DANGER MOUSE:
THAT 80S SCENE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
(This fic contains spoilers for "Quantum of Rudeness")
What a calamity for all Danger Kind!
The quenched thirst of Brigadier Bad Boy for more rudeness to envelop the world has driven him to harness the power of a corrupt behavior modification device, and he is in the process of channeling it's terrifying powers and enveloping all of London.
Before long, profanity will be pardonable, punching our favorite aunts will be precisely how we'll punch our tickets on the way home. The drinking guidelines will be amended so we'll be tempted to consume over 5000 units a day before stopping off for a beer on the way home!
What can save us from the reign of rudeness?
Why, the world's greatest secret agent of course.
"Well Professor, our minds are made up, Penfold and I will take the time travel device, go back to 1985, and uncover what happened to Professor Goodman, and maybe he can help us sort out how to undo what the Brigadeer is doing with the device"
"You're best talking to Danger K when you get there" suggested Sqauwkencluck, "He's the Colnel's past self, from what I heard he was always very trusting of complete strangers"
"Oh, I've seen pictures of the Colonel from back in his heyday, he was quite fetching" Penfold said.
"Oh yes, he was quite a hunk" said the Professor, blushing slightly.
"Wow Professor, you have a crush on K?" asked Penfold.
"Oh just a silly little interest I had when I was wee, my father worked for the Danger Agency back in the day and always came back with group photos of all the Agents back then. Having a pin-up of Danger K on my wall is pretty much what helped, among other things, motivate me to apply for a job here and follow in my dad's footsteps, so I could learn the tricks of the trade from the real thing"
"Well, if you say he's a trustworthy type, it should make our mission reletively easy" said Danger Mouse
"Oh I would'nt say that DM, there's one thing you need to watch out for...that 80s effect" Squawkencluck cautioned.
"I don't follow you" said Penfold.
"You better, I'm leading you to where I have the time machine stored" she said, pointing to an old and knackered junkyard just north of where the mailbox H.Q was.
"What's it doing held up in these conditions" Danger Mouse asked as they walked through the tips of rubbish.
"Budget cutbacks, a lot of the old inventory has had to share storage with the discarded items and failed experiments" Squawkencluck explained.
"I can't imagine someone being so careless as to put a time machine in a junkyard" said Penfold.
"I recall reading that some of the earlier prototypes were left lying around in them sometime during the 1960s" replied Danger Mouse.
The trio stopped dead in their tracks as they came acroass the time machine.
"Now, before you go Danger Mouse, I have to give you these specific notes about the period you're going to visit"
"Is this going to last longer than the average length of this episode?" asked Danger Mouse.
"Please, you have to hear me out, it's vitally important you avoid that 80s effect at all costs, for the sake of your dignity if nothing else"
"I have so much dignity, that I carry an additional supply in my costume" said Danger Mouse, which only served to irritate Squawkencluck
"Listen you misfit Mouse, if you go back to the 80s, you will undergo a series of radical trasnformations as your body adjusts to the planet's invisible aura field, various tastes and trends in fashion style and volcabulary will infect your core brain functions, compelling you to blend into the envrionment. Spend too much time in this time period and the effects are irreversible, you'll be a nostalgic hipster pining for the days of mullets and breakdancing forever"
A loud yawn conveyed to the Professor that Danger Mouse hadn't been listening.
"Sorry Professor, but I doubt the CBBC audience are interested in jargon alluding to aura fields, leave that for the insomniac attendees of the Open University will you?" he said as he clambered into the time machine.
Squawkencluck grabbed Penfold by the shoulders.
"Penfold, I implore you..if you can, remind Danger Mouse of this conversation"
"You have my word Professor" Penfold assured her.
"If not, I'll have his head" remarked the Professor.
And so our heroes swiftly dematerialized as the machine flung itself into the time/space vortex, leaving Squawkencluck alone with a feeling of powerlessness, this particular scene now left to the mercy of the cutting room floor.
"I'll get over this, I know I will, I'll pretend this ship's not sinking..." she hummed to herself as she permitted that 80s effect to ever so briefly overtake her.