"Daddy, tell me the story of Chadok the Khajiit.pleeeeeeeeeeeeaassseeeeee," said little Tingle.
"Okay, sonny boy." Rabbi Movis picked up his old book off the dusty table. "It started..."
DA DA DA DAM DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
CHADOK'S INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE!
It was a dark stormy night in little Caldera. A strange wanderer, making his way through the gates, brought attention to the local guard.
"What say you?" said the guard. "Who are you? Uh. Where is your uniform?"
The Wanderer replied, "I come to ask you of a 'little secret.' What are the latest rumors?"
The guard was confused. "What?"
But then, the wanderer disappeared. Who was he? The guard just had a sort of revelation. Now he knew who he was.
"I KNOW HIM! HES FBLAAAAHHHHHH!" The guard was struck down with a strange daedric blade. The wanderer was behind him.
"The name's Fargoth," he said. "Out to get revenge. REVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGE!
The town stared at him.
"Uh...uh, oh yeah.. are you uh gonna pay the fine or just uh, resist arrest uh?" asked the other guardsmen.
"FOOL!" shouted Fargoth. "I WILLLLLLLLLL! resist."
"Hmmokaaay," said the guard. "Um I'm s'posed t'attack you now but I'm tired jusgo home pleads."
"Fine. FIIIIIINNNNNEEEEE! I will go HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEE!" exclaimed Fargoth.
dududuuuuuududududuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, lalalaaaaaaaaaaa la la lalaaaalalala...(hobbit music)
Now our tale takes us to happy little Vos. Where our hero has found refuge after his previous engagement, (or n-gagement OHHH!) with dastardly Fargoth. I am your new narrator. Rabbi Movis and little Tingle are dead. I am Caius Cosades. Well anyway, our hero is waking up from his long sleep.
"Oh. That sleep was just what I needed. I feel so much better. Hmmmmmm."
Then all of the sudden, the newsboy comes rushing in. "SERA SERA PLEASE READ THIS ELDER SCROLL!"
"Wha? What is it that is so important?" Chadok asked while reading."Oh my..."
NEWS HEADLINE FARGOTH THE WOODELF HAS ESCAPED FROM THE BUCKMOTH PRISON
"Oh man," Chadok said, "he's definitely gonna be looking for.."
CHADOK! FARGOTH SAYS HE'S LOOKING TO KILL A MAN NAMED CHADOK, ACCORDING TO AN INTERVIEW WITH THE EVIL KILLER!1
"I better go, now," Chadok said. But then the newsboy interrupted him.
"Sera, there is a Nord outside near Tel Vos who asks for your presence. He said it involves Fargoth sir."
"Then there is no time to waste. Out I go." Chadok slipped on his Wraithguard.
Outside in the warm sunny grazelands!1
"You," Chadok said. "You are the Nord who requests my time?"
The Big Nord turned to him slowly. "Yes I am. I offer advice on how to defeat Fargoth."
"What is your name Nord?"
"STORMFROND THE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTYYYYY!"
"Aha. What advice do you offer?" asked a puzzled Chadok.
"The Nords of Skyrim have always prospered in the ways of alchemy," said Stormfrond.
Chadok was confused. "Alchemy? I thought the Nords were strong in comba-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked Stormfrond, interrupting Chadok. "Wait, oh, yes. We Nords have centuries of combat mastery. Which is why my muscle, and undeniable charm, will aid you in your search for Fargoth."
"Hmm. Ok, you may join me on my search. Fargoth shall die this time and I will not, I WILL NOT! Let those authoritive figures prevent me from doing so, like last time."
Stormfrond was excited. "YES! WE MAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRCCCCHHHHH!" Stormfrond marches forward. "YES! WE WILL MAKE AN EXCELLENT TEAM! AN EXCELLENT TEAFLABLAAAAHHHHHH!" Stormfrond is hit by a leaf. He appears mutilated.
"Stormfrond? STORMFROND?" Chadok picked up the leaf and ate it.
"Chadd...oooook. Cha Ch Chadok... Use thisss i,i,ittem to defffeeat Far..Far.Fargoth...
CHADOK GOT THE WOODEN STICK!
"O...kay...? How exactly does a wooden stick kill Fargoth? Stormfrond? Hello? Well, he's dead.
THE SILT STRIDER AT VOS.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Caius, Vos doesn't have a silt strider." But actually, um, it is invisible. And only Khajjits can see it.
So Chadok, being a Khajiit, goes to the silt strider. "Can I get a ride to Buckmoth Legion Fort?" He said.
"WHY OF. COOOOUUUURRRSE YOU CAN GET A RIDE TO BUCK MOTH! IM YMMOT OCIRALLAT! AND THIS? IS MY STRIDER, TROOOOOOOOOOOON!
"Weiirrrd," Chadok thought to himself as he hopped on top the behemoth arthropod. (he could be an arthropod. or a crustacean)
BUCKMOTH LEEEEEEEEGION FORT!
"HERE YOU GO CHADOK, BUCKMOTH LEGION FORT!" said the enthusiastic pilot.
"Thank you," said Chadok.
"I KNOW YOUR LOOKING FOR FARGOTH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEE MY FRIEND JORDAK IN THE FORT!"
"Okaaaay. Well thanks Mr. Ocirallat." Chadok said.
"DONT MENTION IT!. LETS GO TRON! TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!"
So Chadok enters the fort. Its not much. Just Imperials, the occasional Nord. But there was a quite peculiar figure in the corner. So Chadok approached him.
"Are you Jordak?" Chadok asked.
"Jordak. Yes. I have not heard anyone call me that in, quite some time. A very long time." Jordak was a high ranking Legionnaire. But no one knew he existed. No one knows how he even became so prestigious.
"Ymmot Ocirallat told me to consult you on ways to defeat Fargoth."
"FARGOTH? Yesssss I know that name. He was my ... apprentice." DA DA DA DA DADA DA DADA! (Star Wars music) "His name was Fanakin. He was a powerful battlemage, until he fell to Dagoth Ur's teaching. You can call it, THE DARK SIDE."
Chadok was surprised. "We must defeat him. I though he was but a small farmer with a missing ring and a treestump hideout. I had no idea he was evil."
"Well you were wrong Khajiit. Fargoth, Darth Fargoth, is a menace. A Phantom Menace. Legend tells that he is evil, and makes cheap references to Star Wars movies. He is planning to amass an army of clones. It will be an Attack of the Clones. But you Chadok. You are A New Hope. With your power, the Empire will Strike Back!"
"Okay. WE SHOULD SET OFF JORDAK IN SEARCH OF THIS FARGOTH!" (DA DA DA DA DADA DA DADA!)
"You know I was kidding about all the Star Wars stuff. Fargoth is just some Wood Elf. He'll be easy to kill." Jordak said.
BEHIND A ROCK : FARGOTH'S EVIL LAIR
"Mmyes. We shall amass an eeeevil clone army yesmmmm... We wiiiiiiil ruuuuuule the world. Ma ha ha ha ma hahahahahaha! But first, i must make the cloooooones! Lets see... a bit of scuttle myesss, a bittle little bit of saltrice. Yessssss now my clooooone army is compleeeeeeettteee!"
Fargoth looks at his army, a piece of scuttle and two pieces of saltrice.
"I WILL RUUUUUUUUUUULE THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRLLLLDDDD!" He says in a over confident position."Yes mr. Scuttle I will give you some of my spoillllls. I present mr and ms saltrice with, SEYDA NEEN! And I give to Scuttle, Indoranyon! The raaandom Dunmer strong hold noone goes to!"
Being but a few pieces of food, the scuttle and saltrice did nothing.
A FEW FEET FROM THAT ROCK!1
"Chadok, Fargoth's presence is near us. I can sense it. He is here. We don't really need to be on alert but be anyway." Jordak was sure that Fargoth was here.
"HEY GUYS!" Chadok and Jordak looked behind them. "IT'S MEEEEEEEE, FARGOTH!" There, standing four feet tall, was Fargoth.
"FARGOTH!" screamed Chadok. "Uh, YOU WILL DIE! Uh, because I, I don't, I DON'T LIKE YOU!"
"Very well then, Chadok and guy to his left. I will quickly end both of your lives! SCUTTLE! SALTRICE! ATAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK!"
Fargoth picked up the foods and threw them at Jordak.
"BLAAAARRGGGGGHHHFLAAAABLAAAAGGGEEEHHHHH!" The scuttle cut off Jordak's leg. "I'M IN PAIN! HELP ME FLABLAAAARGEEEEFLABLLLLAHHHBLAAARGH!"
The saltrice cut off his torso.
"MY TORSO? YOU CUT OFF MY TORSO? MY PRECIOUS TORSO!" Jordak is dead.
Then Chadok remembered, "use the wooden stick Chadok. It will help you." Chadok knew what to do.
"With this wooden stick, I WILL THROW IT AT YOU! AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" Chadok throws the stick.
Fargoth gets hit with the stick. "OH MY GOD MY BODY! YOU CUT OFF MY BODY! AAAAAAGHFLAAAABLAHHHGGHHHRRAAHH!" Fargoth took his head and right knee, taped them together, and ran. He is now nothing but a kneecap with a head taped to it.
"I am the only survivor. I am cool. Yes." Chadok thought to himself.
THE END... Or is it?
BACK AT FARGOTH'S NEW LAIR: BEHIND A DIFFERENT ROCK
"With my power, I now have the body of an OGRIM TITAN! Chadok will die this time. HE WILL DIE!"
DADADA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DADADADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THE END!
yes there will be a third and final part.