This is an open-ended one shot. I know the actual ending, but my intention is for you to figure it out on your own.
The cold breeze blows forte yet silently as leaves spiral around his feet, as if trying to encase his fragile legs in a whirlwind of wintry winds, the leaves entering and exiting the cyclone similar to the boy's thoughts do when they pass his mind, never ceasing to touch solid foundation, swimming afloat in open areas until everything falls back to place.
When he exhales he sees a fleeting image of his breath.
Then, it's gone.
He can't feel their sharp edges when they lightly scratch his legs amidst their whirlwind pattern. He ignores the crispness of the frigid winds that batter his pale skin, forcing his eyes shut to prevent any loose tears from falling victim to the cold—or rather, not wanting anyone to see him crying, since he probably didn't care whether tears froze upon his cheeks.
"I can never tell you…." Kyle mutters to himself before collapsing onto the fresh snow.
-
Kyle's eyes glimmer with lost hope as he watches from afar.
It's a continual torture for the boy, a pain that never seems to leave him alone, appearing whenever it wasn't welcome, inducing emotional hurt that lingered hours after it passes away; and no matter how many different ways he tried to rid of the evil it never ceases to come back, always returning hidden behind the innocent blue eyes that unknowably seem to cause so much harm.
"Hey dude," the boy says as a greeting, much as he always does. But Kyle pays no attention to the greeting, nor to the brilliant smile he has on, nor even to the blue eyes that always mesmerize him; no, Kyle's eyes are focused deeply upon his friend's linked left arm, arm hooked so dangerously with the arm of the girl that makes Kyle jealous.
"Kyle?" the girl asks, her voice reaching to an unusually high pitch as she ends her sentence.
"Hey," mutters Kyle, for the sole purpose of not being questioned further.
He doesn't get off the hook that easily. "What's up, dude?—you've been really spacey lately."
"Eh, I—" but Kyle doesn't finish, for as Kyle is about ready to give his friend a improvised excuse Cartman appears behind the couple, situating himself comfortably between the pair's linked arms.
"Sup fags?" he says snidely, motioning specifically to Kyle.
The girl, in disgust, pulls away from Kenny. Cartman hits the ground hard.
-
"Even if I told you," begins Kyle, sitting up as he raised his hands to reveal a shining object in his palms; "even if I told you, I don't think you'd believe me…."
The cold wind only picks up; the icy rain only falls harder. To Kyle, the only warmth he can feel in the midst of the thunderstorm is from how the mental images in his mind burn him from the inside.
Those blue eyes cut into him deep, but it's the only comfort he has.
-
Ike, being both a brother and a very close friend, is one of the few who knows Kyle's feelings.
"You can't force him to like you," he reminds Kyle in a matter-of-factly tone. "He has a girlfriend I'm sure he loves."
"That's the thing," Kyle says quietly, so quietly that Ike has to lean closer to hear him. "I know I shouldn't tell him…."
"Then don't."
"But… it's like, it feels like that's the only way I'm ever gonna get over this!" and even as it comes out of his mouth Kyle realizes how stupid it sounds. "…Ike…?"
"Do what you want," Ike says with slight finality in his voice. "If you like him that much to suffer the consequences, go ahead… just remember you can't undo your actions."
"I know that," Kyle retorts. Though, after a few seconds, he says quietly, "I…I don't know…."
-
"But I still can't tell you," Kyle says, standing up against the gusts' will as he cups tighter the object in his hands. "I like you…."
The words echo in the barren area where Kyle stands, but no one can hear the reverberation as they resonate further and further away from earshot. But the swirling winds persist, continually beating stray leaves in disarrayed patterns as the falling rain pelt them as inversely thrown stones do to birds.
As rain bitterly bombards Kyle's face a sudden realization comes to mind. "I don't like him… do I…?"
The rain seemingly weakens.
"I… love him…?"
Leaves fall gently back to the ground. The object in Kyle's hand slips from his grasp, and before he realizes it the object shatters onto the dirt ground.
-
He feels like he's in The Fiddler on the Roof.
He's next to Kenny, looking at Kenny, but he feels so distant. It's like he's miles away, yet still right next to him. And all the while he's lost in his own world while his mind undergoes a violent argument over the boy he's watching.
You can't tell him.
But I want to tell him.
You can't tell him.
But I have to tell him!
You can survive in silence.
"Kenny?" Kyle says with a start, opening his mouth. But that's really all he can say. Kyle finds himself stuttering, trying to figure out the perfect wording to use. Yet his motives are unknown to Kenny, and the other boy merely waits.
"It's… nothing," Kyle says at last. "Nothing at all."
-
In the comfort of his bedroom Kyle remains awake, his eyelids seeking sleep, his fingers darting across paper, his mind triggered in thought, and his mouth reiterating the words on his paper.
It's the only way Kyle can do this, and he knows it. If he ever wants to tell Kenny his feelings he'd have to do it on paper, where he couldn't stutter, where he could properly choose his words.
Kyle's going against his instinct. And for some reason, it feels right.
"I like you," Kyle says aloud, all before erasing it once more. "I love you."
And he erases that again, too.
He merely continues writing, leaving that word blank for when he'd be finished. "I don't want to get between you and her," Kyle continues, shaking his head; "but at the same time…."
"…I don't want to get between you and her," he says again. "And… which is why… which is why…."
And right then, Kyle realizes what he'd need to do.
Zakuyoe's KK Archive:
001 - Holiday-Soaked Irony
002 - Maybe One Day
003 - Miles
004 - Scarlet-Stained Letters
005 - Scrabble
006 - Semitic Rhythm
007 - Lingering Blue
008 - 24
009 - Fallen Leaves