Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli & Isles, they are the brainchild of Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT. Thank you for our ability to play with them.
A/N: Unlike anything I've written before this is extremely dark. I cannot stress this enough so you've been warned.
The Last Day
Jane sat on the front porch and watched the tide come in. As much as she hated clichés she knew this had been a perfect day. The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, bathing it a beautiful pink and orange. She knew it wouldn't be much longer.
Glancing at the figure bundled beside her Jane felt a new surge of love for Maura. Married fifty-three years, mothers to two great kids and "grandmommies" to three more, Jane knew her life had been full. Complete. Maura completed her all those many years ago.
"Mmmpf," came the sound from Maura. Jane reached over and took Maura's hand. "What is it love? You need a drink of water?" Maura's eyes followed Jane's. Slowly she blinked once. Jane picked up the plastic cup and guided the straw to Maura's mouth. Maura sucked weakly on the straw. Jane patiently held the straw to Maura's mouth, allowing her to take all the time she needed. Finally the water was drunk. Maura let her head fall back against the pillow.
"See the sunset, sweetie?" Jane asked. "It reminds me of you. The pink of your complexion, the fiery red of your blushes, oh, I could speak for hours about your beauty, Maura."
Jane noticed the unshed tears and was surprised. Due to the nature of Maura's illness and its sudden disease progression Maura hadn't been able to cry, or form tears, now for months.
"Here, let me hold you," Jane said. She stood and picked up the light form of Maura Isles-Rizzoli. Sitting back down she cradled Maura's form. Maura's head rested against Jane's shoulder and Jane could feel Maura's eyes on her face. Watching the sunset once again Jane continued to speak.
"Remember when we met, Maura? I walked into the morgue and introduced myself to you. I still don't remember what you said exactly, although I remember how pretty your name sounded. I fell in love with you then, even though it took me so long to tell you how I felt. I know, you told me first. I was so afraid of losing your friendship. You could have anyone but you chose me. I knew then I wanted to let you know every day of the rest of my life how treasured I feel when I realize how much you love me." Jane gazed down into Maura's eyes. Maura's caramel blond hair had long turned white but Jane never saw it. She always saw Maura's beautiful hair, her unlined face, the hazel eyes that were so loving and expressive. Jane reached under the blanket and grasped Maura's hand and squeezed it. "I love you," she said. Maura's eyes blinked three times. Jane knew it was her signal to Jane that she loved her more.
"When I was growing up I always thought life was measured by the big things. High school graduation, police academy graduation, the day we married, when our children were born, but no. The best times of my life were times like these, Maura, when we sat and held each other at the end of a long day, when a case was solved, any time we could be alone in each other's company and just allow ourselves to enjoy each other." Jane reached up and smoothed a piece of Maura's hair away from her face.
"Like now. Taking in the sunset after a perfect day in each other's company. Reading the newspaper, having breakfast, even taking a nap, lying curled up with you in my arms, Maura. The best things in life have always been the smaller moments," Jane pressed a kiss to Maura's cheek.
Jane thought over the day. When she awakened she did what she always did: watch Maura sleep for a few moments. Maura always looked so peaceful when she slept. Jane loved the bedhead look Maura sported because Jane was the only one who got to see it. Even after the children were born Maura had a habit of putting her face on and combing her hair before starting her day. Their daughter, Angie, once confessed to Jane that she thought Mommy Maura never needed makeup or a hairbrush. Jane had laughed at that as she knew differently. She also teased Maura for several months, trying to hide her hairbrushes so their children didn't think Mommy Maura was a cyborg.
Jane had gone into the kitchen to make their breakfast. Grapefruit and yogurt for herself, a feeding tube slushie for Maura. The slushie was a protein mixture sent by the hospital that Jane injected into Maura's feeding tube since Maura had difficulty swallowing. Just drinking water was an exercise in keeping Maura from choking on the liquid.
Working by herself in the kitchen of the beach house Maura inherited from her parents several years before, Jane finally allowed herself to grieve over Maura's condition. She had been going steadily downhill for several months now, and Jane could no longer hide from the inevitable: Maura was dying. Even at the age of eighty-four Jane couldn't bear the thought of losing Maura.
She shed her tears while letting the kitchen faucet run to cover the sound. Although it was difficult for Maura to talk beyond gibberish only Jane could understand, Maura's mind was intact. She always knew when Jane was upset. Today was no different. When Jane returned to their bedroom Maura looked at her intently with that gaze. Slowly Maura's eyebrows went up. Jane sighed. She took Maura's hand.
"I had a bit of a meltdown, Maura. I can't stand losing you," Jane said. Maura's eyes lowered. That was the first time Jane had seen tears in Maura's eyes in a long time and Jane suspected it was because Maura's time was short. The doctor said that might happen. "She might have a resurgence, Ms. Rizzoli, just before she dies. Sometimes the body comes back for one last goodbye. Enjoy it, for it won't last. It isn't an indication of a wrong diagnosis. Just a last gift to enjoy." Jane didn't think she'd ever forget the doctor's facial expression, one of sadness. He was a young doctor in the emergency room when Jane shot herself many years before. She'd been his patient many a time and he knew the Rizzoli family well.
After breakfast Jane took Maura to the beach. This time it wasn't easy: Jane rolled the beach chair with the large tires out to the edge of the sand and tucked blankets around Maura to keep her warm.
"Remember the first time we were here, Maur? You brought me here after that time I shot myself. The second day here we went skinny dipping. I was shocked when you started disrobing." Maura's eyes flashed and Jane laughed. "Yes, we made love in the water and then again on the sand. I couldn't believe how much in love I was with you after only a short time together."
Returning to the beach house Jane settled the two of them in the bedroom for an afternoon nap. The sun from their beach visit was still warm on her back and shoulders. Maura made a grabbing motion with her hand and Jane pulled her arm around Maura's shoulders. She pulled Maura on her side and Maura dropped her head on Jane's chest. If I could count the times we fell asleep with M's head on my chest, Jane thought, it would be in the millions, I'm sure. She listened for Maura's even breathing to indicate she'd fallen asleep for their nap before giving in to sleep. Jane always waited for Maura to fall asleep first.
After their nap they settled on the porch to watch the sunset. Jane noted it was about to drop out of sight entirely. She sighed, knowing their perfect day was ending. As is our perfect life, she thought.
Awhile back Jane promised Maura she would take good care of her. Maura knew Jane would, but she had one last request. When it came time, please help me, Maura asked. Jane was shocked but she thought it over and told Maura she'd take care of everything. Now Jane knew the time was coming.
Jane set Maura back down in her own chair. "I need to go inside and get something, M, I'll be right back," she said, cupping Maura's cheek. Running her thumb over Maura's lips she leaned forward and brushed her lips against Maura's. "Whenever I kiss you Maura, I remember our very first kiss. Always have," Jane murmured. She looked into intense hazel eyes. "Yes, I remember our promise. They'll never separate us again, you have my word," Jane said and went into her study. Originally Mr. Isles' study Jane had taken it over when the children were small and she needed a place to think. Their son, Frankie III, "Trey" as he was called, had been an intelligent, intense boy torn between being a cop like one mother or a doctor like his other mother. They teased him when he became a pathologist and a medical examiner for the city of New York. Now Trey had betrayed them, Jane felt. She reached into the top right hand drawer and pulled out her old revolver. Returning to the porch she gathered Maura up in her arms and returned to her seat.
"Where was I? Oh yes, our promise. When Trey tried to move us to the nursing facility I agreed to go and check it out. That's when I found out you would be in one wing and I would be in another. Not acceptable, Maur. You belong with me and I with you. Always and forever, just like the vows at our wedding."
"Anyway, to return to more pleasant subjects. I started thinking about Korsak the other day. Poor guy's been gone now over twenty years. He was probably one of the best detectives Boston Homicide ever cranked out. I still feel guilty about dumping him as my partner but Hoyt, well, you know that story. Once Hoyt was in my head I couldn't think straight. I became afraid that Korsak wouldn't be able to trust me in the line of fire and that kind of thinking always gets someone killed. So I requested a new partner and Barry Frost was promoted at the same time. Hey, Maur, did I tell you Frost sent us a card the other day? He moved into the assisted living program like his kids wanted. They were afraid he'd fall again, break his other hip. Says he likes it well enough, although personally, between you and me, Maur, I think that man quit living the day Evelyn died." Jane tucked the blanket up around Maura's face a little tighter and got lost in her thoughts.
Thirty-three years as a cop and detective with Boston Homicide left one with a lot of stories, Jane knew. Charles Hoyt was the worst of them all and the day he fried in the electric chair was the first day in many years Jane Rizzoli actually managed to take a deep breath and feel she didn't have to look over her shoulder anymore.
"I should be grateful to him, actually," Jane murmured. "If he hadn't come after me so intently I might not have started spending my nights and extra time at Maura's. That's how we managed to find out our feelings for each other." Jane stared out at the last of the tide going out. Not long now, she thought. Before Maura lost most of her motor skills and the ability to talk they agreed to do this just after sunset, sitting here on this porch.
Jane gazed into Maura's eyes. Maura's eyes were equally locked on Jane's. A single tear escaped and Jane brushed it away. She felt her own tears threatening but she was resolved to carry out this last promise for Maura.
"I love you, Maura Isles-Rizzoli. I know you love me. We had a great life together, filled with love for each other and our families. I have no regrets, other than your illness. I don't mind caring for you, Maura, you know that, but I would have loved to have heard your voice one last time." Jane reached down and tipped Maura's face up to hers. Gently she kissed Maura, holding Maura's lips for a few seconds longer. As she pulled away Jane lifted the revolver and shot Maura before turning the revolver on herself.
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