A/N: Another series! The way it happened? I said: "Gimme a sentence and I'll write you a story!"
Cassie
"I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped."
The silence was straining, Derek thought and sighed. So were the unanswered, yet subliminal, questions; the unexpressed accusations; the ever lingering doubts; but foremost the feeling of indifference which had settled in, blurring Derek's sense of reality and weighing on his shoulders like a pile of stones. Whenever he went for a walk nowadays, the clear Seattle air seemed to pollute his nostrils and lungs, making it difficult to breath in the sense of relief he had felt when he had first arrived. History was repeating itself and Derek offered no assistance to interfere. He had become a passive spectator in his own life; or maybe, Derek admitted to himself, he had never been anything else than that.
So when Meredith asked, casually, over dinner, like those words did not have the power to tear down everything they had built for themselves; a house, a family, a future together. It did not surprise Derek in the least. It had been a long time coming, Derek silently added to his train of thoughts, and he only wondered if Meredith suspected anything or if she had gotten used to being as miserable and dysfunctional as they had grown to be – with the lies, the deception, the routine, that she had stopped striving for something more. He hoped that she had noticed, as painful and egotistical that may sound, at least then they would be sharing something, even if it was an unwanted, uncomfortable feeling of loneliness.
"You never talk about her," Meredith paused, her voice neutral and her eyes blank. Derek was almost certain then that Meredith understood and relief washed over him, covering the guilt and responsibility that were prohibiting him from ending a promise whose sands had run out months ago.
"You've been married to her for twelve years. That's such a long time. There should be things you remember and stories you want to tell. But you never talk about it, almost as if it never happened."
If Meredith had spoken with less resignation in her voice she could have been mistaken for being angry and defiant concerning this inevitable disaster they were heading for. Maybe it was her mother's fault or her father's fault, maybe it was not anyone one else's fault but her own. Meredith had never dared to hope that the future held a place for her happiness. She had hoped for her father to return, for her mother to care and for Derek to leave Addison. So Meredith bestowed her life on cynicism, self-reliance and tequila; lots of it.
The silence was unnerving, so were the quiet accusations and the lingering doubts. But the ever growing indifference was leading her down a path she knew by heart. History was repeating itself but Meredith was neither faithful nor brave enough to make the one decision Derek would never reach. They would live on, just the way they had in the last couple of months, and convince themselves this current situation was not more than a disturbance on their long road ahead which had never included a happily ever after in the first place.
"I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped."
It was the truth, unadorned and penetrating. However Derek was not convinced he was solely referring to his feelings for Addison; if at all.