It's Valentines Day next week. I ain't celebrated it in over ten years, it's a load of bollocks anyway. Waste o' money, who needs it? All ya' do is buy her somethin' for the sake of it, tek' her to a fancy restaurant while she tells ya' ow' sweet ya' are. Quite frankly, I'd rather get pissed in Luigi's an' leave all that fancy crap to the likes o' Chris an' Shaz. Ray hasn't got anyone anyway, he'll probably end up wiv some tart wrapped aroun' his dick. Viv'll spend it wiv is wife and Bollinger Knickers, well.. Either she'll be like me; hate the bastard day or love it an' some posh poofta will ask 'er out on a date. I ain't the romantic type anyway, 'wham bam thank ya' ma'am' as Ray says will do me. I did use t' like it though, when I 'ad someone, not just someone, someone that meant something. Don't 'fink that's ever gonna 'appen again. The only person I care abou' probably wouldn't even go there, she's t' good for me. She's posh, clever, outstandin'ly gorgeous, legs up to her neck, amazin' tits and there's me; overweight, old with charcoled up lungs an' a rottin' liver. What would anyone ever see in me ay? Especially someone as fantastic as her. Need t' stop thinkin' abou' her. Go find an' hooker Genie Boy an' forget abou' her.
It's Valentines Day next week. The one day of the year I hate the most, don't get me wrong I did use to enjoy it but now I loathe it. For a starters it's a waste of money and for seconds, well I have anyone to spend it with. Shaz and Chris are sorted, they'll have a great day - and so they should, it's their first since they've been married. Bless them, I'm happy for them. I don't think I've ever been as happy as they are, shame really, I'm still young. I've given up hope of going back to 2008, I've lost contact, no more messages through the television and I can't even remember her face anymore. My Molly, I've forgotten what she looks like, soon I have a feeling that I won't even remember I have a daughter and the memories will fade. Admittedly, I do feel more at home here, how could I not? Great friends, stable job - I just still can't help thinking something's missing, besides Molly of course. But there's Gene, mysoginistic, rude, arrogant, neanderthal, great, honest, decent and infuriatingly sexy man. I wonder to myself sometimes, could I? I know I want to and I'm pretty damn sure he wouldn't object to 'a bit 'o skirt' as he says but would it change things? Now of all times is so cliche to have any romantic feelings towards this man but I can't help it - it's been there since we first argued in the store cupboard on my first day in this place. I just have to fight it to get back to Molly, so far it hasn't worked and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up the pretence of not wanting him. But he won't want me, I annoy him with my 'psychiatry bollocks' and my 'poncy toffee-nosed ways'. I need to find someone else, someone so I can get him out of my head, even if it's just for one night. I need to.
TBC.