Title: A House of Dreams and Hopes
Author: Ailendolin
Rating: T (PG-13) … just to be sure.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story. The setting and characters in this story belong to George R.R. Martin and I do not make any profit with this and mean no disrespect.
Summary: Spoilers and AU for ACoK: There are many different realities. In this one, Loras has the chance to change his fate and built a future with Renly. RenlyxLoras
Word Count: 2735
Warning: Spoilers for ACoK, AU
Author's Notes: This story has been in my head ever since I read ACoK last year. It's basically my attempt to give Loras and Renly a chance at a happy ending without any shadow babies in their way. I see this as a what-if kind of story, set in a parallel universe. I more or less go with the looks of show Renly and Loras here, though the characters are mostly my own interpretation of the book versions.
The whole story is already written and consists of six chapters from four different POVs with a length of roughly 16,000 words. I'll probably post a chapter a day.
And last but not least: I'm from Germany and am not a native English speaker. I proofread my stories several times to eliminate as many mistakes as possible before I post them online, but I don't have a beta, so please don't hesitate to point out any mistakes you find. And if some would like to beta this, I'd be more than happy ;-)
Now, on with the first chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it!
A House of Dreams and Hopes
The Knight of Flowers
When Renly asked him to stay and help him pray, Ser Loras had felt at peace for the first time since the parley with Stannis that had taken place that morning. He still could not understand why Renly had chosen Brienne and even Catelyn Stark to accompany him and had left him, the Lord Commander of his Rainbow Guard, behind. That decision had hurt, more than Loras cared to admit, but he was old enough not to argue with Renly in front of the king's bannermen.
Even though he held the highest position in Renly's own version of the Kingsguard he felt discarded and set aside. Not for the first time Loras asked himself why Renly seemed to favor Brienne all of a sudden, taking her with him to important meetings, voicing the desire for her to dress him for battle the next day. By rights those should be Loras's duties. The obvious answer to his question left Loras feeling bitter: Renly seemed to trust Brienne a great deal more than Loras to keep him safe from his foes.
Just because she's taller than me and bested me in one tournament doesn't mean she's the better knight, Loras thought angrily. He liked Brienne, even admired her for choosing such a difficult path for herself and excelling in it. What he did not like, however, was her apparent crush on Renly. The devotion for their king made her a more than a good enough guard, but it also made Loras wary of her. He did not truly believe that Brienne the Beauty would be any serious competition for him, especially not with his own sister Margaery married to Renly, but no one had ever said jealousy was a logical emotion. And if Loras had become an expert on any emotion in the last few weeks, it was jealousy.
"What are you thinking about?" Renly murmured into his ear. His voice was deep and low and sent shivers down Loras's spine.
"Nothing," Loras replied. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of having Renly so close. Since the day Renly had declared himself rightful king to the Iron Throne their time together had grown scarce. While the position of the Lord Commander of the Rainbow Guard allowed Loras to be close to his lover at all times there were almost always other people around Renly; his bannermen, his cupbearers, other members of the Guard or camp visitors like Catelyn Stark demanding an audience. Private time between them was now a rare and precious thing to Loras. It was something that he had learned to appreciate and treasure, especially since Renly's marriage to Margaery.
Sweet, young, innocent, beautiful Margaery. Loras loved his sister dearly, but he wished his father had never proposed to marry her to Renly to strengthen the alliance between Highgarden and Storm's End. He was aware of every touch she shared with Renly, of every glance, and tried not to feel threatened by any of it. His head knew that Renly had no feelings for Margaery and that the whole marriage was just for show, but his heart still yearned to be the one Renly could publicly claim. Whenever he saw his lover and his sister together something clenched painfully in his chest, telling him that their smiles and touches were a little too familiar to be an act, and he felt like weeping for losing the love of his life bit by bit, day by day a little more; if not to Margaery, then at least to the Iron Throne.
"Something troubles you," Renly stated quietly. He started massaging Loras's shoulders. "You're tense. What's wrong?"
Loras sighed heavily and gathered up the courage to ask the one question that had been troubling him all day. "Why did you take Brienne with you to the parley?" The 'and not me' went unspoken.
Renly turned Loras around in his arms and frowned. "That's what's troubling you? Why I chose her and not you?" When Loras only bowed his head and kept staring at the floor, Renly shook his head in fond exasperation. "I didn't take you for the jealous kind, my dear Loras," he said, sounding amused.
Loras looked up and glared at him, hating how Renly found out the truth so easily but did not take it seriously. "If you're just going to make fun of me I might as well go." It was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Loras," Renly said softly and drew him into a gentle and loving embrace, cradling him like he was the most precious thing in all of Westeros. It had been days since they had shared an embrace like that, just enjoying the other's presence. Those moments had grown few and far in between since the marriage. "I'm sorry for making fun of you. And I'm sorry for not taking you with me. Had I known that my decision would hurt you I'd have had you accompany me instead of Brienne." He placed a kiss into Loras's curls and held him tighter. "Never doubt that I want you by my side. The only reason for taking Brienne instead of you was to give her a chance to prove herself, and to give you a chance to rest. You haven't slept well the last few days."
Loras nodded against Renly's shoulder. "I've had nightmares," he admitted quietly.
"Want to talk about them?"
Loras shrugged. "There's not much to talk about. They're fuzzy at best, full of shadows and blood and screams."
Renly loosened the embrace slightly so he could look into Loras's eyes. "You should at least try to get some sleep tonight. Maybe those nightmares are just the manifestation of nerves before battle."
"Maybe," Loras said, not entirely convinced. The dreams were all the same, never changing but getting clearer with each new night. Sometimes the shadow looked much too real to be merely a dream. Its form shifted, sometimes looking like Margaery, other times like Robert and once even like Loras himself, but the nights Loras woke up screaming it looked eerily like Stannis. Some part of Loras wanted to tell Renly all about those dreams and his doubts and fears, but another part did not want to worry his king with what most likely would turn out to be just common nightmares, albeit weird ones.
"I don't suppose you will be able to join me?" Loras asked without much hope.
Renly kissed him, slowly and gently. "I'm sorry. There's still so much to plan for tomorrow's – or I guess it's today's now – battle."
"I know," Loras said. And he did. Nights spent with Renly had become even rarer than just spending time together. Sometimes Loras wished that Renly had never declared himself king, that they could have stayed forever at Storm's End and simply be happy and content with what they had.
"I will come and wake you in the morning, how does that sound?" Renly asked with a smile.
"Will I get a good morning kiss?"
"Of course," Renly laughed. "And a kiss goodnight as well."
He leaned forward and this time Loras was ready for the kiss. He met Renly halfway, tangled his hands in Renly's dark hair and closed his eyes, banishing all thoughts of doubts and shadows from his mind until only devotion and love and Renly remained. Afterwards, they leaned their foreheads together and smiled, staying in this stolen moment a little while longer.
It was Renly who pulled back first, his face showing his regret. "Goodnight, Loras," he said and pressed one last lingering kiss to the corner of Loras's mouth. "I will see you in the morning."
Loras nodded and left the tent, his heart feeling lighter and heavier at the same time. It was just a few steps to his own tent, erected beside the king's. When he stood in front of the entrance he glanced back towards Renly's flickering shadow on the tent wall, bent over the desk and looking at some parchments. A sudden urge to go back overcame him, a feeling of foreshadowing and dread that he could not explain. Resolutely, he took a step forward and entered his own smaller tent, putting Renly and those feelings behind him.
He tried to clear his mind, knowing that Renly was right about him needing rest. Without bothering to unfasten his cloak or change his clothes or even step out of his boots Loras lay down on the small cot that functioned as his bed. The lights of the candles made his armor in the corner shine and the flowers on it almost looked like they were swaying in a gentle summer's breeze. The sight calmed Loras and soon lulled him into sleep.
The dream was painfully clear this time. Where things and people had only been blurry the nights before, now everything was sharp and alive. There is Renly, standing in his tent. There is Brienne the Blue, dressing him for battle. There is also the Lords Mathis and Randyll, urging Renly to attack at once. And in comes Catelyn Stark, and the lords leave. She proposes something, an idea Renly obviously doesn't like. And then there is the shadow, moving along the tent walls, feeling so much like Stannis that Loras's heart seems to stop for a moment. And in the end there is blood, and Renly is choking and Brienne is holding him while he is dying. Dying. The realization strikes and now Loras's heart stills truly.
He woke up with a hoarse scream, drenched in sweat, heart not still after all but beating rapidly, furiously inside his chest. Without thinking he flung himself out of bed. Ignoring his shining armor but picking up his sword, Loras ran the few paces to Renly's tent. One look at the two Guards and they let him pass and suddenly he stood before his lover, his king, breathing heavily and searching the tent for shadows with wide eyes.
"Loras?" Renly turned around, and behind him Loras could see Brienne laying out Renly's armor. "I thought you'd be sleeping." His tone was slightly admonishing and so alive and well that Loras felt tears sting his eyes.
"You've got to get away from here," Loras said, eyes silently begging Renly to understand and to just come with him and not ask any questions. Instead, Renly frowns.
"What? What are you talking about?"
"My dreams. Or nightmares," Loras tried to explain. "I had one again, only this time it was clear as daylight what was going on. We have to get you as far away as possible from this place, Renly, or you will die."
Renly looked at him oddly for a moment before he laughed. "And who, pray tell, will be my assassin, oh wise Loras who can see the future in his dreams?"
Loras looked at him incredulously. He was dimly aware of Brienne staring at them intently as he crossed the distance between him and Renly. "There will be a shadow, and it looks like Stannis and it will slit your throat. Please, Renly, we have to leave!"
Renly shook his head, no longer looking amused. "I've stopped being afraid of shadows a long time ago, Loras. No shadow can kill a man. You only had a bad dream."
Helplessly, Loras watched as Renly turned back towards the scrolls on his desk, effectively dismissing him. He could not believe that Renly would not listen, and panic began to grip him. There had to be a way to persuade his lover.
He was taken aback when Brienne spoke up. "Your Grace?" she asked. "Perhaps it would be wise to listen to Ser Loras. Sometimes dreams and visions do come true, and even if Ser Loras had just an ordinary nightmare, I'd feel more comfortable if we were cautious and relocated you to a safer place for the night."
Loras stared at Brienne in surprise. He had not expected to find an ally in her but was glad nonetheless. She nodded at him when he locked eyes with her. Renly, however, seemed not inclined to listen and stared at them disbelievingly.
"I won't leave my camp on the eve of probable battle because of shadow dreams. How do you think that is going to look, hm? I must inspire courage and faith and I can't do that while running away from imaginary monsters, now can I? That's not the way to win the Iron Throne."
"But it's the way to save your life, Renly! And your life is worth more than some stupid throne made of swords!" Loras declared in a voice choked with emotion.
Renly narrowed his eyes and took a step towards Loras, and for the first time since he had known the Lord of Storm's End Loras was afraid of him. He found himself taking an involuntary step backwards when Renly said quietly, "I think it's time you leave, Ser Loras. Your presence here is no longer required."
Loras's breath caught in his throat. "But-", he wanted to protest. Renly cut across him. "No buts, Ser. Leave. I will hear no more of these ridiculous shadow dreams."
With that, Renly turned around and before Loras could really think it through he grabbed the empty pitcher of water on the table and hit Renly over the head with it. The king crumbled and Loras caught him just in time before his head could hit the ground. Breath coming in ragged gasps it took Loras a moment to realize what he had just done, and his whole body started trembling in shock. Luckily he had not wounded Renly so much as to draw blood.
A shadow fell over him and his hand immediately went to his sword but it was only Brienne who was crouching down beside him. "You hit him," she said.
"It was the only way," Loras whispered, desperately needing her to understand. "He wouldn't listen."
Brienne looked at him for a long moment, then she said, "I believe you did the right thing, Ser Loras. I'll have your horse saddled."
Loras nodded gratefully and watched her step out of the tent to call for a squire. It did not take her long to come back. "Your mare should be ready in a few minutes."
"Thank you, Brienne. For everything." He sighed and stared down at the unconscious king in his arms. "Gods, what have I done? Chances are that Renly's right and all this is a stupid waste of time that may cost me everything."
She looked at him, her face hard and stern but her eyes were full of compassion. "But we cannot take the chance that His Grace is wrong," she said. "It is our duty to protect him. If need be, even from himself."
Loras smiled at her, for the first time seeing beyond her looks and his own jealousy the true worth of the woman before him. It was like a veil was being lifted from his eyes. "He was right to give you a Rainbow Cloak. I didn't see it before but I can see it now."
Before Brienne could reply a voice from outside announced that Loras's horse was ready. Carefully, Loras picked Renly up. He was grateful that Brienne had not yet had the chance to dress their king in his armor or Loras's task would have been near impossible. Renly was almost too heavy for Loras to carry as it was. Together they stepped outside the tent and Brienne helped him place Renly onto the mare and held him upright while Loras mounted the horse behind him.
Only now, seated behind Renly, did Loras look around. Various people were looking at them curiously, some even pointing at them and whispering towards each other, and it was clear that there was no going back now. "Lady Brienne," Loras addressed her, "please make sure that the camp gets packed up and moving as soon as possible. I will ride with the king towards Bitterbridge as long as Ivy will carry us. We shall wait for you and the rest somewhere along the way."
"Understood," Brienne said. "Good luck, Ser Loras."
He nodded at her, and with that, Loras strengthened his grip around Renly's waist and urged his white mare forward, away from the camp and into the dark of night. He just hoped he had made the right decision and would not regret it in the morning.