Every day, she dies in side a little.
She brushes the tears away (because no one enjoys crying to their fears)
&she laughs even though she doesn't mean it
(because if she's going to play a fake, she's going to play a damn good one)
- - -
Flip. Flip. Flip.
The magazine pages turn quietly as she reads, as she loses herself
(this way she doesn't have to watch herself die a little)
o h m y g o d n o i t ' s l y i n g
But it isn't and those pictures aren't photo-shopped
Because Shane really does wear a hat tilted to the side when he goes on dates
&Tess really does pile as many bracelets on as she can without breaking her arms
And they are happyhappyhappy with their oh-so-perfect smilesmilesmiles
She hatehatehates it, but doesn't say a word
So she simply closes the magazine and throws it in the trash as she walks out to her car
- - -
10 miles over. 15 miles over. 20 miles over. Crash.
She hears the sound of metal squealing as the crash ensues
She cannot feel anything, but from the looks of how the glass is in her face and of how the metal has her trappedtrappedtrapped, it hurts a lot
She isn't sure though, because she can't feel it
She feels nothing as she feels everything (and nothing just doesn't seem to compare to the pain of everything that she always feels)
- - -
lovecan'tharmme.
What a silly, silly phrase
What a lying, stupid phrase
What a phrase, indeed
Love.
How stupid that she let that word rule her life for her and now it is almost over
Beep. (Pause.) Beep. (Pause.) Beep. (Pause.) Beep.
Machines can keep her living for a little while longer, but not much.
People come flooding in to see her, but NOT the one she wants to see most.
No, never the one she wants to see m.o.s.t
Because he is too cruel to come even when she is (dying and he is her last wish)
Nate calls him. Jason texts him. They tell him to come, because she could die.
Little do they know, she is already.
{She knows it and she just wants her wish to come true}
Suddenly she hears that beautifulbeautifulbeautiful voice ask where she is
She wants to scream (Here I am!) but she doesn't
[She never really was the best at showing her feelings]
She w-a-i-t-s until he is in the room
His hair is wildly messed up, there is lipstick smudges across his face
&littlemisssunshine herself {Tess Flipping Tyler} comes into the room after him
With her face having just as many smudges and her hair being even more messed up
She knows what they've been doing [who cares?--she does]
But she simply closes her eyes and makes up the perfectperfectperfect image of Shane
&she talks to that Shane
[But that Shane just stepped into an empty supply closet with Tess. Shhh, don't tell.]
But she doesn't TALK
She doesn't even C A R E
{whythehellshouldshe}when she knows it's hopeless
He is Prince [notso]Charming and he's being held captive by the wicked witch
&she is just an old ex-girlfriend who n e v e r really was.
He smiles weakly and his lips move, but they are not the words she N/E/E/D/S to hear
I love you sosososo much that I just realized how much.
N. O.
Get well soon, because I have so much to tell you that I just realized.
N. O.
Sorry this happened.
Y. 3. S.
She wants to screamyellbreakcrysob but she doesn't
Then littlemisssunshine opens her mouth.
&the sky comes crashing down.
Oh, God, Mitchie, you'll get through this. You have to. Shane and I just started dating and who else will listen to me rant about him when we get into fights?
o.h.g.o.d.p.l.e.a.s.e.n.o
*Yesyesyes*
NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO/NO
screamyellbreakcrysob
- - -
She's tied together with |broken| hearts and [shattered] dreams and the marred hopes that died long ago don't help matters much either.
Her life seems like a joke.
{But she isn't l.a.u.g.h.i.n.g at it}
screamyellbreakcrysob
R.U.N.
- - -
Her feet are pounding the pavement and she is dodging cars and paparazzi.
Picture cameras flash in her face, but she moves stealthily
s-t-e-a-l-t-h-l-i-k-e-a-n-i-n-j-a
She pounds on Shane's door until her knuckles are bloody and she realizes that he probably isn't there.
Turn slowly.
G*A*S*P--H*O*R*R*O*R--S*H*O*C*K
She wants to lean over the railing of his porch and die right there, but she doesn't.
Take me now, God she wants to scream but holds it in.
Instead, she puts on a smile hugs Shane as quickly as she can without thinking all too much about it.
Because, in all actuality, this is their first hug (asjustfriends)
Click.
Snap.
Flash.
Bright light.
Paparazzi click their cameras as if they've got the next big scoop
-whoknows?-
&she and Shane just fake smilesmilesmile for the cameras as she walked into his house.
Tess is sitting on the couch, giving herself a manicure.
STOP*FREEZE*PLEASE*NO
Shane, I think -- Mitchie, what are you-?
Her smile d i e s & she sprints out before Tess can even finish the sentence.
- - -
Drip. Drip. Drop.
Tears fall from her face as she runs back to her house.
Tess is the beautiful new girlfriend (future fiancé? future wife?) of Shane's that makes Mitchie realize that life isn't just dreams and butterflies.
Mitchie is an old [H.A.S. B.E.E.N] girlfriend (whoneverreallywas)
(Shhh, don't tell.)
- - -
Caitlyn shows up to her house with Nate and Jason in tow.
&suddenly she is sobbing brokenly on the floor surrounded by hugs and meaningless words that don't convince her of anything.
It'll all work out in the end.
He misses you, Mitchie. He really does.
You're perfect the way you are.
He knows what he's missing. He just doesn't want to admit it. But he'll be back soon begging for you to take him back.
&she lets her hopes rise to the blueblueblue sky with that last promise.
- - -
Days pass.
Shane doesn't show up at her home with a bouquet of flowers and a mouthful of apologies that she can't wait to reject.
Because she just wants to get even and crush him and his dream just like he went and m*u*r*d*e*r*e*d her and her dream.
She doesn't want him back. She just wants to tell him to shove off and smile bitterly when he walked away (....away)
Caitlyn shows up and hugs her and tries to glue her back together, but she can't seem to find all of the p/i/e/c/e/s
(Shane took some of them with him and forgot to give them back)
- - -
They lie to her as she passes by to her apartment.
whatsicklittlebrats
Thinking they can sell her some story of how Shane just broke up with Tess, maybe she should ask him about it?
Laughing at her as she hurls a potted plant at one of the photographers.
He deserved it.
Do you still love Shane Grey? Have you ever gotten over him? Do you support his new relationship with Tess Tyler?
Monsters, all of them.
She shoves her way past them and closes her door, only to find Shane standing there looking guilty.
A bouquet of roses is at his feet.
She can practically taste the apologies he is about to spit out and expect her to eat up.
But she really isn't in the mood for crushing his dreams right now, maybehecancomebacklater?
- - -
He comes back, and she tells him to keepthehellawayfromher after he asks if she'll consider re-dating him now that he's dumped Tess.
His face drops.
She feels as though she has just kicked a puppy.
He leaves her apartment without another word.
She feels awful and wonderful at the same time.
Awful, because she knows what it feels like to have that done.
Wonderful, because she knows what it feels like to do it.
- - -
Caitlyn drops by later with a note from Shane.
Any other day, she would have read and re-read it over long after she had it memorized.
That day, without opening it, she tossed it into the shredder.
- - -
Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres has become a better person without Shane Grey.
The paparazzi never write mean things about her. [they'dfeelbad]
Her friends never tell her that she's being mean.
Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres couldn't care less about Shane Grey and his current little girl-of-the-week.
But everyone else doesn't know that she spends a day crying every time she sees him with someone else.
Everyone else thinks that Mitchie Torres is strong, independent, and can do just about anything.
Mitchie Torres thinks she can't do anything.
Mitchie Torres wants to tell them they're wrong (they'reallwrong), because she is weak, and torn, and broken, and dependent on everyone else.
But she doesn't, because that would mean being independent.
&even though the paparazzi think that's what she is,
Mitchie Torres is everything she's not.
&she just wants everyone to get used to it.