For Natas and Mandy

A/N: So, came up with this after listening to "Out of the dark" by Falco, who I usually really don't like, but good song actually...

Disclaimer: Don't own it, if I would, I wouldn't be that depressed a/b Addek break up.

Out Of The Dark

This was it. Addison Forbes-Montgomery was back in Seattle, the place that her ex husband and a special intern had made living hell for her. But she was past that now. Addison had moved to LA, to make a clear cut. Something that was going to save her from drowning, Drowning in all the mistakes and lies of the past. She was good now, she had managed to actually move on. So coming back to Seattle on a consult was just another step on the way of her moving on to better things, to a happier future. A future she had always seen herself with Derek in, but this was the past.

She took long and confident steps, her heels clicking on the pavement. There was no way she was going to let the past bring her down. Not anymore.

Xxx

"Addison?" A familiar voice behind her asked and of course she knew who it belonged to. So Addison turned around and couldn't help but feel happy about seeing her ex husband, a charming smile as always.

"Hey." She smiled back at him, her stomach doing little flips.

"What are you doing here?" He was surprised to see her, it had been so long. Too long. Derek had missed her while she was gone, but he wasn't going to admit this, ever, not even to himself.

"Thanks for the warm welcome." She rolled her eyes jokingly.

"Sorry." Derek smiled sheepishly before moving closer to hug her "It's great to see you again." He never wanted to let go of her again, it felt too familiar, too good to have her close. "Yeah, it's great seeing you again too." Addison said when they pulled apart again, every fiber of her body protesting.

"Your hair is different." He said after a bit. She had dyed it dark brown after moving away. "Yeah it is."

"You haven't worn it like that since—"

"I know." She interrupted him, not actually wanting to talk about what had happened five years ago. It was the past and he didn't need to know how much it still hurt her to talk about it. Derek just stood there and looked at her, remembering everything like it had happened yesterday, the pain still so strong.

FLASHBACK

"I never ever want to leave you." Derek smiled at his wife and his little daughter. "You have to work, you know." Addison laughed and kissed the baby's head. "We'll miss you." She smiled, Addison couldn't be happier. She had everything she had ever wanted. A husband who loved her more than life itself, a good job, money, a house in New York and a daughter. It was like a dream, one she never wanted to wake up from. "I'll miss you too my favorite girls. But sadly I have to go." He sighed. "And lives to save." Addison added and kissed him good bye. "And lives to safe." He repeated with a broad smile on his face "Bye sweetie." He said to his three week old daughter and pecked her cheek, before getting up hesitantly, not actually wanting to leave. "I'll call you." He told his wife. "I really hope so, and be back on time for dinner."

"I promise I will." Nothing was going to keep him at the hospital any longer than needed. When he still didn't walk away Addison threw a pillow at him "Now go!" She laughed. "Alright, alright. Gee, I have such a nice wife." Derek 

sighed dramatically and walked towards the door. "You love me for it." Addison grinned at him and he turned around to look at her again. She had never looked this beautniful, she was glowing with happiness "Yeah I do." He smiled, hoping he would be back with his family soon.

After Derek had left Addison laid her daughter down for a nap "Sleep well honey, I'll see you later." She knew the little girl couldn't answer, but Addison was convinced she needed to know where everyone was, even though her husband always made fun of her because of that.

The phone rang after just three hours and of course it was Derek checking on her "Derek, we're fine, really." Addison couldn't help but smile at her husband's concern.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" He asked, concern very evident in his voice.

"Yes sweetie, believe it or not, we're alright on our own. Besides she's sleeping anyway."

"Okay, but tell her I love her." Derek smiled, he wished he was home right now and not in an empty on-call room at the hospital.

"I will." She reassured him, a smile gracing over her face.

"I love you too, just by the way." He laughed.

"That's sweet that you love me, even if it's followed by a 'just by the way'." Addison joined his laughter "But surprise, surprise, I love you too." She grinned, even though she knew he couldn't see her.

"Oh, really? Now I'm shocked." Derek joked and feigned surprise.

"Yes really honey, now you should go and do something for your money."

"Fine." He sighed dramatically.

"You won't die, besides the sooner you get to work, the sooner you're back home with us."

"Very wise."

"Don't mock me!" Addison warned, doing her best to stop herself from laughing.

"Would I ever?" Derek smirked, before hearing a knock on the door. "Hey I really have to go, the chief is telling me to hang the hell up."

"Yeah, sounds like him." She laughed. "Love you."

"Love you too." They hung up and Addison climbed up the stairs to check on their daughter.

"Hey sweetheart, daddy says hi." She walked over to the crib to look at her daughter. The minute she didn't see her chest moving Addison turned white, this couldn't be. "Honey, wake up!" She knew something was wrong and when her hand reached out to touch her daughter she was cold as ice. Addison broke down in tears, realizing that her worst nightmare had come true.

FLASHBACK

Tears filled her eyes, thinking back of the night that had changed her life completely made Addison's heart break. "I don't want to talk about it." She said quickly.

"Why not Addie?!"



"Because you never even cared! Not once did you talk about her! It was like she never existed to you! You had your work!" Tears sprang out of her eyes, she couldn't control them anymore.

"I did care! Hell I still do! There isn't one day I don't think about her!"

"And why don't you ever say her name Derek?! Why?!" Addison walked away, hoping he would just let it gp. She didn't need him to remind her of this.

"You're not the only one hurting Addison!" Derek called after her.

"Oh really?! Do you lie awake every night and ask yourself what you have done wrong?!" She spat. Of course Addison blamed herself for what had happened to their daughter.

"So you thought of that when you fucked my best friend?!" This was it, she didn't need any more of that. Addison walked away, trying to stop the tears from falling.

xxx

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