This is my first fanfic, so I chose something I like, so please cut me a little slack
The
Heart of a Lion
Prologue
Happiness Depends on Ourselves
-Aristotle
Man is defined by great moments, through tragedy or through triumph his character is revealed, and from the revelation he finds his place in the world. Laguana told me that after I returned, but to this day I still feel out of place. What we did was right, just, I don't doubt that, I have never doubted that, but where do I fit in now. I am a warrior I have trained since I can remember to be a warrior, but after the battle what happens to the warriors, they return home and pretend things are the same? No, things are not the same, they never will be, but everyone else seemed to bounce back just fine. Is it just me? No Rinoa, has had problems readjusting as well, but she has a lot on her shoulders, her worries and fears, she has to confront everyday. But she has found relief here at Garden and her time with Edea. Why can't I find something that will allow me to move on, something that will let me restart my life, something that will let me begin anew? Damn, these thoughts always come to mind whenever I close my eyes, sleep seems to come less and less frequent, whenever I come to my room its almost as if my bed mocks me daring me to try and find solace. Just one night is all I ask, one night with no nightmares, one night without cold sweats.
Maybe I am loosing my mind, no, if I was I don't believe I would notice nor have enough rational thought to question if I am or not. The dreams, those are the worse I can see the fight with Ultimecia, I feel all the sensations of time compression, and the GF's all of them surrounding me, taunting me, attacking me, beckoning to me. The GF's have haunted me ever since it was ruled that there use was no longer needed and the cost outweighed the price. It was harder than I imagined giving them up, they provided such comfort and support, I knew as long as I had them that any situation that may arise I would be prepared. Now though I feel as if a hole has been left inside me, that a piece of me is missing.
I don't trust myself sometimes, it seems that without that confidence I second guess every decision that I make. I had to give up control of Garden to Quistis and Xu; I didn't think I had what it took anymore to lead anyone. They resisted at first, telling me that I would snap out of it, that I would regain my composure that they would just run the day to day operations temporarily, that was four months ago. Four months, had it really been that long? It seems I don't keep track of the days to well anymore. Whenever Rinoa is here things seem to run more smoothly, she helps to keep me grounded, but like most of the time she is with Edea. She has her own personal struggles though she can't always be here to comfort me, actually I should help her, and I should be with her, calming her fears, telling her it is ok. But how can I help her, I don't even have the power to help myself; I am useless, so utterly useless…