Disclaimer: You know the drill. Nothing is mine.
Authors Note:This is one of those "It'smy first,so please don't crush me" things, but I would love reviews just if seewhat anyone thought.
Josh stood on the sidewall out side Donna's apartment, just looking at the light shining thru the window. It had been four months since he had talk to her, Four long months of remembering her walk away from him and leaving his life after he turn her down for a job. He knew that he had to do it, that he couldn't hire her, but that didn't change his feelings. He still misses her. The election had finished up a week ago and he was soon to be the White House Chief of Staff. His life was on a smooth running track except for one thing. He needed Donna. This was the first night he had off in weeks and here he was standing in front of her apartment trying to work up the courage to talk to her. He needed to see her. At least before the convention he was able to see her, even if it was at a distance but now nothing. Knowing that he had to talk to her, he finally ran up the steps and pushed the button. She must of seen him because she just push the release button and said, "come on up" without even asking who he was A smile came to his face as he heard her cheerful voice. He felt like he could breathe again. A sigh of relief came from him. As he ran up the steps he pictured the smile on her face when he finally pulled her into his arms. When he got to the door, he knocked and waited for her to come. She pulled open the door saying, "Since when do you wait at the …. Josh!" she looked at him in shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Didn't you know it was me?" Josh was confused. His chest started to tighten back up.
"No, I thought it was…, never mind." Her voice turned chilly. "What do you want?"
He was so shocked at the tone in her voice that forgot what he was going to say. She stared at him while he searched for an answer. Blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "I've missed you."
She laugh, not one of those happy laughs but one of those "I can't believe that this is happening" laughs. "You've missed me." She laughs again. "You know Josh, The only times I have seen you in the last four months, both times you've said that, and still you have yet to do anything about that."
"What do you think I am doing here tonight?" He looked at her intensely. "I missed you and I want to spend time you, see if we can get our friendship back." That wasn't what he really wanted but it was a start.
She looked him straight in the eye, a sad expression on her face. "Josh, I don't think that is going to work. I tried to talk to you months ago and you flicked me out of the way like I was a flea. I'm not sure that we can move on past that."
"What?" Josh was starting to get upset now. "Months ago, the only time you tried to talk to me was about a job. That wasn't personal."
"You know for such a smart guy, Josh, you really are stupid." She shook her head at his blank stare. "The only reason I wanted that job was to work with you again. I missed that. I miss the way we used to talk and be. I missed the way we knew what each other was going to say or do. I missed the energy, and the fun and the experiences that happened with you. I missed you. I thought that maybe you felt the same way and that we start over, or at least start something but you didn't like that idea."
"I did feel the same…." he started to interrupt but she put her hand to stop him.
"Don't Josh. I don't want to hear it. You had your chance. Hell, you had more chances than I've ever given anyone else I know. I'm done." At that moment the buzzer rang in her apartment. "In fact I've moved on. We're different people now and I don't know if there is anyway for us to be who we were before." She pressed the button on the panel next to the door. "Hello"
"Honey, it's me."
At the word "honey", Josh eyes grew big. Donna pressed the release.
"Josh, go. I'm sure that you have plenty of work to do. You got to get ready for the White House.
Josh heard this but his mind was still on "honey". "You're dating? Who is he?"
Yes, I'm dating, and I don't think that it is any of your business, nor should it matter."
"But…"
"Josh, you're not my boss anymore, in fact, I not sure that we are even friends at this point. You made your choice a long time ago. I didn't understand it at the time, and I don't now, but I respected what you wanted and I moved on. Please, just leave." Josh started to say something when he was interrupted by the man coming up the hallway.
"Is something wrong?"
Josh turned at looked at the voice in shock. He could believe who was standing in front of him.
"Donna?" The guy looked at Donna, waiting for an answer.
She smiled at him "Its fine. Let me finish talking to Josh, and then I'll be ready to go.
He moves closer to Donna. "Are you sure?"
Again, she smiles at him. "Yes. Wait for me inside, okay?" The guy turns to glare at Josh, but does as she asks and goes in. Donna shuts the door behind her leaving once again, only her and Josh in the hallway.
Josh stares at her.
"Cliff? You're dating Cliff Calley? Donna, What the hell? After what he did to you? After…"
"What he did to me is much better than what you did to me." Donna explodes. Silences follow and at the look on Josh's face, Donna sighs. "Look, we should stop it right here. Josh, let's not rehash old news and just leave it be."
"No. You tell me what you meant by that, Donna. He waited with a look on his face. "Tell me how Cliff Calley, who almost handed you to the wolves, is better than me."
"He didn't almost hand me to the wolves, Josh He did his job. In fact, he protected me just as much as you did that night. He didn't have to. He could have handed that fact that I had a journal over to the republicans and he didn't."
"He was covering his own ass." Josh road back at her, at which Donna shook her head
"You want to know why he is better than you, Josh. Fine, I'll tell you. He didn't hide from his feeling, Josh. He wanted to be with me, so he talked to me and dated me and told me his feelings. He didn't hide behind excuses or pretend that they were not there. We worked together for 8 years Josh, and not once did you even admit to me that you even had feeling for me. That's what makes him better.
"I didn't hide behind excuses."
"Bull... You and me, we weren't normal Boss/Assistant. We were different than everyone else and everyone knew it. God, Josh, there was a pool about when we would get together. Everyone thought so, even me." She got quiet afther that last part. "Josh, why do you think I pushed so much. I wanted more responability to show you that I could be your equal; that I could move up. I want to move to a different department so that the whole Boss and Assistant thing would go away. But no, you were so afraid of losing me, that you wouldn't let me. You wouldn't let me prove my self. You would give me just enough space and then rip it away. Hell, even the Gaza trip was just a way of shutting me up for a while so I wouldn't bug you about it.
Josh at blanched at the word Gaza and "Sending you on that trip was not a way of shutting you up. I sent you to Gaza to let so you could advance. And I regret it ever since. My God, Donna, you almost died over there."
"But I didn't Josh. And I know why you sent me. CJ told me that you put me on that trip when it should have been someone from the press staff. Fitz was there to brief the White House, not me."
"That's not true."
"I'm not stupid Josh." She paused for a moment. "And you should probably be gratefully for Gaza. Had it not happen I would have left a lot earlier. I was already ready to leave. Gaza actually kept me in your life for six more months. Not that it mattered. Sure, you came rushing to my side in Germany, and I thought things might change when I came back to the US, but it didn't change a damn thing. I knew then that you weren't going to change. I knew that you were would keep us in limbo forever and I was tired of waiting. So I tried a new tactic. I left. I thought leaving would have at least gotten your attention, that you would come after mebut it didn't. You never even tried to talk to me once I left. You just let me go.
"I thought that it was what you wanted."
"You were a coward." She paused. You took me leaving as saying that I didn't care. She looked away "And even then, like an idiot, I tried one last time. I went to see you at the headquarters and you decide that I wasn't worth the effort. You turned me after saying that you missed me and never even tried to talk to me after that. Hell, I even waited a month to see if you would act, but no, nothing" she looked back at him. "I decide then and there that no more. I was done. I was done waiting on you to take a chance, to do something. I moved on, Josh. And I'm happy. I'm happier than I have been in a very long time." She sighed again. "Go, Josh. There is nothing left for you here. Go and run the White House. I'm sure that you will be very good at it.
He stared at her face trying to read her. Anything to delay the story that she was done with him. Something in her expression told him that she was serious and his heart ached. Mumbling the word, "Fine," he turned and started to walk away. He had barely walked three steps when he turned and look back at her. She had already turned and had the door open when he asked "Are you sure?"
"About what?"
"About being happy? Are you happy?"
She smiled then, a sad smile, but a smile. "I am."
Josh watched her go into her apartment and watch as the door shut. He made his way out to his car and turned to watch the window to her apartment once again. The light turned off after a few minutes and Josh got in to his car. He waited a moment and watched as Donna and Cliff came out of the building. He had his arm around her shoulder and hers was around his waist. They made their way to the car parked at the curb and cliff opened the door for her. As he helped her get in to the car, he watched as Donna's face lit up as Cliff leaned in and kiss her before shutting the door. He waited and watched them as Cliff walked around the car and they drove away. He started his own car and heading back to the headquarters. He might as well work tonight. He really had nothing else. As he drove away, it hit it. He had come to Donna tonight to find a new beginning for them, together. Instead, all he found was the end.