The Fangirl Blues, a naruto fanfic

The Fangirl Blues

It was a typical day at the Root Beer Bar, I was drinking a Cream Soda Root Beer on the rocks, listening to the underappreciated. Kankurou was drowning his sorrows in a straight Root Beer on the stool next to mine, "I just don't get it . . . Jan." He took another swig, "I mean, Frieza has more fangirls than me! FRIEZA! More girls think a pasty- faced, gay salamander is cuter than I am! A FREAKIN' SALAMANDER!" He looked up at the bartender, "Hit me again, I'm almost out. Jan." " Fangirls don't make sense, " I observed, "Look at Orochimaru, he's an evil, murderous, snake-obsessed, demon/pedophile, but half the fangirls on earth would give their left eye for a date with him." Kankurou looked around the bar at the other forgotten guys spending their Saturday night alone, Yamada Hanatarou, Rikichi, Loz and Yamucha were playing poker in the back, (Rikichi was winning), James Darren Emerson, AKA, Moondoggie was trying to get the jukebox to work, not that he had anyone to dance with, Jirobo, Kidoumaru, Sakon and Ukon were playing darts.

Suddenly the door burst open and a group of fangirls walked in, everyone turned to look at the rare sight. "That's no catboy, stupid!" The first fangirl said, "That's just Kankurou!" "Well how was I supposed to know with that stupid hat?" Kankurou threw a bottle at them, and they wisely fled. "Disgusting," He was on the edge of killing something female, "The other day, a fangirl came up to me, and you know what she said?" His eyes narrowed with rage, "Where's that cute Crow!?" The idiot thinks my puppet is cuter than I am, and she even got his name wrong,Jan!" He turned and shouted, to no one in particular, "IT'S KARASU PEOPLE!! What's with these idiots who think Americans can't handle Japanese names, jan? I mean, Joey Wheeler? Ash Ketchum? They must think you're all retards!" "Uhm, Kankurou, that's not PC, it's "mentally-challenged", I think . . ." "Yeah, that's the term, one of them anyway." Hanatarou piped up, 'And if you think that's bad, more people want Hitsugaya than me! They'd rather have a twelve-year old!" Rikichi shook his head, "At least they know who you are, I'm just, "That Kid That Follows Renji Around And Chases Butterflies."" "I used to be the star, back in Dragonball," Yamucha sighed, "Just me an' Goku, now they make me out to be a cheating loser just so Vegeta can steal that whore Bulma out from under my nose without looking like the whore-monger he is. Well, he deserves that loud-mouthed little witch." He walked over to Kankurou and patted him on the back, "I feel your pain, man, Frieza beat me out long ago . . ." "They say they like sensitive men," Loz said, "But they make fun of me for crying! And then they say I'm ugly because I look like a man, unlike my sis . . . Er . . . Brothers . . ." He put his head in his hands, "They're crazy!" "I've heard a lot of fangirls talk about what a guy like me, with six hands could do," Kidoumaru frowned, "With other guys . . ." He shuddered. "That's all they care about."

"Ah, yes, Yaoi, the bane of our existence," Yamucha spit out the word like a flat soda. "It's disgusting, they actually pair me and Sakon together!" Ukon growled. "Yeah, they put me and Chouji together, even though he killed me!" Jirobo grunted. "I have a canon girl, Gidget," Moondoggie added, "But that doesn't keep them from pairing me with every guy on the ship!" "Yeah, I admire Renji, but I don't want to date him!" Rikichi added, a bit flustered. "Like I said, fangirls don't make sense, still, it could be worse." I offered."How!?" Sakon challenged, "Kiba X Akamaru." I added quietly, and everyone turned a bit green. Kankurou took off his hat and ran a hand through his spiky brown hair, "I even took my face paint and my shirt off for those wenches, and I still didn't make the Top Ten list, jan! I even did a "hot springs" scene!" "You don't really want fans who're just interested in your body, do you?" "Darn right, I do!" Everyone else nodded in agreement. "If Sasuke looked like a dog, who would want him, jan? Other than his looks, what's he got? Personality? Don't make me laugh! He could fit all of his personality on the head of a pin and still have room to write out the entire Dragonball Series, jan! No offense, Yamucha." "None taken, it is a frickin' long story . . ." Kankurou thought about it for a moment, "Still, being forgotten does at least leave us out of a lot of yaoi, so it might not be to bad of a thing." Everyone nodded their agreement. He grinned, "Fangirls, who needs 'em! Party at my house, jan!"

And it was a great party . . .

The End

Kankurou, Karasu, Kidoumaru, Jirobo, Sakon, Ukon, et al. copyright Masashi Kishimoto

Rikichi, Yamada Hanatarou, Hitsugaya Toshirou, Abarai Renji copyright Tite Kubo

Loz copyright Square Enix

Moondoggie/James Darren Emerson copyright BONES, I think . . .