Setting: Sometime after Northwest Mansion Mystery and before Weirdmaggeddon arc
I breath in. And out again. Always breath. Because air is all that's between me and them. Air, oxygen, O2. Whatever it is, whatever you call it, I love it with all my heart. It is the invisible shield that keeps me safe from the yelling and scream that escalates to a stony, cold silence that lasts for days and nights at a time. Somehow I survive.
That very next morning I am out of the house before my parents can wake up. It is warm already, foreshadowing a hot day ahead. Sweat. Ugh. It ruins my makeup. I head over to Gravity Forest, where I can go to be alone. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I read, sometimes I get dirty or play in the mud or something. Sometimes, I even think of Mabel. It doesn't matter, because no will ever see me. I keep walking, even though I am thirsty and also have to cut through the Mystery Shack's front lawn. No one will see me. But then someone does. It's Dipper.
"Hey, Pacifica!" He starts walking over to me, and I silently cuss him out for not being blind.
"Hello, Dipper. How are you?" I ask with the most stuck up voice I can manage without sounding like my mother.
Dipper facepalms at this. "I thought we got past this, Pacifica."
I sigh. We did. I'm just not in the mood. "So sorry, I'll try again, your highness," I say this snootily, trying to get him to go away. He doesn't.
"Let me go get Mabel..." He trails off and I can't hear the rest of what he says as he walks away. But why Mabel?! She might be the only thing I need right now, but I don't want to see her.
He comes back a second later, Mabel on his heels. She looks happy, per usual. Lucky her.
"How are you, Pacifica?" She asks me, looking confused but still happy.
"I'm... fine."
"You don't look fine."
"I am."
"Come on, something's wrong! Tell me!" She pleaded, looking worried. But why would she be worried about me? I'm just a girl who is a little too mean to someone who I love, and Mabel is probably straight. I've heard she's going through a boy crazy phase from Dipper.
"Nothing's wrong."
"Pacifica, you look like someone took away your last Pitt cola and is holding it in your face, drinking it. We all know you love Pitt. You do not look fine!" Mabel shouted, taking my hands with her warm, soft ones, and giving me puppy eyes. Why? Does she know how much it hurts not to be able to hug her every time I see her? Is this the world's karma for being so mean to her? Dipper backed away quickly and went inside, saying something about this being up to me. Oh great, now I have an ultra empathetic Mabel on my hands. I'm not getting out of this alive.
"I do not." My excuses are getting lamer and I can hear my voice shake. Ironically for my history I was never great at lying, according to my parents.
"Come on," she says, taking my hand and running off into the forest. I, of course, can't say no to her. At least it's her I'm in love with, not some douche bag. She has the sweetest heart I know. We run through the forest with our hands intertwined, looking like one of those crappy romance movies I watch sometimes when reality gets to be just a little too much. Mabel seems to take joy in everything she sees. It is truly a wonderful sight, and just seeing her be so damn happy helps me hold my tears down a little bit. She stops at a small clearing, full of summer wild flowers and lush green grass. It was beautiful. I yank my hand back. "Do you like it?" She twirls around and plops down on a patch of grass, picking some flowers and beginning to braid them in a crown.
"It is pretty nice, I guess," I breath in deeply, taking in the scent of every flower I can. I sit down next to her, delicately, and wish I had a blanket. "I do have something on my mind..." I feel myself release a breath and take another deep one. I don't know why I'm telling Mabel, of all people.
"Yes...?"
"My parents... have been fighting a lot lately. More than usual. It's kinda scary," I am scared. Mabel has all the power in this encounter, something that I was taught is never a good thing. Never let anyone have any power over you. My mom told me that's how she got sucked into marrying this awful man. Referring to my dad. But Mabel isn't awful. She's the best person I know.
"Are you okay?" Her first question. Not what's happening. Not who's fighting who. Not if I'm gonna get money if they divorce. Just if I'm okay. And with that one small exhalation of air, making sounds into coherent words with her vocal chords, I know I love her even more. I turn away, not wanting her to see the tears crowding my eyes. I don't want her to see me this weak.
"Of course," I say, lying through my teeth. I can't decide whether I want her to see through it or not, but for better or worse, she does.
"You are not OKAY!" She screams the last word, scaring some birds. I've never seen her like this.
"Okay, fine... I'll be okay, though. I'll live and they'll live and we'll all die alone and happy!" I yell to this time, surprised at the strength of my voice.
"Stay at the Mystery Shack tonight. I won't be okay if something happens to you," Why does she sound like she cares?
"I'll ask my parents..." I trail off, imagining that train wreck of a conversation.
"No, you won't," Mabel says firmly. She's gonna save my life one of these days. In fact, I think she already has.
"I guess that's okay... they probably won't notice anyway," Mabel nods her head happily.
After a few hours we finally leave the forest. The Mystery Shack looms ahead of us, looking like it could have been welcoming, but my demons tell me to stay away. I ignore them. We walk in and instantly I am amazed. The gift shop and the real house part are so... vastly different. It was comfortable in here, like someplace someone might really get sleep at night (which is kinda ironic, because we all know Dipper gets, like, no sleep) or the place where someone would not hide in their bedroom, waiting for the ebb tide of arguments. It feels like a real home.
"You like already, don't you?" Mabel twirls around. How does she read me so well? Mabel smiled, as if reading my thoughts. This is getting kinda creepy, but I do like this place, much better than my house.
"Yeah," I say, nodding, even though she needs no more affirmation.
"Let me show you where you'll be sleeping tonight! It'll be like a sleepover!" Mabel's joy is infectious, and soon I find myself smiling as we walk up the stairs into her attic bedroom.
"It's kinda cold up here. How do you sleep in this every night?" Mabel just laughs at my question.
"Here," she answers, holding out a sweater. It is light pink with dark pink hearts scattered all across it. I take off my royal purple cardigan and slip on her sweater. It's surprisingly soft. I don't even know whether she likes me, but maybe sometime I'll tell her because this sweater seems so brave compared to me. These hearts are killing me though. We spend the rest of the day in silence, both of us having our respective thoughts, and Mabel is, of course, crafting too. I sit in her room on the rough wood floor, waiting for the day to end so I can go to sleep so I can wake up again so I can wait out another day and waste my breath so I can go to sleep again so maybe someday I can finally get out of my mad house. Finally, after 2 meals and quite a few awkward encounters with other people, it is time to sleep. Mabel has rolled out a blanket and pillow for me. I can't help but think how sweet it is. No one ever does stuff like this for me unless they're payed to. But her.
"Oh, hi again, Pacifica," Dipper sounds unsurprised.
"Hello," I respond coldly.
"And... goodnight," Dipper says, sounding exasperated. He lays down in his bed, turning away from Mabel's side and picking up a book.
I pull up the blanket Mabel provided for me and I turn away from him. Mabel is already asleep. The night begins. I fall asleep fairly quickly, quicker than I would have a my house, where my parents are no doubt still fighting. Or maybe they're being silent. But the deadly kind. My sleep is deeper than I've had in a long time, and when I am woken up by someone whispering my name, I feel refreshed.
"Pacifica," Mabel's soft, sweet voice whispers in my ear. "Pacifica, wake up!" her voice rises slightly over a whisper in excitement.
"Whampf?" I mumble, not used to liking sleep. I don't want to get up, but Mabel pulls me to my feet anyway. "What?" I whisper back, not really wanting to wake Dipper.
"Look!" She points out the window, where it is mostly pitch black, but I can see ever so barely a hint of watery yellow peeping up through the trees. "The sunrise! Let's go outside!" She sounds so excited, I can't bare to say no. So I nod, and she pulls me down the stairs. We tumble and I'm surprised that the noise doesn't wake anyone up. They're probably used to by now. We end up outside and I see what she says. The sunrise is much more beautiful than I remember. It reminds me how much I used to love getting up early and looking outside to see the sunrise, then staying up late to watch the sun fall behind the trees. But today, I have more of a goal. This sweater has made me so brave.
"Mabel, I love you," I hear myself say. I am not even regretting this. Yet.
"I love you to," she walks in front of me and puts her hands around my neck. And kisses me. We stay there for awhile, even after I pull away, she keeps her arms around me. I realize how very blind I've been all my life. One breath can change someone's life. For better, for worse. One "I love you" can make someone still feel like living in a world that seems so very unforgiving sometimes. We all need to hear it sometimes.
"Mabel," I start, feeling wonderful. "I need to go do something. I'll be back." I run off down the road, into town, towards my house.
A/N: Cliffhangers, guys! This story will have a sequel, in case you're wondering. Hope you enjoyed!