~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
My life in the mansion so far:
Ok, so, it's been a month now since I arrived here at
Xavier's with Logan. It has been
about a week or so, since Jean's disappearance. She
ain't dead, just missing. How do
I know that this is a fact? The professor of course,
knowing that he's psychic and all. See
one day I just had enough of everyone's somber
mood, and when I told Scott what the
professor and I had been talking about he got all
mad. So I exploded and shouted, "Look, Scott, would you just stop being all
fuckin' sad, Jean is not dead!" Then I stormed off. Never talked to him since.
The professor and I have been working on my mutation
ever since we got back from the
White House. I've made tremendous progress and now I am able to
touch.
The down side is if someone, touches me without me knowing, more like an
accidental brush or something,
then the switch turns on. So that's the good and the
bad. But I still don't touch people,
why would I? Not to be mean, but right now I don't
have a reason to touch people.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to touch people without
any type of barriers, but right now
I'm putting the touching thing on hold.
I wanted this mutation off
before, for me, you know, but now I wanted to do it
for the people who are really afraid
of me, and most of all, for Logan.
Now let's get to me and Bobby. He, you could say, put a
temporary hold on his career as
an X-Man. He's in college, but still lives here and
right now he went to Boston to
somewhat mend fences with his parents and brother. He
and I settled on being just
friends, I told him about how he's in my head and how
it doesn't take a genius to know
by the way he looks at me since the kiss that he's
afraid of me. So I told him that 1) I
couldn't be with someone who's freakin' scared to
death of me. 2) I knew since the first
day I knew if something "romantic" was gonna happen
between us that it wasn't gonna
last long. So we're still working on the friends
thing.
Right now. I'm listening to Avril Lavigne's Losing
Grip. When I'm listening to this song, I can't help but think it reminds me about
my relationship with Logan.
See, I think that he thinks of me as a little sister,
since Jean's disappearance all we've
been doing was eyeing each other, and that's all,
besides, the usual hello, good mornings,
good nights, and all that.
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take
somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you
used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Well, I don't exactly know about the love part, just
the hug me part. I know that this might
sound selfish but it's the truth, and most people want
the truth right? Even though Logan
and I have only known each other for a month and a half,
does not mean anything, but I feel
that I've known him forever. I just don't know how
to explain it but ever since the
whole thing on the Statue of Liberty,
I thought that our emotional connection would be so thick that
you can cut it with a knife.
Then Jean came into the picture. Logan may not have been aware of
what he was doing, but he blew me off like I was
invisible, which really hurt me. I guess that's why I used Bobby to
make myself forget about my
feelings for Logan (pauses). Okay, I knew but all I
really wanted from Bobby was his
friendship. So, when he came back I wanted him to know
that I've changed, like my new
clothes, my hair is straighter, and I was wearing hoop
earrings and that I'm much happier,
well even more now that he's back. When I had his
nightmares I wanted Logan there not
all the X-Men, because Logan knows, understands what I
felt. I think in a way Logan
hangs around me mostly out of pity, and that he feels
sorry for me, you know the runaway girl. You know I love this song but it sure as
hell is fuckin' depressing. I have to say that I am so fuckin' jealous of Jean
because she gets all of the men she
wants. While others, like Logan, think that I'm just a kid,
I was always mature for my age. I just felt that I
wasn't sure if I was really a teenager, you
know, more like an adult stuck being a teenager.
Which I really hate.
~ Rogue, are you busy?~
~No professor, why?~
~There's a meeting in the conference room~
~Sure.~
So, I have arrived. in the conference room, now what? I
think that it's bad news.
"It's Jean," Scott said.
"Really, what about her?" I said in a sarcastic voice.
"She's alive," Scott said with delighted voice, of
course.
Well, DUH!
"Well, duh."
"Rogue, I'm so sorry that I doubted you."
"Yeah, whatever." Paused. "What else? What did you all
find out? Wait, she did that head
thing didn't she, Professor?"
"Yes, she did, Rogue."
"Cool, when's she comin' back?"
"Next week," the Professor said.
"Why then and not now?"
"She said that she was the Dark Phoenix and that she's
working out away from the dark
right now."
"Oh." Now I gaze at Logan, and that's when it hits me,
it's gonna hell competing with
the returning 'more gorgeously beautiful than I will
ever be' Jean. I wonder how Scott will
react to that?
Shit, I don't know what to do, I feel so fuckin'
depressed as hell. I think that I'm just
gonna return to my own room that the professor gave me
when I officially joined the X-Men,
and listen to that Avril Lavigne's song tons of times
until I fall asleep or something.
"Okay, well if y'all need me, I'll be in my room
listening to music."
Then I left the room.
TBC
------------------------------------------------------
Here's the full song:
"Losing Grip"
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take
somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you
used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going
newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was
scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care
we're not going nowhere
My life in the mansion so far:
Ok, so, it's been a month now since I arrived here at
Xavier's with Logan. It has been
about a week or so, since Jean's disappearance. She
ain't dead, just missing. How do
I know that this is a fact? The professor of course,
knowing that he's psychic and all. See
one day I just had enough of everyone's somber
mood, and when I told Scott what the
professor and I had been talking about he got all
mad. So I exploded and shouted, "Look, Scott, would you just stop being all
fuckin' sad, Jean is not dead!" Then I stormed off. Never talked to him since.
The professor and I have been working on my mutation
ever since we got back from the
White House. I've made tremendous progress and now I am able to
touch.
The down side is if someone, touches me without me knowing, more like an
accidental brush or something,
then the switch turns on. So that's the good and the
bad. But I still don't touch people,
why would I? Not to be mean, but right now I don't
have a reason to touch people.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice to touch people without
any type of barriers, but right now
I'm putting the touching thing on hold.
I wanted this mutation off
before, for me, you know, but now I wanted to do it
for the people who are really afraid
of me, and most of all, for Logan.
Now let's get to me and Bobby. He, you could say, put a
temporary hold on his career as
an X-Man. He's in college, but still lives here and
right now he went to Boston to
somewhat mend fences with his parents and brother. He
and I settled on being just
friends, I told him about how he's in my head and how
it doesn't take a genius to know
by the way he looks at me since the kiss that he's
afraid of me. So I told him that 1) I
couldn't be with someone who's freakin' scared to
death of me. 2) I knew since the first
day I knew if something "romantic" was gonna happen
between us that it wasn't gonna
last long. So we're still working on the friends
thing.
Right now. I'm listening to Avril Lavigne's Losing
Grip. When I'm listening to this song, I can't help but think it reminds me about
my relationship with Logan.
See, I think that he thinks of me as a little sister,
since Jean's disappearance all we've
been doing was eyeing each other, and that's all,
besides, the usual hello, good mornings,
good nights, and all that.
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take
somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you
used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Well, I don't exactly know about the love part, just
the hug me part. I know that this might
sound selfish but it's the truth, and most people want
the truth right? Even though Logan
and I have only known each other for a month and a half,
does not mean anything, but I feel
that I've known him forever. I just don't know how
to explain it but ever since the
whole thing on the Statue of Liberty,
I thought that our emotional connection would be so thick that
you can cut it with a knife.
Then Jean came into the picture. Logan may not have been aware of
what he was doing, but he blew me off like I was
invisible, which really hurt me. I guess that's why I used Bobby to
make myself forget about my
feelings for Logan (pauses). Okay, I knew but all I
really wanted from Bobby was his
friendship. So, when he came back I wanted him to know
that I've changed, like my new
clothes, my hair is straighter, and I was wearing hoop
earrings and that I'm much happier,
well even more now that he's back. When I had his
nightmares I wanted Logan there not
all the X-Men, because Logan knows, understands what I
felt. I think in a way Logan
hangs around me mostly out of pity, and that he feels
sorry for me, you know the runaway girl. You know I love this song but it sure as
hell is fuckin' depressing. I have to say that I am so fuckin' jealous of Jean
because she gets all of the men she
wants. While others, like Logan, think that I'm just a kid,
I was always mature for my age. I just felt that I
wasn't sure if I was really a teenager, you
know, more like an adult stuck being a teenager.
Which I really hate.
~ Rogue, are you busy?~
~No professor, why?~
~There's a meeting in the conference room~
~Sure.~
So, I have arrived. in the conference room, now what? I
think that it's bad news.
"It's Jean," Scott said.
"Really, what about her?" I said in a sarcastic voice.
"She's alive," Scott said with delighted voice, of
course.
Well, DUH!
"Well, duh."
"Rogue, I'm so sorry that I doubted you."
"Yeah, whatever." Paused. "What else? What did you all
find out? Wait, she did that head
thing didn't she, Professor?"
"Yes, she did, Rogue."
"Cool, when's she comin' back?"
"Next week," the Professor said.
"Why then and not now?"
"She said that she was the Dark Phoenix and that she's
working out away from the dark
right now."
"Oh." Now I gaze at Logan, and that's when it hits me,
it's gonna hell competing with
the returning 'more gorgeously beautiful than I will
ever be' Jean. I wonder how Scott will
react to that?
Shit, I don't know what to do, I feel so fuckin'
depressed as hell. I think that I'm just
gonna return to my own room that the professor gave me
when I officially joined the X-Men,
and listen to that Avril Lavigne's song tons of times
until I fall asleep or something.
"Okay, well if y'all need me, I'll be in my room
listening to music."
Then I left the room.
TBC
------------------------------------------------------
Here's the full song:
"Losing Grip"
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take
somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you
used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
[chorus]
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going
newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was
scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care
we're not going nowhere