Naruto's Effect On Mass
Hello, this may or may not concern ya, but me Naruto likes explosives will be taking a break, it's... difficult to write I suppose, anyway I decided to do a NarutoXMass Effect story, let's see if it's any good.
Prologue: Problems Of Being A Jinchuriki
"Hmmm, let me think, it's been over three-thousand since I defeated Madara, the year is now 2185 CE I believe and a lot of shit has happened, let me tell ya".
I have been alive for a long, long time, because of many reasons, first reason, I don't like the idea of dying of old age, if I'm gonna' die, I'm gonna die in a fight, protecting someone precious to me second reason it because Kyubii's a bit of a asshole and I'm living of his chakra, which he has a couple thousand cubic fuck-loads of it... so that's fun.
Oh silly me I haven't even introduced myself, how rude of me, well my name is Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, long name I know, it's also apparently the only Japanese name in existence so that leads to many fun explanations about my Name and origin.
I mean it would if anyone had been able to find me, nether mind catch me, you see ever since the Geth wars where a single fleet of Geth were destroyed by one dashingly good-looking man in 1920 CE, which I had nothing to do with by the way. A group of radical assfaces named Hades has been after my ass and since it's been over 300 years since the Geth wars you'd think I would be able to lose them, bah when has anything like that been easy for me, instead of giving up, and new chairman's after new chairman's later a man named the Illusive man has taken over the group and changed its name to Cerberus which translates to "Bunch o' wankers looking for trouble" they redoubled their search for me and because I simply can-not be assed running anymore I just let them catch me, mind you not without fucking with them a for a while.
It was so funny when I managed to trick a bunch of Cerberus asshats onto Tuchunka and watch them try to "purge" the Krogans as they put it... safe to say the Cerberus people were demolished like Thresher Maw prey.
So here I am, locked in a cell which I could break out of in no time, anyway I'm guessing you want to know why these peeps are after me eh?
Well I'm just going to say one thing which should answer that question.
It's one of the problems of being a Jinchuriki.
Now you're most likely wondering why I would let them catch me if apparently I could escape without a problem. Well you see a woman named Joana Sheppard was killed a year ago because of some insect people and that's all I know about her death, but you see The Illusive Man who I will now only refer to as "TIM" didn't want the first "human Spectre" to kick the bucket so early.
So TIM, being TIM defied the laws of nature on started to rebuild Joana Sheppard from scratch, making sure everything was the same as it was before. Anyway it has been a full year since he started rebuilding Sheppard and to tell you the truth, from what I've seen Cerberus might be able to do just that and that is rather freaky.
What Cerberus has been trying to do with me you ask? Well nothing much, they asked me some easy to lie questions, tried to get a blood sample but I just covered my skin with chakra and viola, no blood for you. Surprisingly there were two people in the Cerberus base which weren't complete asshats and those two were Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson.
Jacob was a African American, if any of those two countries still existed I don't know, however he was a ex-alliance who just wanted to be able to do something without having to worry about the red tape surrounding Alliance regulations, so I could respect him and his choices, even if they weren't the best.
Miranda was a whole different cookie, you see she was a Cerberus loyalist, however it was for all the wrong reasons, and she was saved by Cerberus from her corrupt bastard of a father who genetically modified her to be perfect, perfect enough to realise that her father was a dick and that she needed to escape.
Now how I know about these two people is really simple, I'm practically the Shadow Broker's second-in-command, strange creature that Broker is, however he seems to trust me enough to tell me anything I want to know. So that's lots of Shadow Brokery fun.
Anyway I suppose it's time to explain what the hell happened during my time in living and also to tell you how I look from over 3000 years of aging.
THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE
I had just gotten to Madara and had beaten him in a epic battle of all proportions, one of which I will not be describing, so that's even more fun.
Anyway after I beat Madara, I went into hiding apparently I had done something really stupid and bad and had pissed off every ninja nation except for Konoha and because I didn't want any more bad blood between the villages I left and had been hiding ever since.
Now that may seem like a rather shitty explanation but I've got some words for ye, why do you care, that all happened over 3000 years ago. Fucking move on and all that jazz.
Anyway I bet you all thinking I'm a wrinkly old git who sits on his porch and smokes a pipe, well I'm not for two reasons, reason one it seems that Kyubii's or Karuma's natural chakra energy had given me the look of my dad, just with even more spiky hair which I will not be cutting anytime soon, second reason: I have no porch to speak off.
My clothes? Well my clothes haven't changed, no I don't wear that crappy armour people wear, too uncomfortable, not loose enough and not moveable in.
I mean some people like the idea of being a walking tank but I prefer a more direct speedy route I.E: speeding across a battlefield and kick ass quicker then anyone's eye can see.
Anyway I wear a white duster which reaches my ankles when I stand up, a dark orange undershirt with futuristic designs patterning it, my pants are just some lose black jeans, I believe that's what they call them anyhow. Some good ol' fashioned running shoes which I stole from a museum and surprisingly they are in really mint condition.
My Konoha head band is now located wrapped around my hand in a sort of crude knuckle-duster.
What else is there about my looks... oh yea, whisker marks are still there, only slightly less prominent.
I still know all of my abilities, however I just don't use them because I don't need to use them, all I use is my awesome Hirashin-No-Justu I learned from my deceased dad and my awesome brawling skills, everything else is not needed because I just don't need them.
I'm not being arrogant, I'm being logical, I simply don't need some of techniques anymore, that doesn't mean I've forgotten them however because I haven't, I just don't need them.
Oh by the way, I mentioned the Hirashin-No-Justu right? Well ya see I don't need the special kunai anymore; I've learnt to utilise it in a more productive way which I will show some other time.
Have I taken an interest In Joana Sheppard? Well I'd hate to say it but I have, she's just beautiful in every way, but alas I cannot tell her or be with her even if I tried to, I would outlive her by millions of years and I can't go through that, sigh; life isn't fair sometimes ya know?
However that fact doesn't mean I can't help her when she's brought back to life because it doesn't, when she's revived I'm busting out and coming with her.
So here's to awesome adventures.
Hmmm, I wonder how long it will take for Cerberus to revive Sheppard I'm getting kinda' bored here.
THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE
It's been another year if the crappy calendar on my cell wall tells me anything and things seem to be progressing well with Sheppard, they almost have back alive apparently.
How do I know this, two words; Shadow Broker that guy has spies in Cerberus, damn he is reliable as FUCK.
Anyway, he sent me an update about my exciting life outside this cell and according to his information, those insect people have been abducting whole colonies' and that's not so fun.
Hmmm, it seems I'm going to have my hands full when I get out of here with Sheppard.
Reapers I hear you ask? Fuck 'em, if they prove that they can be dangerous I'll start to care, until then, I ain't fussed at all.
Oh I 100% believe they exist and I've heard about the dangers of them... I just don't care, there's not been something that could threaten me since I beat Madara and I'll be damned if a bunch of fucking huge squids are going to make me croak.
So all that's left to talk about it...
Wait is that an alarm I'm hearing, oh fun times are about to be had. I stand up in my cell, picking up my white duster off my cot and pulling it upon my shoulders, allowing it to reach my ankles before I tighten my bandanna across my blonde hair to hide it, I raise my right foot and pump it full of chakra before I put the boot towards the super strong glass holding me in the cell.
Crash!
Well the used to be super-strong glass sounds much better.
So my objective find Shepp's and getta' tha' fucka' outta' here... shit my accent is coming back to bite me in the ass.
Scratch that lets just go, I saunter down a corridor towards where I assume the shuttle pod is, if it's not then I'm pretty much stuck here.
Completely ignoring the locked door ring around the door I lift my left hand and pump up a Ransengan in the palm.
Standing right in front of the door I shove the chakra ball into the metal surface and watch as my chakra ball rips through the metal like paper.
Ah! Chakra 1, doors 0, suck it Cerberus you're locked doors are nothing compared to me and my awesomeness. Almost J-walking though the destroyed door I find Miss. Lawson ripping a mech a new one with biotics.
Hmmm, Broker didn't tell me she was a biotic, meh, I suppose even the Shadow Broker doesn't know everything.
Anyway, Miranda seems to be handling the mech easily, so easily I'm fact that I feel slightly sorry for the buggar. Suddenly I hear a rocket zooming for me so I lazily duck underneath it and spin around on my heel to see a big ass mech.
Ah! A YMIR mech, what a surprise and it seems to be targeting me again so that's even more fun, time to kick ass and chew a senbon needle.
The mech once again fires it rocket at me and I grin, running towards the YMIR I skid under the rocket like a badass I might add and leap towards the mechs head and bring my fist forward into a brutal punch.
My hit lands and stagger the mech, not wasting a second I bring my left leg up and smash my knee into its visor, breaking it and most likely damaging it's central processor because I start hearing a fizzing noise, so I push off the huge mech using both of my hands and land a few metres away in a crouch.
The YMIR clicks and clanks, its head goes fizz and fuzz and before long the big dude blows up, and the force from the explosion billows my duster.
God, I'm so awesome it ain't even fair sometimes.
As I think on how awesome I am I don't hear the priming of a pistol until I feel it's barrel against my head.
Sighing I stand up and turn around to see Miranda herself in all her glory looking at me in shock and curiosity. Don't worry love I'd be shocked too.
"All right my dear, how's dinner coming along" I ask, hoping to ease the tension with a joke, somehow it actually works and Miranda lowers her weapon at me and holsters it.
"Hmm, Mr. Namikaze is it?" Miranda asks, I nod as my answer and she smirks slightly.
"It seems that the cell was pretty useless in keeping you locked in I presume" Oh we've got a smart-ass here, didn't think miss ice-cold had a funny bone in her body, might as well play along.
"It seems so Miss. Lawson, a pleasure to meet the person who captured me after all these years" I reply good-naturedly, a grin plastered onto my face. Miranda nods in acceptance and we leave that conversation for later and now I realise I still had a few questions.
"Miss. Lawson, if I may be so bold, where am I, and what's happened oh and before I forget, how do we get of this station?" bah, asking questions can be so dull sometimes.
Miranda gestures to a door at the end of the room and we walk there as she says "Your aboard a research station working on reviving Sheppard in something we call the Lazarus project, one of the crew has become a traitor and had programmed the mechs to kill everyone on site. And as for escape, it's just through this door then up a ramp".
Give me a second I have to lift my jaw of the floor in shock, why the fuck did she just explain everything, "Not that I appreciate honesty and all that lovely stuff but why are you telling me everything?"
Apparently Miranda expected this question and smirks slightly... bitch.
"My employer, The Illusive Man told everyone in Cerberus two rules about you" a pause for dramatic effect I'm sure "Rule one is that you are extremely powerful and can tell when someone is lying" huh, good guess TIM my boy "Rule 2 is that my boss needs your help, so bad-blood is a bad idea".
Well I certainly wasn't expecting that now was I?
"So where can I talk to this illusive man?" I ask in simple curiosity.
"When we escape this station with Sheppard and head to another Cerberus base".
"Good, good, anything else I'm supposed to know?"
"Yes actually, my boss also said that you have powerful friends and that any problems you have with Cerberus just tell him, he doesn't want any problems between you two"
Holy fuck on a kunai, so TIM isn't completely stupid as I first thought, hmmm, I suppose there's no harm in hearing him out, who knows it might be good.
I nod my head and open the door leading to the ramp towards the shuttle.
We wait at the entrance to the ramp for the Shepard and all that.
We don't wait long and then the door opens revealing three people, two men, one woman. Wait scratch that one man, one woman... Miranda just shot the white bald one.
Damn, forgive and forget doesn't count here it seems, bah I'm sure that guy was a dick anyway, now to look at Jacob, and who I presume to be Shepard.
I hear a gasp as Jacob looks at me and I decide now would be good to put effort into hearing what was happening around me.
"It's you, ho... how did you get out?" Jacob asks while pointing his finger at me, Shepard, who looks smoking hot I might add, just looks confused at me.
However it seems Miranda saves my ass "Mr. Namikaze escaped the cell without problem and helped me here after I explained why we captured him".
Yea probably not best explanation you could have given but decent enough it seems.
I feel it's time I opened my mouth "yea, I heard what good ol' TIM wanted and I decided to forgive and forget, so it's good to make ya acquaintance Mr. Taylor, I would say hello to that guy on the floor, but it seems he suddenly got a killer headache" I hear Miranda groan and Jacob sigh, surprisingly Shepard giggled slightly, her ginger hair swaying slightly.
Yes, not all my jokes are crap it seems.
Lastly I look towards the commander and speak "hello Commander Shepard, the names Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, all-round awesome one man army, tis a pleasure to meet you" I finish speaking by giving a polite bow surprising Shepard, but she ends up smiling slightly.
"It's good to meet you two Na-Naru-damn, it's good to meet you Mr. Uzumaki" Shepard sputters slightly at her tongue-twist and I couldn't resist the little chuckle which escapes my mouth.
"It's Naruto, but I can understand the slight difficulty saying my name" I reassure Shepard who nods at me and extends her arm, I grab her hand in a shake and then let go because apparently the mechs arrived.
Damn-it, I duck behind some cover as the LOKI-mechs open fire upon us, luckily everyone hid in time.
I smirk "guys, let me handle this" grudgingly they let me and I stand up thickening my body with chakra, time to show how my Hirashin works.
I throw my hand forward and some red energy sprouts from me at the speed of light it hits the wall behind the mechs.
I feel the pull of the Hirashin seal I just place and I let it take me behind the mechs where I then start to deliver a can of whoop ass upon them.
Rushing the closet mech before it can realise I just teleported I send a kick into its sternum and watch as my foot goes through the machine, disabling it, looking towards another LOKI about to take a shot at me I swing the leg with the mech on and launch the broken machine into its brethren causing the disabled bot to explode taking it's friend with it.
Two more LOKI mechs left, I jump towards them both, crossing the distance in a second and use a snap-kick on the closer of the two, kicking it's head clean off, causing that one to shut down.
I land on my feet and look towards the last mech and I can almost see the wires in its brain telling it to get the hell out of dodge. Not happening, chakra goes through my legs and I sprint towards it, I reach it before a second passes and grab the mech and rip it in half.
Grinning, damn I had not had a fight in years, granted these mechs were weak as shit, but still it was fun while it lasted. In my ranting mind I don't see a lone damaged mech raise its gun towards me and beginning to pull its trigger, it would have succeeded if Shepard didn't pull a headshot on it causing it to blow.
I turn towards the three shooters and grin as Shepard and the Cerberus operatives look absolutely shocked beyond belief before Shepard regains her composure and smirks and turns her head towards Miranda.
"I want him on my team yesterday" she says smugly.
I smile in happiness, yes I just got my ticket with Shep on her mission.
Today just became awesome.
CUT, the End, Le Fin, you get the idea
Prologue, is pretty good I think I hope you like the story, all forms of reviews are appreciated, be it praise or criticism.
IEvolution2330I Signing out.
CYA