The Fangirl Menace, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

The Fangirl Menace

Duo Maxwell looked down from the safety of the cockpit of the Hell Deathscythe Gundam at the crowd of fangirls below. He was lucky this time, they hadn't managed to catch him as he ran to the giant mecha, he had held his trademark braid against his chest so they couldn't grab it and capture him that way. Despite what fanfiction said, Duo wasn't stupid. In fact, he'd invented the single most important defensive weapon against fangirls since Naruto gave the world the "Sexy-No-Jutsu", he had invented The Anti-Fangirl Shield Projector or, as he liked to call it, "The Shark Cage". Right now, the fangirls trying so desperately to get at the Deathscythe and climb up to it's cute young pilot were being repelled by an impenetrable shield of Anti-Fangirl Energy.

Duo's cellphone rang.

"Hey, Duo," It was Inuyasha, "Ya got the mags?"

"Yeah, and I nearly got caught getting your and Sesshy's copies of Dog Fancy! Next time get 'em yourselves!"

"Hey, I brought the ice cream!" He looked around nervously on the phone's tiny screen, "Have you seen Miroku? I sent him out for drinks about an hour ago, and he hasn't come back yet, I'm starting to get worried. If he got himself caught I'll kill him, that stupid lecher has my Dr. Pepper!"

"You're all heart, Inuyasha, that an' dog biscuits . . ."

"Just get yer tail over here!"

Duo smiled his famous smile and activated his Gundam, lifting off and away from the disappointed fangirls and flying over the city until he reached a large building, the headquarters of Guys Against Crazed Fangirls. It was the safest place a bishonen could be, the place was surrounded by high walls, an Anti-Fangirl Shield Projector, attack dogs, and rabid lawyers. No fangirl had ever gotten in, not yet, anyways. Everyone was scanned before entering to make sure they weren't secretly a fangirl/fanboy in disguise, no exceptions. One time a fangirl dressed as Gaara nearly made it through, until the real Gaara saw her, the results were . . . Unpleasant, and no one wanted it happen again. After setting the Deathscythe down in the Gundam parking area, Duo went through the scanner, which, of course, confirmed his identity. He walked inside, carrying the blasted doggy magazines, and went up to the fifth floor.

It was a huge building, Uchiha Sasuke had bought it on a whim with a little of the vast fortune he'd earned from sales of everything from toys to soap with his likeness on them, and then the group had it outfitted to suit their needs. The fifth floor assembly room was filled with food and party materials, and a few of the guys were milling around, eating or talking. Duo noted the presence of, in addition to Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, there was Himura Kenshin, Gaara, Nara Shikamaru, Sasuke and his equally icy brother Itachi, Heero Yuy, Quatre Winner, Tsukiyono Omi, Naoe Nagi, Toshirou Hitsugaya and Abarai Renji, to name a few. Miroku was still not there.

"Well, are you going to give us the magazines or not?" Sesshomaru held out a clawed hand.

"Keep yer' collar on, fido." Duo smirked, then, seeing the murderous look in the Inu-Youkai's eyes, quickly handed him the copies of Dog Fancy and beat a hasty retreat.

"About time." Inuyasha grumbled. "I see Miroku still hasn't come back."

Duo sighed, "You want to send out a search party?"

"Naw, Kiba brought some drinks," He pointed to Inuzuka Kiba, who was eating a piece of pizza. "He brought some pizza too . . ."

"Pizza!" Duo rushed over and snatched up a piece.

"I hear Kankurou's throwing a kickin' party at the Suna House," Kiba said, "Man, those "unpopular" guys don't know how lucky they are, I can't even walk down the street without some girl trying to grab me. That's what really happened to my jacket, ya know, Ukon didn't tear it up, a fangirl did."

Gaara looked up from his Double Chocolate Mint ice cream at the mention of his brother's name, "I hope he cleans up before Temari gets home, everyone thinks I'm scary, but Temari . . . YIKES!"

At that moment Miroku walked in, his robes were torn and he had lipstick marks all over his face.

"Kankurou?" Inuyasha asked, then broke down laughing, waking the sleeping Shikamaru.

"Very funny, dog-breath, very funny." Miroku walked unsteadily to a nearby chair and sat down wearily, "I might be a perv . . . Er, ladie's man, but even I have my limits."

"On the bright side," Gaara added dryly, "You won't have to look too far to find someone to bear your children."

Miroku grunted, "But it's no fun when they're so easy. I need a challenge."

"Why don't you try Temari?" Renji asked slyly, and Shikamaru jumped up from the couch, "Touch her and DIE!"

Gaara grinned, "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

Shikamaru blushed, what a troublesome situation . . .

Shika's pride was saved when Mr. Everywhere and Nowhere, Schrodinger, jumped out of a closed pizza box, dragging Wonderwice Margera with him. "Vee ver just at Kankuroo'z party, der ver no vangirls in zight!" Wonderwice nodded in the affirmative.

"That's great, BUT WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE PIZZA!?" Kiba shouted.

"Ve ate it?"

Duckbutt, AKA Sasuke, walked over and looked into the box, it was an ordinary pizza box. "Nazi-Boy, you gotta teach me that Jutsu!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "You do know, Schrodinger, that real Nazis would never accept a boy who's half human, half cat, no matter how blonde his hair is or how blue his eyes are. They would not have accepted werewolves either, like your Captain, or deformed persons, like that doctor or major or whatever."

"Vee are not dat kind of Nazi." He looked around, "Ver is Vunderveiss?"

The young Arrancar was crouching behind Duo, batting at his braid like a playful cat. Schrodinger's Catboy Senses suddenly noticed that Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Kiba and Akamaru were all staring at him, "VE need to go, Ve have a surprise for zis Eyesin person." He pulled a grenade from his pocket, "Ve'll put it in his toilet, he'll get a big blast from it. zee you later."

"WAIT!" Hisugaya shouted, "If you're going to do something to Aizen, I want in!"

"Sure ting, Captain." With that the odd trio teleported out.

"Wow, that was . . . Random." Duo remarked, holding his braid protectively.

The rest of the afternoon was interesting, to say the least. Nagi and Omi took Quatre and Heero's Gundams for an unauthorized joy ride, destroying Stately Wayne Manor (Fortunately for them, the Batman wasn't able to identify the perpetrators, though he still swears the 'giant robots' are out to get him.), Kenshin and Renji accidentally destroyed the table while comparing swords, Kiba puked all over Sasuke, and Akamaru fell in love . . . With a very displeased Sesshomaru.

It was a typical night at the GACF.

Full on pizza and Pepsi, Duo stepped into the hallway, waving goodbye to his friends. He, like most of the people at the party, lived in the building, (Though Gaara lived with his siblings at the Suna House), so he headed to his room on the third floor. He brushed aside the copies of Popular Mechanics littering his bed, lay down, and drifted into a sweet, fangirl-free sleep.

End

Duo Maxwell, Quatre Raberba Winner, Heero Yuy and Gundam Hell Deathscythe copyright Sunrise Animation

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku copyright Rumiko Takahashi

Gaara, Kankurou, Itachi, Sasuke, Kiba and Akamaru copyright Masashi Kishimoto

Wonderwice Margera, Hitsugaya Toshiro, Abarai Renji and Aizen Souzou copyright Tite Kubo

Schrodinger copyright Kouta Hirano

Himura Kenshin copyright Nobuhiro Watsuki

Tsukiyono Omi and Naoe Nagi are copyright Takehito Koyasu and Kyouko Tsuchiya