Sure, Cas was weird. But, this was… this was weird.

Dean blinked awake to Cas over him, running his hands through Dean's hair and staring down at him with that intense expression he usually reserved for right before he stabbed something.

For a first morning after, it was a little unsettling.

"'morning." Dean tried, skin prickling under Cas' killer eyes. He shifted under the covers to lay on his back, his stomach weirdly queasy.

"How do you feel?"

"Uh." Dean rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed, "well, a little sore, but that comes with the territory, right? Nothin' I can't handle."

"No, not that. How do you feel, Dean?" Cas searched his eyes, his expression, somehow, intensifying.

Dean sighed. Was that what Cas wanted from him? Alright, it was even more embarrassing, but,

"Yeah, Cas, I love you too. We talked about this last night." Dean grunted, as quiet as he could possibly make his voice.

Castiel's expression softened but still didn't lose all its edge. Dean was starting to wonder if the angel was constipated or something. Could angels get constipated?

"Thank you, Dean. I love you too. However, that is also not what I was referring to."

"Ok, Cas, cut the cryptic. What's up?" Dean braced himself for the unexpected, as he usually did in conversation with the angel, propping himself up on his elbow so he could level with Cas' unnerving stare.

"You are… with child."

Dean blinked. He blinked again.

"Excuse me?"

"I did not realize it would happen unintentionally when one of the partners is not angelic. Usually it requires both partner's consent, but it seems a human soul is more volatile than an angel's grace."

"Whoah, whoah, whoah, back up. I'm a dude. I don't get pregnant, Cas. Your baby radar is way off."

"This is not a physical pregnancy, Dean; it's a spiritual pregnancy. Your soul was seeded by mine when we made love last night."

"Seeded— what? What? You baby Jesus'ed me?!" Dean suddenly started paying attention to exactly "how he felt", as Cas put it. His stomach was queasy, his ass ached a bit of course, but other than that he was… itchy. Everywhere. He'd thought his skin was prickling because of Cas' murder stare, but it was still prickling without it, like the air around him was about to crackle with energy at any moment.

"I didn't know it would happen! Usually, both partners must have the intention to conceive. Human and angel sexual relations are frowned upon in heaven, so they weren't exactly on the curriculum for angel sex ed."

"Do you seriously have angel sex ed?" An image of Cas in the back of a classroom not paying attention as they handed out grace condoms hit Dean and distracted him from the matter at hand.

"Not exactly. There's scripture."

"Ok, back to the important point here— I'm pregnant? How the fuck can you even tell? I mean seriously, Cas, I got nothing here but a full body rash thing, and…" Dean needed to be out of that bed. He shoved the covers off and pushed himself to his feet.

"And?" Cas pressed, grabbing at Dean's forearm to keep him from going too far and leaning in, his blue eyes laser like in their focus on Dean.

"…and this bubbly, happy feeling in my my chest that— what the fuck even is that, Cas, maternal fucking joy?" Dean growled, starting to really freak out.

"Something like that, yes. Your soul is full. You're glowing, to angels anyway. It's amazing—"

"Did you just say I'm glowing? Oh, hell no. I am not some delicate pregnant lady you need to flatter—" Dean could tell he sounded almost hysterical, but he couldn't calm himself down. Not in this situation.

"No, Dean. Physically glowing. I can see how the soul is working to grow the other, the child. It is beautiful, all white light and blue sparks. It must feel amazing. If we were both angels, we could have discussed who would carry the child, but it is best that it worked out like this. I must be at full strength to protect you from others who would wish to harm it, and I would be weakened if it were I who carried her."

Dean suddenly felt very naked under Cas' analytical gaze. He grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around his middle.

"Her? Her? You know the sex all of five minutes after you told me I'm growing an angel in my soul?" Dean was shouting now. He was dreaming, that was the only explanation. Any second he would wake up and Cas would be next to him, and even though Dean insisted he wasn't a cuddler Cas would cuddle him for a few minutes and it would be a nice and normal first morning after, and then they'd get up and make breakfast for Sammy. Any second.

"Angels are sexless, but humans are not. I believe it's a her, but I won't be certain until she's born." Cas explained, seeming more and more guilty with each passing second.

And there it was. Born.

"Exactly how do you expect me to "birth" this thing?" Dean whispered, his panic escalating to ambulance alarm levels.

Cas swallowed.

"She will swell and grow, and you will feel fatigued for a while. When she is ready, she will burst from you, fully formed."

"Burst from me? Burst from me? Cas. Say more. Now." Dean demanded.

"You will survive, don't worry." Castiel reassured him.

"Oh, well! I'll survive. This is unbelievable." Dean wanted to punch Cas in the face. It wasn't his fault obviously— it was both their faults— but Cas didn't have something that was going to burst from him in… however long it took to gestate a soul baby.

"Dean! Dean, are you ok?" Sam chose that moment to burst into Dean's room, demon knife in hand, breathlessly searching for an attacker. His eyes landed on Dean standing with nothing but a sheet wrapped around his waist and Cas naked in bed and he physically recoiled into the wall by the door.

"Jesus, Sam!" Dean threw one hand up, the other still clutching the sheet to his hips. Well, the cat was out of the bag on one half of his relationship with Cas. Now to break the actually shocking news.

"Uh. You shouldn't— you shouldn't yell like that, I thought someone was trying to kill you." Sam blushed furiously, his eyes glued to the wall on the opposite side of Cas and Dean's mostly naked bodies.

"Cas knocked me up!" Dean threw an accusatory glare at Castiel.

Sam gaped.

Castiel shrank down in guilt.

"It wasn't intentional." He insisted, bright red spots high up on his sharp cheekbones.