A/N: A parody of sorts? I've never really watched that whole stream of fillers, THANK THE LORD. But I'm still making fun of the filler characters. God, can they look anymore idiotic?
'Damn! Damn! If I don't think of something quick, I'm done for!'
Naruto was on a simple mission with Sakura and Sai. Well, it was simple at first...
Flashback...
"Oy! Sakura! Sai! Let's get something to eat!"
The three shinobi were walking in an obscure civilian town that they'd stopped in on their way to the Fire Country border, where they were obtain some kind of scroll from another team that had been patrolling the area for quite some time. Why the patrolling team required a third party to bring this information to Konoha remained a mystery.
"Fine, Naruto, but you're paying," sighed Sakura in resignation. She glanced over to Sai, thankful for his presence. As much as she considered Naruto as on of her best friends, well, that's all she'd ever consider him. He was still persistant in getting a date with her, so she was grateful that Sai was here; he was the most hated, yet appreciated third wheel.
So they walked into the cheapest looking restaurant that Naruto could find, since he was quite poor. They sat down and ordered and waited for their food to arrive when Sakura noticed a small group of four staring at them.
"Hey," she nudged Naruto. "Those weirdos are staring at us!"
"You mean the ones with the freakishly disctinctive hair and facial features?"
"Yeah!" she nodded.
The food finally came and the three were distracted for 10 minutes or so.
"So what do you think we should do about the freaks?" asked Naruto, his mouth full of rice.
"Freaks? Where?" Sai was finally getting some lines in this conversation! His head swiveled about and Sakura whapped him on the backside of his head for being so obvious.
"Over there," she discreetly gestured.
"Maybe we should kill them," suggested Sai after taking a good gander at them. Needless to say, it wasn't received very well. "Well, everytime we meet some person with freakishly distinctive hair and facial features, they end up being little shits who have a grudge against something stupid and end up dragging us into their affairs! Then we have to save the day and it just lengthens our mission to God knows how much longer than necessary and we don't get paid extra!"
"He's got a point," considered Sakura. She unhappily reminisced about the awkward period of not being a genin, but not quite a chuunin either. It was full of weird missions involving weird people with weird hair and faces. She liked to call them her 'filler years'. She also liked to pretend that they never happened.
Naruto squinted his eyes shut and crossed his arms as he thought about it.
"Nah, let's just wait it out," he said. He didn't want to kill anyone unless he had to anyway.
"Tch, whatever. It's your call; just don't complain to me when they decide to make themselves known."
"Maah, it'll be fine! And if they do try something, I'll kick their ass!"
The Konoha-nin got up and left after leaving a check, ready to just fall onto their futons and go to sleep. Damn MSG.
Little did they know that this simple mission was going to turn into Hell on wheels.
...End of Flashback
"Hahahaha! Kid, you can't beat me! And now, with my ultimate fighting weapon!" yelled a man with lime green, gravity-defying hair, squinty eyes, and dark red fish lips. His subordinate stood next to him, a smirk in place and his arms crossed smugly. The young adult was a gender-confused...person and lacked any independant thoughts of his/her own. Much was to be expected of a minion.
Mr. Neon-Hair cackled with delight as Naruto's body was constricted in what seemed like some sort of act of bondage.
"Fuck! Why didn't I listen to you Sai!" yelled Naruto. His cries of dismay were soon muffled by a gag and his vision was blacked out by a blindfold...(was that satin he felt?)
"Sai, you know the drill," sighed Sakura. She put her hand on her hip and waited as Sai took out a mini boombox from his backpack. He inserted a tape and put the volume on full-blast.
Just as the he-she was handing a suspicious whip to Neon-Hair, a familiar tune began to rise.
Naruto's ears perked up in sudden determination as a harmonious flute was heard over guitars and drums.
"Raaargh!" Naruto broke free of the chakra-enhanced rope and blindfold and gag and handcuffs and duct-tape. Of course, Neon-Hair and He/She were too shell-shocked to do anything as Naruto charged at them.
Kick.Punch.Kick.
Naruto wiped his hands clean as he finished off Neon-Hair. He turned to He/She and smiled maniacally.
Hair-Pull.Bitch-Slap.Fwap.
And there went He/She, plopped right next to his master. (Har har) The two 'evil doers' were hog-tied and humiliated.
"Woo."
"Go Naruto. Aren't you a stunner."
Oh, the enthusiasm the other two team members contained.
Cough.
Sakura walked up to the hog-tied people, a tad lazily too, and proceeded to ask why on EARTH they decided to pick on them to annoy out of everyone in the rest of the damned area.
"Well, you see, my minion here is not only gender-confused, but sexually-confused as well. Men or women, is the question...so-" Neon-Hair was cut off as Naruto did not want to hear anymore on the reasons as to why he was treated as a sex-slave.
"You know what, we're going to be nice today and let you off," said Sakura as she untied the two. "And next time you want to rape someone, try the Hidden Village of Sound."
"Ooh, Sakura, you're so evil!" scolded a scandalized Naruto.
So the three shinobi went on with their mission and had absolutely no trouble at all from then on.
The Hidden Village of Sound a few weeks later...
"What the FUCK?! Fucking get this fucking piece of fucking rope off my fucking body and FUCK I CAN'T FUCKING SEE! YOU FUCKING LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING SHITS BETTER FUCKIMMFUCKMMMFFFMMM..."
"Ah, ah, ah, my little Uchiha! Master doesn't like you sweaariiing! Now I have to punish you!"
Whip!
And that's when the gender-confused minion decided to become a girl.
And Sasuke unwillingly experiences his first dominatrix. Ahaha, I hoped you liked it :) Drop a review if you can spare a minute!