'We can't do it without you' she said. That's what Calleigh told him just before she went into the interrogation room to arrest Zack Griffin.
Who is she kidding?
They can do it without him...they will. After that mistake that Calleigh found in his results thus compromising the evidence and getting a false negative when he checked Heather for blood, Eric decided that he should get back to his sick leave. He was not fit for work just yet. He came back too soon, and having Calleigh of all people figuring that out, humiliated him. He had to stand there and watch her go through his evidence report, go through his kit. He never felt so humiliated and embarrassed in his whole life. He always wanted to prove himself to everybody but especially to her. It never bothered him that she was better ranked than him, because Calleigh is one of the best CSI's he has ever met, ever worked with. She is dedicated and very good on her job and she deserves every possible promotion, but to stand there and watch her go through evidence he reported, made him feel so little.
She hadn't been tough on him, and he knew that. She was very understanding and spoke with a certain compassion. She even gave him a pass telling him it was a very easy mistake to make, but to him, he shouldn't have done that at all. It was a very basic thing, and yet, he had switched the H2O and the H2O2 and gotten a false negative.
He needed a drink to drown his sorrows in, or a punching bag to exercise off his frustrations, but yet he couldn't do any of that. He might be back to work, but he wasn't really supposed to drink yet, and he wasn't supposed to use such force after such an operation. Doctors had told him that eventually he could go back to his old routine of exercise, but not just yet.
That was when the door bell rang followed by a soft knock, and something told him that that was Calleigh behind the door. As if it wasn't bad enough, she had to come and check on him like a baby. He couldn't ignore her though. His hummer was parked just outside and she would know that he was avoiding her, and that was something that in all the years they had known each other, has never crossed his mind much less happened.
He had avoided her earlier though.
After he had watched her enter that interrogation room, knowing she was going to arrest Zack Griffin for murder, he had slipped out, not wanting to face her again. She had let him skip it and she had entered the interrogation on her own, but now, here she was behind his door, where he couldn't avoid her.
Regretfully, he got up from the couch and made his way towards the door. Checking to confirm his visitor through the peep-hole, Eric confirmed his suspicions.
It was her.
It was Calleigh.
He opened the door and sighed 'Oh please go away, I'm so embarrassed' he said upset as he let go of the door and turned to walk away from her.
Tears burned the back of Calleigh's eyes as she stood there, staring at him, walking away from her. He was upset and hurt by her actions. It was written all over his face, all in his words and the way his voice broke, but what was she supposed to do? Correct it behind his back and not say anything? Let someone else find out with worse consequences?
'Embarrassed? Eric...' she called out, as she walked after him closing the door behind her 'Eric wait' she said 'Please' she whispered as she stopped walking and Eric stopped as well.
'What?' he whispered still not looking at her, running a hand through his tired face.
'Can we talk?' she asked him.
'There is nothing to talk about Calleigh. I came back too soon' he said 'That's why I'm not coming back' he finished after a moment of silence and Calleigh gasped as her eyes went wide.
'What? Why? Oh come on Eric' she said, as she approached him.
'No Calleigh, my mind is made up. I'm not coming back' he said 'Today's mistake could have let a killer to go free' Eric told her.
'But it didn't. You fixed it yourself' she told him.
'No you did. You realized that my report was compromised' he told her.
'But you realized what the weapon was. You were the one who realized what transferred the dead fly on our victim, you realized that it was the helmet' she told him, trying to make him see that they wouldn't have solved the case if it hadn't been for him.
'Can you please look at me?' she asked him as he still stood with his back facing her.
He slowly turned around but quickly looked away from her 'Please don't look at me like that Calleigh. I can't stand that pity look' he told her.
'I am not pitying you' she told him 'I'm worried about you' she corrected him.
'You don't have to worry that I am going to compromise another evidence' he told her.
'That is not what I am worried about' she told him. She took his hand in hers and directed him to the couch, sitting down still with his hand in hers 'Why are you embarrassed?' she asked him softly 'It's me Eric...Calleigh' she told him softly giving him a soft warm smile that could melt any man's heart, especially Eric's.
'I know...and that is why I'm embarrassed' he admitted.
'Why?' she asked. She couldn't understand why he would be embarrassed about what happened.
'Because I always wanted to be the best Calleigh, I always wanted to prove myself, I always wanted to prove that it doesn't matter that I am Cuban, I can still do my job properly, that I am still a good CSI' Eric told her.
'And you are. You are a brilliant CSI Eric, but you are recovering from a brain injury and you suffered memory loss, you can't expect to be perfect as if nothing happened' she told him.
'I feel like I am letting people down, that I am letting you down, myself down...' he started telling her.
'You are not letting anybody down...especially not me' she told him, staring straight in his broken brown eyes.
'I always wanted you to think the best of me Calleigh' Eric started telling her 'When I realized that you were going through my evidence...I felt so...so embarrassed, so little...so...nothing...so ashamed that you had realized that I made such a mistake' Eric told her. She could see tears in his eyes and Calleigh felt so surprised that he was reacting this way. She felt like she didn't know him at all. This was not the reaction she expected to get from him. This was not how she thought he was feeling.
'Why? I don't understand why you're feeling this way. This is me Eric...your best friend. Why are you feeling this way? Why do you feel like you have to prove something to me?' she asked him.
'Calleigh this is a mistake that not even a rookie should make' Eric replied as he pulled his hand out of hers 'And I did' he told her.
'Eric you were shot in the head. You suffered memory loss. You can't expect to be in top condition' she told him.
'Why do you keep defending such a mistake?' he asked her exasperated.
'Because you are being too hard on yourself. It is a mistake that is not going to happen again because we corrected it, because now you know which one to use first' she told him.
He let his face drop in his hands while Calleigh just stood there, staring at him, feeling her heart break into million pieces. She hesitated at first but then she let her hand settle on his back as she started rubbing it for him.
'Eric...can I ask you something?' she asked him softly and when he didn't say anything she continued 'Have you come to terms with what happened?' she asked him 'Have you accepted that you were shot? That you could have...died?' she asked him as she fought tears of her own as images of him in bed unconscious popped up in front of her, images of his pool of blood at the parking lot persisted. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to push the memories away.
'Why are you asking?' he asked her, as he lifted his head so he could look in her eyes.
'Because I still have trouble accepting that fact myself' she whispered finally opening up about how hard she took his shooting.
'You do?' he asked her in surprise. He knew she cared about him but he didn't think she took it that hard.
'I do...I can't seem to accept it. I can't seem to come to terms with the fact that I almost lost you as well. I feel like I haven't done enough to help you get through this' she admitted.
'But you have Calleigh...you came to see me every single day' he told her.
'But that is not enough' she whispered 'When I received that phone call from Horatio, letting me know that you got shot and that you were being rushed to the hospital, that it was very bad, that you were in a very critical condition, Ryan and I rushed to the hospital immediately. We were going to donate our blood because Horatio told us that you had lost a lot of blood...but we were late. I was late and they told us it wasn't possible. The one thing I could do to help you...I failed you' she whispered and by now it was getting too hard to control the tears from falling.
'Calleigh' he whispered as he realized how deeply affected she was by his shooting. He had never seen her cry. He had seen her on the verge of crying yes, and he could still remember how red her eyes were when he opened his eyes in the hospital, and if he didn't know better, he would have thought that she had indeed cried. He had been so blessed to have her be the first one to see when he opened his eyes. She felt so home, so familiar...so her.
'Look I know that you were the one who got shot, that you are the one who is suffering through memory loss but I am the one who sat by your bed praying to God you would wake up, I was the one who had to leave from the hospital to catch the shooter when all I wanted to do was stay there with you and hold your hand through all of this, I was the one who had to go to the crime scene and stare at that pool of blood knowing it was yours, and I was the one who had to listen to that security guard telling us why he shot you and try to keep cool and collected when all I wanted to do was put a bullet in his own head' Calleigh confessed, as silent tears streamed down her beautiful face.
'When Speed died...it was hard and it took me a while to process it...to get through it and then Hagen shot himself and that was hard knowing that I was the cause of that, and since then...it has always been you and me. Sure Ryan and Natalia came on the job, but you and I have been here since the beginning. If you hadn't pulled through...I wouldn't have been able to take it Eric...' she admitted, as she closed her eyes and tried to ignore the nausea that she could feel taking over, just thinking about what could have happened.
Eric was so touched by her confession that without thinking about it, he just pulled her in his arms and just hugged her tight and Calleigh just let him hold her as tight as he wanted as her hands settled on his back. It was all she had wanted to do for weeks now but for some reason she held back.
'Calleigh...I had no idea you took it this bad' he whispered.
'That's because I didn't show you. I wanted you to focus on getting better. I didn't want to worry you' she whispered as she started wiping the tears away, pulling out of his embrace.
Eric cupped one cheek, wiping the tears away with his thumb 'I am so grateful for you, you know that?' he asked her 'You have no idea how much you helped me through this' he told her 'I was upset earlier because the last thing I want to do, is disappoint you' he told her.
'Disappoint me? Eric? Do you have any idea how proud I am of you? You have been able to come to this point so much quicker than doctors anticipated' she told him 'Eric...you're a walking miracle' she told him 'You have no idea how happy I was this morning to see you at the crime scene again' she told him.
'And it felt good to be back Cal...until you realized that I had messed up' he whispered still upset.
'But what was I supposed to do Eric? Not tell you?' she asked him 'I don't think I was hard on you though' she told him.
'No no you weren't, I know that' he assured her 'But you know...it is just hard when someone tells you that you have done such a stupid mistake...someone you really look up to...it's embarrassing' he told her.
'It is not embarrassing when you are getting back from such an injury' she told him 'It is not like you done this on any other normal day' she told him 'And it is not like Stetler came and talked to you about it...I did Eric...just me' she told him 'I thought it would have been easier for you hearing it from me instead of someone else' Calleigh told him.
'Yeah I guess...' he said.
'I want you to let me help you...I want you to talk to me about everything that is bothering you, about anything you realize you do not remember...I want to be there for you in every way that I can' she told him 'Let me keep an eye on you at work...we can do this together' she told him.
'OK' he whispered and Calleigh had to smile. She got up from the couch then and started making her way towards the door 'Maybe I see you tomorrow then' she whispered with a smile.
'Maybe' he replied with a nod.
Calleigh smiled and turned to leave when Eric caught her hand 'Thank you Calleigh' he whispered.
'You're welcome Eric' she replied and with that she walked away and back into her hummer.
He watched her drive away and Eric closed the door behind him, resting his back against the wooden thing, running a hand through his face. She was right. He hadn't come to terms with what happened really. All he had been trying to do was overcome it. He only focused on trying to get his memory back, on trying to recuperate physically and ignored the rest.
He smiled as he recalled what she said. She wanted to help him. She wanted to be there for him, help him through this. She was just the best. He really couldn't ask for a better friend than her.
He wanted to get through this. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint her. He wanted her to be proud of him just like she said she was. Eric believed her though. He believed her when she told him that she is proud of him. She wouldn't just say something like that if it wasn't true.
He decided then, it was time to face the truth. He grabbed his car keys and quickly got out of the apartment before he decided otherwise again. It was late and maybe now was not the right time to do this but he needed to go to the place where he got shot. That parking lot was well lit, and when he parked, Eric thought he could see a familiar face, but he wasn't sure.
He got out of the car, gun ready to use if it needs be and slowly approached that particular spot, only to realize that Calleigh had beaten him to it. She was standing there, arms crossed in front of her chest and if he didn't know any better, he thought he heard her sob. Sob? That wasn't like her. She managed to control even her tears usually and if some escaped and trailed down her face, they never carried out a sob. They would at least slip down silently.
'Calleigh' he whispered and she turned around to look at him. It was dark, but Eric could see that she was crying.
'What are you doing here?' he asked her. He was staring at her face. It was practically wet.
'I asked you if you have faced what happened to you yet, when I haven't. I needed to come here and try to face it. I can't help you if I am still trying to face it myself' she replied. She tried to wipe the tears that kept falling silently now down her cheek, when Eric cupped her face with both hands, catching the tears with the palm of his hands.
'Come here' he whispered as he pulled her in his arms and Calleigh buried her face in his chest, letting all the unshed tears out now. She needed to do this, and there was no shame in doing it in front of Eric...in Eric's arms. The tears were about him after all. He could witness just how hard this affected her.
'Talk to me' he whispered.
'I keep seeing that blood pool...I keep seeing you on the floor...' she cried in his chest 'You know from...from how the blood pool forms, I could make out how you were lying down' she whispered.
Eric closed his eyes and he could hear the gun shots being fired and instinctively he tightened his hold on Calleigh. He felt her hand rub gently his back trying to calm him down, assuming what he was remembering.
'Talk to me' she whispered against his chest.
'I...I keep hearing the gunshots' he told her 'I keep...seeing myself fall on the floor when I got shot the first time in my leg' he told her 'I was in the middle of the parking lot...I couldn't take cover...' and Calleigh tightened her hold on him, while Eric pressed his cheek against the top of her head.
'You survived' she whispered 'You survived' she repeated as if she needed to assure herself of that fact as well as him.
'I did' he whispered.
'Maybe we should leave' she whispered 'It's late' she said as she pulled her face from his chest, looking up in his eyes.
With one hand still around her back, he cupped one cheek and kissed her on her forehead 'Thank you for being here...' he told her before looking in her eyes 'Thank you for being you' he whispered, his thumb stroking her cheek and Calleigh smiled, her hands resting on his hips.
'I am where I belong' she whispered. If it was any other day, under any other circumstances, Eric would try and read between the lines to that statement, but not tonight. Tonight he just needed his best friend...and she was there.
'Let me know when you arrive home' she told him as she let her hands drop from his hips and they started walking towards their cars, leaving what once was a crime scene and the place where Eric almost lost his life.
'I will' he told her 'You do that too' he told her and with that they parted ways.
oooOOOooo
It was the next day, and Calleigh had just arrived on the 4th floor, ready to start her day. Her thoughts were on Eric, wondering if he would show up or not, wondering if she had managed to convince him to come to work anyways and let her help him through this.
She had her back towards the elevator while she signed some papers on the reception desk, when she heard footsteps coming from behind her. She turned around to see a tall familiar figure approaching her.
'You came' she whispered with a smile.
'I did...thanks to you' he replied and Calleigh's smile widened 'Shall we start?' he asked her feeling energetic this morning.
'Let's go' she told him and with that they left the reception desk and went on their way to start the day.