Eternity and Beyond
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yugi or any of its wonderful characters
Shit, I'm dyin', not that I care really. I haven't really cared about living in about sixty years. Not since the only woman I ever loved left me. It wasn't her fault. Hell, we were a couple of kids. She thought she was in love with Taka. We all did. When Taiitskun gave her the option to be born in either world, yeah I told her to go back to hers. I was selfish. I couldn't stand to see her with Taka day in and day out. I loved her so damn much. I watched them leave, their spirits or whatever they were slowly disappearing. I wanted to call out after her, tell her how much I loved her, but I couldn't. I wanted her to be happy and I knew that if I had done that it would have torn her up inside. She was like that. She was too damn sweet for her own good. She even forgave me for almost rapin' her. I don't wanna think 'bout that.
The moment I first saw Miaka, I knew she was special. Especially when she helped me get my tessen back when she was supposed to be my hostage. She cared so much for each of us warriors. She would have given her life for us. Then again we would have done the same for her even if we weren't sworn to protect her. That's the effect she had on us. I don't get what made us love her so much. Yeah she was pretty, but a lot of girls are. Maybe it was how she saw the good in everything and everyone. She made each of us feel that we were special.
I spoke with her once, years after she had returned. I never told Chichiri. Ya see, after the whole thing with Taka at Nuriko's place, his brother, Rokou, was real nice to us. He even let us stay with him sometimes, if we happen to be passing through. Well, I found a comb that Miaka had left behind. Funny how the servants never noticed it. But anyway, there was a hair stuck in it. I took that single strand and wrapped it around my finger, missing Miaka so much. I musta said her name or somethin' cause all of a sudden I heard her voice then, callin' my name. I'll tell ya, I thought I was going fuckin' crazy for a minute. I know other people thought I was. Hell, who wouldn't? I was standin' there havin' a conversation with no one! It was good to hear her voice again, though. She said she was happy with Taka, but regretted that she never told me how much she loved me. That threw me for a loop. Miaka loved me? Coulda fooled me. I believed her though. Why would she lie? We didn't talk long. I felt pretty stupid standin' there, talkin' up at the ceiling. She told about a letter she had written after what had happened at the inn. She had hidden it away somewhere and wanted me to find it. I found it and sat and cried for a long time after I read it. When Chichiri and I left the next day, I left that strand of hair behind too. She was always with me though.
I eventually went back to leading the bandits. What else was I gonna do? I couldn't wander around aimlessly with Chichiri for the rest of my life. Gotta admire the man, though. He don't need anyone. Totally self-sufficient. Not like me. I guess I was pretty happy being back with my "family". I took a bunch of careless risks that I shouldn't have. Almost gave Koji a heart attack a few times. I know now that it was only cause I didn't care if I died or not. I never got married, never had any kids either. Miaka had my heart from the first day I met her. She forgot to leave it behind when she left. That was okay though.
I can't help but chuckle at Koji. He's sitting beside me, just waiting for me to die. I can't believe he outlived me. Stupid ass is crying. I wanna tell him to stop. I'm not worth cryin' over, but I think I'm almost gone. I can't talk, hell, I can't even move. I can feel myself slippin' away. I welcome it. I got her letter in my hand. I'm hopin' what she wrote in it is true. Even though I've memorized every line, I wanna hear it again. I gotta find the strength to let Koji know. I swallow hard and open my mouth to speak and I'm barely able to make out a single word. "Letter."
Koji stares at me for a minute confused. He's not exactly the brightest person in the room. He finally realizes I mean the object clutched in my hand and quickly takes it from me. It's amazing how people will do anythin' for ya when they know yer about to die.
He unfolds the old piece of paper, careful with it cause I've read it so much it's about to fall apart. His voice is slow and gravelly. Ya gotta remember he's even older than I am. He starts to read it and I close my eyes, silently reading the lines along with him.
"My dearest Tasuki,
Please don't blame yourself for what happened that night. I know how you are and you will forever beat yourself up for something that was not your fault. If things were different I could tell you how I feel instead of taking this coward's way out. But things aren't different and I'm in love with Taka. I do love you though, Tasuki, more than you could ever know. I simply can't chose between the two of you and I can't bear to see the two of you fight over me.
Do you remember Tatara and Suzuno? Even though they were separated when she went back to her world, they still loved one another so very much. She married and had children in her world, but never forgot him. They were reunited after they died, to live eternally together. So shall we, my love. Live your life, be happy, and remember that once our lives are over we will be together once more.
I love you,
Miaka"
Koji finished the letter and put it back in my hand, knowing I'd want it there. I open my eyes and smile at him, unable to gather enough strength to even say goodbye. He knows though and clasps my hand. I nod as much as I can and close my eyes again, welcoming the darkness. Dyin' is strange y'know. I can feel myself leaving my body and I'm not scared. I see a light up ahead and reach for it. I smile as a form takes shape. It's her. She didn't lie. "Tasuki." She says with a smile taking my hand in hers.
I smile down at her and take her in my arms. It's been so very long. "I missed ya." I tell her.
"I've missed you too. What took you so long?" She replies holding me tight.
"Don't worry, I'll make it up to ya. We have eternity now." I take her chin in my hand and tilt her face up. "I love ya, Miaka."
She gives me that beautiful smile of hers. "I love you too, Tasuki." She replies then stands on her toes to kiss me gently. I then take her hand and walk with her, the darkness closing behind us.
Koji looked down at his friend and realized he was gone, his hand still clutching the letter of his beloved and a soft smile on his face.