Before I start, I'd like to get a few things out of the way. First off, this is not a Zoe Walker story. If she is involved at all, it will be in a few subtle references, maybe a short cameo. This is a Naruto story first and foremost. Secondly, this is an AU story in which a single altered detail changes the whole story. No, I will not tell you what is different. You will have to figure that out for yourself. That's part of the fun. Finally, the continuity errors, moments of utter illogic, and irrational hatred of strong female characters and the laws of physics demonstrated in the canon plot have been removed as much as possible. I love Naruto. I really do. Perhaps that is why it took me over ten years to notice these things. So, characters will not be going out of character because the author doesn't know what the character's personality is going to be, unless it is because of the thing I changed. The laws of physics will apply when chakra is not involved, and when chakra is involved physics will still try to work right within the bounds of what is happening. Characters will not develop powers as the plot demands, but they can still learn new techniques and discover new powers. They just won't be stupid enough to use an untested move in the middle of a fight to the death unless they are really desperate, and if they do it will probably end poorly for them. Female characters other than Tsunade and Konan will be allowed to be powerful and scale with male characters. [Spoiler: Obito does not transplant Uchiha Madara's Rinnegan into Nagato the year that Obito was born in this story. In fact, in this story Uchiha Madara doesn't have the Rinnegan at all. He is plenty scary and manipulative without giving him god mode. Is it Madara behind the Tobi mask? Is it someone else? Does Tobi even exist in this world? Wouldn't you like to know? Heh heh heh.] All names, characters, world, etc are the property of Kishimoto, but this particular storyline, any OCs, and Zoe Walker are all mine. I will use English words when possible, unless the Japanese name for a jutsu sounds really, really cool. However, I will be putting the characters' last names before their first names. After reading the official Shonen Jump manga translations for years, to do the names the other way just feels strange.
For as long as humans have recorded history has existed a great monster, the nine-tailed demon fox. A natural disaster given living form, its footfalls caused earthquakes and widespread destruction. When it swung its tails volcanoes would erupt, hurricanes would brew, and mountains would crumble into dust. In its most recent rampage, the fox attacked Konohagakure, the village hidden in the leaves, home to some of the finest ninja in the world. Although many lives were lost that day, at the end of the battle two great ninja sacrificed their lives to defeat the demon, and seal it away inside a newborn baby. They were the Fourth Hokage, and his predecessor the Third, the leaders of the village. The demon was vanquished that night, but only at great cost.
Eleven years later, Konoha (as its residents preferred to call the village. The other names are something of a mouthful) had seemingly recovered entirely from being trampled by a twenty story fox demon. The outer wall had been rebuilt, and gleamed seamlessly in the afternoon sun. Inside the walls, homes, businesses, and the military facilities used by the village's ninja forces jumbled together like a toddler's proud building block project. Konoha might be renowned for powerful ninja, but it had never produced a stand-out urban planner. Five massive faces cast shadows on the mountains overlooking the village, carved busts of the previous and current Hokage, sternly watching over the village even after death. Anyone in the village had only to look up to see the history of Konoha displayed for all to see, as a young Chunin (Journeyman ninja. Lower than an elite Jonin in rank but higher ranking than a novice Genin) did. He gazed out the window of the Konoha Ninja Academy, where he was teaching a class. The Chunin had short, dark hair and a tan, and was dressed in the traditional uniform of Konoha: dark pants, dark shirt, utility belt and holster, and a dark green flak jacket. His only real distinguishing feature was a scar across the bridge of his nose. He started to motion to his class to gaze out the window, providing a supplement to the history lesson he was giving, and then did a double take. Next to the stern, cyclopean gaze of the Fifth Hokage had been painted a sixth wobbly face. The face was round, and would have been wholly unrecognizable as even human without the whisker-like lines on each cheek and the words painted across its forehead. The label read, if you looked at it sideways and squinted just right, "Uzumaki Naruto: Sixth Hokage!" The Chunin turned back to his class, desperately searching for a familiar face which was now conspicuous in its absence. Another adult ninja, a thin, young man with silver hair, pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He was dressed nearly identically to the first man, except that he had a pair of massive, manhole-cover-sized shuriken slung across his back.
"Go and get him, Iruka," the silver haired man told his teaching partner, "I'll hold down the fort here." He turned toward the students, who had clustered by the window to admire Naruto's handiwork. "Oi, you lot! Since you are obviously confident about history, we'll have a pop quiz on ninjutsu instead. The Art of Transformation! To pass, you gotta make yourselves look exactly like me. Let's go, y'all!" The students groaned as one, and plodded pack to their seats, muttering in annoyance and occasionally despair. Iruka, meanwhile, was already racing out the door.
"Thanks for covering for me, Mizuki," Iruka said gratefully as he raced out of the classroom, nearly slamming into the hallway wall outside before taking off at speeds no untrained human could hope to match. Channeling his Chakra, magical energies harnessed by ninja and sometimes samurai through intense training of body, mind, and spirit, the teacher forced power into his legs and rocketed out a conveniently open window. Leaping forward, he bounced off several roofs, and slid to a stop on a balcony just below the Hokage monument. He took a deep breath in, channeled a little chakra to his lungs (a handy voice-amplifying trick that was invaluable for any teacher), and shouted his displeasure at the top of his lungs. "UZUMAKI NARUTO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Up on the mountain, Iruka could see a tiny speck of orange swinging about on the end of a rope in panicked flailing. Faint shouting, hard to understand without the chakra that had enhanced Iruka's yell, filtered back down from the speck.
"Crap, Crap, Crap!" shouted Naruto, trying to restore his balance on the mountain to pull himself up and escape, "It's Iruka-sensei! I'm screwed!" Before the boy could do anything to escape, Iruka had jumped over to the mountain, run up the sheer face to reach his wayward student, and grabbed Naruto by the scruff of the neck, severing the boy's rope with a kunai knife. He was still standing on the vertical surface, held fast by a minor application of chakra. The boy and the teacher glared at each other, snorting. Both were far too stubborn to back down.
Iruka cooled down enough to talk first. "What were you thinking, Naruto," he asked in a more reasonable tone of voice, "The graduation exam happens tomorrow. You've already failed twice. If you fail again, you'll be shunted into the Genin corps. There's nothing wrong with the Corps, but you'll never become the Hokage in a position like that. I can count on one hand the number of people I know who were in the Corps and made Chunin! Is that what you want? Huh?" The teacher glared at the bundle of blonde hair and orange-and-black striped clothing he was holding at arm's length, the student inside tangled in his own safety rope. The student glared back with piercing blue eyes.
"Hah!" Naruto blustered with a huge grin, "You're just jealous that you don't have the guts to do something like this! You're nothing compared to me, 'cause I'm gonna be Hokage someday dattebayo! I'm gonna show the villagers that I'm not just some monster in a Naruto suit, and earn their respect! I know I'm not really the fox. Old man Hokage said so!" The last sentences were said as though Naruto was trying to convince himself of their truthfulness. Iruka responded with a grin.
"Well, no matter what anyone else says, I'm certain you aren't really the nine-tailed fox," Iruka stated with a chuckle, "I'm sure that if the fox shared your… artistic sensibilities it would have drawn great masterworks of art in the wreckage of the village. People would come from miles around to see wobbly self-portraits in the rubble. I think that Lord Hokage will forgive you this… masterpiece one last time, but you have to understand, Naruto." The Chunin's expression turned deadly serious, "Whether you graduate or not, after tomorrow, you will be an adult, and a ninja of Konoha. From that point on, stuff like this isn't harmless fun; you'll be fined or sent to prison." When Naruto went pale and gulped like a landed fish, Iruka knew he'd gotten the point across and smiled again, "but I think that the Hokage will forgive you this time, as long as you clean it up. I'm not going to let you go home until all the paint is gone."
"Don't worry, sensei," Naruto explained, "I used special paint like from the academy obstacle course. It washes off with water. Next time it rains, everything will come right off!"
"That doesn't make the paint go away right after school," Iruka said smugly, "You don't get out of this that easy. And, for trying to weasel out of it, you'll have to do it without a rope. Consider it a chakra control exercise. The Kami know you could use the practice." Naruto slumped in dejection, although the effect was somewhat lessened by the way he dangled from Iruka's hand, still covered in paint. The kid still looked pretty pathetic, and Iruka felt sorry for his student. He really wanted Naruto to pass, and sympathized with Naruto's plight. Naruto was not the first student to struggle in the academy. Many years ago, Iruka had been in a nearly identical situation to his student's. What had happened on that day had changed the Chunin's life. Maybe he could do the same for Naruto. "But," the teacher concluded, "If you can get it done in time, I suppose I could… I'll treat you to a bowl of ramen."
Naruto immediately perked up. It was like looking at a totally different person. Iruka could practically see stars in his eyes. The student wiggled out of Iruka's grasp and clung to the monument like a limpet. He then proceeded to shoot off toward the top of the monument, screaming "Ramen-Ramen-Ramen!" over and over like some sort of religious mantra. Iruka couldn't help snicker at the sight and sound, and then shook his head. It wasn't that funny. His blood must have been pooling in strange places from standing sideways for so long. Yeah. That was it. Iruka considered calling Naruto back, or dragging him into class for the rest of the day, but decided against it. There was only half an hour left in the day, and he estimated that Mizuki's 'pop quiz' would take up the rest of the time. He knew that the quiz wasn't graded; it was just to take up time and see where the students were with their ninjutsu. Besides, it wasn't every day that one managed to motivate Naruto to do something constructive. Supervision was probably a good idea.
True to form, when properly motivated Naruto could move mountains. His seemingly boundless energy and chakra reserves allowed him to stay on the wall long after any other student would have passed out from strain or chakra exhaustion. He was able to scrub the paint off with two hours of frenzied labor, all the while rambling happily about ramen. Iruka figured there were plenty of less healthy things Naruto could obsess about. Uchiha Sasuke and the small army of stalkers he had attracted came to mind. The poor boy still hadn't discovered why his dirty laundry kept disappearing. He needed to work on his observation skills. Being the valedictorian should not invite complacency. And as an Uchiha, lacking in said skills was just embarrassing.
Once all the paint was gone, and the sun was starting to set, Iruka and Naruto went to Ichiraku's Ramen, widely regarded as the best ramen stand in the village. Since Naruto had finished cleaning quickly, they even beat the dinner rush. Over ramen, Iruka gave Naruto pointers for the practical portion of the graduation exam. Both teacher and student knew that the academic section was a lost cause at this point, but if Naruto could score well on the practical aspects he could pass anyway. They were weighted more heavily, because the practical skills were what kept a ninja alive in the field. As they talked, Iruka had two bowls, and bought Naruto three more. Once Iruka cut Naruto off, the boy bought another fifteen bowls for himself. Fifteen! Where was he putting it all? Having seen Naruto eat in the past, Iruka concluded that the seal on the boy's stomach must include a storage seal just to make all the food fit. Thinking about the seal made Iruka sigh in sympathy for his student. Most ninja had some understanding of how sealing techniques worked, even if few ever became sealing masters. The ninja of the village understood that Naruto and the nine-tailed fox demon sealed inside him were two separate individuals. They did their best to treat Naruto like a normal kid, even if they got a little jumpy when the student made sudden movements. Civilians, however, had no such knowledge to draw comfort from. Most of them, and a vocal minority of the village's ninja, were convinced that Naruto was the demon confined in human form, and often tried to take out their grief and fear from the demon's attack on its container. Naruto didn't deserve that. He really was a good kid. He was just clumsy, socially awkward (because his condition made most people really nervous so he didn't have a lot of close friends), and had way too much energy for his own good. Even with the strongest ADHD meds the medic ninja could create and extra lessons to help the boy conquer his dyslexia, Naruto had trouble focusing. When he lost focus, he got bored, and usually tried to escape for one of his pranks. However, Iruka and the other teachers figured that once Naruto graduated the thrill of going on missions and learning new skills would keep him occupied.
Late at night, well after almost all the other customers had left, Iruka and Naruto said their goodbyes, with Naruto finishing his last bowl, and the two headed for home. The next morning, Naruto woke up early to make sure that he made it to the exam on time. He usually didn't put much effort into being punctual, but this was important dattebayo! He ate three packages of instant ramen and an apple from the basket of fruits and vegetables that Iruka regularly forced on him, and reluctantly threw away his carton of milk. Naruto would have liked milk with breakfast, but the drink smelled spoiled. When he reached the academy, Naruto was surprised to find that he was one of the first people there. He really was early! Only two other people were in the classroom already. Naruto slipped into the back, and considered his classmates. Nara Shikamaru, a lazy boy with dark hair shaped like a pineapple, was napping on his desk in the center of the room. Naruto suspected that Shikamaru could have been at the top of the class if he had put any effort in at all, since the Nara boy slept through all his classes and was still passing by a wide margin. The room's other occupant was the boy who was at the top of the class: Uchiha Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke had never gotten along. On the surface, this seemed a little strange. Both of them were very isolated orphans. Naruto had lost both his parents in the demon fox's attack, the same attack that had left the demon sealed inside him and most of the villagers hating him. Sasuke had lost his entire family four years ago, when his genius older brother Itachi had snapped and slaughtered everyone in the clan compound. Sasuke had been out practicing in the woods, and hadn't even know what had happened until he saw a house explode and rushed back to find his brother standing over the corpses of his parents and the elite ANBU ninja who had tried to stop him. After exchanging words, Itachi had tortured his brother with a genjutsu (illusion technique) and fled for parts unknown. Practically the only thing that the traumatized boy would talk about was how someday he was going to kill his brother and restore the honor of his clan. Since Naruto wanted to be friends (he always wanted to be friends), and Sasuke wanted to be left alone to brood, the two mixed like oil and water. It didn't help that as valedictorian and the last loyal member of the prestigious Uchiha clan Sasuke was the love interest of nearly all the girls in the class. They fawned over him. They stalked him. They stole his dirty laundry and built shrines to him in their closets. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke had figured out exactly how creepy the fangirls had gotten, though. Naruto knew that Sasuke had attracted all the girls, including Naruto's crush. Sasuke knew that he wanted nothing to do with the annoying fangirls or the even more annoying Naruto. The result was an epically one-sided rivalry. Naruto constantly tried to outdo Sasuke, and Sasuke ignored Naruto.
While Naruto glared at Sasuke, the rest of the class filtered in. As usual, the girls clustered around Sasuke, while the boys spread out around the room. This included Haruno Sakura, the girl that Naruto was certain was his one true love. He didn't know anything about her other than that she had pink hair, was pretty, and hated him. However, this hadn't blunted the demon vessel's enthusiasm at all.
While Naruto alternated glaring at Sasuke and drooling over Sakura, two people, Naruto's closest friends, sat down on either side of him. On his right was Inuzuka Kiba, the self-proclaimed class wild-man. The boy had fang-shaped tattoos on both cheeks, and feral yellow eyes. He wore a hooded jacket over light metal body armor. His dog, Akamaru, sat atop his messy, dark hair. The Inuzuka clan were renowned for their partnership with their ninja dogs, making them some of the best trackers and scouts in the world. Someday, Akamaru would be Kiba's partner in battle and all forms of missions, but he was still a puppy and spent most of his time eating, sleeping, and helping Kiba and Naruto pull off pranks. On Naruto's left sat the only girl in the class who didn't fawn over Sasuke, Hyuga Hinata. The Hyuga clan was the most prestigious and powerful clan in Konoha, and with the Uchiha mostly dead or defected the Hyuga didn't even have competition for the title. The Hyuga were renowned for their martial arts and the Byakugan, a unique ocular ninjutsu that only someone with Hyuga blood can awaken. The Byakugan, the all-seeing eye, grants 360 degree, full-spectrum vision and the ability to see chakra and through solid objects. The Hyuga martial art, Gentle Fist, takes advantage of this and the superb chakra control that all Hyuga have to use chakra to attack their foes' organs and chakra circulatory system directly. One scratch can be fatal. This powerful style was the reason that even Sasuke was below Hinata in rankings for Taijutsu (ninja unarmed combat). Hinata had the usual Hyuga looks. Her hair was blacker than a moonless night, and her skin was very pale. Her eyes shone silver and did not have visible pupils, the hallmarks of a Byakugan ready to be used. Despite her skills and lineage, Hinata was distinguished from the rest of her clan by not being an arrogant and abrasive person. In fact, she was painfully shy, and as in love with Naruto as the most devoted of Sasuke's fangirls were with him. Hinata in fact stalked Naruto, although she had never worked up the courage to steal his clothes or spy on him with the Byakugan. Just sitting next to him was enough to make her flush bright red and feel light-headed. However, Naruto was oblivious to her affections, having eyes only for Sakura. Everyone who cared knew that Hinata loved Naruto, except for Naruto himself, and several betting pools were devoted to the question of when the oblivious boy would find out.
Having a last name that started with the letters Uz meant that Naruto was the last person called to take his practical exam, and having sweated through the written portion, Naruto was forced to watch as the classroom slowly emptied. Even the seemingly imperturbable Naruto was feeling his nerves. Finally, Naruto's name was called, and he dashed down the steps and ran into the examination room in a burst of nervous energy. "Uzumaki Naruto, here and ready to pass dattebayo!" As he had come to expect from his previous exam attempts, three people were overseeing the exam. Mizuki and Iruka of course, and also the Hokage himself. The Hokage always sat in on the examinations to pick out promising students for ANBU, the hospital, and other special positions. His single eye swept over Naruto in resignation, as though he already expected Naruto to fail, and his hands twitched under his robes of state. The Hokage's right side was, as usual, swathed in bandages and Naruto wondered, not for the first time, what was concealed underneath. However, he didn't have time to dwell on the mystery, as the teachers put him through his paces. First, he had to spar with Mizuki, using only taijutsu. Then, he had to strike different targets throughout the room by throwing shuriken and kunai knives. After that, he had to break a low-level genjutsu. Finally, he had to demonstrate his proficiency in the academy's basic ninjutsu. Naruto was able to use the art of transformation with ease, making himself look exactly like Iruka and hold it for the required minute. When targeted with a thrown eraser, Naruto was able to use the art of substitution to switch himself with a nearby textbook, causing the projectile to strike the textbook instead. But, the third and final test was in the art of the doppelganger. This technique used chakra to create insubstantial duplicates of the user, and Naruto sucked at it. He could not create a convincing one, and no matter how much he practiced he never seemed to improve. Still, he reasoned, there is nothing like game-day pressure. Naruto made the hand signs needed to use the technique, pumped chakra through them, and… it fizzled, leaving behind a single clone that looked like it was made from play-doh. Naruto needed three convincing clones to pass.
"I'm sorry, Naruto," Iruka stated with finality. He didn't want to fail Naruto, but he didn't have a choice. "I can't let you pass without being able to use the art of the doppelganger. You fail." Naruto hung his head, and started to walk out when a different voice spoke behind him.
"Wait," ordered the Hokage in his gravelly voice, leaning forward. He looked like he was swallowing something bitter, but carried on, "Try that jutsu again." The teachers looked at him, startled, but didn't question the Hokage. His word was law. Shrugging in puzzlement, Naruto tried the technique a second time, and this time he didn't even manage a single clone, just a lot of smoke. However, whatever had happened had apparently confirmed something in the Hokage's mind, because he spoke again. "Just as I suspected."
"What is it?" asked Naruto nervously, "Is something wrong with me? Am I going to die?! I don't want to die dattebayo!"
Upon hearing Naruto's verbal tic, the Hokage twitched as though reminded of something foul, but he reluctantly explained his thoughts. "Everyone dies someday. However, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with your jutsu. You are simply using too much chakra for it. The excess power overloads the technique, and makes it fizzle. Considering your… unique condition it is doubtful that you will ever be able to use the art of the doppelganger."
"So then what do I do?" asked Naruto, "I need that jutsu to pass, right?"
"Not necessarily," replied the Hokage. His grimace grew more pronounced. "Since you are physically incapable of completing this test, I will waive the requirement that you demonstrate proficiency in the art of the doppelganger provided you learn an alternative doppelganger technique from your jonin sensei before you start doing combat missions." He appeared to have finally swallowed his bitter pill. Naruto, however, was ecstatic. He went to hug the Hokage, then decided better of it. Instead, the new genin pumped his leader's hand vigorously, shaking the older man about in his chair and babbling about how he wouldn't let the Hokage or the village down, and he was a ninja dattebayo! The Hokage was less than pleased about the physical contact, but soon enough Naruto was sent out of the room with a Konoha armored headband, the mark of a ninja of the village. He went with stern instructions to report back to the academy the next day to be assigned his jonin sensei, but Iruka wasn't sure that Naruto had been paying attention. The teacher resolved to check in with Naruto later as he and Mizuki left the room. The Hokage, meanwhile, took off his distinctive square hat and rubbed his temples. Naruto reminded him so much of the boy's mother. They caused similar headaches. It was definitely for the best that they had never met. Konoha would never fall, not while he, Shimura Danzo, the Fifth Hokage was in charge. If two Uzumaki, and he shuddered at the nightmarish concept, were running around not even the legendary First Hokage could have saved the village from them.