You're the reason I'm alive……
Life, and the way people cling to it as if it was so precious, has always been beyond me.
Or maybe because I've never saw the good side of it. My name is Bill Kaulitz, I'm twelve, I live in a shitty town called Magdeburg, in Germany, in my family there's nothing but fights.
Dad once cheated on mom, and ever since they have never stopped fighting, mom said she forgave him, but their relationship, was never the same since the incident.
In school, teachers hated me, because unlike the way boys usually look here, I wore makeup, I dressed myself uniquely, but they call me gay, which I'm not; I could care less about their opinion, but sometimes, other students bullied me, it has been a while since the last time I spent a day in school without getting in trouble, I'm depressed, because my band just can't seem to get a contract, there's nothing in this life, that interests me.
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity, part of your soul I shall be"
I know you're probably wondering why I didn't kill myself, well there's a bright side in my life, my hero, my idol, my soul mate, my best friend, an identical picture of myself, my twin brother, Tom.
I call him Tommi, and because he hates that name, he started to call me Billa, which I don't mind, I don't understand why people take so much offence if they were called a feminine name, and I thought it was cute.
Although I and Tommi were identical, we both had different personalities, so different, yet so much alike, I like rock music, Tommi listen to rap and hip-hop.
I had short hair, I dye it black and I have a long bang that covers my left eye, while Tommi had his hair pulled back into rough nasty looking dreads, and he kept the original dirty blond, I was called Emo faggot, he was called wannabe gangsta.
Tommi and I shared a room, although there's enough rooms in the house, but we like to be together all the time, sometimes kids in school say things about us, like we're gay, or we're a couple, just because we hold hands, I never understood what's so wrong in holding my twin's hand.
And one more thing, Tommi is a womanizer, yes I know he's only twelve, but if I didn't miscount, he slept with almost half the girls in school, I don't know why, we weren't popular, but he had his ways with the ladies, or maybe they liked him because he's a guitarist, I on the other hand, is not into one night stands, I like long relationships, and with the crappy life I'm having at the moment, a girlfriend is the last of my worries.
I sighed and closed my math book, after what seemed like forever, my homework was finally done.
I grabbed the remote, and went on flipping through the channels, without paying attention, my mind was so confused after the conversation I heard, I couldn't wait I needed to talk to someone, there's no one that would talk to me, they all think I'm weird, I'm so thankful for Tom.
I glanced over the empty bed next to mine; Tommi was supposed to be getting the groceries, why is it taking him so long?
_You're fucking drunk! You asshole, I shouldn't have married you in the first place!
_Ah bitch please shut up, you're giving me a headache!
And there came the sound of glass shattering at the moment it made contact with another solid material…….
Screams, cusses, broken plates, missing twin, sometimes I wondered am I really a pussy for not jumping of the window and finishing this already?
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity part of your soul I shall be"
That was it, the reason I'm alive, that was an oath we made for each other, and heaven knows, that I wouldn't disappoint Tommi even if I had to sell my soul to the devil.
Silence broke my thoughts, as I heard the fighting cease, I knew the scenario, because it happened frequently, Tommi probably was home, and they stopped the fight, to make us feel that "there's nothing wrong" and "we're still a family" and all that crap they read in books.
Hearing his footsteps, and listening as he twisted the wooden door knob, walking in with a chuckle……
_They seriously think we don't know they're fighting?
_I don't wanna talk about it.
He looked at me with concerned chocolate brown eyes, he can tell my mood immediately…..
_Billa what's wrong?!
He came slowly sitting on my bed where I was lying, he lifted me up so I was sitting facing him, and he pulled my bang away, to reveal my very identical to his own-eye.
_Tell me!
_I heard them talking about divorce, I don't want to live in two houses; I don't want a dysfunctional family I…..
And Tom broke in laughter, I gave him a dirty glare, I was really concerned.
He sighed, easily picking me up, and sitting me in his lab hugging me tightly, whispering in my ear, in a soft small voice….
_Billa Billa Billa, you know our "family" is already dysfunctional, what would it matter if they got divorce or not I…..
Before he utters another word, I slapped him across the face and got off his lab.
_You stupid idiot, dad will ask for custody, and they might separate us, if dad went to live with his girlfriend, one of us will leave to Hamburg, we can't live in separate rooms, how about separate cities?!
I watched as the a tear found its way down his cheek, he obviously didn't think of that possibility, before I realize it, I fell on my knees sobbing in his lab, I was sobbing loud like a baby, while Tom sat there in silence, I can see the torment in his eyes, his pierced bottom lip was quivering, but he was silent.
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity part of your soul I shall be"
After a while, we stopped crying, I dragged my body over to the bed, lying there, I didn't hear a sound in a while, we'd probably been like this for hours, Tom finally moved, turning toward me, he leaned forward, and whispered in a persisted voice:
_You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity a part of your soul, I shall be, we will never be apart, no one could separate us, do you trust me enough to believe me?
The look on his eyes, anger, agony, sadness, all mixed in a flood of emotions, I did believe him, even thought deep within, I knew this was a false sense of security.
That night, we slept in the same bed, we didn't make love, this isn't how our relationship was, we just cuddled,
To be honest, I needed this, to make me believe that he's still there and we're together, I rested my head on his bare chest, he laid there, eyes widely open, I didn't dare to talk to him, I just removed his dreads from my face, closed my eyes, and somehow managed to fall asleep.
The door was opened and mom looked hysterically exhausted, she didn't get surprised at the fact that we were in the same bed, every time I had a nightmare, I couldn't sleep unless Tommi would be with me, mom thought this time wasn't an exception, little she knew that Tom and I had a bond, and we made an oath to be together…..forever.
_What time is it?
_It's nine a.m
, and it's Saturday, but we need to talk to you boys.
The look of bitterness on her face confirmed my fears, they'll separate us.
_We went down, didn't bother to shower, looking at them accusingly, dad uttered it………………Tom you'll come with me to Hamburg, me and your mother are getting divorce, Bill you can stay here with Simon.
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity part of your soul I shall be."
So guys, this is just something that came up to me, if you like it please tell me if I should write more, oh and reviewers get cookies.
Yeah and I don't own the twins, but I wish I did!