Vaccine
----------
I've saved the world... thrice.
We fought when no one could. We came to aide when no one else would. Now I sit and watch the rain course down the windowpane and wonder:
What did I fight for?
You used to love the rain... I can still see your slender form dancing between the droplets, laughing and calling me to come join. My distant demeanor never could allow me to take joy in such simple things. Instead, I felt my heart surge simply by watching you.
I lived through you.
I never understood that until now. Never realized the cold shell of a man that I used to be, until I became him once more. Without you... I'm dead inside. A mockery of life that trudges through each day in a vague effort to reach the bliss of dreams, where I can hold you again. Feel you again. Love you again.
It's been three weeks... two days... eighteen hours and twenty seven minutes since the last time I laid eyes upon your beauty. Even in death, you were still so beautiful. An angel being called home once more, away from my arms. A part of me was buried with you, that much is plain to see. The others were there as we laid you to rest... the offers were made, but I refused any effort to pull me closer to them. I can't do it... I can't walk away and leave you behind.
Today is the day. Do you know why, love? It was five years ago on this very date that our world came crashing down around us. The physical was routine, we'd all had them... only yours came back with news that made even the doctors cringe. 'Uncureable'... 'untreatable'... I remember those words. I remember your hand clenched tightly around mine as those bastards handed down a death sentance upon you. There was no telling when... no telling how long we had left together. They knew little about it then, I understand that. It was little comfort then, and even less now, however.
The virus was rare... or at least that's how it started. Within two weeks of that day, nearly 1/8 of the population of the colonies was infected. People were dying from an enemy we couldn't fight... even with all the firepower we had. How do you defeat something so tiny that it can't be seen? How can anyone look into the eyes of a loved one and turn away from fear of infection?
I couldn't... but I was forced to. You refused to let it catch me as well... and denied me anything more than video calls. Do you know how many times I brought my hands up to brush that screen, imagining it was your fair skin I caressed? Did you lay, crying against the pillows afterward until it seemed the only sound you could force from your lips was a strangled sob? I did...
I don't blame you, love... I never did. I was angry, confused... heartbroken. I still am. But this was never any fault of your own. I want you to know that... know that I never turned against you, even when my rage swelled within me enough to make me lash out at any who came near.
The earth was blamed by those in space who needed a scapegoat for their woes. I don't think anyone could have purposefully spread this disease... no one could be that cruel. Still, we rallied around the colonies once more, the four of us remaining. We set out to find any way to stop this plague before the casualties got worse. I lose track of just how long we spent turning over every stone, tracking down any scrap of information that might lead us to an answer. We even went back to the lairs of our mentors, those that were still intact. Those crazy old men weren't completely out of their minds... one of them even had the answers we were looking for.
I remember your face when I came back to you... you didn't want to send me away again, but felt that you had no choice. When I pulled you close into my embrace and told you of what we'd found, I had to catch you in my arms. We must have made quite a sight, love... two grown men cradling each other close as if no power on earth could ever make us let go. That night... I swore that I'd never leave your side again.
The vaccine worked, just as we had hoped. It even was able to reverse the effects in the early stages... but it was too late for you. I remember holding you that day, when it was discovered the vaccine would most assuredly kill you instead of healing as we had hoped. No matter how tightly you clung to me, I could never force the tears to fall.
I still can't cry, love... Why can't I cry?
I remember the last days... when your frail body was too weak to even sit any longer. Your skin was so pale that it seemed translucent, blue veins tracing their way across your flesh. You were still beautiful in my eyes. Never forget that... you were always beautiful to me. I held you in my arms as the last shuddering breaths left your lungs... held on when the tears surged behind my eyes, never to fall. I kissed you goodbye, love.
Do you remember?
I sit here now, the soft melody of the rain only echoing in what remains of my soul. The glass is cool against my cheek as I let one hand stretch out through the open pane, tiny droplets slipping through my fingers like so much sand in an hourglass.
It's been three weeks... two days... twenty one hours and forty two seconds... and I can wait no longer. Leaning back, I let myself lay half out of the window, looking up towards the cloud streaked sky. Cool metal rests against my palm, the familiar touch reassuring me that what I do is right. The barrel presses against the soft hollow of my throat, my fingers closing around the pistol tightly. There is only a second of fear before I feel myself squeeze... and the world shatters.
Rain... trickling over my face gently... soothing me, like the tears of an angel.
Don't cry, love... I'm coming home.
* * *
~Owari
----------
I've saved the world... thrice.
We fought when no one could. We came to aide when no one else would. Now I sit and watch the rain course down the windowpane and wonder:
What did I fight for?
You used to love the rain... I can still see your slender form dancing between the droplets, laughing and calling me to come join. My distant demeanor never could allow me to take joy in such simple things. Instead, I felt my heart surge simply by watching you.
I lived through you.
I never understood that until now. Never realized the cold shell of a man that I used to be, until I became him once more. Without you... I'm dead inside. A mockery of life that trudges through each day in a vague effort to reach the bliss of dreams, where I can hold you again. Feel you again. Love you again.
It's been three weeks... two days... eighteen hours and twenty seven minutes since the last time I laid eyes upon your beauty. Even in death, you were still so beautiful. An angel being called home once more, away from my arms. A part of me was buried with you, that much is plain to see. The others were there as we laid you to rest... the offers were made, but I refused any effort to pull me closer to them. I can't do it... I can't walk away and leave you behind.
Today is the day. Do you know why, love? It was five years ago on this very date that our world came crashing down around us. The physical was routine, we'd all had them... only yours came back with news that made even the doctors cringe. 'Uncureable'... 'untreatable'... I remember those words. I remember your hand clenched tightly around mine as those bastards handed down a death sentance upon you. There was no telling when... no telling how long we had left together. They knew little about it then, I understand that. It was little comfort then, and even less now, however.
The virus was rare... or at least that's how it started. Within two weeks of that day, nearly 1/8 of the population of the colonies was infected. People were dying from an enemy we couldn't fight... even with all the firepower we had. How do you defeat something so tiny that it can't be seen? How can anyone look into the eyes of a loved one and turn away from fear of infection?
I couldn't... but I was forced to. You refused to let it catch me as well... and denied me anything more than video calls. Do you know how many times I brought my hands up to brush that screen, imagining it was your fair skin I caressed? Did you lay, crying against the pillows afterward until it seemed the only sound you could force from your lips was a strangled sob? I did...
I don't blame you, love... I never did. I was angry, confused... heartbroken. I still am. But this was never any fault of your own. I want you to know that... know that I never turned against you, even when my rage swelled within me enough to make me lash out at any who came near.
The earth was blamed by those in space who needed a scapegoat for their woes. I don't think anyone could have purposefully spread this disease... no one could be that cruel. Still, we rallied around the colonies once more, the four of us remaining. We set out to find any way to stop this plague before the casualties got worse. I lose track of just how long we spent turning over every stone, tracking down any scrap of information that might lead us to an answer. We even went back to the lairs of our mentors, those that were still intact. Those crazy old men weren't completely out of their minds... one of them even had the answers we were looking for.
I remember your face when I came back to you... you didn't want to send me away again, but felt that you had no choice. When I pulled you close into my embrace and told you of what we'd found, I had to catch you in my arms. We must have made quite a sight, love... two grown men cradling each other close as if no power on earth could ever make us let go. That night... I swore that I'd never leave your side again.
The vaccine worked, just as we had hoped. It even was able to reverse the effects in the early stages... but it was too late for you. I remember holding you that day, when it was discovered the vaccine would most assuredly kill you instead of healing as we had hoped. No matter how tightly you clung to me, I could never force the tears to fall.
I still can't cry, love... Why can't I cry?
I remember the last days... when your frail body was too weak to even sit any longer. Your skin was so pale that it seemed translucent, blue veins tracing their way across your flesh. You were still beautiful in my eyes. Never forget that... you were always beautiful to me. I held you in my arms as the last shuddering breaths left your lungs... held on when the tears surged behind my eyes, never to fall. I kissed you goodbye, love.
Do you remember?
I sit here now, the soft melody of the rain only echoing in what remains of my soul. The glass is cool against my cheek as I let one hand stretch out through the open pane, tiny droplets slipping through my fingers like so much sand in an hourglass.
It's been three weeks... two days... twenty one hours and forty two seconds... and I can wait no longer. Leaning back, I let myself lay half out of the window, looking up towards the cloud streaked sky. Cool metal rests against my palm, the familiar touch reassuring me that what I do is right. The barrel presses against the soft hollow of my throat, my fingers closing around the pistol tightly. There is only a second of fear before I feel myself squeeze... and the world shatters.
Rain... trickling over my face gently... soothing me, like the tears of an angel.
Don't cry, love... I'm coming home.
* * *
~Owari