!WARNING! This has got to be the corniest, sappiest, dramatic story I have ever thought of. TURN BACK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. Its not worth your time !WARNING!

Because I'm a girl

It was one in the morning on the fantastic world of Maple Story. It was past my bedtime and I was incredibly tired from school. But as I yawned and sighed I made sure to keep awake because he was on. I never really got to talk to him during the week because of school and massive amounts of homework. So now was my chance. I was so happy he stayed with me even at that hour of the morning. It was September 1st, 2007; I decided to start the month off with a broken heart…

My heart raced as we made our way down Orbis Tower. My thoughts were running wildly through my mind. All the things I've always wanted to ask, all the things I've always wanted to say flooded my mind to the brim. But the thought from the other night stuck out like a sore thumb. I decided on that thought and tried to concentrate on ways I could say it, or something that would lead up to it. I even thought of possible replies he would give me and my reactions to them. After two minutes, I couldn't come up with anything so I just went with the flow. Whatever happens happens. "You should… Call me sometime, I don't have anyone to talk to." YES! I did it, easier than I thought.

He typed in a smily face.

He smiled! That's a good thing right? I waited a few more seconds but he didn't say anything else. "If I told you, would you?" I urged him.

"I don't know."

I smiled; of course I knew that it would be unsafe for either of us to talk. But I really wanted to hear him talk to me. For his voice to tell me that he loved me. "Why not?" I urged.

"I'm not that much of a phone talker."

I wasn't either but for my best friend, I would talk for hours just for her. It hit me that even if he didn't like to talk, he would do it anyways if he love me. My smile faded, "So?" I said hinting for him to go on.

"I just don't really like to talk."

"I wrinkled my brows as my heart started to sink. Just like every time when he said the wrong thing. "I see." I said hoping he would notice that I was hurt.

"Not that I don't want to talk to you."

I felt a little better but I didn't say anything after that, to see what he would say, pushing it a little more.

When we reached El Nath he asked me, "It doesn't upset you now does it?"

He was concerned about how I felt? I couldn't help but feel upset, especially when he asked me if I was. Realization came crashing down all around me; the puzzle has finally come together. If he loved me, he would call me anyways. So he doesn't love me. But he is concerned even when he doesn't love me? So all this love he shows me is all false love? It was exactly what I was afraid of. Another one-sided love you can write into my life story. A hot steamy tear rolled down my cheek and a hand went up to touch it. I realized I was crying. When I found that I did care for such a small matter I realized how much I loved him and he would never love me back. I cried silently in my chair. I remembered he was still there and I had to write a reply. I couldn't tell him I was crying but I wanted him to know I was hurt. "Kinda." I typed through my tear filled eyes. I couldn't breathe from my nose anymore and so I told him I'd be right back. I went to the bathroom and blew my nose. I started to think about what he said and began to cry pathetically again. I cried as a clung tightly on the towel that hung on the wall. After awhile I stopped and came back, but I stayed silent. I wondered if he would ask me again if I was upset.

"Ready?" he said.

I remembered the reason we came here was because I had told him that I wanted to go to Zombies. He still remembers? My heart started to break again. I wasn't sure I wanted to go anymore. I wasn't sure I wanted to stay with him right now. But I said, "Yea." regardless of my uncertainties. We started to head toward Zombies and I started to think again. I wondered if I really wanted to be on right now. I realized it would be ok if I signed off right then and there. Maybe he would notice how hurt I was. I didn't know how to say it so I just said, "I'm going to sleep now."

"Ok?"

Ok? What was that suppose to mean? Was the question mark uncertainty? Uncertain, if he really was ok with it or not? I didn't want to say I love you and sign off. If I told him I loved him I might accidentally start the water works again. I knew that he would certainly not say it to me.

"Cya tomorrow?"

Is he checking to see how hurt I was? To see if I was alright enough to face him tomorrow? I knew for certain that I would be back. For an addict never quits. Even if he shattered my heart to a million pieces, I still wanted to be with him. "Yeah." I tried to think of ways to say bye without having an 'I love you' attached to it. So I said, "Good Night." It was decided that's how I would end it and just sign off.

"Bye," he said, "Love you."

My heart broke again. How could he say that? How could he possibly say something he doesn't mean? I signed off without reply. I sighed as ascended the stairs to my room. My room, my sanctuary, the only place I feel safe. But when I lie in bed my mind wanders about things that have happened. My mind happened to wander back to what he said. I started to weep again. How many times could a person cry within thirty minutes? Well, whatever it was I was about to break the record. I allowed myself to cry it all out. So that I would feel better afterwards. I thought about the thoughts I had of that if we were to ever meet. What he would say to me, what we would do together. I thought about the time when we were talking about if we were to ever see each other. He said to me, "If I ever saw her, I would hug her and love her and call her mine." I knew we would never be together. When we first got together we had established that we both knew we would never really be together and he told me that he loved me as much as he could in a game. We could never meet, we'll never be together, and he'll never love me. It was foolish for me to allow myself to fall for him. He says he loved me but those words are meaningless. I hated him for leading me on. For allowing me to fall into this trap of his. I silently screamed 'I hate you' into my pillow, over and over. I knew it was better for me to finally accept that he doesn't love me. I knew it all along but I had hoped I was wrong. I knew it would be stupid to go on fooling myself that his love was real. It was better this way, he doesn't love me and we'll never be. But if possible I want to stay with him, just a little longer because I care, because I love him, because I'm a girl and love means everything.