Battle of the Sexes
Massive intro because I have so much to say (what, I've been gone for ages okay?)…
Hey! Sorry I've been gone so long but I've had no ideas ): and mean teachers who make life hard with exams and stuff (seriously, I do NOT need a statistics GCSE. No one does. But SOMEONE's making me take one…) Oh, and a killer cold that's fried half my braincells.
This story is basically a big load of silly nonsense written to make people laugh. But, then again, I have a weird sense of humour and other times a good one. (Half the time people can't stop laughing, half the time I get WTF stares…) This is definitely biased against Tom. Because he's being a prick and ignoring Sam. (This is based on the episode where he buys Sam a drink then chats up the blonde woman at the bar.)
Basically, the ED finds out about the row, they take sides… the men act like children so the women get their own back. No idea how long this'll go on for!
The time this is set is complicated. Like I said, it's based on the 'drinks and chatting up someone else' episode. BUT I decided there needed to be more women (and I never wanted her to leave) so Tamsin is still at the ED. Dylan's not because that would make things WAAAAAYYYY too complicated. Ash is there because I wanted to make Zoe's day really bad so the ending could be even funnier.
Thanks to Jasmin (who stood up for me in a row and I've copied what she said- I'll tell you when I write it.) Oh, and thanks to someone who will remain nameless for inspiring a bit between Tom and Sam (I'll tell you what bit when I write it.)
~ RetardedFish97 (who is officially back on Fanfiction!) xxx
P.S sorry for the bad language S:
…..
Sam was in the ladies of the ED, gripping the edge of a sink and trying not to cry. Wispy hairs had freed themselves from her ponytail and the little makeup she'd put on was running down her face. Aoife and Robyn walked in together, giggling. As soon as they saw her, the giggling stopped.
"Dr… Dr Nichols… sorry to interfere… but… but…" Robyn stammered, not wanting to be nosy.
Aoife couldn't stand it, so she was blunt, "You look a mess, want to talk about it?"
Sam turned round, not sure if she should tell the girls or not. She looked at each of them- they weren't searching for gossip, they were genuine.
"Just had a row with someone, that's all."
"It was Dr Kent, wasn't it?" Aoife asked.
Robyn nudged her and Sam raised an eyebrow indignantly.
"What? He treats you like shit, always talking to other girls-"
"Who are well slutty," Robyn interrupted, "And you're like, really pretty and mature and he should totally like just…"
"OKAY! We get it, you have a little hero crush on Dr Nichols, just leave it out, yeah? Sorry for interfering doctor, but he's so mean to you I just want to slap him- but I have my place here to think about. You know the other women here think he's… well… he's…" Aoife stumbled over her words, not wanting to lower herself to talking like Robyn or Linda- it's not that she didn't like them, just that she didn't like their grammar.
"A total man whore…" Robyn finished off, "What, I'm just quoting someone!"
"No, don't worry- you cheered me up." Sam smirked, "And, to be honest, he is."
"Well, c'mon, we can't let him see that he's got to you." Aoife produced a makeup bag and Sam eyed it warily.
"Trust me." Aoife smiled, sitting Sam on the counter, next to the sink.
"Shut your eyes."
Sam shut her eyes nervously, and all she could hear was,
"What, Robyn, you want to turn her into a fucking satsuma?" and "Don't put none of your bloody goth makeup on her!"
Five minutes later, a 'ta-daaah!' from Robyn make her open her eyes.
The two girls had removed the tear streaks from her cheeks and put some tinted moisturiser underneath her eyes to cover the bruise-like marks. Her mascara had been replaced, but with a clear one and a little powder had been applied to her forehead, nose and cheeks to cover the redness from crying. A little clear lipgloss finished off the look- not that it could be noticed, as it blended so perfectly to her skin.
"Wow," Sam's eyes were wide, "You've done it. It looks great!"
"If you don't mind me askin', Doctor Nichols, what happened?" Aoife frowned.
"I kind of do mind," Sam sighed, "But you've SAVED my life today, so I guess I owe you one."
"It's okay…"
"No, I'll tell you. I may as well." Sam sighed, "Tom and I were going out 'kind of officially' but then one night he started chatting up this dumb blonde. I went round to his flat because I'd left… something, and SHE opened the door in her underwear and a nightie. Tom appeared behind her and jut scowled at me and asked what the hell did I think I was doing, just turning up like that. Then I asked for my… things… and the stupid blonde ran off in a huff and he just threw the… thing at me and I caught it and left and…"
"It's okay, we get the picture. My man was at it behind my back too." Aoife frowned at the thought.
"He's not…"
"Well I think it's plain sleazy," Robyn grimaced.
"And I think sister Bateman, who's been stood behind you for the last three sentences, is going to kill you both."
"That's pretty much it," Tess frowned, as the two girls turned round, "Get to work."
The two nurses hurried out, heads hanging, in a blur of lilac, black and ginger. Tess smiled at Sam for a moment,
"Sam, I couldn't help but overhear that…"
"No. I mean, thanks but it's okay and…"
Tess interrupted, "It's not okay. I heard what Dr Kent did and he shouldn't treat you like that. Charlie agrees with me, though he'd never say anything- and neither did I."
"Got it. Thanks, Tess," Sam smiled, and the two walked into the ED together.
…..
Meanwhile, in the men's', Tom was leaning against the tiled wall. Noel walked in with Big Mac.
"You alright Tommy boy? Only you're looking a bit under the weather, man."
"Not really, Mac, girl trouble." He sighed.
"What, with Sam? She's hardly the kind to…"
"No, with Katie." He looked at their confused faces, "My girlfriend? Sam just couldn't care less after Dylan left so I started seeing this other girl. And now SAM won't stop moping. She didn't know about Katie until she came round to my flat and found her, then they both ran away crying and she was looking back like she expected me to follow her. But it's all going to be okay with Katie because I'm taking her out tonight."
"Oh, get you Mr Charmer," Noel smirked. "Sam's moping around, y'know. Women, eh?"
Jamie walked in,
"What's so wrong with girls?"
Tom smirked, "They're clingy?"
"Yeah, well, tell me to respect my superiors but isn't that just devotion? I think it's cute."
"YOU don't have to go out with them, do you?" Tom raised an eyebrow.
"No. But being gay doesn't mean I can treat my lovers and admirers like pieces of shit."
"Yeah, respect your elders."
Tom, Big Mac and Noel left, elbowing each other and sniggering.
…
Later on, Jamie, Aoife and Robyn found themselves alone in the staffroom.
"You'll never guess what I heard Dr Kent say earlier," Jamie looked upset.
Aoife raised an eyebrow, "Slagging off Dr Nichols, I bet."
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"She was cryin' in the bathroom. We did 'er makeup to cover it up but she looked pretty rough." Robyn sighed.
"So, what happened?"
"Dr Kent was sleeping with some blonde slut and she didn't know and thought they were still… y'know, dating? So when she went round to his flat to get something…"
"She found them?" Jamie asked, eyes wide.
"Pretty much. But she'd never say what it was she'd left…" Robyn raised her eyebrows.
"Don't be so naïve," Aoife laughed, "It was obviously underwear."
Jamie choked on his coffee and Robyn's eyes widened. The two stared at Aoife, agog. She felt very superior.
"Why else would she feel so upset? A few measly drinks and a quick snog wouldn't mean… well, y'know. They've HAD to be sleeping together. And more than once…"
Linda walked in and they all fell silent.
"What are you all talking about?"