The Horrors Of Fanfiction
A/Ns: I honestly have no idea what the hell I was thinking when I wrote this.
Crack. Do excuse me. Makes very little sense if you haven't read my fanfic Life Without Oxygen first - not that it makes any semblance of sense anyway.
In a far away universe where ninja throw funny shaped knives at one another and summon animals in puffs of theatrical smoke, with demons and shape shifters and illusions, Sasuke and Naruto have somehow managed to conjure up a computer.
...
Well, why not? If they can do all that, then they can find technology like that somewhere. Even if they have to invent the damn thing. Sasuke is supposed to be a genius, anyway. (Even if he repeatedly proves otherwise.)
By fateful chance, they stumble across a certain fanfic known as Life Without Oxygen, and, reading over one another's shoulders, plough all the way through it in silence.
Once its over, they sit gazing at the screen wordlessly for quite some time.
Sasuke: ...
Naruto: ...
Sasuke: ... *rubs temples - headache coming on*
Naruto: *slowly growing insane grin* ...Oh my god, Sasuke, she put you in a DRESS. *dies laughing*
Sasuke: *irritably* That's all you have to say about it?
Naruto: Oh come on, what am I supposed to say? She made us gay and have sex and confess our undying love to one another, and you were a douche (actually you already are, scratch that) and I was a prat with multiple personality disorder. Besides, screaming is boring, and I like my hair too much to tear it out by the roots.
Sasuke: ...You're such an idiot.
Naruto: Actually, if you were dressed up and looking enough like a girl, I probably wouldn't mind fucking you. You're kinda pretty enough already, with a bit of makeup and crap. At least she was smart enough to put me on top.
Sasuke: ...You're straight, you retard. Don't joke about dumb stuff. And I'm not pretty. Plus, even if we were both gay (which neither of us are) you would never in a million years get to fuck me. Least of all on top.
Naruto: Hey! Why not? Aren't I sexy enough for you? *flexes* Look! Lookit, would you? I'm hot stuff, yanno!
Sasuke: *rubs temples again* I just said I'm not gay, moron. And no, you're not sexy enough for me. You're a blond idiot with too much energy.
Naruto: Bastard! I am so sexy! I'm not an idiot! God, you're such a tightass!
Sasuke: According to this, yes.
Naruto: ... *stares*
Sasuke: ... *looks back expressionlessly*
Naruto: ...Kakashi has corrupted you, hasn't he?
Sasuke: Coming from Jiraiya's prize student, in more ways than one, that seems a little rich.
Naruto: *thinks back a few seconds* ...Wait. Was that humour?
Sasuke: *blank stare*
Naruto: Oh my god, Sasuke, you've gone and got yourself a sense of humour! *glomps* Don't worry, Sasukins, I'll protect you!
Sasuke: *splutters and throws Naruto off* Get away from me, idiot!
Naruto: *laughs loudly*
Sasuke: Whatever, a sense of humour is something which you apparently lack, dipshit.
Naruto: You're a prick.
Sasuke: You've mentioned - or synonymous phrases - many times.
Naruto: *rolls eyes* Yes, and your walking dictionary impression is still sexy, honest.
Sasuke: I have no problem with being more intelligent than you, so I'll put that under 'Naruto making up for his own idiocy'.
Naruto: I'm not an idiot!
Sasuke: According to this slag, you've confessed it yourself.
Naruto: WHERE?
Sasuke: *scrolls back and points* *reads aloud* 'I'm the stupid one not him'.
Naruto: HAH! You confessed it before me! *snatches the mouse and scrolls further back* 'She says she isn't an angel she isn't anything she's a liar and a stupid sick faggot boy.' Which is talking about you by the way even though it calls you a chick - which is totally crackup. I only said I was stupid because of your dumb insecurities.
Sasuke: I'm not insecure, dumb fuck. And I'm not a chick, nor have I ever been. You've seen me naked, so don't even start.
Naruto: *snorts* Right. Of course you're not insecure. You're not the one who went batshit the minute I started to surpass you, ending up eloping with the snake freak and murdering him and then your big brother. Oh, my mistake, you were gonna do that anyway. Oh, and you shouldn't say things like I've seen you naked without being specific, 'cause as you've mentioned I'm a pervert and can make all sorts of stuff out of it.
Sasuke: ...I'm going to murder you too in a minute.
Naruto: I've got a better idea. Why don't we both go and murder this author woman?
Sasuke: For once you say something intelligent. Deal.
Naruto: *shakes Sasuke's hand shortly* Right. Got your girly sword and your gayass outfit?
Sasuke: ...I'm not gay, moron, nor am I wearing the outfit which you refer to. There was no point seeing as I'm at home and Orochimaru isn't around to order me about and ogle my chest. And yes I have my sword - which is not girly.
Naruto: Hey, why did you wear that purple buttbow thing anyway? I know you've never had great taste, but that was kinda extreme even for you.
Sasuke: Says the fashion expert. Your orange abomination is wearing rather thin at the elbows, in case you haven't noticed recently. I wore the damn thing because Orochimaru was - as you pointed out - a perverted freak and burned all my other clothes so I didn't have anything else. Were we leaving? We have a fanfic author to assassinate.
Naruto: *bursts out laughing* He did what? Seriously? (My clothes are awesome, asshat!)
Sasuke: *looking irritable and slightly humiliated* Burned my clothes. Hurry up, retard. *shuts down computer and gets up to leave*
Naruto: Okay, okay, I'm coming! *hurries after him*
Door closes behind them with fading voices disappearing down the hall, and somewhere said author trembles in foreboding.
...Lords forgive me.
I don't expect you to review this shit. Just don't kill me for it.