Neon Genesis Evangelion:
A Doll No Longer
Summary: Rei III's thoughts after the battle against the sixteenth angel, and about being a replacement for Rei II.
"When an emotionless windup doll like you starts giving me sympathy, then I know I've hit rock bottom."
Those were the Second Children's words to me before the battle against the fifteenth angel.
No, that is not right.
Because Pilot Sohyru was not talking to me when she said those words, but to her.
The second Ayanami Rei. She is I, and yet she is not.
I have her memories up until that night, but nothing else.
I have no memory of dieing, but I should not, as I am not her.
But Pilot Sohyru was right. She was nothing but a doll, following Commander Ikari's orders, even when she disagreed with them…
It is…frustrating, having her memories, and yet knowing that they are not mine. I know how the other NERV personnel act like I am the same Ayanami Rei that they have known before.
Even Commander Ikari and Doctor Akagi act like I am still The Second.
The only one who does not act like that is Ikari-kun.
He has avoided me ever since Doctor Akagi told him the truth about my origins, the truth about the group of beings called Ayanami Rei.
With the Second, Ikari-kun made some effort to talk with. With myself, he constantly tries to stay as far away as possible.
Part of me is…content with this. Even thought the other part of me yearns for Ikari-kun to treat me like the Second, this part is thankful that Ikari-kun knows that I am not the same person, and that he doesn't try to pretend that it is not so.
The Second was confused as to what she felt about Ikari-kun. She wanted to be close to him, she was drawn to him.
Like I am drawn to him now.
However, this is different than the feeling that the Second had.
Is it because I know that we were born of the same flesh?
In any event, I, unlike her, see the Commander for what he really is. A man who would sacrifice his own son in order to satisfy his own ambitions.
A man who would sacrifice his own daughters as well.
I cannot be a willing puppet in his plans any longer.
There is no way. The feelings that I suppress, the concern for Ikari-kun, is too much for me to hold in.
Especially when our father decides to kill us.
Ayanami Rei is no longer a puppet. I refuse to let Onnisan die due to Father's plans.
I am a doll no longer.
Author's Notes:
This was just supposed to be a short look into Rei's III's thoughts, and the reason that Rei betrayed Gendou in End of Evangelion.
To all Rei/Shinji fans, despite having Rei refer to Shinji as Onnisan at the end, I have nothing against the pairing. Its just that this introspective fic, and others that I write for Evangelion will probably lead up to a large fanfic, where I do plan on exploring the relationship between Shinji and Rei in a non romantic way. Without pairing either of them up with anyone else in the process.
As for Rei III having Rei II's memories, it was obvious that she had some of them, although when the memories ended could have been anyone's guess.