When Life Begins

Chapter 1

A faint smell of toast, eggs and coffee lingered in the air, which like every morning conveyed that another day had just begun. The noise of the traffic sneaked inside, disturbing the peace and quiet of the room. An hour ago laughter, soft voices and the clacking of the cutlery against the plates had resounded in the now silent kitchen as its occupants had their daily breakfast, but now everything was quiet except for the noise of the cars and vehicles circulating outside.

A tiny humming voice, muffled by the sounds of humanity outside, approached from down the corridor until it became part of the kitchen. A young woman waltzed in and walked straight to the far end. Without stopping her humming she took out four slices from the bread basket and started to prepare her lunch for today. With slow movements she buttered the bread and then slipped a nice assortment of vegetables and ham between the slices. She was so intent on the task that she never heard somebody else coming into the kitchen; only when a voice sounded behind her did she realize that she wasn't alone. "Ready to start?"

She turned round with a big smile on her lips to the voice, as she clearly recognized it. The voice came from an older woman with a candid face and kind features. "More than ready, Mother. I'm excited but also a bit scared."

"You'll be fine, Louise."

"I hope so. It means a lot to me," the young woman replied as she ran her fingers through her short brown hair several times, a sign that showed that she was a nervous wreck. She kept thoughtful for a moment and then she added, "I'm so glad that I could get into the program... I'm certain that it was quite competitive and it was a total relief that they didn't mind that I couldn't do the interview face to face. I thought I had lost my chance when I realized I wouldn't be able to fly to the country. I'm surprised they agreed to interview me by telephone."

"That's because they know my girl's the best. You're good, Louise." The young woman smiled at the compliment, pleased and proud of hearing the praise from her lips. "And I'm so happy to have you here. I missed you."

"I'm happy to be home too," Louise admitted.

"Five years is such a long time."

"It's not that we haven't seen each other," Louise protested lightly, feeling that the older woman was exaggerating. "I spent ten days with you here last summer."

"But it's not the same. This is your home and the gap you left was too evident... at least for me."

"I know what you mean, Mother. I feel the same."

"And it's a shame you're not back for good," the woman let out in a pathetic voice.

Louise came closer to her and taking her hand, she squeezed it warmly. "I'm here now. That's what counts, isn't it? And let's not get ahead of ourselves. We have a long, long year ahead of us." She paused briefly and added in a soft voice, "You know this is something I need to do... I long to do."

The older woman nodded, but still she retorted, "You know, if you wanted, you could..."

"Please don't start with that!" Louise exclaimed, cutting her off. Regretting her gruffness, she hurried to apologize, "I'm sorry... but you're well aware of what I think about the matter and I'm not cut out for that."

"And you know what my opinion is, but I won't insist."

"I really thank you, honestly, but that's not for me," Louise replied, thus concluding the topic for the moment but fully aware that it would not be the last time it would come up.

"Did you talk to your sister last night?" the woman asked, tactfully changing a subject that was too uncomfortable for the two of them.

"Uh...no. I'll drop by her place sometime this week."

"She hasn't come and seen me for ages," the older woman complained morosely.

"You know what Theresa's like. And with her new job and Annie she must be very busy." Louise watched her solemn face and added, "I'll tell her to come and visit you, all right?"

"As you wish," came the unenthusiastic response. "So if it wasn't Theresa, who called last night?"

"Uh..." Louise fumbled for words, but knowing that she could not keep the truth from her, she blurted out her answer with an unhappy expression, "It was Frank."

"What on earth did he want from you?" the woman asked with obvious dislike.

"Nothing. We just talked."

"Talk about what?"

"Nothing special... just small talk. You know we're friends."

The woman shook her head as she muttered, "I will never understand it. It's..."

"Oh Marmee!" Louise exclaimed, using the nickname she had adopted for her long ago from the book her mother used to read to her before bedtime when she was still a small tyke. "Little Women" had been her all-time favorite and from time to time she still used that moniker. "Please, Marmee," she repeated in a softer tone, "don't pull that long face on me! You know I love you." And in a sudden and unexpected impulse she gave her a big bear hug and kissed her on the cheek, which made the woman laugh.

"Oh, Louise, you'll never change!" she let out among giggles.

"And why should I?" Louise replied, lifting her chin in a proud, mocking way.

"Yes, you're absolutely right."

Louise smiled at the woman. Talking about Frank was a sore topic for reasons she could actually understand but not share. She couldn't and didn't want to discuss him and before his name was mentioned again, she decided that a retreat now would be her best move. "I'd better go now. I don't want to be late on my first day."

"You still have plenty of time," the older woman replied and when she saw Louise take hold of a small helmet from one of the kitchen tops she exclaimed, "Don't tell me you're taking that thing!" Louise simply smiled to answer the question and the woman continued, "This is the big city and not the village you come from. Do you know how many car accidents there are every day here?"

"I have to admit that I don't, but I'm sure you're gonna enlighten me, aren't you?" Louise replied teasingly.

"I'm serious."

"I know you are and you also know that I've been cycling all my life, and I've always lived in this city but for the last five years. I'll be fine..." She inhaled deeply and added, "And now I gotta go." Once again she planted a kiss on the woman's cheek, and grabbing the helmet and the bag with the sandwiches, she headed for the door. "I'll see you tonight."

"And be good."

Louise stopped at the threshold and turning to her she said, "I'm always good, aren't I?"

The woman nodded with a smile and she simply muttered, "That's what I'm afraid of."

The alarm clock buzzed loudly, followed by a deep moan and a strong thump which deadened the disturbing sound at once. He slowly opened one eye and seeing the time flashing on the clock display screen, he let out a soft curse. He knew that he should have turned in earlier but the guys had hooked him for a drink the night before and what should have been a nice, quiet evening at home had wound up with him going back to his apartment at three o'clock in the morning. He usually did not drink but the beers he had indulged in last night were giving him a mild headache. With another moan he finally slid out of bed and staggered across the darkened room, almost stumbling on one of his shoes, which he had left scattered on the floor. He managed to reach his bathroom and his eyes squinted against the light as his hand turned the switch on.

"Kid, my friend, you look terrible," he muttered to himself as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His sandy hair was all tousled, his blue eyes were red-rimmed and his stubble made him look like a beggar. Without delay he put all his efforts in making himself presentable and half an hour later the man coming out of the bathroom bore just a vague resemblance to the one who had stepped in. With fresh clothes and a hot shower he felt like a new man even though he still had a headache and his weariness hadn't completely gone.

While the coffee pot brewed on the stove, Kid quickly tidied up his spacious bedroom. Last night's clothes were all scattered on the floor and the air inside was a bit stale. He picked up the garments to wash them later and opened the window for the fresh breeze to blow in. He didn't bother to make the bed. Like every morning he was in a hurry and all he had time for was a taste of his very first coffee, a pleasure that he would not renounce. His working days were long and hard, and these fifteen minutes sitting at the kitchen table by himself while savoring the strong flavor in his mouth was the best time of the day. Yet, in the quiet morning he always felt kind of cold and lonely in his impeccable kitchen.

His apartment looked humongous, practically swallowing his figure like an enormous giant. He should have been sharing all this space with her, and instead of this deathly silence, the walls should have been witness of their quiet conversation, their laughter or simply the sounds of their daily life. Five years. She had been gone for five long years, but her memory always accompanied him every morning like an eternal ritual. The day she had dropped the bomb on him, he had been so shocked that he had been unable to react, and today he felt he was still in shock since that day five years ago. He still didn't know how he had been so blind about her, about their love and the moment she had stepped out of his life, he had started a long and painful road alone. His whole life had been filled by her and even when she had gone, everything around him had been a constant reminder of her and her absence. And to make matters worse, he had kept the apartment where they were supposed to have started their life together. Having sold his bachelor pad, he had felt forced to move in here and even though his intentions had been to sell it as soon as he could, five years had passed and here he was.

The place was too big even for a couple, let alone for a single man, but she had taken an instant liking to it, and he had to admit that he had also imagined himself growing old with her between these four walls... The walls were still there but she was nowhere. He was still here alone, and he had been stuck with a mortgage which made him shiver whenever he saw the monthly payment on his bank statement.

Money was just money after all, and that was one of his least concerns. It was the gap... the loneliness he had been left with. In these five years he had attempted to fill that vacuum, but for some reason nothing had worked. It was as if she had left a deep-rooted mistrust in him and he got disappointed and apathetic at the first sign of trouble. Kid hated the person she had turned him into. All he wished was to be able to grab the reins of his own life and get back on track. It was foolish to think that he had been put on hold and could not walk straight without falling flat on his nose, but that was the way he felt.

Another morning. Another coffee. His daily ritual. Every time he told himself that he would get rid of the apartment and start over, but then a new day arrived and another coffee, and another week and another year, and probably an entire lifetime. Kid let out a sigh as he swallowed the last gulp of his coffee. Without any delay he rose to his feet, grabbed his briefcase and jacket and as he crossed the door, he told himself, "Enjoy your day, your pathetic, long day!"