Welcome
back to reality
I've watched them change so
much. All of them. And here I am, just the same… or am I? Three years now and
I'm still debating if this is how life should be. Three lousy years and I can't
bring myself back to the real world. No one lives like this. No one lives past
20 like. No, I'm not afraid… well maybe I am. But that's not the main reason
for the decision I have been forced to make. I'm only 16 years old and I still
have yet to face reality. My reality. I can't drag my friends along for the
ride any longer. It's going to get us all killed, and it will be my
fault. So much had been my fault… so now I must leave.
The fire
crackles in front of my eyes, sparks flying at me and landing on my flesh,
hissing as the die out. Three people glace up at me and ask if I'm alright.
Always looking out for me, putting me above themselves. It's slowly driving me
mad. When Gourry chased after The Lord of Nightmares for me I didn't sleep for
days. I kept seeing him drowning in the sea of blackness I'd been sucked into,
and I simply couldn't deal with that. I refused to sleep for days. Not only was
my being here hurting them but it was hurting me as well. No one needed that,
they all had enough stress in their lives without my help. I took a deep breath;
just then Gourry began to speak. His voice was deep and thoughtful, very unlike
his usual happy-go-lucky self. Perhaps, I thought, he feels the same way.
"We've
been together so long…" He began. The others gave nods and grunts of agreement.
I just stared into the campfire, praying that no one would speak to me for fear
I may cry, "I think of you guys as a family. We've been through so much that I
know we all gladly die for each other. Yet we are so distant in personality it
is frightening. It really says something about human nature…" The others looked
up, interested; "You become attached to anything when you come together for one
common good. Attachment, by right of human nature, slowly develops into love…
could it be we are, in a sense, a family?" A muffled sob escaped my throat.
Tears welled up in my eyes and dripped to the ground. I shook my head,
attempting to calm myself. Three pairs of eyes stared at me.
"Oh!
Miss Lina! What on earth is wrong?" A small, concerned voice asked. I shook my
head slowly and brought my face up out of my sleeve. My eyes shone with tears
and my voice was ragged as I spoke, but I was about to say needed to be said
now or it would get said.
"I'm…" I
began, my voice shaking, "Leaving you guys…" The responses I got we mixed, as I
expected they would be.
"Lina- you can't just
leave!"
"Miss
Lina, no!"
"Lina…
are you alright?"
"Please…"
I begged, "Don't make this any harder. I can't live this lie anymore! I have a
whole other reality out there that I put on hold. The world around me is
changing… I haven't been a kid since I was 12 years old. I missed my whole
childhood run around and play sorceress. And now I need to face facts- no one
lives like this!" Brave words, but little more. They were all true, but none of
them were the reason I was leaving. None or them.
"Lina…"
"Just
let me finish… I can't sit back and watch my friends fight for a cause that is
all mine. I can't deal with the dangers you go through daily to keep up with
the life style I'm forced to lead. I lov…" I stopped. I love you. I nearly said
those words. Those damning words that would cause such a rush of emotion I
might become a blubbering sap again, "You're better off without me. I can't
stand to watch people who I care for deeply breathe in death," I knew I sounded
insane, perhaps I was, "Remember hell master Phibrizo? I watched you die one by
one and in any other situation I would have been following you to the grave,
literally." I shook my head slowly, "I'll miss you all…" I stood up. What should
I do? Should I hug them? Should I just walk away?
"Lina…"
I turned, "I refuse to let you leave… I promised you once that I'd protect you
to the very end… and I will." Gourry's face was serious, his eyes grave.
"I can't
let you do that…" I turned and began to walk from the camp. Gourry's hand
clamped down on my shoulder, "Let me go…"
"I
can't!" The voice was practically hysteric, devastated even.
"You can
and you will…" I tried to fill my voice with coldness. But I
couldn't, my heart was screaming at me so loudly I would have sworn the others
could hear it. Amelia and Zelgadis seemed shocked, unable to move, almost. I
took a deep breath, my mind was racing and my eyes were so filled with tears I
couldn't see five feet ahead of me. I placed my hand on Gourry's and slid it
off my shoulder.
"I love
you guys!" I cried through my tears, my heart exploding in my chest. I fled
from the clearing without looking back, I simply couldn't stand to see their
faces. As I ran, my mind crying with my heart I heard the last words of my true
love back at camp.
"I'll
follow you to the ends of the earth, Lina, I swear…"
