Title: 101 Ways To Hitch A Ride With Mustang
Author: Mon Petit Pierrot
Fandom: FullMetal Alchemist
Rating: T (for safety)

Summary: Ed's trying all sorts of methods in order to get a ride to work from Roy. Roy's royally pissed off that his phone is ringing off the hook. It's all in a day's work.

Note: This was a random idea I got in my head one day and I decided I had to try it. So I hope you enjoy.

- One Hundred And One Ways To Hitch A Ride With Mustang -

Chapter 1

The First Attempt

The phone in his office, right on his desk, rang incessantly. As it had for the last five minutes of constant noise, even as he glared at it murderously - to little desired effect.

Roy's eye twitched, a fierce headache pulsing behind his ears.

"What?"

"Mustang! Mustang, I see little green people! They have me surrounded! THEY'RE GOING TO OPERATE ON ME! THEY'RE GOING TO STEAL MY BRAIN AND MAKE ME ONE OF THEEEEEEEEEEEEM! HELP ME!"

CLICK.

The Second Attempt

"Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! I've always wanted to say this...but you're pretty..."

Roy nearly dropped the phone in his surprise. "What...did you say?"

"I SAID YOU'RE PRETTY! COME ON TAKE A JOKE YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Excuse me?"

"I'M DRUNK CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? NO I BET YOU CAN'T!" Cackles of mad laughter echoed through the phone, and Roy pulled it away from his ear to stare at it incredously.

"Are you drunk?"

"Maaybe...maybe not. I don't know am I? I can't even tell anymore."

"..."

"Sooo...can you come get me or what?"

CLICK.

The Third Attempt

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY! Come on already, I'm lost!"

"No, you're not." Roy tapped his finger on the desk, waiting impatiently for the blond to hang up.

"Yes, I am."

"Tell me what street you're on."

"I'm not on any street."

"Ed."

"What is this 'street' you speak of?"

Roy sighed tiredly, scubbing his hand over his face. "Ed, what do you take me for? I can hear the traffic."

"...I don't know what you're talking about. But seriously, I'm lost!"

CLICK.

The Fourth Attempt

"I'm being robbed! Do you want to ridiculed when every one hears that you let your prized alchemist get robbed because you didn't go get him!"

"Ed, have you forgotten that you've been trained to fight?"

"Do you have a point here, because I'm getting freaking robbed by this asshole in front of me!"

"And you're just standing there?"

"Of course not! What, do you think I'm a moron or something?"

"I'm not going to answer that."

CLICK.

The Fifth Attempt (1)

"Roy! I mean it this time! I really need a ride!"

"It's called walking, Ed."

"FINE! YOU HAVE DRIVEN ME TO COMMIT SUICIDE...BY SPORK! THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"If you're really that close to suicide, Ed, you wouldn't be calling me. You would be locked up in your room, with all the lights out, scribbling out a suicide note."

"You sound like you've done that before. If you pick me up, I can sway you from that!"

Roy sighed. "No. And I know you're not about to commit suicide, Ed, so let me get back to work."

"YES I AM! I AM ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY SPORK BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO PICK ME UP! YOU HAVE DRIVEN ME TO THIS, YOU SELFISH BASTARD!"

"No, you're not."

"How do you know, huh? Maybe I'm a special case. What do you think about that, huh? Never thought of that did ya? YOU ASSHOLE!"

CLICK.

The Sixth Attempt

"Since this is the 800th time I called-"

"It's only the sixth, Ed. Get your math right. You're supposed to be a kid genius, here."

"Whatever! The point is that you haven't gotten me!"

"I'm busy!"

"I don't believe you! If you don't come get me in ten minutes-"

"So there's a deadline now? Try topping that with the pile of paperwork I have in front of me."

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY! IF YOU DON'T COME IN TEN MINUTES I WILL RIP OFF MY CLOTHES, RIGHT NOW, AND GO STREAKING THROUGH THE CITY! I MEAN IT!" There was a brief moment of blissful silence, before: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT LADY? IT'S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS WHAT I'M DOING! JUST GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY AND I WILL PRETEND THAT YOU'RE NOT STARING AT ME!"

Roy scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed heavily. "There's nothing I can do."

CLICK.

1- I really hope that I haven't offended anyone with this. I'm not trying to make fun at the concept of suicide, just that Ed would choose a spork. I mean, really? A SPORK? That's Ed for you.

So you would think that there would be 5 or 10 "attempts" each chapter but I'm just going to put the number of ones that I wanted to write at the time before posting, so it's going to be an uneven number. If you have any ideas, please let me know and I'll include it.

Pierrot.