Okay, well, this is my first fic. I'm bound to make many errors everywhere. So criticism is very welcome! Well, not flames. I mean constructive criticism. But I'll take flames anyways, because I know I can't stop them.

Oh, and there's a glossary at the very bottom. Just highlight the area you're currently at, and scroll down to check if there's something you don't understand.

Disclaimer: If I owned Ranma ½, Happosai would be so much cooler! And Cologne wouldn't be a midget, and Shampoo would speak correct Japanese! And there wouldn't be any mallets!

Akane: What?!? How dare you even think about taking away my mallet?!?

! CONK !

Me: Owchies! You're mean Akane!

Ranma: Now ya know what I gotta go through every day… And she let you off easy too! She's always sending me into LEO!

Me: Anyways, I don't own Ranma.

Ranma: Of course ya don't! NOBODY OWNS ME, YA HEAR? I AM A FREE MAN!

! Splash !

Me: Man? I don't see no man here. Meh, whatever. I don't own Ranma ½

"Oi!" – Spoken

( I wonder if Kasumi has any hot water?) – Thoughts

$ Great-grandmother, when will the potion be finished? $ – Foreign Language

! At the Tendo Dojo !– Onomatopoeia, location, or an event happening

I refer to Onna-Ranma as a she, her, etc. and so do other characters to prevent confusion. Likewise, male ranma as he, him, etc. and so do other characters to prevent confusion.

Good Cause, Bad Effect

Chapter 1

"A Tap Dancing Duck?!?"

It was just an ordinary morning in Nerima. The birds were chirping, the trees were waving in the slight breeze, the air was fresh and clean, and best of all, the scenery was great for any would-be traveler.

"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, SAOTOME RANMA!"

Three guesses for who that was. It was also a fine day for petty money making schemes.

"Now who's paying, hmm? 10,000 yen if you want to know where you are."

"What? Nabiki? What are you doing here in Okinawa?"

! Sigh !

"Oh Ryoga, Ryoga, Ryoga… When are you ever going to learn?" Nabiki said, with a sly smile on her face. "Just so you know, this isn't really Okinawa. And if you don't hand over the cash, maybe I just might let slip to Akane about your... little problem."

(What?!? How did she know about my curse?)

Grudgingly, Ryoga dug up the required cash.

"1,000… 2,000… 4,000… 6,000… 10,000, here you go." Ryoga handed over the required cash.

(Now I don't have enough money to buy a chocolate for Akane!) He thought, with a grimace.

"Ok Ryoga, well, you're in Nerima. Should have been pretty obvious, but I guess not for you, with such a bad sense of direction. Nice doing business with you. Ja!" Nabiki headed off for school.

"NOW I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ANY CHOCOLATES FOR AKANE! AND I BET YOU TOLD NABIKI I WOULD BE HERE! SAOTOME RANMA, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Came the furious cry of revenge, as he ran towards the direction he thought Furinkan High School was.

Unfortunately for him, that direction happened to be out of Nerima, rather than inwards. Suddenly, a thunderous sound scared all the birds out of the forest.

"NOW WHERE AM I?!? DAMN YOU, RANMA!"

! Somewhere across town !

Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome were playing shougi, as usual. Being so intent on trying to cheat each other, they were completely oblivious to their surroundings.

! Achoo !

"Wow Ranma, someone must be talking about you. I bet it was one of those hussies!" said Akane, feeling rather murderous.

(Geez, she's awfully jealous today. But the wedding was a coupla months ago… She couldn't still be mad about that, could she?) Thought Ranma

"Like you're one ta talk, Akane. Before I came, you had hordes of boys hangin' all over you. And it ain't like I want any of them hangin' on me. Besides, you'll just get madder if I try to push them off. Like for Shampoo, if I try ta pry her off, I'd have to grab her…" He trailed off, with a tinge of red on his cheeks.

"Grr… RANMA NO BAKA!" And once again, Akane pulls her trusty mallet from Mallet-space and whacked Ranma through the roof, and into LEO.

"KAWAIIKUNEEeeeee!" was heard as he went flying off. Of course, knowing our friend, it's impossible to avoid water for long. Being this way, a cloud just happens to be in the trajectory that Ranma was flying in, of course, by coincidence. I mean, any other explanation wouldn't make any sense at all, right? shifty eyes

"Oh my, Akane!" Kasumi gasped. "You really shouldn't break the roof every time you do that!"

"Gomen nasai, nee-chan. I'll be more careful next time." Akane sighed, "But still, that jerk deserved it."

"Don't forget to bring Ranma's bento with you when you leave!" Kasumi called, as Akane went to get her pack.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Later!"

! Furinkan High School !

"Aaaaaaaaah!" Yelled Onna-Ranma, as she continued falling. Of course, she could always land correctly if she wanted to, but if you get whacked on your head and you travel at insanely high speeds, for quite a few city blocks, your sense of direction gets decreased. A lot. Especially if you spin a lot in the air. Which you'll do, if you get whacked at only one side of your body. In this situation, Ranma got whacked on the head. And having your head whacked plus spinning 'round and 'round devastates your sense of balance. Yes, it was going to be a rather hard landing, unless she got caught by someone. Of course, you need to be rather skilled in some type of combat in order to catch a falling martial artist, spinning at around 100 RPM.

"Pig-tailed girl! I will catch you, and free your heart from the clutches of the evil sorcerer! And then you will be free to show me your love!" Shouted you-know-who, as he caught Ranma. No, I do not mean the evilest wizard of all time… I mean Tatewaki Kuno, the rising star of the high school fencing world, the Blue Blund- cough cough Thunder of Furinkan High. Of course, being Kuno, the delusional egoistical bokken wielding idiot he is, spouts that out to everyone nearby, proclaiming his skill just because he managed to catch Ranma. But because of Kuno's delusion, he didn't notice the pain shooting through his body, with it being the most intense in the area between his legs. And along with that, he did not realize that his voice came out as a squeak.

Okay, backtrack.

! Ranma's POV !

(Wow, the world's spinning around so fast… Stupid kawaiikune tomboy!)

"OHMYGOD A CLOUD! WHY MEEEE" And his, now her, voice shot up an octave as the change took place.

(Hah, if it ain't the old ladle lady, it'll be Akane's fault.) And then, he saw the ground approaching very fast, with her sense of balance rather off.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh!" she screamed, mostly out of reflex.

(God, now I'm even screamin', like a girl would!) Now, being the kind of guy Kuno is, he heard the cry of distress, and immediately tried to catch Ranma, while spewing out a bunch of junk, as usual. Ranma, being in no mood for his nonsense, aimed his leg at you-know-where.

Nabiki, seeing an opportunity to make some money, decided to record what Kuno spouted immediately after being kicked. Of course, with the "magical" thunder sound in the background, no one heard clearly what he said.

"Did you hear that? It sounded like he called himself the 'Glued Underpants of Furinkan High" said some random kid.

"No, it sounded more like the 'Chewed Chowder Powder'" Commented Daisuke

"Naw, I heard him say 'The Ewwy Wonder'," Hiroshi insisted.

And soon after the discussions began, people began crowding around Nabiki to buy the information about what Kuno said. After all, Nabiki knows everything that happens in the school. Oh yes, a wonderful opportunity for petty money-making schemes.

Ranma, after giving Kuno a second kick after he finished with his nonsense, noted the time on the clock, and decided there was plenty of time to get some hot water, and go to class. As he passed Kuno to go into school, Kuno fell, twitching, to the ground.

Daisuke stuck his head out the window. "Hey, nice one Ranma! People should have done that sooner than this!" Daisuke laughed "You sure showed him!"

"Yeah, good one, Ranma! Too bad no one else could endure his junk long enough to give him a good, hard, kick!" Hiroshi agreed.

"Heh, thanks guys," Ranma called up.

Not far off in the distance, Akane noted how everyone cheered for Ranma as he kicked Kuno a second time.

(Geez, how come everyone cheers for RANMA when I've kicked Kuno there plenty of times?) She fumed. And as she walked towards the school, she made sure to 'accidently' stomp and twist her foot in the very place that Ranma had kicked earlier.

"Oh Akane! My love! Surely the foul sorcerer's bonds have been broken! For you have come to hel- AAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kuno screamed, a rather girlish scream, as Akane's foot came down, hard, on a rather sensitive area.

! History Class !

"……….. And who can tell me which city the peace conference of 1919 was located in? Maybe you, Saotome-kun?" And being the unfocused student he is, the teacher had to throw a blackboard eraser at him to attract his attention.

! BONK !

"Huh, what?" Ranma asked, as he unconciously rubbed his head.

"Saotome-kun, I would appreciate it if you spent a little more time focused on the class, and less time daydreaming about some new martial arts technique or something."

"Sure thing, Teach. So, what was the question again?" asked Ranma

A sweatdrop appeared on the back of Mr. Tashiki (the teacher)'s head, even though he tried very hard to suppress it.

"Saotome-kun, I asked if you can tell me which city the peace conference of 1919 was located in."

"Umm…. France?" Guessed Ranma

"Saotome-kun, that is a country, not a city. Who can explain the difference between a city and a country to Saotome-kun? Maybe you, Tendo-san?"

"The difference between a country and a city is that a country is a self-supporting area, ruled by a government, usually composed of more than just a single person, unlike a city, which usually only has a mayor, and some of his advisors," Answered Akane, unenthusiastically.

"I didn't need ya to tell me that, you kawaiikune tomboy!" retorted Ranma, being unable to break his habit.

"Ranmaa…." She growled

"That's enough from the both of you! Saotome-kun, I do not tolerate you insulting anyone in this room, much less your fiancé! And Tendo-san, I've seen you out of school, and you really need to stop being so violent! I'm not sure any person other than Saotome-kun would be able to handle your blows!" Said Mr. Tashiki, as he tried to calm them down.

That got both of them. With a sigh, both of them sat down, as they said:

"Yes, sensei."

"Now, as I was saying, who can tell me the city that the peace conference of 1919 was held in? Kuonji-san?"

Ukyo stood up.

"Hai. The peace conference of 1919 was held in Versailles, which was in France, so Ranchan got it partially right! You have to give him some credit for that!" said Ukyo, as she gazed adoringly at 'Ranchan'

"I'm afraid I cannot, Kuonji-san. Calling France a city, is like calling a mountain, a hill," he replied.

"But Teach! A mountain IS a hill! It's just a bigger, rockier hill!" Ranma protested. After all, mountains would be nothing if you had a father like his.

"Saotome-kun, I am not a science teacher. I suggest that you take this argument to her, rather than bicker with me. But even I know that there is a difference."

As if on cue, the bell rang, signaling everyone to go to their next class.

! Science Class !

Science passed without much incident, with Ranma forgetting all about the argument on how a mountain was just a bigger hill. And of course, when teachers don't ask you questions in class, class tends to pass by pretty quickly. And since all things have to have an end, including science class, the bell rang, signaling the lunch period.

"Whoohoo! It's lunch time!" yelled Ranma, with glee, as he sprang up from his desk, where he was previously sleeping, and jumped out the window, only to hit the glass.

! SPLAT !

(Ouch, my head… Maybe I should look before jumping) Thought Ranma.

Akane sighed at her fiancé's antics.

"Honestly, Ranma. I didn't know you were stupid enough to do things without thinking. Oh wait, you always do that. Anyways, I brought your lunch for you." Akane smiled a bit, unable to conceal her amusement at Ranma crashing into the window.

"WHAT? You cooked lunch for me? Nuh uh! No way! I ain't eating that toxic sludge!" Gasped Ranma, with a fearful look on his face. No, make that terrified.

"Ranmaaa….." She growled. How dare he? She made meals that were sure to be wonderful, and then he had to insult them. Besides, she didn't even make this bento.

Ranma smartly backed away, which was rather hard, as he was already against the wall.

"I ain't hungry, Akane," Ranma said, somewhat calmly, barely holding on to his Soul of Ice. "I don't need a bento."

"Fine, you jerk! Besides, I didn't make the bento. Kasumi did!" Akane turned around, refusing to show him how close she was to tears.

(God, he's always insulting me at every chance he gets! That stupid jerk!)

Akane turned around, walking out of the classroom.

(Made by Kasumi? Whew, I thought I was a goner!) He turned around, and opened the window.

(Hah, I'm not hitting that window this time!) Thought Ranma, as he jumped out.

(Hmm… now why did I use the Soul of Ice? It didn't even help) He mused, as he continued falling. Of course, knowing the curse, he was bound to get wet again, sometime during the school day, and it just happened to be now.

! SPLASH !

(Ugh, I always get the jitters when that happens,) thought Ranma, as he involuntarily shuddered. If one strained their ears right about now, they could hear a faint voice, saying:

"Kaku-kun! I told you to dump the buckets in the sink, not out the window! Someone could get drenched!"

And an even fainter

"Gomen nasai, sensei! Although I'm sure no one got drenched. No one stands so close to the building, unless they're a loner, and there's only like, one in the school, and he's usually on the roof, or near a tree."

And as she fell, Onna-Ranma sighed.

(Geez, I can't stay a guy for more than a coupla hours, can I?)

As she neared the ground, Tatewaki Kuno, the (newly dubbed, by his peers, although he vehemently denies it) Glued Underpants just happened to look up, and saw Onna-Ranma falling to him.

"Oh my Pig-tailed goddess! Surely it is a sign that thy suffering is to an end! A just reward, for a noble man of the House of Kuno!" He proclaimed, to the sky, and everyone around him.

Unfortunately for him, Ranma is in complete control of her body this time, and manages to knock him over, and land on that tiny, squishy part of a very sensitive organ. Guess he won't be bearing kids anytime soon, eh?

"Thanks for the soft landing, Kuno-sempai!" giggled Ranma.

(Oh you've gotta be kidding me! I giggled? What'll Akane say? What'll Mom say! Or Pop? I'll never hear the end of it!)She mentally wailed, out of despair. Shaken, she slowly made her way to her usual eating place, under the shade of the tree.

! RRRRIINNGGG RRRRIINNNGGG ! Came the sound of a bicycle bell, almost as soon as she sat down.

"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo bring too too delicious special ramen for airen!" Bubbled Shampoo, as she mercilessly squished Ranma under her bicycle.

"Gack! Not now, Shampoo! Get off!" Ranma looked pleadingly to Akane, who was under another tree, a couple of meters away. She looked away, angrily, with a "Hmmph!"

"Oh no you don't, Shampoo! Ranchan's going to eat my okonomiyaki! Besides, ramen is useless, except for the hot broth!" Ukyo stomped over, and grabbed the ramen from the delivery box, and promptly dumped its contents over Ranma's head. The transformation occurred, but due to his position under the bicycle, Ranma had to twist into an awkward position.

"Ucchan? What was that for? Now I can't even move under this bike!" Gasped Ranma, in a tiny bit of pain.

"Stupid Spatula-girl! You mess up Shampoo's ramen! Airen supposed to drink ancient 3,000 year old Amazon love potion! And Violent-girl wouldn't be able to interfere!" fumed Shampoo. 3 weeks of preparation, wasted! Taking her bon-bori maces out of Bon-bori-Space, she let out a cry, aiming them at 'Spatula-girl'. Ukyo promptly defended with her trusty battle-spatula, and the battle ensued, unfortunately leaving Ranma still stuck under Shampoo's bicycle, still in the position that guaranteed to give the victim pain beyond imagining if they did as little as twitch a muscle.

Ukyo did a leg sweep, and Shampoo jumped up, aiming for the shoulders, only to be blocked again. She sent a kick, and managed to score a hit, but not before being punched in the face by a right hook. Ukyo threw some spatu-kens, and Shampoo deflected them, nearly impaling Ranma through the head with one of them.

! Furinkan High School's Front Gate !

(Whew, finally made it! I thought Nabiki said I was in Nerima? I bet Ranma tricked her into telling me that it was Nerima! I knew it was Okinawa!) Ryoga growled.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, SAOTOME RANMA!" Was the cry that frightened the birds (Once more) out of the trees.

! Back to the fight !

Shampoo let out an imperfect Kashu Tenshin Amaguriken, at only about 30 punches per second, while Ukyo let her spatula take the punishment.

(Wow, my spatula's actually getting a dent in it! When did she get so strong? It doesn't matter! I have to be stronger, for Ranchan!)

Ukyo growled, and pushed her spatula against the punches. Finally, Shampoo tired, and the punches came to a stop. However, without the punches preventing the spatula from gaining any distance, it quickly rushed at Shampoo's head, before giving a satisfying ! BONK !. As that fight came to an end, a familiar voice could be heard.

"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!" Growled Ryoga, as he jumped into the air, preparing to take advantage of Ranma's vulnerable position. Of course, due to Nerima's unpredictable weather, all of a sudden, it started to rain, causing all four martial artists with curses to change. Ranma became Onna-Ranma, Ryoga became Akane's pet, P-Chan, Shampoo into a cat, and… Wait, did I say four? Oh yeah, don't forget Mousse, who was hiding in the tree, without his glasses, who was waiting for who he thought was Ranma to drop his guard. (He was looking at Ukyo)

Of course, wings and webbed feet don't seem to be able to grab bark as well as hands, so with a lot of loud ! QUACK !s, he fell, straight onto Ukyo's still-hot okonomiyaki grill. Mmm, anyone up for some Peking duck?

As Mousse regained control of his body after the fall, he had the strangest sensation of being roasted on a grill. Once he realized that he was indeed on a grill, he proceeded to jump off, but not before slipping on the oil. He was desperately trying to run off the grill, only to fail miserably, as the oil was too slippery to run on. In the process of trying to escape the grill, he also managed to make his escape look like tap dancing. Nabiki, being the insightful person she was, decided to video-tape the "Tap Dancing Duck". Little did Mousse know, that she would become rich off of his humiliation. Rain water soon accumulated, and the water became hot, the "Tap Dancing Duck" quickly became the "Hot, Buff, Tap Dancer". Oh boy, he was hot indeed. Red hot.

Now, back to Mr. P, Ms. Cat, and Onna-Ranma.

You know about inertia, right? You know, about how it takes more energy for something with more mass to move at the same speed as something with less mass? Well, since our friend Ryoga here was traveling at roughly 30 kmph in the air, with all of that mass just… disappearing, he suddenly zoomed off, crashing into a distant tree, at somewhere near supersonic speeds. Onna-Ranma, as her frame became smaller, was freed from her awkward position, and managed to wiggle out of the clutches of the evil bicycle. ! Shudder !, and managed to run away from the small, mewing purple monstrosity nearby, which was known to most as a cat.

"C..c...c...CAAAAAAT!!!" Ranma screeched. Shampoo winced; her sensitive cat ears were not meant to be used for listening to cries of anguish.

(I've always thought that Ranma got wet by coincidence... I guess not.) Ukyo blinked, not believing that rain was just appearing in a perfectly sunny, non-cloudy day.

Akane wasn't far off, staring at the scene of the events that just happened not to long ago.

(Oh my god! I'm scarred for life! No wait, I was already scarred for life by Ranma, that stupid macho perverted jerk! And where did Ryoga go? He just disappeared…) Akane wondered. (Hey, there's P-Chan! What's he doing halfway buried in a tree? I bet it was Ranma again, picking on P-Chan! Whatever did he do to that jerk anyways?)

"Ranma, how could you? P-Chan never did anything to you, so why did you have to hit him into the tree?" Akane's rage was now palpable. "Ranma, if you need to practice a new martial arts technique that's based on pushing someone halfway into a tree while not doing anything, you should practice it on the panda, not on my P-Chan!"

"Huh? Ain't ya gonna mallet me or somethin' right about now?" Asked a puzzled Onna-Ranma.

"I wish I could, you jerk! I just can't seem to able to pull out my mallet right now," Akane frowned, while puzzling about her mallet. Although she wouldn't be able to mallet him, Akane knew that Ranma would get her punishment soon enough, from either her, or Ukyo.

"Stop joking around, Akane. If you're going to whack me, get it over with already." She preferred to have a mallet strike without warning rather than expecting it for a couple minutes,
because it tends to hurt when you think about it.

"Ranchan! How could you get all cuddly with her? I'm your kawaii iinazuke, remember?" Ukyo showed a hurt face.

"I..I… Err… Of course you are, ehehehehe…" Ranma trailed of nervously, while eyeing Akane. Of course, as everyone knows, rage is a very good lubrication for mallets. It's also like steroids for angry tomboys. With a Plop, she pulled the mallet out, and then shouted the age old words.

"RANMA NO BAKA!"

! WHAM !

It's a good thing that Kuno happened to be in the way, huh? Lessee… something about inertia… The transfer of energy from one object to another… Whatever. Who cares about explanations. Seeing the thing is way more fun!

So we have Akane here, who mallets Ranma, causing him to fly off at a speed reserved for a bullet train, who slams straight into the 'Glued Underpants of Furinkan High', who was running in the direction opposite of where Ranma was going. The flying Ranma slammed into Kuno, causing him to go flying off, and Ranma, who lost the majority of his speed, then slammed into Ukyo's okonomiyaki grill (That was my favorite grill! How could you, Akane!) causing it to collapse, straight onto the still clothesless Mousse, who had slipped off the grill, managing to cover him up, and protect his shattered modesty. With the remaining energy, Ranma flew straight into another tree, which unfortunately happened to be the tree that P-Chan was still buried in, releasing a couple of "Bwee"s, which could roughly be translated into "RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!" To which, Akane could only say "Oh no, P-Chan!" It seemed obvious to anyone watching that Akane didn't care a single bit about what happened to Ranma, Kuno, or even Mousse, who had almost never wronged her.

(Sigh, beaten by Ryoga for a spot on the list of people Akane cares about) Ranma moaned, a little bit heart broken, and a little bit from the soreness spreading through her body. Unfortunately for her, in Akane's haste to get to 'P-Chan', she practically threw Ranma at yet another hard object (A couple of trees) at insanely high speeds, causing massive blunt trauma to the head. I don't know about you, but everyone has a limit to how much head trauma they can take.

So soon afterwards, the world became black for Ranma, right after it stopped spinning 'round and round and round.

And only then did Ukyo finally snap out of it, deciding that figuring out how rain can appear from nowhere was too complicated. And Shampoo was already gone, heading along the path to the Neko-Hanten, completely ignoring Mousse(Baka-male).

To be Continued

Ooh, a Cliffie! Hehehe...

Does Akane really not care about Ranma? Or did was she too worried about P-Chan to worry about Ranma? Find out next chapter!

Well, there ya have it! I do have a feeling that the conversations could be a bit better, though. Well, be sure to R&R! Ja ne!

Glossary

(Not completely exact)

Ja!/Ja ne! - Bye/Cya later!

Kawaiikune - Uncute

Baka - Idiot

LEO - Acronym for "Low Earth Orbit"

Gomen nasai - Sorry!

Nee-chan - Sister

Bento - Japanese lunchbox

Onna - Girl

Bokken - Wooden sword

Okonomiyaki - Japanese pancake

Bon-bori maces - Um... maces

Spatu-ken - Spatula shaped shurikens (I do not take credit for this word)

Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken - Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire attack. A series of really fast punches. Like, over 100 punches per second kinda fast.