I never wanted her to leave me. I never imagined the effect it brought upon me. Men don't cry, do they? I cried when she left, she never said goodbye.
Married with children, that's who we were. Today would have been ten years of wedded bliss. Only she's not here to spend it with me.
I hate her for leaving me and especially for leaving our eight year old son, Jackson and six year old daughter, Miranda. They ask where mommy is. My heart breaks into tiny pieces. Try explaining to them why mommy's no longer here. "Mommies aren't suppose to leave," cries out my son. My daughter, she worries me. She's a replica of Parker keeping things in. She never cries, keeps things bottled up inside of her, just looks at me with that same dead-pan look her mother used to give me. It scares me.
She knew I loved her. I told her over and over again every night before going to bed, showing her how much.
Compassionate, caring and loving is my description of her, especially with the children. She loved them equally never showing any favoritism. She had that invisible wall built around her that someone who did not know her would come to the conclusion as she being cold and detached.
Since she's been gone, she's in my dreams and in my thoughts. I long for our nights together. Things happen for a reason. What reason? Why was she taken away from us so suddenly? Our life together was cut short. Life is unfair, it is not distributed equally. I can still see us holding each other ever so tightly dancing the night away, that night we said "I love you".
To my wife, "I am so sorry for being angry at you for leaving me, for leaving the kids". Loving someone with all your heart does not necessarily mean being with them for the rest of their life.
She'll never be able to see Jackson in his little league outfit hitting a homerun. Nor, will she be with Miranda playing with her barbies and having tea parties. She won't see them on their first dates, first proms, the first of anything. The kids will be cheated on motherly advices. She won't be around for their college graduations. She'll never see me walking hand in hand with our daughter hanging on to my arm with one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other giving her away to the young man who'll promise to love her until "death do us part".
"Death do us part." "Why did you have to leave? When I needed you the most?" I sometimes think I can never forgive her for leaving me, for leaving us.
It took us five years to be together. Pretenders can do anything, a genius. But, I could not save my wife from the terrible accident that took her away from her family. The Centre kept us apart. But, destiny brought us together, only to eventually have fate rip us up forever. She left suddenly, without being forewarned. Killed by a drunk driver, was this payback for all the countless times she took a drink?
"Kiss me goodbye," she told me as she left our home that early morning. "Be back soon," she whispered to me.
We spent our last moments together in each other's arms, only I did not know it was our final goodbye. "You are my world, my life, my one true love," I told her, "hurry back."
Well, she never came back.
"Daddy?" My Miranda, her blue eyes filled with tears.
"Yes, baby?"
She hands me a bunch of hand-picked flowers from our garden, the one they both tended to lovingly. "Flowers for mama," she says tearfully as she crawls onto me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
"No mama," she cries sorrowfully. "I want my mama."
"Shh, daddy's here." An overwhelming relief comes over me for she has never cried until now.
I look up to the sky and I see her looking down at us. Her blue eyes glistening. She left a legacy for me. "Thank you for our children. Until we meet again."