A/N: This is a sequel to Wolfram's Happy Ending and a prequel to The Diary of Wolfram. This story mainly focuses on Wolfram's depression, and how Greta becomes an important role throughout it. Enjoy and review!
Warning: Rated T for depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, small details of cutting, and major character death
Wolfram's Heart
She saw it first before everyone else. She was the first to witness it, and the first to try and do something about it. However, no matter how much she tried she'd find him falling into despair once more. The best she can do is just be there for him and love him like she always has. Although she's never experienced heartbreak from a failed love, she has felt it from when her first family fell apart. She was not planning to give up on this family, not now nor ever.
I want Wolfram to be happy, Greta thought as she watched her papa sleep next to her. He had on a simple white nightshirt, having given up on the pink frilly nightgown, and his hair was lightly disheveled from shifting in his sleep. A soft, sympathetic smile graced her lips. He's my papa, no matter who Daddy Yuuri ends up with, and I'll do anything to keep my family together. She kissed him softly against the temple of his head before wiggling back into the covers so she may finally fall asleep.
It had been about a week since the disengagement which crumbled Wolfram's heart so. Greta was the first to find out, the first to comfort him, she had always been his number one supporter. She was glad when he promised he would still agree to be her father and still be there for her, but it wasn't her who needed the support. This time it was her turn to help him through this, knowing how much he had always been in love with Yuuri.
Wolfram's growing depression was noticeable, no matter how good he thought he hid it. He continued on with his ordinary routines, but the inhabitants of the castle all saw the little changes about him. Everyone has seen how his green eyes, usually so bright and fierce, would dull at the sight of his former fiancé. When others would ask him if there was something wrong, his personality would shift back into his usual one when he'd insist he was fine, but people knew he was lying when noticing how soft he had been becoming. Some days he would skip a meal, other times he would come in for breakfast with this pained expression.
Greta had already figured out why he looked so troubled in the mornings. In the early mornings of the days in which she started sleeping in his room more often, she would secretly and unintentionally wake up to hear her blonde father vomit in the bathroom, muttering a hoarse "Why..." before leaning over the toilet once more while holding his stomach with one hand and the seat with the other. It came to her realization that he always woke up before her to get his stomach problems over with so she wouldn't worry. He was very much wrong. When she admitted to him that night that she knew what was going on, he made another promise. He promised that he would at least try to allow himself to feel better.
It was nice to see Wolfram try to maintain a friendship with Yuuri no matter how much both he and Greta knew it was hurting him. Yuuri seemed almost oblivious. Almost. He knew the blonde was in pain, but he thought he would heal if they remained good friends. If only he had realized sooner that he was wrong.
One night, in the dead of the evening, Greta was driven into Wolfram's room when she had a nightmare. The room was empty, which was strange because she could have sworn she saw him walk this way after dinner before heading to her own room to get ready for bed. She looked in the closet and the bathroom, but no sign of him. Maybe he went out somewhere from lack of sleep. In an attempt to find her father she peered out the giant glass window.
There he was, about to enter the tower on the other side of the castle. No guards were out around the area. Figuring he was sleepwalking and knowing he could get hurt, the princess dropped her pillow and stuffed bearbee plush toy to make a run for it out of the room. When she made it she was panting heavily from running, having put most of her strength into it. He should be about halfway up the stairs by this time. Grabbing onto the railing for support she made her way up the stairs no matter how much it hurt her legs, hopefully quietly enough that she wouldn't get caught.
About the time she finally reached the top, she saw Wolfram's figure, clad in his nightshirt, with the help of the moonlight. He was leaning over the ledge, looking out to what was down below. She heard him say something he thought he was able to say out loud since he thought he was alone.
"Goodbye Mother, goodbye Gwendal, goodbye Conrart..." Her eyes widened. "... goodbye Yuuri... and goodbye Greta..." She had to stop it. She was not going to let Wolfram do this!
I know there's something
in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the
look in your eyes, yea...
"No, don't do it Wolfram!" His body stiffened at the sound of such a familiar voice, and when he turned around he was looking into Greta's large, brown eyes.
"W-W-What are you d-doing here?!" he asked, his voice shaking from shock.
She balled her hands into fists. "I always knew that you have been so depressed since Yuuri broke the engagement. Don't think you've been hiding your pain because you have seen how we react to you. I know how much it hurts because I know what its like to be apart from someone you love..." She blinked back her upcoming tears. "... but I want you to stop this! Don't commit suicide!"
He had been found out.
You've built a love
but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven...
turns too dark
Wolfram blinked a couple times to suddenly find his daughter in front of him. He kneeled down to take her into his arms. She clung onto him as she cried, pleading over and over to not do it- to not try "falling off the tower". If she weren't here he would have jumped already, just so he could rid himself of feeling all this misery. Don't think you've been hiding your pain because you have seen how we react to you, she had said. He took those words and played them in his head.
Just now did he realize that he was making everyone worry about him.
Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
Ever since he learned Yuuri had lied to him about what he hoped was love, Wolfram's heart had been aching so much. Shinou knows he tried so hard to maintain at least a friendship with the boy. Although he hoped his heart would slowly heal on its own, spending time with Yuuri was in truth chipping at it even more.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
But listen to your heart...
before you tell him goodbye
Looking down at Greta, he made a decision: he would have to put it off for some other time. Right now he had to take care of his daughter. He appreciated how much she had been trying to cheer him up, so the best he could do was do so in return.
"Okay Greta, I won't," he finally said. Scooping her into his arms so he could stand up, he carried her back to his room. "I'll try to get better, I promise."
When they were finally in his bed, and Greta was sound asleep, Wolfram stared up at the ceiling. Her presence was comforting, but still something was racking through his brain. Was it because he knew he wasn't going to feel better? Or was it perhaps the fact he had lied to his own daughter?
Sometimes you wonder
if this fight is worthwhile
the precious moments are all
lost in the tide, yea
Wolfram's depression had driven him to cutting. It was just that something was telling him that he deserved punishment for not getting Yuuri to truly love him. He followed along with this voice. When he had time to himself he would take out the dagger he held in his boot. The targets of his cutting has always been his arms. Now there were red marks all over them, hidden by his long-sleeved uniforms and nightshirts.
Suddenly one day, a week after the tower incident and an hour after breakfast, he began questioning his existence once more. Was his place in this world right now really worth fighting himself for? He was still vomiting and spending time with Yuuri was still saddening, and no matter how much he tried hiding it he knew everyone was worrying about him. It would be better if people didn't worry about him anymore.
They're swept away
and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging...
to your dreams
Wolfram secluded himself in the castle cellar. This was the place he first went to to cry. He hasn't been here since that day. Might as well die here...
From his boot he grabbed his dagger and sat himself deep within the cellar. He tugged down the sleeve of his left arm, revealing scars from previous cuttings all over it. Finding a place at his wrist that was not cut, he slashed it without wincing, having gotten used to this sort of pain even though he has never tried cutting it this deep before. A few drops of blood hit the ground, confirming it was sharp enough. He held the point against his neck. For all he knew his heart was still trapped in there.
Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
That was when the door opened, a small lantern spreading light inside. Wolfram froze; he already knew who it was. He should have remembered that Greta sometimes came here to draw, like how it happened on that day. Moving the knife away from his throat, he shakily lifted his head up to face his daughter. Closing the door and placing her things on the ground, she ran over and grabbed the dagger from his hands.
"Wolfram, I..." Greta sniffed. "... I thought you said you were gonna stop!" She threw the knife to the side, its point digging into the side of a wooden crate nearby. Dropping to her knees she clenched her fists into the fabric of his uniform jacket. "Your arm, it's so full of cuts! How long has it been this way?"
"A-A while," he replied.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
"Stop this, just stop!" Greta buried her face into his chest. He felt it getting wet with her tears. "Does your heart really want this? Are you content with this?"
Yes, he was, but he just shrugged his shoulders.
"Can you please stop doing this? I don't want to see you so unhappy like this. So please, stop! Stop for me if you must! Stop trying to kill yourself!"
Wolfram wrapped his arms around her and sighed. "I'm sorry Greta, I guess I wasn't trying hard enough. You shouldn't worry anymore because I'll try harder. That is a promise." She pulled back and lifted her right pinky.
"Pinky promise that you'll die at the hands of another or of old age?"
He smiled and held out his own. "Yes, a pinky promise." Their pinkies wrapped together and remained that way for a couple seconds before letting go. Wolfram really was going to try this time. He was going to try for Greta.
And there are voices
that want to be heard
So much to mention
but you can't find the words
Three more times Greta saw him try, even though he wasn't meaning to break the promise. The first time he was attempting to cut his wrists, but before she could intervene he stopped. The second time he was about to take some drug she did not know the name of, but then he ended up throwing it away. The third time he had been starving himself for two days, but on the third night he actually ate dinner. For those three times, she heard him mutter something.
"I have to stop... for Greta's sake." She was so happy to hear him say that, so happy to realize he might be doing better like she hoped. She was proud of Wolfram.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind
Greta walked into Wolfram's empty room the night he headed out for border patrol. He said she was allowed to sleep there as long as she wanted for the time being, allowing her to keep the key to his room. She had grown so accustomed to sleeping here to keep him company, so it wasn't like she would be going anywhere even after his return.
In the middle of the night she sat up in the bed from experiencing the same nightmare she had during the tower incident. She had dreamt of standing over two gravestones next to each other, with her fathers' names on them. That has always been her worst fear-of having her family fall apart. With Wolfram and his suicidal thoughts she almost thought that her nightmare would come true.
However when she remembered she was in Wolfram's room, she calmed down. She lied back down and curled up into a ball under the sheets. Wolfram was going to come home, she knew he was. All he needed was some time away from the castle to take his mind off of things, and when he returns he'll be happy again. This was what ran through her mind before falling back into slumber.
Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
When Wolfram came back Greta was mortified by the sight. The second she saw him she burst into tears. He was being carried to the infirmary, blood and cuts all over his body. She caught that much before the maids had to make her look away.
Please, she begged in her mind, please let him be okay. This wasn't his own doing. He didn't do this to himself so let him have a chance. His heart's broken already, so why should he suffer some more?
She was praying at the foot of his bed in the infirmary after his wounded were tended to, and Yuuri was standing next to him holding his hand. His eyes were closed as he tried healing Wolfram himself, though not much progress was being shown. Was it because Wolfram's body was rejecting him, because he was subconsciously blocking himself from Yuuri's pity? It seemed unlikely, but that was what Greta thought.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
The next morning, it officially became the worst day of her life. Gisela found Wolfram dead, the original belief to be from his injuries. Greta was the last to leave the room before the autopsy would begin when the healer handed her a small book. It was Wolfram's journal. She thanked Gisela for the book and took it back to her room to read it.
Greta read the journal from start to finish, not wanting to miss any detail. She read about his life before and when Yuuri arrived at the castle, of how he slowly began to fall in love, of how hard he yearned for Yuuri to fall in love with him. She read of his growing love towards her, which warmed her heart so. She read of his depression and of his struggles between suicide and staying alive.
That was when she read the final entry. She nearly dropped the book from shock. He really did commit suicide, and the final paragraphs were of his goodbyes. She now knew the truth behind why he had died.
For my beloved daughter Greta, the one who was there to support me whenever I felt like I couldn't smile anymore, I must let you know that I will forever watch you grow up and mature. May you always receive strength, love, and happiness. By the way, please forgive me for breaking our promise. You tried to get me to stop, but I never did. I'm sorry for going back on what I promised to you, and I hope you will still love me as your father.
Hugging the journal close to her chest atop her heart, she looked up to the ceiling with a tearful smile. "I will," she whispered. "I will always love you Wolfram. And I forgive you!" For a second, she thought she felt a cold breeze on her face, as if someone had cupped her cheek and had laid a kiss on her forehead. However she thought she must have imagined it, for she saw nobody else in her room. No one whom she could see, anyways.
Listen to your heart
Mmm-Mmm
Her worst nightmare came true. Her family has fallen apart. Now she was standing next to an open coffin, with Wolfram's upper half of his body showing. She had prayed over and over again that he would survive his injuries and that suicide would never be his way to die, but it appears her prayers were either unheard or ignored. Now she was wearing a black lace dress and standing in front of everybody because she wanted to give a speech after hearing Yuuri's.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
"For a long time, Wolfram's heart has ached," she said, looking out to the crowd. She showed no fear or hesitation while trying to speak. "He was already suffering, we all knew that, and yet it didn't come to mind when he died. At first like the rest of us here I, too, thought he died of his injuries. That was until I heard the results of the autopsy. But I just want it to be known that I will always cherish Wolfram for the love and support he has given me, and he will always be there for me even if he has to watch from somewhere else. I'll always love Wolfram."
After she was done people praised her for her words, and she, too, was proud of herself for saying it. Taking Wolfram's journal out from a pocket inside her cardigan, she handed it back to Gisela with one request.
"Please give this to Yuuri, but don't tell him it's from me. Tell him that Wolfram Von Bielefeld would want him to know what he went through."
"Of course, Princess Greta."
As she watched Gisela walk away to find her father, Greta felt a cold breeze wrap around her shoulders. She pulled her cardigan to button it up some more to withstand the winds, believing it is from being outside. However she realized she felt this draft in her room, and she came to a conclusion.
Note to self: Whenever a cold breeze comes to me it means Papa Wolf is watching over me, so be used to it. She managed a small smile and turned back around to take a look at her deceased father's body one last time, to show him that she was going to keep on smiling for him. Greta had managed to grow up because she needed to be there to support Wolfram, and so she learned to be brave too.
"I will always love Wolfram," she repeated her last words from her speech, before walking away to comfort her uncles and her grandmother.
A figure with a head of sun-kissed blonde hair and covered in a white aura appeared standing where Greta once stood, watching as the girl left. This figure was dressed in a navy blue and gold uniform, and there was still the bright blue necklace Yuuri had given him as a goodbye present. In the pocket inside his jacket were three tiny dolls his daughter made for him, each doll looking like her, his former fiancé, and himself.
Wolfram had some business to take care of before moving on, so he would be staying for a while until a certain double black would read his journal. But his thoughts on that slid away when he watched Greta walk away. He was so proud of her for being brave and selfless, for always being there to help him smile. He sighed, a small sad grin stretching across his lips.
"That's my girl."
And... SCENE! I apologize to those who ended up in tears from reading Wolfram's Happy Ending and The Diary of Wolfram, but hey these are supposed to be really sad stories.
But don't worry, because to make it up to you all I'll be writing an ALTERNATE ENDING! It'll have a real happy ending, at least I hope it'll sound happy when I write it, but it still might be a little sad. Hope you guys will cheer me on!
I am currently in the middle of writing two ConWolf stories, one where it's just brotherly love and the other with not-so-brotherly love. I am also trying my upmost best to start on that Gwendal/Anissina story too. I also have to work on Book of Thoughts and True Form and holy sweet Freckled Jesus I am going to be in a lot of trouble if I don't finish these!
Review please! And until next time!
Signed with lots of love,
luvdawinx (aka Mars or Luvy)