Bonnie POV
"Sorrowing man"
"… Always the one who gets hurt…." That was the only think running through my mind, as the tears refused to stop flowing down these high cheekbones mine. It was like the more that phrase replayed in my head, the more the hole in me was widening and instead of blood, tears were pouring out.
"Look how worn you've become"
"… Always the one who gets hurt…." The phrase was so troubling and true that hearing it out loud finally, was just so overwhelming. It didn't make me feel any better; that someone finally realized this, it made it that much worst, that it had taken them this long to see it. To see the sacrifices that I have made and how it is always reined by someone and goes up in flames, pun intended. So yea, the hole that had been forming in my chest since I learnt about everything and since grams died was only getting bigger and the pain more severe but I hid it the best I could because everyone needs me to be strong and focus, not crumbling and weeping like the seventeen year old I really am.
"You once were Lord of the baron sea"
But right now I have bigger concerns, concerns that are causing me more unbelievable pain inside. The woman who I have been mad at for over 15 years, the one that abandoned me and chose to live without knowing me was laying 10 feet away die! So yea, I have bigger concerns, than to hear how much Elena was sorry or how much she wanted to talk to me because truly I don't think our friendship is strong enough right now to handle the words floating around in my head.
"There's blood on our hands, in this perfect madness"
So as I heard the door close, I release a gust of wind, I didn't realize I was holding. There was a shift in the air, a dead like silence in the atmosphere. So I turned to see where Caroline was, because, right now I needed her presence, so much, to keep my sanity intact and the guilt away for at least a little while. Thankfully, I didn't have to strain my eyes in the dimly lit room to look for her, she was right in front of me- It still annoys and amazes me how fast she is now- piercing me with those blue oceanic eyes searching for something. What? I didn't know or maybe I truly didn't want to know because nothing good can come of it, the staring was just too intense, so I looked for an escape to the next nearest room, which so happens to be the kitchen.
"You're living on borrowed time"
"How much of that did you hear" the she asked following closely behind me
"Does it matter?" I replied, continuing to walking
"Well she wanted you to know that she loves you…." she began
"…"I didn't respond right away because I was much too distracted with the photos on the fridge of us as kid, all toothy and carefree, those were purer times, beautiful memories.
"Bonnie?" She said, after she saw me stop and stare off.
Then she came up behind me and touched my arm breaking me out of my little daze.
"You ok?" she asked and that did register to my brain but also startled me.
"Huh, oh yea yea I'm… I'm fine, sorry was just thinking about something" "what were you saying before" I replied after suddenly being brought back to reality.
"That's …Ohk; I was just telling you what Elena said"
"Oh" was my only response, but what did she expect, I don't want to talk about Elena right.
"So, she said to tell you she is sorry and that she loves you"
I inhaled deeply and then let out a long sigh trying to rein in my sudden anger.
"Yea, well love doesn't save lives" I replied coldly and then focused on Elena in the picture and softly added "or maybe only hers"
"Oh how you have lost your way"
After those words left my mouth, everything went silent, it was as if an angel was passing and it was forbidden to utter another word, only breathing was allowed but I knew Caroline hear me.
After a tense minute I finally moved and went into the fridge and took out a bottle of water because my throat was dry from all the crying. I could feel Caroline's eyes on me but I didn't have the heart to look her in the eyes, I didn't have the heart to do anything, so I stared into the nothingness that had become my life. The only peace I see, which is nothing, which is the air. You can't see it but it is felt.
"Oh how you have lost your way"
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Caroline POV
"There's no sympathy,"
I was very much in tune with bonnie even before I started to speak with Elena, and even after she left, I know bonnie was near because I could hear her breathing and each heartbeat. Especially with the level of silence in the house but what did I really expect? There was a semi dead person resting and best friend hiding, well at least there was one less situation for bonnie to deal with, because Elena was gone. I knew that Elena felt bad and that she really wanted to help but right now Bonnie was not in a fully stabled state to see her. I mean I know that deep down, Bonnie knew it wasn't Elena's fault but like I said to Elena, Bonnie is always at the short end of the receiving stick and she needs time to deal.
"For we don't know the cure"
Each heartbeat and each breathe was getting louder as I neared Bonnie and within seconds. There were various looks that washed over Bonnie's face, the first was surprise-probably to see me instantly in front of her-, then there was annoyance and finally what looked like relief with a mix of something else but I couldn't put my finger on it. So I stared at her trying to identify it but either she thought I was being weird or was hiding from me and tried to escape, key word try.
"Cause what you've got, well it runs too pure"
I was speaking to her but it seemed as though she was somewhere else and that bothered me because I didn't know if it was a good or bad place. So I touch her and tried to resume a semblance of a conversation but that didn't end well. I head and understood fully what Bonnie said, she is hurt right now and feels bitter. I get it, I was there once before, when it was always Elena this, Elena that, and it is has if no one else mattered but Bon was there for me and I will be here for her.
"But you've lived and breathed more than any man I know"
But there was just something about Bonnie right now that seemed so foreign but yet familiar to me. It could be the tears that stain her cheeks that I had seen, when I had gone to pick her up at the Salvatore house that night after all the ghost went away. I had seen the tears on her face when she found out what baby Gilbert- that lying piece of... ok focus-did. Or it could be that cold disconnecting raspy voice she heard when Bonnie's dad couldn't come home for her fifteenth birthday or maybe it is that look of utter defeat framing her body but the Bonnie that was standing there staring into the air, was like nothing I have ever seen.
"Hey Bon are you going to finish that" I asked slowly and softly as not to scare her again.
"Uh..." replied Bonnie looking down at the bottle of water, releasing a sigh said "um yea I, I am"
This was starting to freak me out because though I had not seen bonnie much when her grams died I heard from Elena that before bonnie left she was like this, silent and for a lack of a better word creepy. She didn't know how to deal with this type of bonnie, bonnie was and is always the strong one, the one with the good advice and a broad shoulder to lean/cry on but this bonnie that looked to broken was more that I bargained for.
"But you're not done, oh, at least, I hope"
But I had to be strong for my friend especially since the other 1/3 of our trio was not welcomed. So thinking fast on my feet and waiting for bonnie to finish her drink of water, I walked over to her carefully with a soft smile and asked:
"Would you like to lie down?"
"No"
"Are you sure?" "Cause you can sleep with me tonight in my room" I pushed
"No, I can't" she refused
"Bon, please, just come with me" I begged and continued "I know you must feel tired"
Bonnie responded, avoiding eye contact
"Sorry Care, I can't, but really I'm fine" she paused before looking into the room with her mom and then said "Plus, I need to stay with Abby, I need to make sure she is ok"
"She is still out" I replied and was only met with silence.
"Oh how you have lost your way"
"Oh how you have lost your way"
I tried once more to tell her that we would be in the next room and I would hear if Abby got up, and joked about of my impeccable hearing, which didn't have its desired effect on her.
Because, Bonnie responded by walking away from me entering the spare room, eyes focus on Abby, took the seat next to the bed and held her limp motionless hand, in her more warm visibly shaking one.
"I need to be there for her, I need to" she said meekly like a child and I gave in because I got it, she needed her mom more than anything. But I made her promise to come to me if Abby woke or if she needed something.
"In this life that we have made together"
"Oh how you have lost your way"
I lingered for a few more minutes, observing the intimate moment between mother and daughter before realizing that I was intruding and then retiring to my room, man, today was a long one.
"Oh how you have lost your way"
"Oh how you have lost your way"
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Disclaimer: Vampire diaries does not belong to me or do any of the characters. Sorrowing man does not belong to me but to City and Colour. Only this story line is mine.
I hope you all enjoy this story it is my first. I was more than very displeased when the events of 3x15 happened and then when there were no stories on it, I just had to do one. Please review because feedback is loved.