. "I've never even seen you wear a raincoat, Dov."

That brought the entire conversation to a standstill as everyone swung around to blink at Traci in confusion.

"What?" Andy finally broke the silence. Traci's eyes got wide as she realized she was the center of attention.

"Parkas," she said. "Leo's got a new ninja game that he loves, and he says that the ninjas use parkas."

"Parkour," Detective Jerry Barber corrected, smoothly coming up behind and accidentally startling Traci. "Ninjas use parkour; free running and navigating obstacles to get from one point to another the fastest, most efficient way possible. Like, instead of walking around that table to get to the door, a ninja would go over the top of it in a straight line."

"That makes much more sense now!" Traci exclaimed.

"Piece of cake," Dov scoffed, waving his hand dismissively.

"Ninjas wear masks," Andy offered.

"My rookie's got a point," Sam said. "Might be an improvement, Epstein."

The group laughed and 'ohhhhh'-ed.

"Ha, ha, ha. Ninjas are badass," Dov said firmly as Gail mouthed him, rolling her eyes. "They use swords, which they call katanas, and throwing stars and nunchucks."

"Fine," Shaw held out his hand. "Trade me your gun for a throwing star, and we'll see who takes down more bad guys."

"Ninjas do not fall for such simple tricks," Dov replied, breathing in deeply through his nose.

"Ninjas used to be feudal assassins who would hire themselves out to the lord who paid them the highest," Best said, and the entire group jumped. "You are not cold-blooded killers. You are not spies. You are not—"

"—paid enough to be a ninja," Sam interrupted, making everyone laugh. Best tried to glare at him, but he smiled winningly.

"You are to go out there and be VISIBLE to the public," Best continued with a meaningful glance at the door. The former rookies started to gather their things up.

"Oh, and Epstein, you don't want to be a ninja," Best said, causing everyone to pause and glance at Dov for his reaction. "Do you know why?"

"No, sir," Dov replied, wondering if ninjas were out, whether he should ask if it's okay to be a cowboy.

Frank Best grinned, glancing from Sam to Oliver to Jerry.

"Because ninjas never get the girl."

FIN