Disclaimer: I do not own Batman or it's characters.
Metropolis,
When most people hear of it their mind goes to one main attraction, Superman.
But the Joker wasn't like most people and the first thing that ran through his mind was weapons that only an old friend could supply.
"Would you hurry up? I'm not paying you to socialize!" Joker belted across Lex Luthor's office.
Lex brushed him off and continued with his phone call.
"I'm sorry but I'm going to have too continue this later, I have a client waiting" Lex said staring at the two clowns seated at his desk, flinging rubber bands at each other. "Yes, I'd rather discuss matters with you but the clown is here."
Lex hung up the phone and walked to his seat.
"Ah, look who decided to join us Harley girl" The Joker said cheekily
"Oh him? I forgot he was here" Harley giggled
"You know, I don't see what takes so long just to hand over some illegal weapons. Me and my girlfriend want off this damn state already." Joker ranted onto Lex "It's hot, it's muggy, not to mention it's sunny! Superman's everywhere you look, it's sunny-"
Joker was about to continue until he was interrupted by a irritated Lex rubbing his forehead in frustration
"Shut up."
Joker stunned looked at Lex, then to Harley, then back to Lex.
"What did you just say to me?" Joker responded through gritted teeth
"Now, calm down puddin' I'm sure he didn't mean it like that" Harley insisted reaching over to hold him, only to be shoved away "Dammit Harley not in front of the help!"
Lex growing with more irritation yelled "Shut up!"
Joker looked at him with a evil grin while Harley sat wide eyed as he continued,
"For 3 months I've had calls from you asking for the same damn thing, and when you weren't asking for that you were leaving prank calls hourly asking for me then hanging up" He stood up and walked to the door while the two stared at him "Mercy will show you to your supplies now GET OUT!"
The two got up and walked over to Mercy waiting by the door.
"Why, thank you Lex" Joker smiled sinisterly at Lex "Don't you see how things move a lot faster when you learn to work together?"
Following the two girls the Joker turned to Lex and whispered in his ear "Don't forget to stay in touch, I'll write you"
The Joker stood in line for his flight looking into a pocket mirror making sure his tan makeup was applied evenly when a guy behind him started shaking his arm.
The Joker closed his mirror, turned and smiled pleasantly to the man.
"I'm always so n-nervous in these lines e-even if I've done nothing wrong, I always f-feel so guilty" The man stammered to him.
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it" The Joker explained and pointed to the stocky security guard "See that man? We go way back."
He chuckled to himself at the sight of his henchman disguised perfectly.
Only he could come up with such a foolproof plan.
He opened back up his mirror while the line started moving forward.
He glanced back up only to see a new security guard while his henchman was walking away with some other ones.
What the hell does he think he is doing? The Joker thought to himself since he was next to board the plane.
"Excuse me, where's that security guard going?" The Joker asked to the new guard.
"Don't tell anyone, but he's being arrested for accepting bribes" The man replied smugly.
"People these days, can you excuse me? I'll uh, I'll be right back"
He pushed the nervous man ahead of him and walked to the back of the line only to be met by Harley.
"Wow, Mr. J these airport bathrooms are disgusting" Harley said adjusting herself.
"That's nice Harley, Listen. I have to go pick up some cigs. Can you take these bags and I'll meet you on the plane?"
"Sure thing boss!" Harley chirped while The Joker made a run for it.
The Joker arrived back at the hideout and met up with one of his goons.
"How'd it go boss?" Rocco asked while playing poker with the rest of the gang.
"Oh, pretty good!" The Joker chirped and took a seat with everyone pulling out his own deck. "Business here, Business there. Oh! Harley and I trashed the hotel room and skipped out on the bill. We also cut the cords on some people in the elevator. HA HA HA!."
As he started shuffling Rocco mustered up the courage and asked "Speaking of Harley where is she?"
The Joker started starting giggling "Oh, I almost got busted at customs and had Harley take the fall for me" then he started laughing hysterically "I can only imagine the look on her face!"
Everyone silently looked at each other and then he started dealing.
"OW!"
"Everything okay boss?" Rocco asked
"Yeah, ever since I've been having shooting pains in my chest" he replied rubbing his chest.
"Was it something you ate boss?"
"No, no. I'll be fine" The Joker insisted and tossed ten bucks into the pile.
As the game continued his henchman Curr casually said
"Poor Harley. I wonder what the holding cells in Metropolis are like."
"OW!" The Joker shrieked "Who gives a crap about her my chest hurts!"
Everyone looked at each other and Rocco said "Boss, Have you noticed every time we mention her you get these pains?"
"Whose name?" The Joker growled
"Harley" Rocco replied
"OW!" The Joker shrieked again "That's ridiculous"
Curr mumbled Harleys name under his breath and the Joker shrieked again
"Stop saying her name!" He spat.
After the game ended the Joker walked to his room and shut the door. He started to undress and then he saw one of Harleys costumes on the bed "ow" he grumbled and threw it in the closet.
He laid down on the bed and looked to her side "ow" he mumbled and slid into the middle. He closed his eyes and thought about his day and realized that she was a part of it, and gripped his chest.
The pains seemed like they were getting worse. Pouting he got dressed and yelled to his driver to have the car ready they were taking a road trip.
Meanwhile Harley was sitting in the corner of her cell watching her cell mate eye her down while making kissing noises at her. The butch woman started to walk towards her when a guard opened the cell.
"Harleen Quinzel your bail has been paid, you're free to go."
Harley followed the guard and saw Mr. J's driver.
They walked to the limo and as she got in she was greeted by a huge smile.
"Wow! What a day!" The Joker chuckled while pouring himself a drink.
"You should be on your knees praising the gods above that you didn't have the day I had. While you were busy making new friends at cell block D, I had terrible heartburn and I couldn't sleep a wink"
Harley stared straight ahead and didn't look at him.
"Did you know I actually had to take care of the hyenas? I didn't know what the hell I was doing so I fed him of the trainees, HA HA" He smiled and looked over at Harley who was obviously ignoring him.
"Look at me go on" He nugged her arm "I haven't given you the chance to thank me for springing you-" Before he could finish Harleys hands were around his neck.
"H-Harley quit I-it, I'm u-uh sorry?" He gasped as she squeezed tighter