A/N: Okay, this is my first attempt ever at a 'Twilight' story. I adore Bella and Jake, Edward not so much. Anything italicized is taken directly from 'New Moon'. Would appreciate your thoughts. Hoping this will be a one-shot, but I tend to get carried away sometimes...if this turns into more than a one-shot, and you guys like it, bear with me as far as updating goes. Being a stay-at-home mom of a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old, my spare time to write is sparse! Don't own any characters, although I definitely wouldn't mind if I did. :)
Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. "Please, Bella. I'm begging."
His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.
"Jake, I have to-"
"You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me."
The engine of Carlisle's Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently.
I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion. I pulled my arm free, and he didn't fight me.
"Don't die, Bella," he choked out. "Don't go. Don't."
What if I never saw him again?
The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I threw my arms around his waist and hugged for one too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against his chest. He put his big hand on the back of my hair, as if to hold me there.
When I pulled away and looked up at Jake, I gasped at the expression on his face. Until this moment, I had never imagined that one look could convey so many things. His cheeks were covered with the tears he had tried so hard not to spill, his eyes (those eyes) were gleaming way too bright, filled with many emotions. I saw the anger, undoubtedly directed towards Alice for showing up. There was also some panic evident in his eyes, and I knew this stemmed from his fear of losing me to both to death and to vampirism. Most of all, though, his deep brown eyes were overbrimming with hurt- and in that instant, I came to a realization. If I did this, If I left him standing here to go with Alice and attempt to save Edward...I could lose him. Forever. I swallowed hard, another sob escaping from me. Jake murmured my name, and stroked my hair, trying to comfort me, even though I was literally tearing his heart apart. I heard Alice sighing and tapping her foot in impatience through the open window of the Mercedes. I had to make a decision. And quick. I pulled away from Jake, his eyebrows raising as I ran to the steps of my house, and sat down, putting my head in my hands. Even though I didn't look at him, I knew he was following me. Jake knelt in front of me, so tall that we were almost the same height even though I was sitting hunched over.
He cupped my cheek in his giant hand, gently stroking my face with his thumb. "Bells?" His voice hitched midway through his favorite nickname for me, giving away how scared, yet hopeful he was that I had walked away from Alice. "Honey? What are you thinking?"
What was I thinking?
The thought of Edward provoking the Volturi and ending his existence was heartwrenching. I knew I didn't want him to die because he thought I had offed myself with grief over him leaving. Weeks, hell, probably days ago, I would have jumped in the car with Alice, and with her not-so-slow way of driving, we would probably be at least halfway to the airport already. But now... I looked up at the boy kneeling front of me, not able to take my eyes off him. I reached out and touched his face, his eyes drifting shut at my touch, his thick dark lashes brushing against his cheek. He had saved me. If not for Jacob, I would still be a shell of a shell of my former self. The past few months, starting the day I brought the bikes to his house, I had been happy. Not blissfully happy, not even close. Being abandoned kinda puts a dent in a person's happiness- in my case, a gaping hole. But Jake had filled that hole, without even trying. Just him being there contributed to healing me.
We had definitely had our issues, but Jake found a way to tell me, even when if was forbidden to say anything about the wolf thing ( I refused to refer to him as a werewolf...He didn't turn into a creepy looking wolf/man hybrid at every full moon. He phased into the most beautiful, biggest wolf I had ever seen when necessary...or when his emotions got the best of him), he found a way to tell me. He didn't lie to me. He didn't over protect me. He didn't treat me like fragile glass that would shatter at the lightest of touches. He was warm. He was life. It had taken me just about forever to get it through my thick head, but this was where I belonged. Home. Forks was home. Charlie was most of all, Jake was home.
I gently pulled away from Jacob, squeezing his hand lightly as I did so. Taking a deep breath, praying for strength, I jogged to Alice, shocked to see her paler than I had ever seen her, which I hadn't thougth was possible. I opened my mouth, but she cut me off immediately, whispering in a tone of disbelief. "I can't see you, Bella. I can't see your future," She looked up at me, tears beginning to fall. We both knew why she could not see me anymore. "You chose the dog?. I can't believe that-"
"Alice, go. Go now. Get to Edward in time. Yes, I chose Jake," I hissed, putting emphasis on his name. "But that doesn't mean I want Edward to die. Even though he almost killed me by leaving me, I don't wish that on anyone. Save him, but Alice, if you ever loved me, ever cared about me even half as much as you claim, please make sure he doesn't come back here. I have a real shot at being happy again .And I think I deserve it, don't you?"
Alice curtly nodded, pulling her shades down over her eyes, ripping out of driveway and screeching her wheels down the street. Sinking to the ground, I drew a shaky breath, realizing the enormity of the choices I had just made. More tears began to trickle their way down my cheeks at the sight of Alice's taillights, not wanting to think about a world without Alice. Hopefully, in time, she would come around. I had finally reached the point where I could live without Edward, but Alice...she truly was a sister to me. I loved her. Charlie loved her. My face crumpled at the thought of Charlie. As incredibly out of character it was for me, I wanted my dad. I tried to stand, almost fell to the ground, but Jake's firm, strong grip on my arms prevented me from potentially hurting myself. He put an arm around me, gently leading me across the yard, up the steps, and into my house. He was oddly quiet, his face eerily unreadable.
He picked me up in his arms, bridal style, and gently laid me on the couch, covering me with one of Charlies various flannel throw blankets. The scent of it calmed me immediately, and I stared up at Jake in something like awe, at just how deeply well he knew me, knew what I needed. At least I thought he did, until I saw him heading for the door.
My mind was totally and completely fried. And I was emotionally exhausted. In the past hour, I had gone through more feelings that I experienced in a week. Hope, due to Bella and I gettng closer. Nervous butterflies in my stomach, everytime she smiled at me or touched me, or let me touch her. Panic upon bringing Bella home and smelling a bloodsucker. Annoyance and a little relief when I found out it was just Alice. Offense when Alice referred to me as a dog. Cautious elation as I was about to kiss Bella in her kitchen. Frustration when the phone rang. Outrage when I heard Edward Cullen, trying in vain to disguise his voice as Dr. Cullen's. Shock at Bella's outrage for me after finding out her precious leech had been on the other line. Fear of the worst kind watching Bella walk out with Alice after finding out that ol' Eddie boy was going to kill himself (which really wasn't possible as he was already dead) out of grief. Heartbreak as I begged her not to go, and as she threw herself in my arms, allowing me to hold her for the last time. Disgust with myself as I comforted her although she was fucking tearing me apart. Hurt, that after all Cullen had done to her, how badly he had treated her that she was still going to choose him. Surprise, the most wonderful, amazing kind of surprise as she ran from Alice up to her front door sitting down on the steps. Confusion when I tentatively reached out and touched her face and she didn't pull away. More butterflies as she stared up at me, something looking alot like love shining in her eyes. Another stab of panic when she stood up, quickly replaced by hope when she squeezed my hand before making her way back to Alice. Shock again, and that 'it's too good to be true' feeling as I heard her conversation with Alice. More than likely, it had been meant for Bella and Alice's ears only, but the whole wolf thing came with heightened senses, and I could make out their whispers just as easily as if they were standing right next to me.
Bella, rather menacingly, told the pixie-esque vampire that she had chosen me. "Holy fuck," I whispered, hands trembling. The trembling finally started to feel like I was having a reaction from an illegal drug, and I quickly balled my hands into fists to make my hands cease to shake. My eyes widened as I heard Bella, in a tone of voice much stronger and decisive than hers usually was, tell Alice to make sure that Edward didn't return. That she wanted him to live, but she didn't want him coming back to ruin her shot at happiness. I watched warily as the vamp made a scene of screeching out of the driveway with her fancy schmancy car, and watched Bella fall to the ground. Numbly, I ran to her, covering a large amount of ground in just a few seconds, and was there to help her stand, as I could tell just by looknig at her that she wasn't ready to stand alone quite yet. Wordlessly, I led her into her house, picking her up in my arms when we reached the steps. I kicked the screen door open, gently set her down on the couch, bundling up her cold body with one of Charlie's raggedy blankets that he usually used for the freqent fishing trips he took with my father.
I watched her as she snuggled down into the blanket, and let her eyes close. I ran a hand through my hair, forgetting as I often did that it wasn't long anymore, making the gesture pointless. I was currently not understanding myself. I had practially fallen head over heels for Bella the moment of her return to Forks. But especially since we started spending some part of everyday together rebuilding the bikes, and with the exception of the whole werewolf issue, our...friendship, relationship, whatever...just being with her came naturally. Easily. Effortlessly. I knew I loved her. And that I always would. I had just, moments before, seen the worlds 'Yes, I chose Jake' come out of her mouth. I should be ecstatic, elated, excited beyone belief. I had always pictured myself reacting like that if she had ever came to her senses and given me a chance...but now that she had...
Now that she had come out and chosen me (even though she hadn't said so to me yet), I realized that this might not be the stuff dreams were made of after all. Already I was holding my breath, expecting Bella to jump up anytime now and say that she had made a mistake, that she belonged with Edward, not her sidekick kid of a best friend. Shuddering, I once again tried to run my hand through my hair. Was this what it was going to be like? Was I gonig to always to feel like second best, even though Bella had chosen me? I snuck a glance at the girl in question, my heart tugging as I did so. She was curled up under the blanket, her chocolate brown tresses scattered all across her face. One of her hands was outside the blanket, clutching the blanket like a lifeline. Bells had been through hell tonight. I had been though hell tonight. She was completely still, breathing evenly. For all intents and purposes, she appeared to be sleeping. This was good. I needed to leave, needed to get my feelings sorted out. I wanted to be in the right state of mind when the girl I loved looked me in the eyes and told me that I was the one for her. "Love you, Bells," I whispered too quietly for any human ears to catch. I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard a strangled cry from behind me. I spun around, and there was Bella, sitting up on the couch, eyes filled with tears for about the millionth time today, looking extremely vulnerable.
Tucking a piece of her soft hair behind her ear, she looked up at me. "Jacob, stay? Please don't leave me." Her lips quivered, showing me how close she was to dissolving into tears.
I melted and bolted over to her. I took her face in my hands, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "Tell me you mean it, Bells. Tell me you aren't going to change your mind. If you're not sure, I can wait. I will wait forever for you, always. But please just be sure. If you changed your mind on me, it would kill me honey. I couldn't take it, Bells."
Bella placed a cool, slender finger to my lips, silencing me. I looked down at her, about to question her when she grabbed my hand and pulled, so that I ended up sitting next to her on the couch. "Jake..."
"Yeah, honey?" I asked quietly.
Bella said nothing, just scooted as close to me as was humanly possible, and wrapped her arms around me as far as they could go, my muscular build preventing her hands from meeting. My breath caught in my throat as she laid her head on my chest, shifting herself until she found the position in which she was most comfortable, which was quite a feat as she wouldn't remove her arms from about my waist. I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of her in my arms of her own accord. A warm pool of heat had begun to spread throughout my belly. Not arousal, but content. Absolute content. This was pure bliss.
After a short silence, she looked up at me with her imploring eyes, and began to tell me everything...
********************************
"I couldn't leave you, Jake. I mean, the thought of Edward killing himself is awful and breaks my heart, but I couldn't leave you. When I realized that I might never see you again...I couldn't make myself go. I didn't want to go." I looked up at Jacob shyly. "Do you know what that means, Jake?"
His leg began jerking up and down quickly; his nerves were kicking in. "I have an idea," he said slowly. "But until I hear you say-"
I cut him off by leaning up and kissing his ear softly, feeling him immediately become tense. "I love you, Jacob. I really love you."
Before I even knew what happened, I was laying flat on my back, pinned beneath Jacob. He was breathing heavily, his eyes shining bright. "Tell me again, Bella. Say it again."
The way he was looking at me made my heart skip a beat. "I love you, Jake."
His lips collided with mine, and now instead of skipping beats, the beat of my heart sped up. I felt him smirk against my lips and knew he had heard my heart accelerate. Having Jake's lips against mine felt so right. The way he his lips moved upon mine took my breath away, and brought tears of happiness to my eyes. He didn't need to tell me he loved me, because God knows that I knew he did. He was showing me. Reluctantly, Jacob released my lips, gazing at me in dumbfounded amazement. He touched his forehead to mine, not able to prevent a tear from sliding down his cheek. "It feels like I've waited forever to hear you say that, honey." He took a moment to brush away the tears that were dampening my own cheeks. "I can't believe you're here with me. I thought-" He looked away from me and sniffled. "I thought I was going to lose you tonight. When I saw Alice drive outta here like a bat outta hell, I knew that you had chosen me, and I want to be happy, I want to jump up and down, but..."
My heart sank. The sadness, the uncertainty was crystal clear in his voice. In his eyes. I was an idiot. I slid out from beneath him, and sat on the end of the couch that was the farthest away from him. I had automatically assumed that just because I finally knew where I stood with Jake, and that I had chosen him, that things would be fairy tale perfect. I should have known better. I could tell that this boy's heart sang for me, but I had hurt him...Hurt him way too much, and of course that affected him. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to mentally calm myself and stop a rush of new tears in their track. The cushion next to mine sank down, and I knew Jake was sitting beside me, undoubtedly ready to console me again, even though I was the one who should be comforting him. I glanced at him, and murmured the words I seems to be constantly saying to him. "I'm sorry."
"Bella..."
"No, Jake. I'm sorry. With all I've done to you, with how much I've broken your heart in such a short time, I know that you don't trust me right now...but if you give me the chance, I want to prove myself to you. It's you. It's always been you, Jake. Always. I understand now that I was more fascinated with Edward than in love with him. I've always been borderline psychotic with the thought of growing old, and once I found out I could live forever, if Edward would change me... I became kind of obsessed. Then, after he left, just after my birthday, I had these thoughts. I tried to push them away to the back of my mind, but they just kept popping up. If he loved me, he wouldn't have left. If he loved me, he would have at least let me know where he was. If he really, really loved me, as much as he always insisted he did, he wouldn't have told me he didn't love me anymore, and abandon me in the damn woods. I came to the realization that I didn't want to spend eternity with a person who could do that to me. Plus, I was so cold with him. Jake, I'm never cold with you. You're my sun, my warmth. And I'm at the point where I seriously don't know how I ever functioned without you. That day I showed up at your house, you could have very easily sent me on my way. You knew how messed up I was, I'm sure it was written all over my face. But you took a chance on me. You made everything bearable. I looked forward to seeing you everyday, to spending time with you, laughing, just feeling light and free. After the complete failure of a group movie with Mike, when I thought you were just sick, and Billy wouldn't tell me where you were, I think that's when it first dawned on me that I loved you, as more than a friend. It just felt wrong not to see you, like a piece of myself was missing. Oh, Jake, I cried for you." His face paled and he grimaced at that. "All the time, until I saw Charlie getting worried again. I didn't want him to think you were anything like Edward, so I sucked it up, and just cried on the inside...the night you came in my window...my heart did flip flops. You had always been beautiful, but the fact that you had came to me, despite Sam's orders made you even more beautiful to me. And you found a way for me to figure out what you were, so we could see each other, and that meant so-
"Honey." Jake's voice was nasally, and I knew he was crying. "You're right about the trust thing. It's going to take me awhile to not always be looking over my shoulder for the lee- for Edward. I'm gonna live in fear, probably for a long time, that you're going to change your mind and pick him." He smiled at me kindly, and drew me into his arms. "But everything you just said right there, is a great start to...regaining my trust. I don't want you to use the term 'proving yourself, okay, Bells? You have proven yourself to me already. By staying, by not leaving me, that's all the proof I need. Although, if you really mean this, if you really want to be with me, the pack might need some proof. Especially Sam. And Leah. But, baby, you don't ever need to prove yourself to me."
I nodded, closing my eyes as he drew me into his arms. Things with Jake weren't going to be perfect, not for awhile. But being with him was perfect. We were both emotionally damaged. But I wasn't worried. Not anymore. I knew that in time, we would heal each other, fix each other. As I gazed up into his deep brown eyes, I saw true love shining there. Now that he didn't feel the need to hold his feelings of love for me back, I could finally see the extent of just how much he really cared for me.
I had been to hell and back. I wasn't going to dwell on the past. What is done is done. Nothing changes that. Instead, I was going to focus on my present, and on the boy I hoped would be my future.
A/N: So that's that. I tried to end it here, but it still feels incomplete. If there's any interest in this, I would be willing to continue it if that's what the people wanted. :) Also, any ideas are welcome, but keep in mind that I generally want this to be a happy story, with no reappearance of Edward. :)