/I just wanted to point out that this is, IN FACT, a story about Widowmaker going shopping. In this story, Widowmaker goes shopping. She shops in a shop. She goes to a shop and shops in that shop. There is zero (0) percent chance that there will be anything in this story other than Widowmaker shopping./
Widowmaker entered a shop and grabbed a cart. Then she proceeded to walk along the shelves, taking what she needed with her. Those things were coffee, cookies, instant ramen, anal beads and plenty of milk. Like, twenty liters. Like, a fucking lot. LIKE, more than an average human would need.
She approached the cash register and put all the things out from her cart.
"That'll be five hundred dollars." the nice cashier lady said (she was black, by the way. Thought it would be much cooler if she was black.)
"How the fuck can it be this expensive?" Widow asked, "The milk is that expensive?"
"No, it's not… by the way, why do you need so much?"
"I use it together with those anal beads."
"Oh, that's right, silly me."
"Can you please tell me what costs so much?"
"Well… it's this thing. The instant ramen is 420 dollars."
"What?"
"Well it's the special, limited Tentacle edition. Not many of those were produced."
"I don't give a shit, please remove this one."
"I can't, I already scanned it."
"Then remove it, lol?"
"I said I can't."
"Yes you can!"
"Shhh!" the cashier lady shished, "Walls have ears!"
"Dafuq bitch, I ain't gonna pay for this crap!" Widowmaker got pissed and threw the instant Tentacle ramen on the floor.
The impact caused the ramen package to snap.
…
You thought there would be tentacles coming out of that ramen and raping Widowmaker? Fafin' weeb psycho perverts.
"Now you gonna pay for it and clean it, you dumb purple whore." Cashier lady said.
"Hey cool down girl." Widow said, "It was just a prank, sis."
"I don't give a SHIT, you bitch ass nigga."
"Did you just use the N-word against me?"
"Yes, I did."
"But I'm not black, you are."
Cashier lady gasped.
"Are you saying that I'm BLACK!?"
"Well… yeah, you are. Dafuq?"
"WELL I'M NOT!" and then the cashier lady took of her mask, and it turned out that she was white, "What now, bitch?"
"I think I'm gonna grab my stuff and just walk out of here."
"BITCH ASS NIGGA HERE COME THE TELETUBBIES!"
"What?!"
"RELEASE THE TELETUBBIES, FAGGOTS!"
And then the other cashiers and shop staff opened some hidden door and wild teletubbies rampaged in.
"GET THAT BITCH, MY LITTLE ONES!" The cahier lady screamed, and the Teletubbies ran after Widow, but she used a magic spell to burn them.
The cashier lady got angry and turned into a goddess of death and decay.
Widowmaker summoned not one, not two, but THREE ancient gorilla spirits to aid her. She sent them at the goddess, while casting powerful, high-level fire spells at her.
The gorillas used their fists to punch the goddess, but she destroyed them with her claws.
Widowmaker had no other choice but to summon the spirit of Harambe, the king of all that is primal. Harambe quickly appeared behind the goddess and sent her flying to the ground with a powerful punch. The impact caused an earthquake that destroyed half of America.
The goddess survived though, and she was mad. She summoned an army of the dead black people that died centuries ago during the famous event involving aliens from space, Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump.
Everyone knows that black people are strong and agile, so I don't even have to describe how difficult was for Widow and Harambe to defeat them. Widowmaker was forced to launch a comet strike on Earth, destroying the entire continent of Africa in the process. Fortunately, the army of undead black people was annihilated. I'm not saying it's fortunate that she destroyed black people… I mean, they were already dead. I mean, it would be fortunate even if they were white, am I right? They were undead, so they were a problem that had to be dealt with. Don't say I'm racist, or else I'm gonna cry in the corner.
Anyway back to action, Harambe noticed in the smokes that the goddess of death and decay was preparing an ultimate spell, capable of destroying the entire universe. Harambe, seeing that Widowmaker was exhausted after that last comet strike, figured it had to be done. He jumped on the goddess and took the spell right in the face, dying in the process. What a hero.
Wait, Harambe was a spirit. Scratch that, he didn't take the spell in his face. He just grabbed the goddess and inserted her into his big, monkey asshole. He did that just on time, because the spell already launched, but his ass nullified all the damage. After all, he was indestructible, and he only died back then in Cincinatti zoo because he wanted to die for our sins. He's our savior.
Wait, how could he put the goddess into his ass when he was a spirit?
Scratch the last 300+ words, instead Widowmaker summoned a REAL Harambe, she brought him back from the dead. There, that is fine. The rest stays the same.
So, after that giant explosion in Harambe's ass, he was all sore and in pain. He was about to die again, but fortunately, Widowmaker was by his side. She gave him an ass massage, which she specialized in, and relieved him from all the pain.
They both returned to the Earth (because all that fight took place in the space, to make it even more epic), and saw that it was all destroyed, due to their fight with the goddess. Harambe sighed and realized he has to sacrifice his life again, to restore life on Earth. Widowmaker kissed him goodbye (and blowed him too) and thanked him for everything. Harambe smiled and a big, white burst of light came out of him. Widowmaker was stunned, and was blinded for a second, and after that, the Earth was lively again.
Widowmaker made sure everyone worshipped Harambe until end of time, as the High Priestess of Harambe Church.
The End
I lied, there were actually other things than just Widowmaker shopping. You just got pranked.
#PRANKD
#SHREKD
#HARAMBELIVESONINOURHEARTS
#HITLERDIDNOTHINGWRONG